Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent.

985 replies

Mummylin · 16/09/2019 11:00

This new thread may help those whose comps have a problem with long threads.
I hope this thread can be as supportive as the last one. It is so uplifting to see the support everyone gives to each other when they most need it.💐

OP posts:
ThighThighOfthigh · 20/12/2019 17:05

I'm a miserable bastard, I've turned down or wriggled out of so many social commitments this month. All with perfectly nice people who i like. I probably would have enjoyed them if I'd gone but i can't summon the energy for anything that isn't compulsory. If i ever emerge from this fugue i will no longer have any friends. And i will have become such a curmudgeon that i will be happy about that. Just give me a bell to ring and a sign round my neck.

Mother87 · 20/12/2019 20:05

Thigh... snap...i'm still a wet blanket in human form... a joy-vacuum... saw a couple I vaguely know in the supermarket today, DH was in full jolly chat mode with them. My initial/only thought was "slimy twats & horrible cows like you are still around and my lovely dad's dead" - not so sure am 'fixed' yet...I didn't even PRETEND to nod/smile and say hi - I just wandered off as is my divine right for the rest of my life.

Mother87 · 20/12/2019 20:07

Thigh - be funny if you/I bumped cars in a car park - we'd probably strangle each other without a second thoughtGrin

ThighThighOfthigh · 20/12/2019 20:21

Mother it would cheer me up to be strangled. Every little thing that has gone wrong i feel is a personal attack on me by God (I am aware I'm nuts).

The leg on my glasses broke and my kitchen door handle is broken - i just think 'typical, just do your worst, I'm not fixing it'.

Mother87 · 20/12/2019 21:55

Thigh - to be fair, whilst God moves in mysterious ways, I think he's more 'plague of locusts' and big stuff rather than glasses and door handlesSmile

ThighThighOfthigh · 20/12/2019 23:05

Mother how do you explain the new scratch on my car then Xmas Hmm

Mother87 · 21/12/2019 09:09

Thigh - little plague of little locusts

JaceLancs · 21/12/2019 18:29

My Dad died on 31st October and I am struggling with the whole Xmas bit
DP lost his DF a few weeks ago
DM has Alzheimer’s and is very tiring to be around
Last night DDs DP Gran died
I am drinking and comfort eating far too much which is not helping as I am also trying to diet
I just feel numb with no joy at the festive bit - I don’t want to be around people and if I hear another Xmas song I’ll scream

Didiplanthis · 21/12/2019 20:48

My mum died 3 weeks ago. I havent felt anything yet... I've been so busy helping my dad, sorting my children etc I've not had time to feel or think. But equally I feel absolutely nothing about Christmas. Nothing... I have 3 young children at peak Christmas joy/excitement age and we have a tree. A decorated tree but that's it. Usually we have all sorts, the cards we have got are in piles on the side board, I have not written a single card or wrapped a single present. It's like I have pressed the pause button on my emotions while life carries on around me.

Mother87 · 21/12/2019 21:03

Didiplanthis... i think you need to be easy on yourself, it's all so raw and you lost your mum only 3 weeks ago. Not sure what's expected of you re:Christmas, if anything (apart from some kiddy stuff) - am not sure what IS a 'good' time to lose someone, but this surely is one of the toughest. I'm a couple of months further along than you (Dad passed away in September) and whilst Christmas was NOT my dad's thing - family WAS... so I'm going through the motions inside, got a tree/put up some decorations - all the time feeling somewhat dead inside about it. I really want to throw myself on the floor and wail and ask what the point is... but I have DC's and grandkids and mum to cater for, so I suppose we'll have to fix our smiles but yes it's so so hard... Thanks

Mother87 · 21/12/2019 21:04

JaceLancsThanksThanksThanks

st43 · 21/12/2019 22:19

My dad passed this afternoon. It was peaceful and expected. I'm glad I was with him, it still feels unreal, I can't stop crying. I feel sick I'm exhausted my eyes are burning and my head throbbing. I've had very difficult phone calls to make. I have nothing left. Can't keep it together anymore. I hope this gets better. So much to sort out, Christmas is going to make things delayed. I don't want people being sorry and hugging me, I just can't cope with people being nice, is that weird?

Mother87 · 21/12/2019 22:52

St43 - so sorry for your loss... nothing is 'weird' - it can make us feel a bit more vulnerable/emotional when people are 'nice' - sending a hugThanks

Zooeymama123 · 21/12/2019 23:23

I lost my lovely mum a week ago tomorrow to cancer. It feels like I have slipped into a parallel universe somehow and I feel dead inside like there is nothing to look forward to if I cant enjoy it with her or tell her about it. Christmas is making it worse as I dont feel like celebrating but trying to keep going for the kids. Sending hugs to everyone in similar situations.

ThighThighOfthigh · 21/12/2019 23:48

st43 for your eyes a hot flannel helps your eyes moisten themselves, mine were so sore and it helped a lot.

The first week I was like an injured cat lying in bed just howling, i could only eat porridge.

ThighThighOfthigh · 21/12/2019 23:53

I'm so sorry for those of you who have just lost their Mums and Dads, it was 11 weeks for me yesterday since I lost my beloved Dad / best friend.

It doesn't get less sad, you just gain more control, i don't think I've done a whole day without tears yet.

Sending strength to those of you with small children, it must be very hard.

ThighThighOfthigh · 21/12/2019 23:55

I bought a small plug in fibre optic tree cos the thought of doing something more strenuous was just beyond me.

ThighThighOfthigh · 22/12/2019 01:29

St43 i just stumbled across your thread when your Dad was ill, mine went in the same way. It was very difficult to watch.

Mother87 · 22/12/2019 09:54

St43 - so sorry for your loss... nothing is 'weird' - it can make us feel a bit more vulnerable/emotional when people are 'nice' - sending a hugThanks

PanannyPanoo · 22/12/2019 19:45

My wonderful Mum died in November. She was fine, Then she wasn't dad called the ambulance, I went round and talked to her while we waited, then she died on the way to hospital.

I've done all the things I should, told my siblings, told my children - 4,8 and 12, arranged the funeral, supported everyone in the best way that I can. Kept up all Christmas commitments - helped with nursery costumes, xmas fetes etc.

I loved her, we got on really well, but I havent felt anything. I read threads about people dreadig Christmas and friends were in pieces at her funeral because of her death and how it reminded them of their parent dying. I dont understand why I havent got emotional, or feel sad or miss her.

I keep thinking it will hit me soon, but it still hasnt. Has anyone else experienced this?

Didiplanthis · 22/12/2019 20:02

Me... totally... I loved her. We got on. I havent cried. I dont miss her. I feel utterly utterly numb... about everything. Ive run a Christmas fair, I've arranged her funeral, ive supported my dad. Why am I not 'greiving' ??

feellikeanalien · 22/12/2019 20:59

My darling mum died unexpectedly on Thursday morning. She was admitted to hospital on Monday with pneumonia. Sadly she also had heart problems and her heart just couldn't cope. Luckily I got to see her the night she died but I just can't believe she's gone.

My dad is 90 and we don't know if he'll cope on his own as he has short term memory loss. They were married for 58 years.

Fortunately DSis lives very close (I'm 150 miles away).

Life is really shit.

I'm just a blubbing mess at the moment and don't really know why I'm posting but I can't believe that I can't pick up the phone and talk to her.

Claracracker · 22/12/2019 21:03

Thank you so much for your reply @didiplanthis People keep saying how strong I’m being. I’m not being anything. Just getting on with things. Christmas feels no different. Life feels no different. There’s just no additional emotion happening.

Claracracker · 22/12/2019 21:07

So sorry feellikeanalien, our posts crossed and i wouldn’t have posted if I had seen yours first. I am
So sorry to hear about your mums death, and the hole it has left in your life. I am
Still waiting to feel devastated. Totally empathise with how you must be feeling. Just not hit me yet.
Be kind to yourself.

Mother87 · 22/12/2019 21:39

Hi to all newcomers... sorry you've had to join us. And for those saying they're not yet grieving or feeling numb... there are different ways of coping with this bereavement. None of them right or wrong... I have friends ask me if i'm 'getting used to it' or 'feeling a bit better now' (3 months since my beloved dad passed away after a short illness) If anything - I'm still finding it very difficult to accept that he's really really gone - I guess we'll all reach some kind of 'accommodation' with the loss eventually... but yes it's tough whichever way - sending hugs to all