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Original poster

My beautiful brother has just died

251 replies

namechangedyetagain · 23/08/2018 03:28

He was 42. Had a brain tumour diagnosed about 4 weeks ago. I saw him yesterday

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I feel numb. I can't cry but I love him so much and I don't know what to do

OP posts:
CarbieDoll · 23/08/2018 04:42

Op I’m so sorry for your loss 💐sending love and strength to you and all your family x

Original poster
namechangedyetagain · 23/08/2018 04:44

There shouldn't be hundred of us. It's not the way the natural order of things. Got to tell my 95 yo grandad this morning. My 92 yo nan has dementia so not even a fucking clue what to do there.

I don't know what to do today. I just don't know. I told him I'd be back in the morning to see him and now I can't. We were supposed to get old and choose mums nursing home together. My poor mum. This is going to break her.

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 23/08/2018 05:02

Thinking of your children...when we were teens, my uncle died. It was sudden, and a shock. He didn't have children, but his nieces/nephews each chose on item to remember him by. That was a very long time ago, but reading this thread, I just went to look at my memento, and remember him. Do you think something like that would help your children?

Have you managed to get anything down you? I know it's a stereotype, but there's a reason hospitals serve so much tea at the worst moments. The familiar actions, smell, taste, they help to ground us just a tiny, tiny bit, when the bottom of your world has just dropped away.

Sorry, if I'm saying anything wrong. Words feel so bloody useless, but tonight is not a night for no one to reply to you. You are heard.

Original poster
namechangedyetagain · 23/08/2018 05:08

There are no words really. I don't know what I'm supposed to do

I've had a cup of tea and just about to have another.

I don't feel anything. Numb. Shocked. A bit relieved I saw him and told him I lived him. Grateful he didn't have a long suffering decline. Guilty cos I feel that.

I just don't know

OP posts:
Colouringaddict · 23/08/2018 05:13

I have no words of wisdom, but I just wanted to tell you that I’m so sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself Flowers

Mummy2one2016 · 23/08/2018 05:17

So sorry for your loss

SpareASquare · 23/08/2018 05:20

I'm so very sorry Flowers

nocoolnamesleft · 23/08/2018 05:20

Your reaction sounds totally human. I'm very glad you saw him so recently, and told him you loved him. I honestly believe that matters a lot. And I get why you feel guilty, but you shouldn't. Hand on heart, I think this was less awful for him than a drawn out death. I am so, so relieved for you that you went to see him whilst you could, and hadn't left it for the next day, as you so easily could have done.

I don't think you can know what you feel, because you are probably lurching from one state to another. So it keeps changing. But...you obviously care. And that matters, and is important. How much worse would it be to die and for no one to care. You're in pieces because you love him so much. Which really shows how important he was, and is, to you. Pretty good tribute.

QueenofLouisiana · 23/08/2018 05:22

I’m so sorry to read of your loss. There are no words I can say to make this better, but please know I’m around for a while if you need company. x

Original poster
namechangedyetagain · 23/08/2018 05:28

I do. I need to talk. I usually talk rubbish with him. Text each other every day, even when on holidays.
He is my whole world. My baby brother and I just want to hug him again.

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 23/08/2018 05:37

What sort of rubbish would you talk about? Sometimes the best conversations are those ones that go off in weird directions, and that no one else would really get. But keep you connected. It sounds like you and your brother really stayed properly connected, which is a beautiful thing.

QueenofLouisiana · 23/08/2018 05:47

The rubbish we talk is the real connection isn’t it? Not the deep stuff.

VodkaLimeSoda27 · 23/08/2018 05:55

This is utterly shit and unfair Sad I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother OP, and wish you strength to get through today and the days to come Flowers

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 23/08/2018 05:56

Flowers for your loss. In terms of the children don't be shocked if they recover quicker than you do. They experience grief differently and mine seemed to be able to segment their grief better than us as adults. Don't make decisions yet about 11+. Talk to the school when you get back. Let them laugh and joke about your DB. It will help you all in the long run.

Teaandcrisps · 23/08/2018 06:10

Sending you hugs at this most hardest of times. You are so much thinking of others - your children and your mum and that's so lovely of you, and in all of this, do take care of yourself. Be the kindest person you can be - to yourself - and where you can lean, on DH and friends.

it sounds like you had an amazing relationship with your DB. Flowers

HateSeafood · 23/08/2018 06:10

I'm so sorry mate xx ThanksThanksThanks

SavageBeauty73 · 23/08/2018 06:15

I'm so sorry. Sending love and strength to your family 💐

pictish · 23/08/2018 06:29

I’m so very sorry.
I lost my beloved mother this way. A brain tumour that took 6 weeks from diagnosis to death. It was a terrible shock. I can imagine how you are feeling and understand the numbness entirely.
How dreadful for all of you. It’s very sad. Xxx

lovesugarfreejelly63 · 23/08/2018 06:33

Such sad news please accept my condolences. My much loved nephew died in his sleep aged 28, the previous day he had been playing rugby, it was a terrible shock, and 10 years later to be honest I a still stunned by it. I do hope you and your family find the strength somewhere to move forward.

Original poster
namechangedyetagain · 23/08/2018 06:55

Thank you. I've told the children and we've spent the last hour hugging and crying.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 23/08/2018 06:59

I’m so sorry to hear this. My adored brother died at 27, it is shit.
Hug your children and hug them some more Flowers

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 23/08/2018 07:05

Oh OP I’m so sorry for your loss. Flowers

househunthappening · 23/08/2018 07:06

So sorry for you OP.

I lost my sister when I was 15, she was 24. Extremely rare immunity disorder, literally one in a million chance. She was poorly for a lot longer that your DB, but my parents shielded me from a lot of what was going on so it was a massive shock when I found out she'd been on life support and they had to switch it off.

Life will never be the same again, but it will be ok - I can promise you that.

At the moment, you don't need to worry about what you're supposed to do. At the moment, you can cry, be angry, be sad, be happy when you remember great times you had together. Just feel what you want to feel.

When my sister died I listened to a lot of Coldplay, mainly 'a rush of blood to the head'. There is a line in 'the scientist' that goes 'nobody said it was easy, nobody said it would be this hard'. It will be hard, so don't feel bad for not being ok.

I am now closer than ever to my brother and other sister and we've all been blessed with children of our own. We will always miss our sister but our lives are happy and full and fun. Yours will be too, you will be ok.

Don't expect too much of yourself, you have had an almighty shock and you need to give yourself time. Just all be together and there for each other, their love will get you through.

Thanks
PUGaLUGS · 23/08/2018 07:07

I am so sorry Flowers

endofthelinefinally · 23/08/2018 07:09

I am so sorry for your loss.
I have lost a sibling and a child.
It is a long, hard road.
The thing that has helped me most has been the bereavement board on here.
You are not alone.Flowers

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