TTC after stillbirth

[minxymoo]

Hi, I had my daughter March 4th this year, she was stillborn at 26weeks. I'm feeling really empty and desperate to try again but we still haven't had her autopsy results, so don't know if its safe. I dont want to replace her - I never could. But at 35 I'm desperate to become a mum and have another try. I've bought fertility sticks and might just try again even before we get her results. What do you think? Has anyone got any advice?

minxymoo...I am pleased that you feel comforted with the results that showed that nothing was wrong with dear little Lexi. It is a small comfort I know. I was dreading the consultant telling me that something was wrong with our ds...something that may happen again. I am sure that we will all be super-carefully monitored with future pgs when the time arises.
X

And Pinner....I am glad to hear that there was good news from your appointment too. I wish you all the very best in the future. I shall be watching this thread and (hopefully) adding my own next pg before too many more years!
X

hi ladies,

im in the same boat that some of you. we lost our baby girl at 30 weeks last year, it was our first child. it was devastating. they didnt find any cause on me or in the baby, therefore we started ttc right away. we got pregnant 4 months after her delivery, and now i am 33 weeks pregnant. we believe our baby only needed that experience in the womb, as opposed to 60/70/80 years of life.

nhs has been great for us, lots of scan, midwife appointments... as minxymoo said, its more for our reassurance than anything else since there was no cause found. i have been to grief counselling as well, a few sessions right after the delivery and 2 more since i completed 30 weeks on this new pregnancy. i was freaking out a bit around that date.

we are expecting another girl and even though hasnt been an easy ride for us we are ever so glad about this pregnancy!

i wish all the luck for all of us and i will be watching this thread, crossing my fingers for the ones ttc and for the pregnant ones too!

Minxymoo i am so pleased you have got your results about little Lexi, my midwife said years ago they called stillborn babies pioneer babies that are with you for a short time to ensure the safe passage of future babies. You can finally look forward, and i am sure you will get pregnant again very easily your body is probably even more healthy than before. I am still waiting for results, 9 weeks on monday, no results and no period ( i am so rubbish with all the short hand stuff on mumsnet i think thats what you call AF .... !) and feel like everyone else really furstrated, which i guess doesn't help anything either. Every time the phone rings i jump. Anyway it is reassuring to hear there are other people going through the same thing. Good luck Minxymoo xx

ok i found the acronyms list !! Just also wanted to add that I feel for everyone on this thread, and its wonderful to have positive outcomes as well. It is good to know we are not alone. much love xx

Pinner - Its good to hear you've had your results and nothing awful showed up. I know how it feels not to have answers but the relief I felt knowing I could try again sort of helped, if you know what I mean. I was told that Lexi wouldn't have felt anything and would have just gone to sleep. It upsets me as I write this but I'm comforted with this thought.
I'm glad to hear AF has finally arrived, I know how its stressful waiting. I'm also pleased to hear you've been given the go ahead to try again. Are you going to try again straight away? If you are I'm sending you all my best wishes and luck.
I'm starting to try again this month, but not allowed to tell DP when the best time is - he's afraid he'll become a baby machine and the pressure will be to much for him to be able to perform!!!

Inzidoodle - I'm so excited for you and I can imagine how nervous you are, I'd be the same. But I truly believe you'll have a healthy beautiful baby in your arms in just a few months. {{{Big hugs}}}

Jabuti - You've given me real hope that I'll get pregnant soon thank you. It's good to hear you're having lots of support. I'm looking forward to hearing when you have your gorgeous little girl, its not too long now! big hugs to you too {{{}}}}

Hazygirl - I'm sorry to hear about your grandson and wish you and your daughter my best wishes for September.xxx

dalilaa - The waiting is the worst bit, i waited 15 weeks for our appointment. Felt in limbo, wanted to try and be positive but afraid to because I didn't know what the results were going to show. But talking to other mums on this thread really helped and gave me hope, hope its helping you too. xxx

thanx minxy!

dalilaa, what a nice idea about the pioneer babies!!!

i had forgotten about how worried i was thinking that serena might have suffered when passing away... but now im sure nature took care of her and she didnt feel a thing.

there is another lady that used to come to mumsnet, manchestermum i think is her name, that had a similar story to ours and very similar timing with my story. i havent seen her around for a while. but i remember in her thread, there was another woman telling her story and she got pregnant one month after the stillbirth, and her daughter was born at 35 weeks, healthy and good!

The "pioneer babies" made me cry...what a lovely way to think of them. Yes, we're going to start trying again straightaway. To echo Jabuti's comments, the consultant said that next time, they would take extra special care of me....early and more frequent scans, more appts with the midwife and probably most importantly, whilst it its highly unlikely, he recognises that the fear of it happening again would make me irrational / illogical and he's prepared to do whatever is necessary to reassure me....comforting eh??

Inzidoodle and Jabuti - wishing you lots of luck with your babies.

Mimxymoo - Good luck with TTC...I'm also not telling DH about the "best time" as I want TTC to be fun too. Keep us posted.

xx

I have to say that I got excellant care with my DS. I went to the GP as soon as I knew I was pg. She directly referred me to the consultant that I had with Robert. I had my first scan at 10wks, then scans at 16wks, 20wks, 26wks, 32wks, and a nucal scan at 13wks. Plus visits to MW and consultant. Finally they decided that at my 32 wks scan the placenta was starting to calicify while not a direct relation, it has been linked to placenta failure, so I was induced at 38+2 (the +2 was so my mother could come in from the States to take care of DD).

Good luck to all you trying !! I hope to hear some good (if nervewracking) news.

Oh, as well I was always scanned by the consultant (except the 20wks which was the "normal" sonographer with consultant at end) and I got a blood flow scan at the 26 & 32wks (not correct terms but you get the idea) as well, where the checked the cord and placenta for how things were going.

Pinner35 it will be 9 weeks for me on Monday since i lost little Archie, i was just after you, April 16th and i have no sign of AF or an appointment for my results and i am unsure as to whether to bin the contraceptiona and just let nature take its course or patiently wait for the consultant and to have at least one cycle. I will go mad thinking about it! Its good to know you get really well looked after with the next pregnancy. Half of me wants so badly to get pregnant again and quickly and the other half of me is absolutely terrified. Will just take one day at a time.

Dalilaa - so sorry for little Archie You sound exactly like me. I didn't want to wait so we didn't use contraception but now AF has arrived and we've seen the consultant, it feels so much better. Taking one day at at time is good (but easier said than done eh?) Can you call the hospital and find out what's happening?

Big sigh....I want to get pregnant NOW!

xx

Dalilaa sorry to hear that you haven't had an appt yet!! Hopefully you'll get one soon.

It is really difficult, Pinner35 when you really want to get pg. I remember the first month we were TTC, and the first two times I had got pg the first month (very lucky I know) and was devestated when AF arrived. Decided the next month not to stress too much....and we caught that month. Ironically the same week that Robert should've been born....

i was disappointed in my first 3 months of ttc and not succeding at it. on the 4th month i told my partner that i didnt want to consciously try anymore, i was quite upset with the past disappointments and it was driving me crazy this obssession of having sex just for the sake of conceiving again. he was very understanding. i made sure not to check my ovulation calendar anymore, i wanted a break.

i was actually angry. i was going along the lines 'screw this whole thing'. and thats the month i got pregnant!

i hope to see you all pregnant very soon! keep us posted.

I know!! Gosh everyone does feel the same hey it is sooooo reassuring!! definitely need to just relax and try not to think too much .. like you said though its easier said than done... have no idea when Af will come so will not even worry about anything until then, I think in some ways its natures way of making you wait. My lovely Husband is terrified that if we get pregnant too early it will cause problems as well. Bless him. Thanks for all the kind and reassuring words pinner, uasauk it helps. Yes pinner i feel we really are almost the same timing... maybe i will get an appt. next week, they said 8 weeks at the latest... grrr.. My GP has chased the hospital but they have nothing back yet, however they have promised i am top priority,so we shall see. will keep you posted !! xx

dalilaa - hope you get your appointment soon. Is there any news yet?

I've started to try again this week and have turned into a total wreck. Checking my LH level every morning which is always negative, i've now bought a different brand of tests and trying both to no avail. Really hoped I wasn't going to get like this but I'm ashamed to say I'm a hysterical woman causing real problems in the bedroom department bursting into tears all the time and even accused DP of holding out on me while he's trying to calm me down. I know I'm not going to get pregnant under this stress but can't stop myself. I am ready to try again, its just the trying thats stressing me.
Anyone with a magic wand!!!!!!
Help............

Hi Minxymoo, oh I know I know I know how you feel, its crazy isn't it, you will conceive again you had no problems last time, like a friend told me, getting pregnant is not the hard bit... to be honest i was so suprised how quickly i got pregnant last time becuae I did not have any AF after coming of the Pill, it took me 8 months then I had 2 AF's and got pregnant before the 3rd, Plus my Afs dessapear when i am stressed so it is no suprise to me that i am in the same position i was last year, waiting for periods to return... it is so frustrating, still no appointment either and I am trying to persuade my DH that perhaps we can try anyway but he is so worried i might have to go through something bad again... and at the same time I am trying not to be stressed or neurotic !! If it was not so terribly sad it woudl be hilarious. I am trying so hard for it not to be the first thing i think about everyday as well. I just want to let go of it all, but i know whatever happens that i would rather have been through this and been pregnant and felt the wonderful feeling of having a baby inside you than have never been able to conceive.

You will get pregnant I am certain and quickly, I will be so much happier once my cycle returns as right now I am just worried something is wrong.. more worry! Please keep me posted on how you are doing. I am thinking of you, i just hope one day we look back at these last 5 months with our gaggle of children and think phew we got through it. Will let you knwo when i get my appointment.. perhaps i should ring someone? they told me 6-8 weeks it will be 10 on monday..... xx

Dalilaa - I think you should definitely chase up your appointment and consider bypassing your GP and calling the hospital directly. I spoke to my consultants office and they were very helpful. It may be that the hospital haven't had the full results yet (there are provisional as well as full results), but at least you'll know.

Minxymoo - I am so so sorry that you're stressed about getting pg. I wish I could make it happen for you but it will for sure. I had sessions of reiki and reflexology which have helped to focus my mind and body and although DH and I are trying, we've been busy with work, friends and stuff in the house that we've not had much time to focus on it. Not such a bad thing, I guess.

Big hugs to you both....
xxx

My first son was still born nearly 16 yrs ago i was 21. I carried my beautiful boy for 33 wks. Some say time is a great healer but there isnt a day goes by that i dont think about Gareth and i look at his brother and wonder if the two would be alike. It feels like only yesturday that i was holding him in my arms my heart still aches and my eyes still weep loads of tears.

I nearly made a grave mistake when the midwife asked if i wanted to see him i automatically said no all sorts ran through my mind but i am so glad i said yes.SORRY that i've gone on a bit just nice to know your not alone even though at the time you think you are. Remember your babies are always with you in your heart and thoughs as long as you remember them xx

Thanks Pinner, i think i will pluck up the courage and call the hospital, i know my consultant is away on holiday until mid July and i know they have instructions to call me if there is any news but it wont hurt to chase. I think you are doing the right thing in being relaxed about it all... it is definitely the best approach! will keep you posted. xxx

daliaa -- I hope that even with the consultant gone, they can give you some sort of an idea (or even an appt).

Today is the 4th anniversary/birthday for Robert. The weather is even the same as it was that day.

But, it is also my "busy" day with swimming for DS and piano for DD and school runs in between.

Thank you Usauk, I will be thinking of you today and little Robert, I can imagine its always an emotional day. I will try and call the hospital again, I am so emotional at the moment, i keep crying at everything! Like you say it would be good to just get an appointment then at least I am not waking up every day with butterflies in my tummy. xx

Thinking of you today USAUKMum.
X

dalilaa....I agree...definitely call the hospital.
I learn (through being FAR TOO patient)that you need to be more assertive. A light sudden;ly dawned on me last year that I was never going to be as important to the hospital staff as I am to me IYSWIM.
When I finally got round to phoning them they had my notes muddled with someone else I am sure as the reply to my letter (after 3 months ) talked about issues I didn't even have like erratic cycles!!!!!

I went to my (excellent) GPs and told him everything and he phoned me at home to tell me that he had an appointment sorted hardly before I had got in the door! Hurrah for him.

I hope you get yours soon.
X

Whoops.....thinking too quickly and not checking my typing!

Thank you . Makes the day easier knowing that I could come here and break down if I need to.

Agree with coggy....and also I teach my children you can't get what want if you don't aks for it, so ASK!