TTC after stillbirth

[minxymoo]

Hi, I had my daughter March 4th this year, she was stillborn at 26weeks. I'm feeling really empty and desperate to try again but we still haven't had her autopsy results, so don't know if its safe. I dont want to replace her - I never could. But at 35 I'm desperate to become a mum and have another try. I've bought fertility sticks and might just try again even before we get her results. What do you think? Has anyone got any advice?

hi,everyone, i joined mumsent in Sept 06 as i was expecting my first child in Apr 07. I am mom of a perfect boy who is now 11 weeks old..hes so handsome, I love him to bits. My son was born with a genetic skin condition called EB, he's got the most severe form of EB which means hes not going to live for very long.
My feelings was like a roller coaster, i didn;t have a smooth labour as my water broke with no contractions,...after more than a day and a week over my due day i was induced but after 5 hrs in pain i was told that theres a need for an emergoency c section..when my son was born,..he weighed 9 lbs and he cried so loud...i felt so relief and thought its all worth the pain..but then i was happy for 3 mins..then we were told that hes got a few open sores and he was later diagnosed with EB.

We then had to wait 2 wks to get the result ...which type of EB that he suffers..that 2 weeks was the darkest days in my life.knowing that hes suffers from an incurable illness and he will never grow out of it..he will either live with this illness for the rest of his life and will not live pass his 40s or he will die in infancy...

I thought i could never come to term with the fact that hes going to go..its very hard living with the knowledge that my first childs life will be short..very short indeed..

We registered his birth about 2 wks after hes born as in scotland you have to do it within 21 days....then the same day afternoon we recived the result of his skin biopsy..the consultant said to us that our son will not live to celebrate his 1st birthday...

i am looking after him now..hes sleeping ...you see my pragnancy was so healthy and i never smoke or drink...i really love being a mother and truely enjoy motherhood...stimes i worry that i will miss him so much and i will be a very sad person after hes gone..life is so hard..

With genetic dieasee..we were totally unexpected as both me and my DH are healthy..we are healthy carriers of the same type of faulty genes...theres 1 in 4 chance that the same will happen again if we are going to have another child..its not easy..is it?

All my friends and family members said to me that theya re so proud as i am coping very well..i think you just have to..i do feel very sad stimes..EB is a painful condition.i have to watch my baby suffers everyday and will have to watch him go...
they said its one in millions chance to have met another carrier ...stims i still wake up in the morning and wonder if this is really happening...

I suppose we all live in pain as its not easy when you lost a baby...for me..its very hard...i really dont want to watch him go...i know his passing is inevitable but i think i can never be prepared...i do worry that i will be very son ..i dont want to live my life being a very sad person...

Baby is such a blessing....i only wish hes a well baby...

Oh Vio, I can hear your strength and courage which I know your little boy will be able to feel. It makes you realise how babies are little miracles and you have one in front of you. He is with you now in person and he will be with you always. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling. Life can be so unbearably hard sometimes, the knowledge that you did everything right in pregnancy, it seems so unfair. I know there are no words that can make this right or help, but his little personality and soul will be with you forever. You will always be his mum and you will be a wonderful comfort to him now. You have so much support here, I am certain as well you will go on and have healthy babies, but your little boy now will always be very very special. I am so happy you have support from friends and family. I have found that friends have been amazing. I think they find it so hard as well because they feel so sad for you it breaks there hearts. i know you must wonder every day how to summon the inner strength to deal with another day but we are all here for you. I am thinking of you so much as your little boy was born when I lost my little boy. xxxx

Vio your stength is commendable. Such an experience to have -- it must be so hard to see your son in pain. I am thinking of you and hope that you collect some ggod experiences with your son in his life (however short or long) he will always live in your heart. For those days that are bad and you need to scream, well that's why we are here.

Hi Minxymoo, how are you feeling, any pregnancy symptoms yet? still no news from me, but wanted to check in to see how you were doing second time around, it is amazing how quickly it has happened !! fantastic. It is so nice to have the support from here.I plucked up the courage to post on sands today as i felt a bit blue, its so sad how many people have been through this but great to see people come through the other side. xxx

Thanks for that contact Minxy...I've had a good read of her website and may follow it up.
I'm going to see how my reiki sessions go.....the chap told me that I had a 'scared' middle and lots of stagnant energy!
He said a lot of things that could be very true but I wish that I had not told him anything of my past...I am such a sceptic aren't I??!!
If he had said all that he had said without knowing me and what has gone on..then I would have been amazed!

It was very interesting anyway and I'm going back for another session soon.

I feel as if I haven't been here for AGES.....how is everyone else doing?

Dalilaa....how have you felt today?
A bit better I hope.
X

Hi Coggy, i had reike last week as well, it was very weird, i saw amazing lights, really really bright lights it was spooky and the lady giving it to me started rocking my head from side to side and afterwards she said she had no control over it at all, she said it was coming from somewhere else, all very spooky , in fact she was a bit spooked by it !! we shall see if it works with anything. i felt exhaisted afterwards and although i didn't feel like i was asleep when i opened my eyes it was like i was coming out of a deep deep trance.

I feel a bit better today thanks, yesterday was such an effort its funny how it just hits you. All my best friends are having babies as well and its just very sad sometimes, although i am so happy for them.
I just want to get these flippin results back its seems such a long time and i can't understand why it takes so long, the Doctor called last night to say he was trying to chase them but of course everyone is on holiday now ! No sign of AF, my ovaries have obviously shrivelled up behind my ears! Doc suggested we might want to go to councilling DH is not keen ... can anyone recommend it? Hope the reiki works for you coggy... you are in my thoughts alot. xx

I'm glad that you have felt a bit better today.
I am beginning to give up rather which is very unlike me but I guess I have to begin to face reality at some stage.....how long do you carry on hoping for???

My reiki didn't have any strange effects that I'm aware of (although some strange goings on from the practioner !!!!!)
I have heard that other people have felt totllay different after a session - maybe I'll be a bit more relaxed next time as I'll know what to expect.

I did feel incredibly dizzy and 'spaced' out afterwards though - thought it was just cos I was tired and relaxed.....I found it really hard to get my trousers back on without wobbling over!!!!!!

Trying to book another session in a couple of weeks...so like you....we shall see!

I have just read back through some of this thread and seen that you named your LO Archie....that was one of our first choices too...what a lovely name.
You should hear anytime now shouldn't you?
It's so horrible waiting....we knew that our DS died because of a knot in his cord but I remember still worrying about the consultant meeting in case there was something else 'wrong' too.

I very rarely swear...but it's bl**dy horrible all this isn't it?

mm im so sorry for your loss. My ds jacob was stillborn on 4/3/1989 at 26 weeks. things must have changed because i never got ny results of an autopsy although i know he died because i had pre eclamptic toxemea. My kidneys failed and was told a pregnancy within a year would kill me. Was pregnant 3 months later and ds is now a healthy 17 yo and birthdate is 8/3.

I wish you all the very best xx

Coggy don't give up but perhaps just give yourself time out, people often say the month they don't try is the month they conceive. I have been on MN and SANDs forum quite a bit over the last few days and have started to think so much about getting pregnant again it is driving me crazy, we didn't even really try for Archie as i was convinced it would take me ages and ages to get pregnant, i was so relaxed and happy and i think that is the key. Right now i am so far away from relaxed and reading about ovulation sticks and acupuncture and having sex every day twice a day it becomes too much. You did it once coggy it will happen again, thats what i keep telling myself.just give yourself some time. You sound so positive in your posts and have given so much support to others, you deserve it. I think go and buy yourself a big tub and ben and jerrys and treat yourself to some pampering..

By the way I didn't have to take my trousers off for reiki ! I think you are inspirational coggy don't give up. I am going to ring the hospital now! xxx

Thank you.
Always worse when I post on here later at night, with DH at work and after a glass of wine!!
It all seems that bit harder then doesn't it?

..about the trousers!!!!!!

I hope you got some help when you phoned the hospital earlier.
X

Coggy

I gave up.I was on last cyce of clomid after ttc for two years and i told dh no more, thats it.

We moved house (dont remember actually having time or inlination for sex!) and next minute pregnant.

Im 40 and though it would NEVER happen and although I am v nervous about the next few weeks im still hangin on in there.

sending you positive vibes
x

sugar34plum -- sorry for your loss. I guess you never forget.

coggy -- Iots of positive vibes going your way.

I have a friend who like chocolatepeanut (good luck BTW!!!!!!!!!!! ) who got pregnant at 40 after 10 yrs of every treatment going. Her & DH decided it wasn't happening, bought brand new motorcycles, a house which needed complete renovation and they got pg !! Of course her DS is now 3 and they are just doing the building work now -- but definitely relaxing and not pressuring yourself into getting pg helps !!!

Through caution to the wind, try to put getting pg out of your head, seduce your DH, enjoy life and inevietably (sp?) you'll get pg. I did this and the month I got pg with DS I had copious amts of red wine, brie, pate and every other bad thing going of course I freaked when I found as I was pg and didn't do anything until I got my 10, 12, & 16 wks scans

Dalilaa -- at least the DR called and he is chasing too. Hopefully soon......

hi ladies,

i just wanted to drop a line to say our dd arrived last tuesday, a healthy 4kg baby! we are ever so happy to have her with us, and as you know, it's been a long journey for us.

we get very worried about her sometimes, for no reason whatsoever. but hopefully with time we will be more confident. i think for all of us that have had a hard time with losing our babies, we dont take anything for granted.

again, wishing luck for all of you, and be sure that better days do come our way.

Jabuti....that is wonderful to hear.
Well done you and congratulations.
I hope and pray that you will very soon become more relaxed with your beautiful daughter.
X

comgratulations Jabuti ! You did it you have come through the other side i wish you all the love and luck in the world. xx

Congratulations jabuti fantastic news, just worked out she was approx 8lb 8 is it? I bet she's absolutely gorgeous.

Hi vio I'm so sorry to hear about your son. I can't imagine what you must be going through.My thoughts are with you and your family.

Hi daliaa I totally recommend counseling its helped me and DP immensely. We made our first appointment a few days after we lost our daughter, I wanted to start straight away so DP couldn't change his mind or find excuses. He's found the whole thing brilliant, especially as his mum was diagnosed so soon after we lost our daughter.
Its also been a great help with this new pregnancy allowing us to talk about our hopes and fears and there are many I can tell you!!

Slowly getting my head around being pregnant again. Seem to be showing already though - this can't be right can it? I know I still had half a stone of excess weight I hadn't lost after DD but I'm looking far further gone than I am.
Got a bit of sickness but nothing too bad, appetite a bit strange either starving or nothing takes my fancy apart from cola ice lolly's which is a bit odd since I cant stand drinking cola, think its horrible stuff, but the lolly's are rather yummy

So happy you are doing okay Minxy moo, My DH really does not want to go to counselling, he is seeing a homeopath which i suppose will help a bit. I am still waiting for results which is now getting crazy i think everyone is on holiday. its 16 weeks on monday. Had a weird kind of AF, well a days light bleeding not at all sure what it was but i am thinking its a step in the right direction! My best friend gave birth yesterday which i was a bit scared about but it was fine, I saw her baby today and it is gorgeous and i dealt with it all okay, she was tiny and not much bigger than Archie was so it was quite strange. Anyway I just hope we get a second chance at it, time will tell. Will keep checking in on you. xxx

Jabuti! Congratulations !!! I was also v. worried about my DS once born. He slept with me until 8wks and in our room until 6 mths. His sister was moved out at 3 mths. But I can tell you, you do get more confidence as days/months go by. Now I am quite happy for him to play out in the garden by himself (3 last week!!) while I MN

Minxy -- glad to hear that everything is going okay for you!

thank you ladies!

minxymoo, she was 9lbs when she was born (sorry put only in kg...). apparently they loose 10% of their weight in the first 2 weeks. the health visitor came by in the first week and she was 3.8 kg. now she is back to her birth weight.

interesting USA. i think that's how its going to be with us, in our bedroom until we can relax more... this second week is already better, we can sleep for hours without checking on her.

by the way, counselling was wonderful for me. and i had 2 appts while pregnant this time too.

jabuti -- that's good going getting her birth weight back already. And a good size too. I have often been thankful that DS was induced at 38wks considering he was 8lb 3oz at birth I did find it easier with him being "bigger" as I didn't worry so much on the feeding side. Though I had already bf DD quite easily.

The heat is the worst thing with the babies. Hope you are holding up in the heat! And napping when you get a chance!

i must confess breastfeeding is MUCH harder work than i thought!!! its tiring me out. and she seems to be ALWAYS hungry. i checked with my mw and she thinks my production of milk is fine, 'she is just a big baby...'

yes, at least one big nap during the day or i collapse. we are also moving houses, so its pure caos here.

i do worry about the heat. so far when we go out we always stay indoor and have lots of breaks for bf. is there anything you would advice me on?

My DC fed about every 1 1/2 hrs for about 45 min. So you can compare with that -- they were 8lb 3oz & 8lb 8oz! During the really hot weather they might feed more often. When it was 30+ DS fed almost every hour (but not for the full 45 min I might add). I would say for the first 4-6wks just go with it and feed as needed. You might not get lots of places, but then that gives you lots of time to gaze adoringly at you DD .

When I sat down to feed, I had a remote, the phone, a drink and sometimes a snack. All seem to be required.

If you can learn to feed lying down, that is also good for sleep deprived nights. (though you can fall asleep like that, so be prepared for that -- but we did co-sleep for first 8 wks with DS).

I'll think more -- as my DD has just pointed out, my toast has popped {smile]

thank you for the tips USA! got get it before it burns

No probs. Got to stick together Plus you must be doing right if she has put her birth weight back on already. I think mine were probably 2 wks old before that happened. (can't remember as I was so sleep deprived then....)

I have got my appointment through !! Its been 16 weeks, Now i am terrified, Thursday at 10 am gulp.... I was just calming down and thinking it woudl never come. Oh goodness, anyway it all helps us move forward right, i just pray it was nothing i did wrong. will let you know. xx