Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent.

[Mummylin]

This new thread may help those whose comps have a problem with long threads.
I hope this thread can be as supportive as the last one. It is so uplifting to see the support everyone gives to each other when they most need it.💐

loopykay I dream about mum a lot. It's always the same- I can never find her even though she's around somewhere.

Didiplanthis... hope it goes well for you tomorrow... and regarding your brother, he's not important - just think about your mum

Haven't been able to come back to the thread for a while. We had mum's funeral yesterday and I'm crying just typing this. It can't actually be true. I can't believe I'll never be able to phone her or hug her again.

Although she was 87 her death was really unexpected. My sister had been out for coffee with her not even a week before she died. I'm just really worried about dad now. He's 90 and quite frail. Her death has hit him hard although he's trying to be strong for us. They were married for 58 years and I can't imagine what it must be like. I want to be strong for him but every time I speak to him I just want to cry.

Don't really know what else to say. Just thought that if I wrote it down it might make it seem more real,

It’s early days but I miss my Dad most on a Sunday as I always used to visit him in nursing home on my way home from whatever I was doing - I still drive home and feel a huge sense of loss

@Didiplanthis Sending love for today .

Sending love to all for the start of a new week

It's one week exactly since my darling dad left us suddenly. It's gone by quickly and we still dont know what happened.

Lost my dad sudden 6 years ago in march and mom 5 years ago in march too. I find life quiet without them. Extended Family fell to 💩. I went no contact with most of mom's side. Estranged from my brother.

Before my folks passed away I was oblivious to everything didn't think extended family could turn out to be a load of poisonous backstabbing vultures who use people as scapegoats.

I'll always miss my parents.

I’m so sorry to see more new posters joining us and love to you all.

I hope all goes as well as it can today didiplanthis thinking of you.

I made it through New Year, didn’t feel well on NYE which was a good excuse not to go out or do anything, but was fine by NYD so think it might have been my body doing my mind a favour as I actually slept through the whole thing.

I’ve got the ‘this time last year’ looming now as it was in January Mum first mentioned not feeling too well and I started visiting more/doing more for her, she’d been 100% independent up till then. Trying to remember Thigh’s words and not get obsessed with the markers of time.

I dream that my Mum is alive on a regular basis, in some of the dreams I’m really cross with her for putting me through her death and funeral but not actually being dead, then I wake up feeling horrendously guilty I’m still having dreams that I’m an orphaned child too, I am an orphan but obviously also an independent adult with a job etc but in those dreams I’m an actual child left all alone, they’re horrible.

I know it’s also really heartbreaking watching a remaining parent suffer as went through that when my Dad died, my Mum was still relatively young though - not that age makes it any easier but at least I didn’t need to worry about her being frail or not coping physically.

Still need to start counselling, I’ve got all the info I need from my work HR but can’t make myself take the first steps to set it up although I know I need it.

hi, I am a newbie here.

Mum just died on New Year's Day and I am in a complete daze, walking round in a fog.

How do you cope with something as simple as "Happy New Year"?

I work in a pharmacy on the front counter and am finding the whole small talk thing really, really hard right now. (feel like screaming NO... no, it bloody isn't! )

@BeyondMyWits sorry for the loss of your mum . I lost my dad suddenly on Dec 30th

I cant believe a new year has started without my dad .

Someone from work sent me a text "I know your dad has died but Happy New Year" I didnt reply

@VLCos - it is so hard isn't it.

Was probably just a throwaway remark because they didn't know what to say, but that sort of thing just seems to cut so deeply...

My mums funeral was yesterday. In the weirdest way it was lovely. I felt at peace with it. The music was right, the woven bamboo 'coffin' (that doesnt feel the right word for it - it didnt feel like that's what it was) was right. It felt like a celebration of her life, to be thankful for having her, not mourning the loss of her. I have felt so very tired ever since though. And am recognising that my grief is manifesting as anxiety and just feeling generally down and overwhelmed rather than specifically focused on losing mum. Maybe that comes later. But at least it feels more appropriate than the nothingness I felt before.

@Didiplanthis my Mum had a wicker coffin and, well, it's a basket isn't it? As we put young babies in Moses baskets it's the reverse of that in a way. And woven furniture is usually for nice stuff like sitting out in the garden. So it felt right to pop her in a nice basket now she's going to be part of a garden (cemetery anyway) herself. Coffins are boxes and we're socialized to find them grim and scary unless we're the sort of very unusual num that sleeps in one!

Have been away and keep thinking, oh Mum will like hearing about this... :/
I actually have videos of her, some very recent but I'm not looking at them right now because then what happens is the actual memori it triggers get overwritten by memories of watching the video if that makes sense.

*memory

Yes. It was like a nice basket. With flowers on top ! I listened to her coming in music today and found it felt like being with her not apart from her and sad. That was nice.

Although she was a teacher and would be fuming at my use of the word nice... twice... !!

Hi All

Well we finally heard back from the coroner, my dad died of a pulmonary embolism which travelled to his heart and instantly killed him.

This unfortunately brings up more questions for us . My dad had had an xray in November which showed a mark , he had been given 3 courses of antibiotics and a CT (which we hadn't heard back from ) should or could this have been picked up and treated . I suppose we will never know .

Sorry - above post is mine posted above comment on old account

Hello everyone, hope you are managing to cope and that you are all getting the support you need from family and friends, it's so important. For the newest posters, it's unbearably sad for you at the moment but sadly there is nothing really that can mend us when we have to cope with the terrible grief. But with the help and support from others, although it can't heal us, it can certainly make things more bearable. Thinking of you all 💐

Hello all, sometimes I avoid this thread a little (head in the sand). I'm sorry to see more newbies join us, it's so horrible.

I'm just over 3 months now since my lovely Dad died. I'm very sad of course but I'm functioning. I don't think a whole day has passed that at least one tear hasn't escaped.

VLCos these thoughtless remarks really, really cut don't they? Someone sent me a combined look at my new baby, thanks for baby present and sympathy postcard! I should it to my Mum who put it in the bin and said "even the baby looks selfish".

As I said, I'm just over 3 months in and stupid remarks don't bother me at all any more so I think you go through a period of having horribly thin skin where someone just looks at you wrong and you're devastated for the day.

Mother and I were obsessed with timelines at the beginning and kept wondering how long we would feel this way or that way.

The first week I was like an injured cat - mewling, sick, couldn't eat. Mixed with a really odd otherworldly euphoria that we had got through the dying.

Weeks 2-4 random crying, crying while driving, had to be careful regarding TV and radio programmes, painfully thin skin

Weeks 4-8 crying more private, able to function re work etc though very difficult

Onwards - very sad but almost always in control in public. Small cry in private every day, sometimes just misty eyed.

Still exhausted, sleep still buggered.

If your eyes are painful from crying a hot flannel fixes things, not cold. The heat makes some glands release a lubricant.

These dreams are so vivid.

My emotions are all over the place. Intense anger, deep sadness, loss and lost. I'm hoping things settle after the funeral. Unfortunately because of Christmas etc it will of been 5 weeks between passing and funeral. In a way it's good that I haven't had to rush into decisions but I'm not rested because feel I feel things aren't completely over.

Sending love to all

Went back to work today two weeks after my dad suddenly passed. Was a welcome distraction really , HR said if I felt at any point I needed to go I could which was good .

Funeral on Friday not looking forward to it .

My mum went to sort dads pension today the women on the desk asked her "why have you waited so long you should have done this sooner " it's been 2 weeks since she lost the love of her life ! Some people

People are weird, 2 weeks is nothing

@ThighThighofthigh they are , she can barely function .

My brother has been in today to complain