TTC after stillbirth

[minxymoo]

Hi, I had my daughter March 4th this year, she was stillborn at 26weeks. I'm feeling really empty and desperate to try again but we still haven't had her autopsy results, so don't know if its safe. I dont want to replace her - I never could. But at 35 I'm desperate to become a mum and have another try. I've bought fertility sticks and might just try again even before we get her results. What do you think? Has anyone got any advice?

HI again,
I found that the run up to the "big dates" was worse than the day itself - both for his due date and his first anniversairy. Me and DH went out for the day for his due date - didn't really plan anything so that we could do whatever we wanted. It was actually an OK day. Much worse the run up to it.
And as for confusing the dates - I do that all the time. I have to really think about his anniversairy if anyone asks (not that they do mind).

We haven't really got anything planned for monday. We've got a counseling session booked - coincidence and only available appointment next week - we've been told to play it by ear and if we don't feel like it not to worry just don't turn up. So we'll see how the day goes.

Still waiting for autopsy results appointment.
At least once monday's over there's just one more date to get over, if we ever get an appointment that is!!!

So sorry minxymoo and all the ladies on here who have lost babies.

Please dont say you hate yourself for the mix up on dates - I did it all the time. I lost my second son in December 05 at 21 weeks. The post mortem results did show that we would have a 1 in 4 chance of the same condition happening again, but my reason for mentioning this is to say that even then, we've gone on to try again and am now 32 wks pregnant - so please don't despair whatever the news from the post mortem. My care on NHS has been fantastic and very very supporting.

Best of luck and I really hope that Monday is OK for you and DH.

Hi Minxymoo I am so sorry to hear about your baby, I have been reading this thread for a while as I lost my baby, little Archie, at 36 weeks on the 16th April afer a dreamy pregnancy with no problems at all and I too am waiting for pm results. This is the first time i have posted on mumsnet.. but i am finding alot of the threads are really quite comforting.. you realise you are not going crazy and all the feelings are totally normal.I was told 6 weeks and we are now approaching 7, this is nothing like the amount of time you have been waiting. However, i spoke to the specialist today and she is now going on holiday for about a month ... so my results are not expected before mid July !!! I too want to start trying again, I spoke to the specialist today and asked her about it and she said physically you are fine but mentally, she said you do need time, but i guess you need to feel what is right for you. i have booked a post natal with my Doctor for next week so I am going to ask her a million questions. Will keep checking this but if its any consolation I know how you feel and what you are going through. I wish you all the luck and love in the future as well. xx

Thinking about you today minxymoo. {{{{{hugs}}}}}}

We got through yesterday, it wasn't too bad. We just spent quiet time together and went for a walk in the park opposite our house, the park was the main reason we bought the house in January - for Lexi. Its bitter sweet to have it there and see so many children but it also gives us hope that one day we'll be able to take our own child there. Thank you for you big hug USAUKmum and everyones support. I'm lucky to have found you all.

dalliaa - I'm so sorry about Archie - what a gorgeous name. Its good that you've been able to talk to your specialist and keep a track on what's going on but I know how hard the waiting is. Its unfair that there isn't a better system, the mental anguish caused only adds to the pain of losing a child. Is there another specialist you could see before July?

We still haven't got a date but have finally got a phone number of the midwife that organises the consultants appointments. DP phones a few times a week. We're into week 13 and without the number and asking what's happening we would have been left in the dark, having had no contact from anyone. Not that we've been given any news or help. We've been told there's only 1 pathologist in the whole hospital, which is crazy since its the Heath Hospital Cardiff, the largest hospital in the area.
I'm getting cross now.

minxymoo I am glad that you and your DH got through yesterday. Sounds like you had a peaceful day.

At least you have a number which gives you something to focus on. I can't imagine waiting so long. I know I really felt in limbo until I had had my appt. and can't think how hard it must be. You sound as if you are doing well. Am at the lack of pathologists !

dalliaa -- I am very sorry to hear about Archie, I wish you luck in the future.

Thanks Minxymoo and usauk mum, it does really help to have mumsnet it has definitely given the most support and hope as well as there are so many happy stories of people having healthy babies after something like this. I had a post natal check yesterday... well nothing was checked i was just asked if i was ok and then i asked about trying again( not that i have a cycle back yet ... ) she recommended i wait until I get the results and then gave me a barrow load of condoms! So i think we will wait and perhaps that might also give us a bit of a break emotionally. I htink its awful that it takes so long because it is impossible to think of anything else while it is hanging over you. We will all get through this and be so much stronger for it. It does not make it easy though. Right now i am just hoping to get a flippin period again, thats the first step! xxx

dalliaa just so you know I didn't get AF for about 6wks. Then it was erratic after that, 35 days, then 21days etc. It had always been 28 days on the dot before......

My AF was all over the place and still is. I had my first one about 6 weeks later same as usaukmum, next one was 36 day's then 28 then 29. All a bit of a muddle but think its settling down. I went to the doctors with my first one, totally panicked - didn't realise it was AF, thought my womb was falling out or something, paranoid I would never have the chance to try again.

Finally got an appointment - its today at 1pm.
Been smoking and drinking like a mad woman all weekend- totally disgusted with myself.
I'm really scared.
I miss Lexi so much and terrified to find out I did something wrong.
We're hoping its positive news in that we can try again and we haven't got some genetic thing that will stop us.
I will of course give up the cigs and booze once again if we get the go ahead.
Back to clean living and fingers crossed.

glad you have a appointment today minxy moo.My sister had a stillborn at 26 weeks too, she was 21 when it happened to her. She had him in august 2004 on my birthday actually. Very sad. She then had another healthy baby boy in feb 2006 and he is now a year and a half. good luck.

I really hope you got some closure today, I also hope you can begin to look towards the future now.

xx

Minxymoo / USAUK Mum - I am truly sorry for your losses. Sadly, I am experiencing the same as my daughter was stillborn at 26 weeks on April 12th. I'm also 35 and totally understand the feelings of devastation and emptiness. We have our appointment with the consultant today so hopefully we'll get some answers and can start to move on. Just one question - AF hasn't returned at all. Its been almost 9 weeks....is this normal?

Pinner35...I hope that you get on okay with your consultant today.

My ds was stillborn two years ago at 40+2.

I was VERY frustrated at the time it took my periods to return...I am pretty sure it was around 10 or 11 weeks. They then seemed to be very regular straight away.
HTH.
X

Thanks Coggy. I'll post tomorrow and let you know how it went. Not crazy about going back to the maternity block though...painful memories, plus seeing cute babies / pregnant ladies makes it all so much more difficult.

I'll wait for another couple of weeks then before I start worrying about AF.

Forgive me for asking but did you go on to have a successful pregnancy?

xx

Pinner I am very sorry for your loss. Robert was born at 20wks and I got my AF about 6 wks later. It was very variable after that (35 days, 21days, 30 days, etc)

Your consultant will probably ask you about AF (mine did) so you can ask questions then. I hope that you get some answers.

I went on to have another little boy. My DS was born 13mths after Robert. He is now an energetic almost 3 yr old! My DD (6) did go through a phase last year telling people her other brother died.

Good luck to you.

Minxymoo -- how are you doing?

Not yet Pinner!
It took us nearly five years ttc our DS.....we have been trying again this time for almost two years and currently haing fertilty treatment.

Mean eh?

I shall look out for your news tomorrow.

Really bad typing...sorry!!

Result showed nothing wrong with Lexi, no birth defects or genetic problems- so in a weird way its good news.
There was a slight bacterial infection, but they don't think it had anything to do with her death, it could have been picked up after the birth or was there before she was born. So that was a bit confusing.

My mother was her usual tactful (!) self and commented that it was a shame Lexi didn't have anything seriously wrong with her. My sister and my friends have been really supportive through everything and tried to be positive, she's just had the attitude of 'look what you've put me through' . She told me last night that being a mother and watching her daughter lose a child is worse than losing a child yourself. What twisted planet is this woman on? Think this is the final straw, I've had years of mental abuse from her and just feel i've no place in my life for her anymore. - sorry went on a ramble but needed to vent some anger.

Anyway, we've been told they can't see any problem in us trying again as soon as we're ready and are confident it wont happen again, they will keep an eye on me but more for my peace of mind than anything else.
AF still a bit irregular but getting there. We're going to try again straight away. I know its not still early days but I'm going to try again this month.

I'm sorry for your loss Pinner and good luck with your appointment today.

coggy - it is totally mean, I really hope everything works out for you with the fertility treatment.

Minxymoo -- I'm glad that you finally got your answers. Even if it is "we don't know". Sounds as if you had a similar "diagnosis" to what we had.

Go ahead and vent all you want!!! You've been through enough without stress from your mother!!

Good luck for the future.

hi i lost my grandson december 2006,he was seventy five days old,but my daughter is due another child in september, a girl, but she did not wait for genetic testing even though she was advised to, had it since and every thing is fine,they suspected my grandson had cf but he did not it was sids that killed him, i must tell you the nhs aftercare and councelling and support services have been amazing and i do hope u find the same. thinking of you and good luck

hi i lost my grandson december 2006,he was seventy five days old,but my daughter is due another child in september, a girl, but she did not wait for genetic testing even though she was advised to, had it since and every thing is fine,they suspected my grandson had cf but he did not it was sids that killed him, i must tell you the nhs aftercare and councelling and support services have been amazing and i do hope u find the same. thinking of you and good luck

My friend's first baby died during his birth, but she went on to have three more healthy children. I wish you lots of luck.

Coggy - Its really unfair and sometimes I feel there is no justice in this world. I feel for you and I have a friend in a similar situation who is due any day now after 7 years of fertility treatment so there is hope.

Minxymoo - glad that you finally got your results. You don't deserve that kind of treatment from your mother. What sort of a woman is she?

We're back from the consultants appointment (obviously!) and there was nothing wrong with our daughter. She was perfectly healthy in every way.....her heart simply stopped and there's no explanation. I am glad for her that she wasn't in any distress and I believe that she wasn't ready for this world yet. Also, spookily, AF arrived just as we got home so there's now nothing to stop us trying again. The consultant said that although its unlikely to happen again, next time round they would take extra special care of me and I should let them know as soon as I am pg.

Good luck....

xxx