Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent.

[Mummylin]

This new thread may help those whose comps have a problem with long threads.
I hope this thread can be as supportive as the last one. It is so uplifting to see the support everyone gives to each other when they most need it.💐

Sounds lovely and peaceful thigh... just what you wanted for him xxx

It was, i feel ok. I miss Dad, I'm sad, but I'm ok. Maybe it's still sinking in, it's a week tomorrow. What date did your Dad die?

Very early days for you... am worried that the rest of life will feel like 'early days' but am absorbing all the reassurances that it DOES get better... 15th Sept - so am a 'veteran' now - 25 days in... and i sit on his favourite snoozy chair in the kitchen - and there are still some grey hairs where he would have rested his head... i 'know' im sort of torturing myself (like sniffing his clothes etc) but im not ready to stop... i do feel a bit 'unhinged' but so what I suppose... we will grt there won't we - wherever 'there' is... xx

thigh your Dad's cremation sounds very calm and peaceful It's 3 weeks today for us since Dad went, it is starting to settle in more & I don't feel that I'm looking for him as much, I just want to hear his voice so badly. My Dad had Asbestosis, from years of engineering. Hugs to everyone

Morning all, thanks to @mother87 for directing me to this thread.
My beloved dad died on Wednesday afternoon. At home, by himself, unexpectedly (although he did have a condition that he was awaiting treatment for).
I am devastated. I also did find out for a while due to my step-mum (complicated relationship).
I did get to the house to hold his hand before the funeral directors came. I made the mistake of looking at his face and he looked in pain. His hand was so cold. I cannot stop crying. My poor, poor dad. To be by himself.
Oh goodness.

so sorry for your loss Black&tan , you will be in shock & entirely devastated, I don't know if it helps but my dad looked so different when he had died, he didn't look like that in the seconds before it happened. It's 3 weeks for us now & the agony does ease, I took it hour by hour, half a day at a time.

I'm really sorry Black that sounds really rough for you, really sad.if it's any weird comfort my Dad's face looked dead within 2 minutes, it is so quick that the life breath goes. He was cold so quickly.

I was so surprised at how very quickly he was dead after he went that i looked up the stages, pallor mortis etc. I found it helpful, maybe I'm weird, feel free to ignore that.

Also people talk about a peaceful death, it really wasn't, it was very loud for Dad.

Black how old was your Dad and what was his condition?

This is the price we're paying for having beloved and wonderful Dads. I'm so glad I'm not dealing with grief after a fractured relationship. We loved, they loved.

my heart goes out to everyone on here as this is the worst thing I have had to deal with & yet we are so lucky to have had such loving relationships with our amazing dads. My dd looks a lot like my dad & that makes me smile.

Notashotas... same here we think - probable mesothelioma from merchant navy/engineering - gave a statement to the police coroner yesterday and everywhere I told her that he'd worked, she 'nodded' (over the phone) as being asbestos/related... test results from fibre count due soon, she told us to start the claim process - some small consolation for DM... he got to 89 in good health and thankfully the illness was short and he passed 5 weeks after the diagnosis... doesn't 'help' us of course... I was telling lady coroner - he was driving and shopping and ironingand taking (adult) grandkids out for dimsum just WEEKS agoThis is so so hard though isn't it expected/unexpected - the loss

Thigh... i haven't googled it - but it was strangely fascinating... almost as if the colour/life drained downwards from the top of his head - well i suppose it WAS going... he seemed to stay warm for a while and then DD and I decided (in some 'wisdom') to change him and that did get a bit eerie/weirdfeeling warm spots... sorry, but you seem to be 'ok' with these things having read your pp... how you doing today?

Morning blackandtan - welcome to another thread no-one wants to join... sorry, I know it's so raw for you and sort of 'sudden/unexpected' (he was waiting for treatment?) He would have been at peace by the time you saw him - and at least you had some time with him...

Notashot... yes I agree... this will definitely go down as 'the worst thing ever' - we coupd never have known till we got here could we... still wondering where all the fluid for the tears come from - will i wake up thin

life will never be the same again however this thread is helping, thanks everyone & thank goodness for MN.

Yes i've found this thread so so comforting day and night... like we're allowed to talk about all different aspects of everything anytime we want to... can't really ask for more than that... and that doesn't really exist for me/many of us irl... people ask how we are... and i think thigh said something a while back about how 'soon' we're not supposed to be a 'bother' anymore... how much time are we allowed to 'indulge' ourselves... people seem to want to hear us say 'oooh you know am ok' - whilst I walk round my house sniffing dad's jackets and searching for more of his grey hairs on the cushions (some of which could actually belong to one of our Dcats)

Thank you all. It does give me comfort.
We arranged his funeral today - it will be a celebration. Dad didn’t want “nonsense or frippery” - so the service will be that way. A humanist celebrant will lead the eulogy. My aunt and I will talk. We’ve chosen the music - well, dad had already chosen as he kept telling us! There will be moments for quiet reflection.
Just awaiting the results of the post mitten now.

I'm so so tired, almost like I have flu even though I don't. Every time I sit down i fall asleep again, plus about 10 hours a night. I think the year of heavy caring has really wiped me out.

Thigh... this surely will be YOUR recovery time - in whatever format that takes... you gave so much for so long... xx

That tiredness is a normal part of grief @ThighThighOfthigh, it’s physical as well as emotional. I felt as if I’d been beaten up when my mum died.

Hello everyone. Welcome to all the new posters, I am sorry for your loss. I hope that you can all find some comfort in having this thread, wether it’s because you need a hand to hold, or you want to vent about something. We all understand as we all belong to this group of devastated people. Do make sure that you eat , even if it’s only something small, little and often will do it. And do get some rest. This whole grieving time really takes it out of us all. 🌺

Hello everyone, and I’m so sorry for all your losses. I’m new to this thread too. I said goodbye to my wonderful mum on Tuesday. She was my best friend. She was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer in July and went downhill very quickly in the last fortnight. Yesterday I didn’t want to get out of bed and today I just feel blank. My husband is being great and my kids (they are 1 and 4) are a good distraction, I just can’t believe she won’t see them grow up, and that they probably won’t remember her. I thought I’d have her for maybe 20 years yet. I keep wanting to tell her things and then remembering I can’t. It feels like I’m living in a bad dream.

I'm very sorry Dino that sounds really rough, how old was your mum?