Support For Anyone Who Loses A Parent

[Mummylin]

We offer a shoulder and compassion for those that need it.

My mum died when I was 18. I’m now 54. I still miss her and it was very hard not having a mum around for all the big things in my life wedding. Babies etc. You never get over it but you do get used to it. You get to a stage where you can think of them and smile instead of bursting into tears. Allow yourself to be sad allow yourself to be happy. Some days will be good some days will be bad. Just go with how you feel on that particular day. I have grandchildren now and I feel blessed that I am able to spend time with them and give my kids all the help I can. I still feel sad about losing my mum and I think I always will.

Not been on for a while, this is the second Xmas without my lovely dad. He loved Xmas so much and was like a big kid😌
We've put the tree up but I sort of just do it as I feel I should. It just feels bittersweet.
Mum refuses to get anything out of the loft as there are too many memories for her to cope with
I've bought her a little glass tree and an angel which she will put up.
Dad would want us to enjoy ourselves but he doesn't realise it's not the same without him!
Love to all those missing someone this year, I hope we can all find comfort at some stage along the way.
mummylin I hope things are ok with DH, my thoughts are with you

Hi, I am new to this thread. My mum died on 23rd Oct, aged 69. She was a fit, very active Grandma to 5 grandchildren (my 3 kids and my brother's 2) She was diagnosed with kidney cancer after noticing blood in her urine at the end of June. Unfortunately the cancer was highly aggressive and despite having her kidney removed it had already spread. Her last weeks were spent at home. I took time off work ( I am a GP) to care for her and together with my Dad and brother we cared for her at home until her final 24 hours when she moved to a hospice. Sadly the palliative care community support was shockingly bad. Mum's GPs were very good but the community palliative care nurse was not. I am not sure what others have experienced. I went back to work last week but feel like an empty shell, like I am watching the world go by through a window.

ginormarse I am so sorry about your mum and what you have been through.
My mums death 2 weeks ago was a complete shock as it was totally unexpected (other than her being in her mid 80s) as she was active and well right to the end. We/she escaped illness/care/loss of independence etc. Hugs to you and all.
Your window analogy is good. I feel same way particularly with festive stuff everywhere. Feels like All of my volume and brightness settings in life are way down at the moment but still struggling through.
It is humbling to realise what we deal with as part of life, including those we have lost. My dad, who died last year, taught me a lot about bravery and love in his final years.
Good wishes to all.

gin so sorry to hear that. my dad was in hospital, then last days in hospice. I think I'm still quite traumatised by it all (he died end Oct). Still waking up in the grip of anxiety.

heron I think I have probably learned something about love and courage from dad's death, but it's too early to tell really.

I always see Xmas as a miserable time anyway - SAD etc - but perhaps that will be helpful this time around as I'm not someone who has a bunch of happy memories linked to it.

Hugs all round.

PS I'm starting to feel like mum is angry on some level, angry with dad, keeps saying "he left us like this" - I presume that's a normal part of a widow's grief?

grace (hello again!) my DM was really angry with my DF for a very long time - I think it's probably quite normal?

thanks yolo I guess it feels a bit strange from where I am.

Second Christmas without dad, I'm struggling. I have no presents, have not put up any decorations.I need to carry on for the sake of my children, but finding it so hard. Keep thinking of two Christmases ago, when he was here. He was the life and soul of any social gathering, full of life and making everyone laugh, nothing is the same anymore.

spidereye really sorry you are struggling. Your dc will love you (possibly later/when older) for keeping things going for them and you.

My ma died 3 weeks ago. I was chatting to a homeless guy waiting in an a and e department yesterday. He asked me what day of the week. C Day was this year. I said I didn’t know which was a shock to realise. A chorus of ‘Tuesday’ came from around us. I am really not with it.

No idea what to do with the presents my ma had bought (she chose but I bought so I know the thought and care she had taken over them). We are going to give them amongst close family but not wrap them I think. No idea when.

Funeral between Christmas and new year so it’s all just an unreal blur at the moment.

spider

Heron, yes, I'm the same, barely know what day it is from one day to the other.

dad donated to a lot of charities and we are being inundated with post from them, which is a pain.

spider 2nd Xmas without dad here too. It's so hard isn't it? Same as you, 2 years ago dad was the centre of our Xmas day with his jokes, quizzes and general organising.
I've got the tree up and wrapped presents. I try to tell myself that dad would hate us not to celebrate and he'd be upset if we didn't enjoy ourselves.
It's tough but it sort of helps thst we are doing it 'for him'

My wonderful, wonderful dad passed away yesterday. He was 94 and had been unwell for several weeks so it wasn't a huge shock, but he'd started to rally and was actually much better when I saw him on Wednesday evening. I got the call yesterday morning to get to the nursing home ASAP and I thought 'Oh, he's just having another episode, he'll be fine'. I was there within ten minutes, and ten minutes after that he slipped away. He knew I was there - when I took his hand he made the lovely 'Ahhhh' sound he'd always make when I walked into the room. I sat with him and told him to go and find my mum, hos soulmate, whom we lost 13 years ago, and he just breathed slower and slower, and then stopped.

He was so special - clever and funny right to the end. He never lost interest in learning new things, he was teaching all his carers Welsh and he had the sharpest mind of anyone I've ever met. He will leave an enormous hole in our lives. We tried to see him nearly every day and he just adored our 11-year-old, who is devastated. I'm sitting here with all the Christmas decorations up and I want to curl up in a ball and never get out of bed again, but there's only me and DH to sort it all out. I was numb and couldn't cry when we lost my mum but I can't stop crying now. I'm trying to be strong for DS but I'm struggling.

oh spiderlight
lots of hugs for you

Hello everyone. I lost my wonderful mum last month. She had been a bit unwell all year (chronic autoimmune condition) but died suddenly in the end, giving us all a huge shock. I am an only child so was especially close to her, and I just feel totally lost now. Extended family and dad's side have all been wonderful but I am absolutely dreading Christmas. I think the shock is only just wearing off for me now and I'm realising the enormity of life without her and all the things she will never get to experience with us. It is too awful to comprehend.

Cherry blossom. I too lost my man3 weeks ago. Elderly but not ill so a complete shock. Sending you hugs. Not at all sure what Christmas will be this year. Not really bothered to be frank ! I was definitely in shock for a day or two but have been so busy sorting things - there is so much to do. Know I am not yet at your stage of realising the loss as I am still stuck in ‘dealing with things mode’. Know I need some quiet time over Christmas to start to understand she’s gone. It’s bloody awful isn’t it ? Good you have good family. So do I. Hugs. And hugs to all.

Thank you Heron, yes it is just the worst, even more so at this time of year. Hugs to you too.

so sorry for those of you are struggling.

I think I'm the opposite somehow - DM died on Nov 1st, and I feel... pretty much nothing? her death, although unexpected, was nothing but a relief - she would have hated what she had become - and yet I feel so strange that I am not at all upset. When my Dad died, 22 years ago, I was distraught, but with DM I feel literally nothing apart from relief. So bloody weird...

Hello everyone. I lost my mum last week. Like cherry I'm an only child, finding it all really strange and hard especially in contrast with all the jollity around us for Christmas.
Hugs to us all at the moment.

You just did your mourning earlier when she became so ill yolo.

It is two years since my Mum died. Christmas is especially hard. Wishing you all the best at this time of year.

Jools. Dh had his op on Monday very unexpectedly. Hospital phoned at 10am to say there was a cancellation and would dh
Ike his op that afternoon ! We were thrown into mass panic mode. Dh had to cancel his jobs, and was very hectic. Anyway believe it or not he came out 24 hrs later. We could not believe it.
But he is recovering very well, was all done by keyhole surgery, which is two smaller cuts and one bigger one where kidney came out.
He is walking around as normal now, makes a cuppa and now the pain is easing off a lot he feels fine. He has two injections a day which I can do ( I like it ) !
For all the newcomers , I am so sorry to see you all here, especially so close to Christmas. It is lovely to see you all supporting each other. It really does help when you can speak to others who knows exactly how upsetting losing a parent is.
💐

My dad passed away 30 November - he had been ill, but also very active. He did pass away in the hospital surrounded by my mum and all his family (I am one of 6 so that was a good achievement). There is a massive hole in all our lives :-(

There were major inconsistencies throughout the last 3 months of his life and treatment. I wish we were all more knowledgeable in all the sytems and procedures :-( As a previous poster said, yeah, I feel that I am looking out the window and letting the world go by - and now suddenly it's just over a week til Christmas and I've got no presents :-(

mummylin That's such good news! And in a strange sort of way, good to have the panic of getting a early phone call. I hope he makes a speedy recovery and you can relax and enjoy Xmas now.

lewisg it's so hard losing a loved one just before Xmas. just take one day at a time, Its good you have a big family to share the burden. You will probably have good and bad days at different times so can support each other.

Hi everyone. I've just found this thread. My mum committed suicide in April. She had been ill but fairly briefly, had never been mentally unwell before that and it was such a shock. I don't really know that I'm reacting in a normal way tbh. I've had loads of holidays this year, loads of nights out and treats and racked up a lot of debt. To others it probably looks like I'm doing smashing. I've just been promoted at work but im a lone parent to a five year old and it feels like it's all about to come crashing down.

I lost my DM in the early hours of 5th December. Her funeral is on Wednesday. I don't think it's quite hit me properly yet. I am crying all the time but also have small moments where things seem "normal". I'm trying to keep going for my children but all I really want is my mum back.

I used to see and speak to her everyday. We were so close and I loved her so very much. How can she be gone? How will I not be able to ask her advice again?

It's all so hard.