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Bereavement

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Original poster

Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent.

985 replies

Mummylin · 16/09/2019 11:00

This new thread may help those whose comps have a problem with long threads.
I hope this thread can be as supportive as the last one. It is so uplifting to see the support everyone gives to each other when they most need it.💐

OP posts:
Mother87 · 23/10/2019 12:11

Funny that thigh - me too... heaven/afterlife/seeing dad 'soon' (without actually dying myself) - bring it on

ThighThighOfthigh · 23/10/2019 12:24

About time they phoned us don't you think? Cheek.

Mother87 · 23/10/2019 22:46

I've had the 'wailing around the house' moment... Am I late to the party?? Only seen it in films... cried EVERYWHERE else many many times - but this one?!

The 'why have you left me dad?' 'I never thought you'd leave me dad' 'what am I supposed to do without you daddy' - will this wear off soon... is this 'normal'?? Is there are world-championship crying medal?? Why am I still 'leaking' so so much ??

ThighThighOfthigh · 24/10/2019 00:48

Mother well, you're only 56. Do people expect you to raise yourself? A mere child!

I found some phone videos of Dad talking. it was so lovely to hear his lovely voice, obviously i cried.

Mother87 · 24/10/2019 09:30

Oh Thigh - that's lovely - i wish we had some videos... we just never took any...

ThighThighOfthigh · 24/10/2019 09:38

Mother do you have any on phone messages or anything?

Mother87 · 24/10/2019 10:55

We were never ones for voicemails either because he couldn't hear very well so we'd just call each other back... which i'd really like to do today... i suppose there's 'stuff' we've all got/not got that's different...Sad

Original poster
Mummylin · 24/10/2019 13:11

mother87 just to check wether you received a pm from me. You don’t need to reply.💐

OP posts:
Mother87 · 24/10/2019 16:37

Hi mummylin... haven't received anything - but not been in good wi-fi area much today - will check later, thank you... feel like im on a precipice... xx

ThighThighOfthigh · 24/10/2019 20:21

Mother how are you feeling? It's 3 weeks tomorrow for me. Feels like forever and 5 minutes ago, strange.

Mother87 · 24/10/2019 20:39

Sitting in dad's chair in the kitchen tbh... sobbing... playing Slow Boat To China & looking for grey hairs... i know am 'torturing' myself - i really thought i'd made some 'progress' but I feel heartbroken... 6 weeks on Sunday... i hope you're doing 'ok' yourself - i feel trapped in some sort of grief-spell...my heart is aching so much and I just want to see him x

Mother87 · 24/10/2019 20:40

Yes i know what you mean about forever/5 minutes... it IS strange...

Mother87 · 24/10/2019 23:34

I can't think about anything else - whatever else I'm doing, dad/his short illness/good & bad memories are going through my head CONSTANTLY... when i'm with people/working/alone - almost every second... the what ifs/the sadness/the disbelief - all of it all the time... is this normal? It's been almost six weeks...

ThighThighOfthigh · 25/10/2019 01:49

Mother i don't know, maybe you're doing it all at once and then bang you'll be OK. I'm going to read back a bit and have a think.

ThighThighOfthigh · 25/10/2019 02:01

Just read back Mother you only had 5 weeks between diagnosis and death. I think that must be very tough, you're still reeling from the diagnosis so it's double whammy.

Dad nearly died (crash team on 3 occasions in October 2018 in hospital). We were very very lucky to get him out of hospital at all and then we got a year.

He nearly died so many times in that year that we knew every day was borrowed time. I wept and wailed and pre grieved all year long. Genuinely, i was a nutcase for a whole year.

Had i only had 5 weeks I'd be hysterical now.

ThighThighOfthigh · 25/10/2019 02:06

I hope that's helpful, what I mean is i have no idea if it's normal but i can certainly understand it.

I think I've clicked into coping mode. I get waves of sadness but i can function.

I know that this is me in protective mode though, i tend to go bonkers several years after sad things.

ThighThighOfthigh · 25/10/2019 10:13

I miss Dad, he was my best friend. 3 weeks today.

Mother87 · 25/10/2019 11:59

Thigh.. thanks for taking the time/effort to read back... its so hard to know what if anything would have made anything 'easier' or for it all to have felt/feel better... maybe you did 'pre-grieve' somewhat - but that also sounds horribly tough and then there's STILL the 'shock' when it happens... it's just the ache isn't it - no escape from it.. it actually surprised me that my grief-blanket followed me on the train and back home again - how crazy is thatGrin
have got an 'informal' meeting with my boss @ 12.30 and am steeling myself not to bloody cry!!! He's lovely/huggy but i can only imagine 'other peoples women crying in public' will be as cringe as it was for DS21 last weekendBlushat least at home i can sit in dad's chair and wail away like a demented soul (which maybe is what we are... bonkers/lost)

Have you stopped wanting to punch people? Is it a feasible defence in court - like menopausal women 'forgetting to pay for stuff' "sorry your honour but dad's still dead" so you/we can get away with anything?
Sorry, when you said that phrase the other day (and I realised it was STILL true for us) it reminded me of a Ken Dodd joke with the punchline "ken dodds dads dogs dead" or something like thatGrin

3 weeks is NOTHING in any great scheme of anything is it... we're six weeks this Sunday, and the unhinged me thought - well, when you have a baby you have a 6 week check up when everythings supposed to have reverted to normal... so if that's the birth check-up, is there a 6 week death check-up where the same 'normality' returnsGrinGrin

Mother87 · 25/10/2019 12:00

Thigh - 3 weeks worth of ThanksThanksThanks

Mother87 · 25/10/2019 12:07

And ThanksThanksThanksto all of you going through this... xx

ThighThighOfthigh · 25/10/2019 16:01

See? We are getting a teensy bit better Wink

I don't want to punch random people anymore but i do hate his GP with a passion. If I'm going to exact some revenge I'd better get it in quick though. Incompetent cowbag.

I went for a dog walk with Mum and DS1 (28) earlier and mum said - thank you for sorting the pension and i said - it's the last service i can do him then started howling. Today i checked their online banking and saw the caught up remnants of Dad's OAP had been paid in. There was his NI number on the statement, it'll never be used again.

It's quite a bad day today, in fact very bad. I'm starting to think maybe he won't come back. I think there might not be a sign,maybe it's just the end. Sorry, not so good today.

Mother87 · 25/10/2019 19:31

Thigh... yes it's an awful awful awful day... it's all true isn't it... the last NI stuff the last bank stuff - we ordered shoes that he picked from one of those 'dad catalogues' and he was in hospital and they said it might just not be lung cancer, just a chest infection... so he picked these shoes - which meant he was going to live and to wear them... and i had to send them back...but he didn't... the last everything - honestly - I could die from this sadness i really could, I might - it would be so much easier

Thanks for ken dodds dad...

ThighThighOfthigh · 25/10/2019 20:29

I'd like to read a book that tells me what I'll feel when.

ThighThighOfthigh · 25/10/2019 20:37

Mother did you manage your meeting? When do you have to go back to work? I've got a couple of appointments next week and one work meeting. I think I might be worse when not busy. But my skin is too thin to do anything big yet.

Pretty sure I'm going to get a traffic fine. When we were following the hearse i went through a red light and get stuck in a yellow box. A woman beeped at me and sad angry things, but i wasn't going to lose that hearse!