My beautiful brother has just died

[namechangedyetagain]

He was 42. Had a brain tumour diagnosed about 4 weeks ago. I saw him yesterday

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I feel numb. I can't cry but I love him so much and I don't know what to do

I’m so sorry for your loss x

So sorry OP, have you got someone to support you tonight?

I do. My dh. Mum is in bits as is SIL.
I'm just sat in the dark feeling well - nothing really. Chatting to people on the intent.

I'm not supposed to sure what I'm going do

Take your time, it will be a massive shock and there is no right or wrong way or timeline to grief, maybe speak to your DH if you feel like it, so sorry for all your family x

That’s so sad

It's too soon. We knew it was incurable and iwe wouldn't have years but a few weeks - that's not right. At all
Is fucking unfair and I'm angry. I have to break my children's hearts when they up

I am so sorry. What are you meant to do? Whatever it takes for you, and your family, to get through this.

Sometimes you may want to talk about him. Other times that will be the last thing you can bear to do. Sometimes you will be numb, some angry, sometimes crying, sometimes almost feeling guilty just for being alive. All that is normal of you. And if you ever want to talk about him, there is always someone on here.

I guess at the minute one of the really bad bits is having to tell your children in the morning. How old are they? Did they know he was ill? If they're young children, I'm told it's really important to avoid euphemisms like sleeping, because it can be confusing, or make them afraid to sleep.

Try to keep having sips of fluid, and a nibble of something, even though you don't want to. It helps your body cope a bit better with sleep being impossible.

But mainly, I just wish I could give you a hug.

((((((Soft Hugs)))) You never will get 'Over' your brother dying. This will be with you for all of your life. I will say over a long time the hurt you feel now will transform into sadness and reflect on the good memories.

My thoughts are with you. ((((((Hugs)))))

So sorry xx

Dc are 10 8 and 5. My 10 yo turns 11 next weekend and is speed to be doing his 11+ exam. Ha. Line that's going to happen.

They knew he was ill and I took them in to see him yesterday. We were supposed to be going for lunch but he had a headache and then the Dr was called etc etc. It's

Is just been too quick. We had stuff to do. Days out birthday celebrations etc

How am I supposed to do all that now. Can't bear it. I don't want to carry on. I can't see the point any more

I'm so sorry

so sorry this has happened

Sending hugs

I am so so sorry for your loss. My brother passed away three years ago in similar circumstances and I was 7 months pregnant then. I was the same and didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I had/have so much love for him and slowly over time I have mourned and missed him an awful lot. I talk about him a lot. More recently, less than 3 months ago my larger than life dad passed away suddenly during the night. I was 22 days post partum. I again didn’t know what to do, how to react. After two days it hit me really really hard and I cry everyday and miss him so so much. I just want to pick up the phone to talk to him you know. I just want to tell him things. I just love him so so much.
I really really feel for you and I am so so sorry for your loss. I am really sorry.

I’m so very sorry for yours and Nugget’s losses

I'm so sorry Nugget. I lost my dad (63, also to cancer) when DD was 4 weeks old.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do at 4 in the morning. I feel like jelly. Mum has gone to the hospital to be with him and SIL . I don't think I can. I need to be here for the children. He adored his nieces and nephew. He'd want me to look after them
We still had stuff to do. It's too quick. He was supposed to start radio and chemo next week to buy done more time

I’m so sorry OP. My brother passed away aged 34 last year from bowel cancer so I can understand hard this loss is for you. Please take time to grieve and look after yourself. I know all words of comfort may seem empty and contrite right now but it will slowly get a bit more bearable and you won’t ever forget him or stop loving / thinking about him.

I managed to get through the tough first anniversary of my DB’s passing a couple of days ago and it seemed hard, but I felt comforted by the fact that my memories are now fond and the passing of time has made me remember him with less intense sadness.

You will be able to get through this, as difficult and awfully sad as it is now. Gently hugs and love.✨💖

*gentle hugs 💖😢

Oh op I'm so sorry for your loss 💐

Is just so fucking unfair.

Why. I mean why at such a young age?

I don't get it. I don't get the point of life

I'm so sorry. It's a terrible shock. I've lost my DF and my DB to cancer.

If you can, avoid making any major life decisions for a year. Something that helped me is to remember your grief is unique to you, nobody else has the same relationship you had, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve at any time. It's your grief, as unique as you are yourself.

I found it all terrible in the beginning and then slowly there were days that weren't as terrible. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

42 is so young. Be easy on yourself, try and sleep and eat as much as possible.

It is unfair, and there's no understanding it. All there is is accepting it. Which is very much easier said than done.

I believe my family aren't very far away. It helps a bit.

One step at a time. You can survive the next 5 minutes. Then the next 5.

So, for your children, you probably want to make it clear that he wasn't a bit ill, like when they have a bug (so they're not terrified every time they have a fever or something), but really poorly. And the doctors tried to help him, but he was so poorly that it didn't work.

It's probably a bit early for some of the following, but so you have it if you do need it:

If you need them, later childbereavementuk.org/have some stuff about/for kids facing bereavement. Depending where you are in the country, if need by later on, Barnardos often provides grief counselling for children. whatsyourgrief.com/childrens-books-about-death/ gives some possible books for children, by age range.

And yes, it's incredibly unfair, and pointless, and crap. For now, your aim is to try to survive. And that's for two important reasons. The first is that your children need you. The second is because you need to survive to remember your brother.

Hugs.

I feel sick and shaky. I can't believe it. It's unreal and in a minute I'll wake up

OP, nothing will make any sense right now and there will be no comforting you either but I did want to acknowledge your brother and your family and your love for each other.

Keep chatting to people on the internet. Tonight, you're not supposed to do anything.

I remember doing exactly same last year when my darling sister died unexpectedly 2 weeks after terminal diagnosis. She'd only been diagnosed with a cancer 8 weeks prior and 'not a problem as a very curable one'

The sheer bastard shock & pain of it, floors you. Four weeks after diagnosis is devastatingly unfair and tragic. All of cancer is.

Don't worry about all the plans you got, they'll wait or still be there. And you might be glad of those events and that the world still turns, even if it stops for you for a while.

(It was the rhythm of my kids lives that restarted the world turning for me, even if I might have been sleeping walking through it for at least a few weeks).

Let your DH take the reigns where he can on arranging/ cancelling stuff if possible.

You're not alone. There's hundreds of us out there.