Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent.

[Mummylin]

This new thread may help those whose comps have a problem with long threads.
I hope this thread can be as supportive as the last one. It is so uplifting to see the support everyone gives to each other when they most need it.💐

I'm a teacher, so had the blessing that was the long summer holiday, which meant I could sit at my dad's bedside (100 miles from my home) as much as I wanted without having to stress about missing work. However, I had had a week off in July when we were told by the docs that the end was imminent, but he then rallied. In this new term, I racked up precisely 2 hours with my new class on the first day of term before receiving another call to say the end really was nigh. Had another week or so off then, but nothing since. Managed to arrange the funeral for the day of the week I don't work. Went straight back the day after.
Don't really have time to think about things whilst I'm there, as it's all-consuming, but I do rather collapse in a catatonic state (with wine) when I get home.

Ange we started calling Dad Lazzy (Lazarus) the amount of mercy dashes I've done at all hours. The millions of meetings I've cancelled, even the hairdresser. I've a grey stripe a mile wide and i couldn't care less.

I started to feel like a fraud cancelling so many things.I'm so glad i don't have an employer as such. But i have lost and missed a lot of work.

We've booked the funeral for Thursday. We're doing it completely our way with absolutely immediate family just me, mum, 2 sisters. I've told my adult dc they can come if they really want to but they are genuinely excused.

We all agreed we don't want to do any hosting or considering anyone else whatsoever. Just for us to see Dad off safely and that's it.

I will be thinking of you then.
Ours was last Monday, and then our best friend's mum had hers on Friday (she collapsed very suddenly a week after Dad). And one of my mum's best friends also died the same week, with the funeral last Wednesday. I didn't go to that - might have been pushing it with work.

Ange thank you, it's at 1040. You are really in the midst of death, it must be awful for you.

Thanks mummylin & thigh ... going to try the hot flannel... where does all the 'fluid' for tears come from - surely it's GOT to run out...

Angelina... i work p/time - some wfh/some outside...both very different types of jobs (the voluntary one is helping people in crisis - mostly child-residency related/strife... so I withdrew when dad got his diagnosis in August as I'm not 'equipped' to really help others at the moment, which gives me HUGE admiration for people whose careers are in 'caring' fields where they just have to carry on regardless!) Dad's beautiful funeral was just over a week ago (the most comforting incredibly beautiful Taoist ceremony...) and DB & family came from overseas etc... so luckily i've had time to look after everything/spend time with DD26/DM... Although that also gives you 'thinking time' which has become crying-at-home/sniffing dad's old cardigans time... no easy way through this is there...

Thigh... hope all goes 'well' on Thursday xx

Angelina... that's an awful awful week by anyone's standards... can't imagine xx

Ocsic - good luck at work tomorrow... x

I'm thinking of you today Ocsic. Remember your hanky.

Hi All,
I am struggling with grief at the moment.
My mum died of sepsis after a 3 month chemo-fest to get rid of her leukaemia.
This was in August 2016 when I was 6 months pregnant with my first child.
It feels more overwhelming now than it did that year because having a baby is so life shifting and all consuming that I didn’t get
Much time to check in with my self.
Now my DD is nearly three, I’m getting a little more time to reflect t and this brick like sadness is pulling me down most days long after the sympathy has vanished.
It’s so lonely dealing with the grief alone.
It really doesn’t get easier.

Absopugging All sounds really tough...sorry it's a bit quiet on here today... xx

Hi everyone, my dad died 19 days ago and we have the funeral next week, I'm dreading it, I just can't face seeing everyone and seeing him in a wooden box. I was really lucky as Mum and I managed to care for Dad at home and he died where he was happy with family around him. I just don't want to see all those people again who came to visit when we were all together & felt safe at home. It feels too much, sorry to offload but sometimes it's too much to bear.

Year i hear you, Dad died last Friday. I have the opportunity to view him tomorrow and I'm such a quandary. We also cared for him at home and he died at home.

Thigh... 'viewing' is very very personal isn't it... i did it but (sort of) wished I hadn't...but am also 'happy' i did - which is NO help at all... but it DID sort of help to see that it wasn't 'quite' like dad... so I figured he really was somewhere better... sailing on his slow boat to China...(and i put notes/photos/screwdriver etc in with him) But in truth - there are LOTS of images/situations during his care that are raw/painful - but 'normal' i've been told..(have started sorme counselling last night)... I hope you find comfort in whatever you do xx

condolences thigh, I don't know what I would do in your position - I think I felt I said my goodbye & kisses the minutes after dad died, as he looked so different and had definitely 'gone'. If there was any way for me to avoid next week I think I would! I do feel so blessed to have been with dad & shared a special time before he went as i live away and I thought it would be a phone call telling me the news. Its strange how we know they are going to go but we still aren't ready for it.

I spent about 4 hours with him after he'd gone and it was helpful, i could see he was gone. I held his hand and hugged him till the warmth and softness had gone. I know i did my best.

Apologies if / when I'm repeating myself, I'm on a loop.

We're having a private cremation tomorrow, only me, mum and my sisters. We knew we did not want to deal with anyone at all, no hosting whatsoever.

sending good wishes for tomorrow, you can be with your closest loved ones without additional pressure / expectations. I just looked through some posts from earlier in the week, your dad sounds a lot like mine, at my wedding he passed me his spare hanky, he was kind, solid and just the best. We are luck to be the daughters of great men.

Thigh... will be thinking of you tomorrowxxx

notashot... thinking of you...am a few days 'further on' than you... no words of wisdom... just a hug and another hugxx

thankyou mother87 that means a lot, I feel that the fog is starting to lift slightly I just don't want to get used to living without him as he was a huge part of all of our lives. I hope THIGH is taking time to rest as I didn't realise how physically tired I was when Dad passed, it was an honour to look after him however I was a bit of a physical wreck for the first 2 weeks never mind the emotional side. God I hope it gets easier.

I was with my dad when he died, and my sister and I stayed with him for an hour or so, until one of the care managers very kindly and nicely suggested that she had to "make him comfortable" for the undertakers. He was beginning to cool down and change in appearance already, so we left him at that point.
I had no wish to see him in the chapel of rest afterwards. We had done everything we wanted by then.

I was howling last night thinking that he hasn't spoken since last Tuesday.

I went for a walk alone with my dogs this morning and strolled along with my hands behind my back. It made me smile as that was how he walked.

I am terribly tired, i haven't slept without my mobile and house phone by my bed for a whole year. It was an absolute honour to look after him but desperately tiring, not only physically.