Support For Anyone Who Loses A Parent

[Mummylin]

We offer a shoulder and compassion for those that need it.

10 year anniversary this weekend for my mum, cant believe its been that long. Had my dads 9 year anniversary a month ago. I have arranged a meal with my family but still think its going to be bloody hard. Planning my wedding as well for next year and there are times that I really bloody miss her. Theres so much that she hasnt been a part of and that makes me so angry. God damn.

So much loss and sadness here. to all. We have had a nightmare following dad's death. Needless to say no funeral as taken place yet. Long story. I also found out 4 days after he died that the IVF worked. I never told him that we were trying. Now I'm fearful that my family's run of bad luck will continue and this little bean won't stay around either.

You’ll be fine as will the baby....

Oh love. Take each day at a time. Focus on the positives and try not to think like that. Shit happens. Like major shit but you have got to keep chugging on.

Hoping for utopia - so sorry for your loss and congratulations on your baby. Such a conflicting time. We got pregnant through ivf just before my fil passed away but miscarried a week before he died. It was awful. However .. we transferred a frostie 3 months later who is now 11 years old.
We always say he was a final gift from his grandpa. Such a bittersweet time for you xx

This year was 37 years since I lost my Mum and 7 years since Dad, particularly upsetting as he would have been 70 and we were very close, I still feel lost after this amount of time

mrsdarcy i guess the sadness never leaves us. It's almost a year since I lost my lovely dad. It's still so raw some days.

It’s been almost 7 months since I lost my lovely mum and it’s just hit me this week that I’ll never see her again. She’s left a huge gap in not only mine but DH’s & DS’s lives. I lost my dear Dad when I was a child but I had my mum then. Now there’s just us.

Dear Jools - I am sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling recently but I know how hard it can be. I remember that you lost your dad not long before I lost mine and I recall us both sharing similar heartache. I totally understand how hard things seem right now, I’m feeling the same. It has been too painful to visit this thread, if I’m honest. And I am conscious that the first anniversary of my darling Dad passing away will be soon. How can it be almost a year since we last held him? I miss him so very much and this past year has been terrible not only with the grief but also other illness in the family. My dad and I shared a sense of humour and would find “sillly” things to laugh about, even at difficult times but now there’s no-one. I hurt for my DM when I see her alone in the house they shared and often feel torn between being there for my DCs and for my lovely Mum. You’re in my thoughts Jools as you were a year ago. 🌺 to you and to everyone coping with the sadness of losing a parent.

retreat I remember you.
You are feeling exactly the same as me. I am struggling seeing my mum trying to cope alone, I'm sure she hides things from me to protect me. Dad treated her like a princess, rightly or wrongly, so she is finding it harder than she lets on.
Dad and I shared the same sense of humour, we just 'got' each other. I can honestly say I miss him as much today as I did the day he died. It's so tough.
Thank you for thinking about me, you too are in my thoughts

Struggling hard today. I worry more and more I've made the same mistakes my poor old mum made in her life, caring too much about the wrong things and the wrong people, never having the gumption to make the big difficult decision (although she always did, in the end... I should aspire be as brave as she was, sometimes, when it came to the crunch). My life is nothing like I want it to be and yet so much what I want in the practical sense - job, child, home etc - I can't bear to just burn it down and start again. And I just had a huge pointless row with my partner I should know by now will never get us anywhere but can't help myself picking at the scabs until they bleed. And then I was sad, and so lonely, and just so badly wanted to speak to someone who really loves me - not about the row really, just to have a conversation with someone about anything and feel that real human connection through their words. And I wanted her so much, and she isn't there any more, and she never will be again. She was too troubled herself to really be much of a support to me, but she did love me so much. And I could always talk to her. I've called my sister, my best friend and my dad - all too busy right now, which is fair enough, but it makes me realise how small my network is, how close I am to having no-one. And she probably felt just the same before she killed herself, that there was no one there for her any more, no-one she could call. And I let her feel that way, I backed off and wasn't there for her. I just feel so awful, like my sadness and loneliness is forcing me to confront the awfulness of how sad and lonely she must have been to do what she did, and I wasn't there for her and didn't make it better. Could just curl up and howl right now tbh, but more than that I just desperately need to talk to someone and have no-one in real life I can turn to. So here I am maundering away on Mumsnet. Sorry everyone.

Sorry jumping on this thread. I lost my dad 4 years ago (Sunday just gone) and my mum very suddenly at Christmas. My dad was 63 and died from luiekiema my mum was just 57 and collapsed in front of me and died from heart disease (she had no prior symptoms) I had to give CPR and it has haunted me ever since as I can still feel her ribs breaking.

At the moment I have good days and bad days I was very close to my parents and eve moved next door to my mum after dad had died to be with her.

I am so jealous and envious of people who still have there parents.

I feel like I have no one now apart from my DH and DC.

We are going through probate and I have to live next to my parents house and endure viewings etc.

Not coping very well today sorry for the rant.

I’m sorry Hiding for what you have gone through and continue to endure. Does your DH know that you’re struggling or are your DCs old enough to be a support? It feels so lonely when we lose our parents, I lost my dad last October from cancer and worry so much about a time when my mum won’t be here. It terrifies me, if I’m honest, as I only have my DH and DCs too. I keep a lot to myself as my DH has both his parents still and cannot really understand, particularly when he isn’t as close to them as I am to my DM. I’m so sorry for the trauma you suffered when your Mum died. Have you spoken to a GP perhaps because you may need some help with the vivid memories?
In terms of house viewings, could an estate agent perhaps take on that role if you are finding them hard? Any little ways that your life can be eased can help. It won’t take away the pain but it might just allow you to focus on your current emotional difficulties and how you could best be supported by the GP, CRUSE, and your immediate family.
My heart goes out to you.🌺

Well I've just had a scan and the little one is hanging on in there. All measurements are perfect we even saw a strong heartbeat. I just want to tell my parents but obviously can't. Right now I don't know how to feel?! This baby is very much wanted but...

hoping you must have so many mixed emotions

I am struggling today. My first birthday without my DF. Trying to keep a brave face especially for DS(13) who has been an absolute star sorting out birthday presents in secret, bless him. But my heart is breaking. Thinking back to last year celebrating my birthday with my parents, little knowing that would be the last time I would see my DF at home, and the fact that in less than 2 months he would no longer be with us.

hoping so bittersweet for you
can you possibly look on it as your parents sending you a precious gift?

ineed A tentative happy birthday to you I recently had my 1st birthday without dad. I'm a grown woman with a DH and DC but I still miss my dear dad every day. I think special occasions just hilight the loss more.

I've been directed here from another thread. I lost my mother from cancer yesterday. I'm now facing the herculean task of sorting the house out. I'm a bit numb at the moment so I'll read through this thread and get to know everyone.

sorry you've had to join us marvellous Sadly We've all been or are going through it here, Its a horrible horrible time.
Don't rush things, be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes.
Do you want to tell us about your mum?
My dad was my hero, he died last September from Mesothelioma. He was so brave and I miss him so much. This time last year he started to become really poorly but had no idea he only had weeks left.
It's tough xx

Jools, thank you. Mesothelioma is such a cruel disease, I'm sorry your father had to suffer it.

Mum had oesophageal cancer, diagnosed in March the same day we cremated my BIL. I'm a bit dazed and exhausted. My brothers and I have been looking after her ever since, a week each every third week. I'm 9 hours drive away and have young kids so it was tough. She contracted pneumonia and spent the last ten days in hospital.

Almost as bad as losing her is having to lose the family home. That place is so special to me, like an anchor in my life.

marvellous my dad had throat cancer 4 years ago, he luckily came through that after some gruelling radiotherapy, then had heart surgery and we thought that was it. It was then he was diagnosed with mesothelioma. He also contracted pneumonia and died in hospital from that.

What a sad time for you too, losing BIL then your mum. I too cared for my dad in the last months, although my children are grown up and I live close by. I can't imagine how difficult it must be with youngsters and living so far away.
Having to sort the family home is tough, I still have my mum but when that time comes there is so much 'stuff' and memories tied up in the house.

Hello everyone, so sorry to all the new posters joining us here.
For the most recent posters, I hope that you all have some rl help and support. I think this is one of The most traumatic times for anyone, but with friends and family help we all cope somehow.
This is a very supportive thread, please don't hesitate to post, even if you want to have a little rant about something. It certainly helps. 💐

jools you are holding the fort very well. Thanks. Dh has had two ops now, but still has kidney, which will now be removed in mid December ( so they say )

mummylin Sorry DH is still having on going problems, it seems never ending at times doesn't it?

Why am I feeling so sad about my dad? It's almost a year, I think I feel worse now than I did 6 months ago.
I keep going over what was happening a year ago. Dad was very ill this time last year and in and out of hospital. I keep crying about how much I miss him and how sad his final day was.
Is this normal? I thought as the months went by I would feel better not worse.
A colleague warned me that the 2nd Xmas is worse than the 1st

MyGuide I am going through the same at the moment too

I think my DF died about a month after yours, so maybe it is partly down to the realisation and disbelief that it is nearly a year since we last saw our wonderful Dads.

It took me about 7 months before the first image of my DF I thought about wasn't the one of him dying in hospital and I was remembering how he was years before cancer started to take a hold. And it was about the same time I stopped crying every day. But like you I seem to have taken a step backwards.

I think it probably doesn't help that some people around us in RL won't understand that grief seems to have hit us hard again.

I think it is normal. If anything I miss Mum more now and can't quite process that I will never talk to her again. Forever :(

It is exacerbated by my Dad's declining health as she would have known exactly how to manage him.