Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent.

[Mummylin]

This new thread may help those whose comps have a problem with long threads.
I hope this thread can be as supportive as the last one. It is so uplifting to see the support everyone gives to each other when they most need it.💐

You poor women, those early days are so, so hard. I remember being doubled over in pain, hugging myself to try and assuage the pain. M parents both died within six months, I was broken and thought I’d never mend. But I have, although the scars are - and always will be - still there.

I find it comes in waves, at first they’ve huge and relentless, gradually they become smaller and less often. The agony abates and becomes an ache. I promise you won’t always feel as if a layer of your skin’s been flayed off.

It will be four years next month since I lost my mum and the anniversary will be dreadful but not as bad as last year, which wasn’t as bad as the year before. You will survive, it takes time. And it’s healthy to give in to the grief and let it take you where it will, it needs to be processed.

I do feel for you. 💐

Thank you AlsoHuman... knowing the little I know now - I can't imagine how hard that must have been for youtomorrow/today is another day I guess...

Also thank you, that must have been horrendous for you to lose both your parents so close together. Thank you for saying it becomes bearable.

Mother being a Londoner my parking is indeed spectacular

Thigh... I'll look out for you... going to visit DS21 @ uni sarf London for few days - he left home same weekend as DF ya know... so my nest is also horribly empty combined with it unexpectedly being a dad-free homeit damn well sucks all this!! But getting away for a couple of days should be 'good' and DS wants to do lots of fun stuff that he doesn't want to spend his own money on so it should be a good distraction from actual home life... has anything successfully distracted you... yet?

Mother that sounds great, it might get you away from yourself for a few days. Continuing to wfh has helped and walking the dogs also popping over to see Mum most days. I'm fairly short tempered with my more challenging adult child which i have to address.

Hello, joining you all. My mother died last week. Her death was and still is a shock. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer just a few months ago. We all knew it was coming but still can't believe she has gone. I'm meant to be meeting up with a friend later but don't think I can go, I don't have the energy. I can barely function at all at the moment. Even writing this seems an effort. Please tell me how you continue with day to day things? Sympathies with you all

Sitting I'm so sorry for you, i lost my Dad 2 weeks ago yesterday. I haven't been able to meet even friends, only my immediate family. The first week I just felt extremely ill, didn't eat anything but porridge and rarely dressed. I'm managing to walk my dogs now and largely not crying in public. If your eyes are sore use a hot, not cold, flannel over them. It really helped me. Sleep as much as you can.

I'm still falling asleep every time I sit down.

You become a little more functional each day but it's a seismic shock even when fully expected.

it's been a month for us however we had to wait over 3 weeks for the funeral & that has made the harsh reality kick in I think, that I will never see my precious dad again. I had a lovely &vivid dream about him last night, that he was young, strong & handsome, it sounds so strange but I think and hope he was telling me he is ok.

Hi Sitting... sorry for your loss... it's beyond tough isn't it... the 'shock' situation is a strange one I know... my DF had a diagnosis and was gone within 5 weeks (last month) and it's still a huge life 'shock' - no idea what would have 'prepared' us for it... it's all one day at a time for us... And thighs suggestion of a hot flannel really seems to help (at times I thought/think my crying eyes have changed permanently but I suppose it will all 'settle down'... and I've learnt to 'go with it' the overwhelming grief/the tears/the sudden 'realisations' that creep up on you... This thread has been a great comfort though - and makes you feel that little bit less alone...

Notashot... what a lovely poignant dream for you... am sure our DF's ARE 'ok' knowing how loved they are - and at peace...

Sitting... with meeting friends/doing stuff... please say NO if in doubt... I know people mean well etc etc... but it takes such energy to be with certain people... am possibly a lot older than you - but one life-lesson possibly the only one i'd learned the hard way before I lost my beloved dad last month, was DON'T SPEND TIME WITH PEOPLE YOU DON'T WANT TO... trust your gut... it doesn't meant not seeing them EVER... but people are taps & drains... the first ones enhancing your life/time with them... the second one, well... you get the picture... I know there are certain social obligations that we all have - but now's not the time...do what makes YOU feel comfortable

So sorry for your loss Sitting, I lost my mum 12 days ago. She was diagnosed with a brain tumour in July and we had less than 3 months. Cancer is so shit.
Like everyone else, don’t do anything you’re not ready for. I’ve been able to see people where there’s a different focus (play dates - I have small kids) and that’s helped divert attention a bit.
My daughter (4) was so sweet yesterday. I was trying to explain to her about the special party we would have for my mum and she wants to go dressed as a princess and wearing a crown. I got upset and she said ‘don’t worry mummy, we’ll look after you’. 💔

Thank you everyone. Grief is horrible isn't it. Thanks Thigh I hadn't though of the flannel thing, I will try it.

Thanks Mother87 thank you for the advice. You are right. I cancelled on friend yesterday and she understood. Another friend wanted to ring and 'catch up'. Nothing I really want to say on the phone.

dinodiva Gosh I think our mothers died in similar circumstances. It is good to divert the attention somewhat. I have a small child too who is away for the weekend, perhaps that's why I feel so lost as no routine etc. Aww, kids do say some lovely things.

So sorry to all of you

I'm trying not to dwell on the medical stuff but i keep thinking that if the cardiologists had taken different actions and different medicines 5 or 10 years ago maybe Dad would have had a few more years.

I'd like to punch his GP and Boots the chemist in the face. They were such a PITA. We had to watch his dosette boxes like hawks, they were always getting them wrong.

I know it's not helpful but i would like to throw a few punches.

Also the person who used a new baby card to thank me for a gift given 6 months ago and combined it with a sympathy card. How crap is that, amongst the sympathy cards I'm supposed to put a baby card? Put it in the bin.

Temporary was the funeral bearable, i thought of you on Friday xx

One of my friends sent me a Christmas card two weeks after my mum died with The Most Wonderful Time of the Year on it. I’d have willingly punched her. In fact she stopped being a friend after that. The new baby card is crap. What’s wrong with these people?

A few days after my mum died it was my birthday so I received some combined birthday/sympathy cards! God knows what people are thinking. An old friend who I haven't seen in years sent a lovely bunch of flowers, I was so touched. Almost had to remind myself that I've just lost my mother. Some other friends though, absolutely nothing, not even a card.

ThighThighOfthigh I can relate re: focusing on medical stuff and all the 'what ifs'. I have been so sad but starting to feel angry about quite a lot at the moment. Met the lady who reads out the eulogy at the funeral and everything we told her about my mum came back with a 'that's marvellous' or 'isn't that wonderful' response with a fake smile. Maybe she was trying to sound cheerful but god I felt like punching her in the face. Also, a particular family member has been more engrossed in what she didn't get in the will and how unfair her share is, rather than anything else. I wasn't expecting all these other dimensions. Losing someone is bad enough isn't it. I guess death is a time to reflect on everything around you too.

I'm not a very cardish person normally but i think birthdays and sympathy are important - and ffs don't combine them! That's just shit.

One person who Dad and I worked with and i still work with didn't even respond to my email about Dad. He's responded to other work emails since. I'm shocked, i thought he was a nice man and a gentleman.

Sitting that's shit re the eulogy, you expect professionals in the death industry to be able to deal with death.

Our funeral directors were very good. They didn't say "sorry for your loss" they said"how can we help". When i was explaining how ferociously private we wanted it i gabbled "it's not about money, we don't want to share our goodbye" she said "we're here to help, not to judge". I thought that was great.

There's a thread in AIBU atm on the after life. Stupid of me to read it but I'm desperate to see Dad again.

Is there? Where is it? I'd like to have a look. I think I believe in the after life now more than I ever have done.