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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent.

985 replies

Mummylin · 16/09/2019 11:00

This new thread may help those whose comps have a problem with long threads.
I hope this thread can be as supportive as the last one. It is so uplifting to see the support everyone gives to each other when they most need it.💐

OP posts:
st43 · 30/12/2019 23:14

Have arranged most of the funeral today, was easier than I expected. Bit shocked at the costs involved though.

ThighThighOfthigh · 30/12/2019 23:34

Ah yes, funeral costs! So expensive, it's a service, but not really one you can choose not to use.

Dad's was very private and basic with no guests, no catering, no celebrant (we didn't want anyone at all to be between us and saying our personal goodbyes to Dad). It was still £3.3. Crackers.

ThighThighOfthigh · 30/12/2019 23:37

I know what you mean about holidays Mother, me and Mum were saying today that in our heads we feel like a holiday is needed. But then our hearts say - what's the point in paying to be miserable elsewhere.

I think I'm just going to have extra massages and hire a hot tub for the garden later in the year.

ThighThighOfthigh · 31/12/2019 12:55

Terrible day. Last day of the year my wonderful Dad was alive in. I wish I could be with him.

Inver38 · 31/12/2019 13:05

I feel the same. Although I was worried about Christmas and it went ok, it was busy and we got up to see my mum so I’m happy about that.
A few people have implied (one said) that I’ll be glad to see the back of 2019, I get it, it’s been the worst but I still won’t, as of tomorrow my dad died last year, it’s pointless and changes nothing but feels somehow like another blow Sad

ThighThighOfthigh · 31/12/2019 13:23

I know, final nail in the coffin. Ha stupid ha.

ThighThighOfthigh · 31/12/2019 13:25

Strange how big just one wee auld fella was. He's left a massive hole.

Emmapeeler1 · 31/12/2019 14:03

Hello everyone. Sending love this last day of 2019. Flowers

This year my family lost not only Dad but a treasured extended family member who had two young kids. It was a bad year. But it was still the last year my lovely, kind, funny Dad was alive in and I will feel very sad at midnight. He would have been popping champagne for us, with that lovely smile on his face.

mother I have also lost my mojo on doing stuff. I have booked two weeks in the summer to go away with my mother but it was mainly to give her something positive to focus on as she had to cancel two holidays last year. There is lots more I feel like I don’t want to commit to, and friends I have put off seeing.

Original poster
Mummylin · 31/12/2019 15:49

Just to wish that you all manage to find some peace and happiness for our new year which is only hours away. Some of you are probably dreading the moving on part, which I completely understand, I was the same. There will probably be tears shed, perfectly normal, all our absent loved ones will be forever loved and remain deep in our years. You will all be ok, and we have support for each other here.
Cheers to a better new year for all 🍷

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummylin · 31/12/2019 15:51

Deep in our hearts not years !

OP posts:
VLCos · 31/12/2019 22:17

My dad died at 8am yesterday , he was 66 . He seemed fine . He had a coughing fit and died.

We are all including my mum in so much shock .

Does it get easier ?

Original poster
Mummylin · 31/12/2019 23:32

So sorry VL. Yes it will get easier but not for a while . What an awful shock for you and your family. This thread will be here if you need support or somewhere to vent. Hope you and your family will find good support from other family and friends. 🌺

OP posts:
VLCos · 31/12/2019 23:35

@Mummylin thank you . Evenings are the worse , especially with a new year.

I wish he could have stayed a little bit longer xx

Original poster
Mummylin · 31/12/2019 23:41

It will never be the right time. It's just so sad, especially right now , with the new year about to start. Of course you are probably in shock as well as grieving, which is horrible. I was the same, as losing my mum was unexpected. It's just so hard to take it all in. But although it will be difficult and upsetting, I can say that yes eventually it does get better, it is different for everyone , for some it's a long time, others can cope better quicker.

OP posts:
Mother87 · 01/01/2020 00:51

Hi thigh/emmapeeler and all... God yes it feels so so terrible - dad's only been gone 'weeks' and now, the first year in which he's not even here. It's another kind of sadness, another 'layer' to deal with. The void seems to be getting bigger and bigger not smaller... How do we learn to make the most of this loss that's defined us (DM/I) this 'thing' that dominates our thoughts - Dad not being here. Am sure something will 'shift' something will change... something will make it all bearable one day. Like everyone says... but 2020 - sounds quite alien at the moment.
Having said that - wishing you all peace and comfort and a better year....xx

ThighThighOfthigh · 01/01/2020 01:24

Wishing everyone a peaceful and better year.

I think we will always be sad about our Mum/Dad dying but will become more controlled. How can or should it ever not be sad?

Going for a massage tomorrow, thinking of kidnapping her.

VL I'm so sorry, that must have been a dreadful shock and 66 is no age at all. Wishing you strength.

Mother87 · 01/01/2020 01:34

VLCos - just seen your post - sending you strength, a terrible shock and at 66. Sorry for your loss ThanksThanks

Emmapeeler1 · 01/01/2020 01:41

@VLCos I am so sorry about your Dad. My Dad also died suddenly and unexpectedly. It’s really hard to take in and you will be in shock at the moment. You will get through it though. Thinking of you. Flowers

We got through the evening, although DM was visibly upset after midnight. I think she felt better after we all toasted him.

Here’s to a much better year for us all Flowers

VLCos · 01/01/2020 09:26

Thank you all Flowers

I hope you all had a peaceful night . My brother and his family are coming over today I wish I could stay in bed instead.

I managed a few hours sleep but feel shattered . Grief is draining !

My children are keeping me going .
X

ThighThighOfthigh · 01/01/2020 10:33

Grief is utterly exhausting, I'm nearly three months in and I'm still so tired.

VLCos · 01/01/2020 12:16

@ThighThighOfthigh it definitely is . Sending you a gentle hug

Mother87 · 01/01/2020 12:28

Thigh/VLCos - couldn't agree more - it's draining/sleep's rubbish...and trying to find the energy/motivation to do 'stuff'... something else that will hopefully settle down eventually...

Lou898 · 01/01/2020 13:24

I’ve managed quite well over Christmas and even last night although didn’t do anything last night (husband at work eldest son out ) so just me and the youngest) But this morning has hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m typing this with tears rolling down my face. Losing both parents in 12 months ...the reality has just hit home even more today. The funeral for mum is still to come and I’m dreading it. The realisation of all the things mum and dad are not going to be here for...my sons graduation in the summer, my youngest s prom and our annual trip to the Lakes. This is soooo hard.

ThighThighOfthigh · 01/01/2020 14:01

It's very hard and no power to make anything better

Mother87 · 01/01/2020 16:40

Lou898 - sending you a hug and hope you've found some solace today... Thanks

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