Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent.

[Mummylin]

This new thread may help those whose comps have a problem with long threads.
I hope this thread can be as supportive as the last one. It is so uplifting to see the support everyone gives to each other when they most need it.💐

Sitting... To ask about the afterlife
_unreasonable/3721347-To-ask-about-the-afterlife

Just hopping on to let out a few feelings I suppose. Tomorrow is the third anniversary of my mums death and my daughters 4th birthday.
Trying to be strong for her and to make her birthday and family party special. I tried to do the party at the weekend but family illness got in the way so tomorrow it is.
I feel guilty for holding the party on the day, like I should be leaving it for being sad or something.
Also made the mistake of reading a thread on someone wanting to make their last Christmas special for their kids and that set me off.
Not sure why I do it to myself.

hobby that must have been so hard having your mum die on your daughter’s first birthday. And so emotionally draining to be positive for your daughter when you’d be sad about your mum. We had to celebrate my nephew’s birthday days after my mum died as his party was already arranged. It was incredibly emotional but I think she’d have been really proud of us for focusing on him, she was very much a ‘get on with it’ sort of person. I don’t know about you though, but I find having little kids (mine are 1 and 4) the best and the worst thing at the moment. The distraction is great but it’s devastating that they won’t remember her much.

We met with the funeral director yesterday. My dad has found some notes my mum must have written shortly before she died - all about how she still loved him after over (0 years together and how my sister and I and our family were her proudest achievement. It’s the only indication I have that she must have known what was going to happen - she never talked about her cancer being terminal.

Hobby i think your Mum will come to see the party and she'd prefer to see you having a good time with your daughter. I'm sure you think about your Mum every day.

Dino how many years, typo?

Was it comforting or devastating to find the notes, or both? How did you find the funeral director, what are you doing for it?

How are you doing?

Mum and I went for a dog walk yesterday somewhere we always took Dad. He had sat on this or that bench, smelled those flowers. It was hard but nice.

I wonder if this is normal now, I'm walking around fairly normal but teary many times a day and cry about 3 or 4 times.

A friend who's 10 years on told me the pain doesn't go but you grow accustomed to it and are rarely knocked out with it. She said she wouldn't be without the pain as then she would be without her memories.

I have a 48 year old cassette tape with Dad talking to me as a baby. Does anyone know a really good company who can transfer it please?

Bloody typo!! They were together over 50 years, since they were about 17. It was actually really nice seeing the notes. Mum didn’t want to talk at all about the prognosis, rather make the best of what was left, so it was in some ways comforting to think that she had thought of it I suppose.

Thigh that sounds like a lovely walk, even if it was hard. Memories are so important, and it’s also really important to allow ourselves time to think about them. It’s not something you can put in a box, they’re always there.

Well, another morning and Dad's still dead. I feel worried about him and hope he's ok. I know I'm crazy, well - i know i should say i know I'm crazy

You’re not crazy, you’re normal. I completely understand how you felt on your walk, I still do the same often. We had this song at Dad’s funeral, it sums it up perfectly.

I'll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day and through
In that small cafe
The park across the way
The children's carousel
The chestnut trees
The wishing well
I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day
In everything that's light and gay
I'll always think of you that way
I'll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you
I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day
In everything that's light and gay
I'll always think of you that way
I'll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you

Hi everyone.sorry to hear of the struggles some of you are going through. Thigh you are not crazy, it’s just the way your mind is trying to process things at the moment.
It’s such a horrid time for everyone , but it’s good that you feel able to chat on here with others who understand how sad and upsetting this time of your life is.
It is upsetting when people you thought were friends, don’t turn out to be as you thought and don’t give you the support you need.
But I really hope that your true friends will be around for you when you need them, it makes such a difference.
Remember, one day at a time will get you through.💐

Hi Thigh... your walk sounds lovely/tough... another 'crazy bereft' one here... So, I went to London to visit DS21 @ uni - first time away since beloved dad took the Slow Boat To China 5 weeks ago... getting on the train/off the train/going to my hotel/walking on my own... i felt utterly LOST and desolate (mummylin - are you still there cos am not cured yet)

Only cried once with DS (who was very close to his grandad) and he let me know that it was 'really cringe' to do so😳so I managed to hold it in... walking around Borough Market, seeing all the foods I would have got for dad - i would have told him how much I paid for 4 scallops when he could have got a whole bag of them from the Chinese supermarket/not being able to phone him & DM to say I was on the way home - he was 89 and I always 'reported in' and he always wanted to listen to everything - and on the train home I started thinking/weeping quietly and managed to get off at the town BEFORE my stop - no idea how!! Never done anything so bloody daft before!! So an expensive taxi and arriving at my cold empty house (DH is away) after not being here for 3 days - it was like being slammed against a wall of new bloody grief cos, as you said thigh DADS STILL DEAD!!! And he still wasn't here when i came back - does that mean it's really really true?! So I played Slow Boat To China & sat in his favourite chair until I couldn't cry any more... So i don't want to go out to come back to this/i don't want to stay in and live with him everywhere... why did i think the ache might lessen, or the pain ease... where can I go and what can i do to make this go away - anything at all?

Alsohuman - lovely songx

Just read about some of the combined baby/birthday sympathy cards - that's an absolute cracker... takes a special level of dont-really-give-a-fookness that

I had a work meeting yesterday, i was really scared but it was OK. People just hugged me then spoke about normal things.

Thigh... another bridge crossed for you xx

My eyes my eyes... will they EVER EVER recover - they've been so overworked with these tears... they look like my eyes after a few weeks with each newborn long ago - am using hot flannels/drops...

Mother yes, they have all lost at least one parent and I was surprised but relieved that they didn't mention Dad. They all knew him and had previously sent cards or emails. They just all gave me a hug and we carried on as normal. It felt a bit disloyal not to talk about him, but also I didn't want to break down in public.

I suppose it's like having a new baby. To begin with your don't think or talk about anything else. After a while you start to have wider conversations and not take your baby everywhere.

Hot flannels Mother - saved my bacon. A friend gave me that tip and it's been very useful. Are you still crying a lot? Do you have another funeral to go through?

I think I'll arrange a massage, I deserve one.

Thigh... i like the new baby everywhere analogy - yep sort of goes everywhere with you/takes over for a while... well i thought i WASN'T crying a lot (and didn't in London with DS) It was coming home last night/getting off train at wrong stop etc etc sort of unleashed a big seemingly unstoppable bout... yes am hot flannelling for fun/also massaging later & possibly big bowl of Thai food

We have Taoist/Buddhist service on the 49th day for dad (Nov 3rd) to give him/any other lingering souls a nudge to complete their journey to 'a better place' - last time DD/I went to Temple it was very soothing and the incense overload was/is quite comforting

DH is Jewish but 'going along' with all with 'good grace' (we DID have one of his 'side' in our house last week doing some sort of blessing for him so fairs fair) Has to be said, NEITHER of us are particularly religious at all - it's more cultural/comforting/extra insurance I suppose

Thigh - a massage is the LEAST you deserve...

Mother we're not religious although I'm Christian - lite. I'm suddenly positive there's a heaven though