TTC after stillbirth

[minxymoo]

Hi, I had my daughter March 4th this year, she was stillborn at 26weeks. I'm feeling really empty and desperate to try again but we still haven't had her autopsy results, so don't know if its safe. I dont want to replace her - I never could. But at 35 I'm desperate to become a mum and have another try. I've bought fertility sticks and might just try again even before we get her results. What do you think? Has anyone got any advice?

Thinking of you and Robert today USAUKMum. I'm lighting a candle for Robert and you right now. They're beside me now as I type.
XXXXX

USAUK Mum - thinking of you today xx

Dalilaa - always thinking of you. Keep calling the hospital.

Having a very down day today....I thought I was being strong but next week would have been my last week at work and suddenly I'm finding everything so difficult. Had a few tears in the boss' office just now. She is kind but doesn't understand how I feel. Am going home shortly

Hi Pinner35, I think you should go home straight away. I'm still off work, haven't been in since March 1st when I found out I'd lost my baby. Work have been great and i'm slowly going in for small project, staff meetings and doing bits from home. Wanted to get all the anniversary's over - maternity start date, due date etc.
DP wants me to stay off till at least September. Think I'm ready to get back sooner though.
Think you've been amazing going back to work at all yet and work should appreciate how you're feeling even if they can't understand from a personal point of view.
XXXX

Hi Minxymoo - how are you? I went back to work (albeit very gradually) just before the funeral. I thought the longer I left it, the harder it would be and as it was I couldn't face walking into the office on my own. DH said he thought I was ready to go back to work when I started to Sky+ the Jeremy Kyle Show

xx

Pinner I hope you have gone home....when you have a bad day, sometimes it is all you can do.

I went back after 7 wks off, a week after my appt with a consultant. But at that point, I didn't have an assignment (was a mgt consultant) so didn't necessarily have to be with it 100%

Will be thinking of you next week, the first year can be sooooo difficult.

XX

Oh no, not Jeremy Kyle!!!

Hi girls thanks for all the support, i plucked up courage to call the hospital and spokje to a lovely secretary to my consultant who told me apologetically that it often takes 3 months to hear back and the last results they recived had taken 14 weeks !!!!!!!!!!!! so i have had a rubbish day today as well pinner and two of my best friends have started maternity leave today so I have been in tears, i am so happy for them and love them to bits but it is so hard at the same time,and i just can't stop crying ! perhaps its the hormones. I only took a week off work but i work from home and i feel it has helped keeping me busy, it has not been too full on, I actually wanted to just get back into routine but i can't imagine what it must have been like going back into say an office or if you were having to see people, I just sit behind the computer and if i am have a wobbly moment go and play with the cat and make a brew. I have had lots of brews today ! great to have you guys here to pour out the emotions to.

How are things Minxy moo?

I know! I reached an all time low with my TV viewing habits. Indicative of my state of mind at the time methinks.

I'm at home now and feel much better after a good blub. Thanks for your support girls. Am going to cook DH a slap up meal tonight. He's been such a rock....coping with his own loss and grief, looking after me plus grieving for his father who we lost at the end of last year. As if that's not enough, he's having a crap time at work. Oh, and did I mention that his sister is pg. Its all just too much.

xx

dalilaa, I know how you feel. I had two close friends who gave birth close to Robert. (one 2 wk before, one 2 wks after). I found I had more trouble seeing the one who had a little boy. But now, I see them all the time again. It takes some time. Don't feel bad if you get all emotional around them.

Pinner, great minds think alike! We're having roasted fusilli with roasted tomatos, asparagus & prawns. Kids will get fish fingerrs instead of the prawns. .

dalilaa, did the secretary give you any idea?? Sounds like it is possible in a couple of weeks??

oo slap up meal sounds fab! I think i will do that tomorrow night, tonight pregnant best friend is cooking us both dinner bless her. Will go for all the trimmings tomorrow night oo usauk mum that sounds delicious my mouth is watering.. i feel better too for a good cry! Secretary really couldn't give me any idea at all but off on a work trip to Australia on the 2nd July (which is also my 30th birthday).. so hopefully they might be there when i get back. right going to make a big salad to take with me tonight. love to all you guys. xxxx

dalilaa - I had to wait ages for my appointment bout 14 weeks. I'm based in Cardiff are you in the area? Just wondering cos everyone else seemed to get an appointment within a few weeks and I, like you, waited ages. Thought it might be something to do with the Welsh NHS.

Ovulation week over thank god, think DP was about to pack his bags. He's off to Ireland tomorrow to visit his mum, she's got her third lot of chemo next week. Bit embarrassed i still haven't been over to see her. Think she's less trouble than me at the moment - i've been really badly behaved.

Hope he comes back !!!!

Loving all the talk about food, all sounds very healthy - I'm off to the chinese I did go training this morning though - thats my excuse and I'm sticking with it.

Hi Minxymoo, I know you waited ages for yours, that actually is reassuring to me because i was starting to get super paranoid there was something really wrong, I live in Exeter so not in wales but it is the westcountry!! I think the pathology is being carried out in Bristol, they did tell me they had a back log when it happened but said 8 weeks at the most. I know someone else who had a stillbrith on the 24th March from exeter got her resutls after 14 weeks, it is rubbish. I still have not had Af either..and no sign at all usually i can tell 2 weeks before because i get mega sore boobs anyway that is probably because i am so stressed but you can't help worrying about it ! Gosh i forgot your husband is going through his mum being poorly as well.. i can't imagine, our DH's are amazing really aren't they, mine has had to put up with so much as well. Its exciting you know you have been through an ovulation week and it must be so reassuring to think there is a glimmer of hope you could be pregnant again. I feel so far away from that at the moment. keep us posted. xxx

hi dalilaa,

i wouldnt worry too much about not getting signs of your AF, because this first cycle after the delivery wont be as usual in terms of 'signs' and even the amount of bleeding...

so it may just happen any day now, without warning.

Thanks Jabuti you are absolutely right, I just worry it's so rubbish! Will walk around armed to the hilt with sanitary towels from now on !! Its lovely to hear your story as well by the way , thats what i like about mumsnet, there are lots of positive stories with people who have been through this and come through the other side. I hope your pregnancy is going well and thaks for the words of reassurance. x

Hi dalilaa, please try not to worry bout AF, I'm sure she's just round the corner. I know its easier said than done but the more you worry the more upset you'll get and with everything you're going through its not good for you.

I really hope you get your appointment soon, I like you, started to panic when we had to wait so long thinking they'd found something awful but it was all ok in the end, in a weird way.
Reading all the posts it seems that most of our babies had nothing wrong with them and even though we still don't have answers to why, we've been given the chance to try again, there is hope.

Hi demi - I agree that I don't think any of us will ever forget our babies and they will always be in our hearts. I'm so glad that you did have a chance to hold Gareth. x

USAUKmum - how are you? x

I am doing okay. In the end Friday wasn't as bad as I had feared (back in April I had a really bad depression for a couple of days) due to my lovely DH and friends.

But I must tell you all -- if you ever are tempted to watch a movie called "JuneBug" think twice. A baby is dies shortly after birth. Not the movie I should've watched on Sat. I get Amazon Rental by Post and the blurb was "This slow-burning, acutely observed comedy of manners concerns a dealer in outsider art who threatens the equilibrium of her middle-class in-laws in North Carolina. "

dalilaa -- my consultant said it took a year for the hormones to leave your body after a full term pg (w/o bf). So AF will be all over the place and not at all "normal" to what you have had before. It will come (probably at the most inconvient time as well )

Hope everyone else is keeping well.

Hi USAUKMum, Glad to hear Friday was ok and not as bad as you anticipated and good to hear you've got great support. Dh's and friends are so important at times like that, April sounded grim though, i've suffered in the past, it can be debilitating.

Know what you mean about films and books. Been stung a few times recently. Just finished ' A tale of two sisters' no baby talk on the blurb, but all about baby loss and the trials of trying to conceive, sobbed through the whole book but couldn't put it down. DP even threatened to hide the damn thing. All I wanted was some easy going, brain numbing chic lit!

Any news on AF dalilaa? Have to agree with USAUKMum, it will arrive at totally the wrong time.
XX

Hi girls

Just wanted to say that I'm still thinking of you all. After the misery of last week, I seem to be back to normal (whatever normal is!) Still busy with everything, still bding lots, so its all good.

USAUKMum - Glad to hear Friday wasn't as bad as you feared.

Dalilaa - I was v frustrated at the lack of AF and I can only echo what the others say. It can't be far away...start wearing white trousers

xx

Hi Ladies no news on any front, I am off to Australia next week with work for 9 days so I am hoping it will inconviniently appear on the plane or something! I am a little nervous about being away but i think it will be good to break the routine and the waiting, my sister lives out there as well and i have not seen her for a year. It will be weird for her having not seen me pregnant... I look the same as last year only a few more lines i think !! I know what you mean about books as well, when i lost Archie i was in the middle of reading the kite runner... wow it was sooo sad but like you said minxymoo i couldn't put it down. Thanks pinner for the encouragement re AF.. will let you all know !!

i wish i had something to entertain my mind when i was in this situation last year... i think its wonderful you have a business trip next week, i think it will only do you good. and all that variation in pressure, yes, your AF might come now!

Just thought I would let you all know there are two full moons this month which means its a blue moon... you know how the saying goes 'once in a blue moon'.It only happens once every 3 years or something. The full moon is also good for ovulation so go for it Minxymoo and Pinner! xx

Hi there

I knew there was a full moon but didn't realise there were 2...wahey! DH and I are off work next week so plenty of time for us to get jiggy, although my MiL is arriving on Saturday which may restrict us somewhat....

Minxymoo / Dalilaa - how are you both? Any news on anything??

x

No Pinner the MIL is just practice for when you have to do it with little people around (think positive!)

dalilaa, the timing of the business trip is good. Not only to take your mind off, but also a guarentee that at 12000 ft AF will hit while the seat belt signs are on !

ha ha thats what I am thinking ... whilst wearing white trousers !! Oh lordy ! No news on anyhting Pinner but I have been told by my midwife yesterday that post moretems are taking 3 months, so I don't expect to hear back until mid July. Bloods are fine though which is something. I have to say I am going to miss you guys over the next 2 weeks, will be back in touch though when i get back so keep me updated! Pinner don't let MIL stop you I am sure she will be excited by the prospect you are trying again!! wishing everyone lots of baby dust. xxx