Support For Anyone Who Loses A Parent

[Mummylin]

We offer a shoulder and compassion for those that need it.

Thanks Jools. My mind is all over the place. What do they or I do to deserve this? They were far too young. They were my parents. I feel so lost, misplaced. I'm now the eldest of the family but feel so small. I have no "home" to visit in which I get looked after. When I got the new my dad had died my first thought was I want my mum. I know many people go through the same situation but thats other people, not my family and me. Devastated is not the word.

hoping exactly, it's different because it's your mum and dad. Of course you feel lost.
I remember when DH lost his parents within 18 months of each other, they were in their 60's. He said "I'm an orphan now" which really struck a chord. He has 4 siblings so he wasn't totally alone but it must be such a weird feeling.
Have you got any other close family?

How is everyone? I had a bit of a meltdown last week while on holiday; had trouble sleeping all week and one night it just all got too much and I cried all night, just wanted to talk to my mum. Feeling better now but I've just gone back to being a bit numb again.

My dad's coming down this weekend so it'll be nice to spend some time with him.

kernow it gets you like that doesn't it? I can be fine for ages, then bam! something sets me off. Still very early days for you tho. I bet your dad will enjoy spending time with you, how's he doing?

caffery That sounds a really tough situation, im at a loss what to say really, but I hope you are ok today

First major family event without my Mum. I kept thinking how much she would have loved it.

Hi everyone. First post here since my dad died 4 months ago. I thought I was coping ok but am still troubled by how quickly he died. After his stroke, we were arranging his care then he suddenly developed sepsis and passed. There are so many unanswered questions that part of me wants to know why and what was done but the other part tells me to let it go. I have accepted him going but can't stop these thoughts. Any one else the same?

Can I please join? 23 days since I lost my dad. Still feel so numb and just can’t take in he is no longer here. The world just seems to be moving on around me and I can’t keep up. I need to get back to a new normal and keep saying tomorrow I will get a grip but tomorrow just never comes. Miss him so much.

I apologise I have not read everyone’s posts yet but I guess we have all found this thread for the same reason. So sorry for all your losses.

Dad’s funeral today. Not sure I can do this.

So hope you have coped today. I was exactly the same 2 weeks ago tomorrow for my dad’s funeral. I just didn’t think I could do it but I did and I know you will have too. Am here if you need to talk I understand x

Sadly my Mum died yesterday. Am in a daze and trying to get the funeral organised. She was old and had dementia, but it was unexpected and I suppose I always thought she would be here. Trying to find lovely readings/ poems for the service.

I’m strangely numb. Ds spent the very short service asking me questions about the curtains and the coffin.

I'm sorry I've been away from this thread for a while. I've been on holiday but I'm also struggling. It's 11 months now since my lovely dad died and I don't feel I've come very far.
This last week I feel like I'm teetering on the edge, ready to collapse in tears at any minute. I just hold it in and carry on, not good I know but not sure what else to do.
tomorrow I hope the funeral went as well as it could, feeling numb is completely normal.
mumof3 so sorry for your loss. it's early days, even when expected,the death of a loved one is a big shock.
passthebubbly it's such early days for you. I still havnt got a grip!! it's such a shock. stay with us, I find this thread such a help.
so sorry to every one else suffering tonight.

This is the weird thing, it’s 2 weeks tomorrow post funeral for us, 4 weeks on sat since he died. Feels like my “grieving” time is up and I’m expected to just get back to normal or be moving on. My mother is also very sick and took a stroke 3 weeks before he died. She had cared for him for 12 years at home then the stroke meant he had to go into respite where he died. I don’t know what the future holds for her but it’s not looking good as she is also at stage 5 renal failure. There is no stage 6. I think I’m about to have a double loss before I have even began to accept the first one.

Mumof3teens I am so sorry about your mum. My dad passed 30 days ago and had dementia and Parkinson’s for the last 12 years of his life. I miss my old dad but loved my dementIa dad in a whole different way - I miss caring for him and just the acceptance of love he gave. My heart breaks for you x

Tomorrowwillbechicken - how old are your kids? Mine are 7 and 11. Debated so much wether to take them to the service but so glad I did. They had never known my dad as he was pre dementia and they loved him so much would have felt wrong to keep them away. 2 weeks on I don’t regret it x

you are all dealing with so much. passthebubbly there are a couple of posters on here who have lost both parents in quick succession. keep posting and don't worry about feeling you should be finished grieving. There is no time limit. I plod on thinking I'm going ok, then bam! it all comes flooding back.

mummylin I hope you and your DH are ok

He’s six and also has Sen. He hardly knew my dad due to family circumstances. Tbh I’ve always taken him to funerals with him as he won’t stay with other people for any length of time and all the other funerals were nursery or before.
The worst thing is that i am being asked over and over how I feel and I am acutely aware that I have to hold it together for ds, plus I am not terribly emotional either. It hit me most when I went and got things to go in his casket.
Flowers were odd today too as I had lilies at my wedding and same ones on casket today.

My 11 year old has sen too I was so worried how he would cope but he did amazing. Thinking of you tonight x

Ty.

Thank you Myguide and Passthe. I’m feeling guilty. Guilty that I didn’t pop to see her this weekend - was going to go with DS2, but ‘ran out of time’. I had seen her twice last week, but if only we’d known. He feels so sad, as he thought he could see her next week instead when he next came home. Just feel really sad. Take care everyone x

mumof3 it's so easy to say "if only"
I'm sure we would have all done things differently if we knew when we would lose our parents.

my dad, although ill with cancer was expected to have a couple more years with us but caught pneumonia and died suddenly. My bro and nephews had only visited 2 days before (they live 4 hrs away) and we had no clue then that dad was about to go.
i know It's hard to say don't feel guilty but try not to. It's not your fault

Thank you for that MyGuide. You are right and I know rationally that you can’t treat every visit as though it’s the last one, but cannot help feeling if only. I remember after my Dad died feeling guilty that I didn’t wipe his eye when it was running, which sounds crazy. Seems to be my default to feel guilty. Need to stop this, as really helping no-one. Strength to everyone and take care.

I just lost my grandad. I know he wasn't my dad, but he brought me up (along with my nana who we lost 10 years ago) when my mum and dad weren't able to (really young parents) and cared for me. I lived with them full time until I was 10 and on and off after that.
I don't know what I'm going to do without him. He was always the one I went to when I needed help, and he was always there for me. I'm lost without him.

so sorry for your loss, doesn't matter who it is, he was a big part in your life. Was it sudden? have you got any support?

He was a massive part of my life, always been there, moreso than my parents really.
He's been unwell for a few years now, recovering from cancer but was doing well.
He had breathing difficulties this morning so was taken in to hospital. It seems that his chest has been poor for a few days which he didn't really mention. It has put a great strain on his heart, and he ended up on life support this morning. They withdrew the breathing support as he had actually signed a DNR which the paramedics didn't know about. He began breathing for himself, but never regained consciousness and passed shortly afterwards. It was completely unexpected, so has been a real shock.
I don't have much support tbh. My husband came home from work to look after son for me. Ended up with him sleeping and me looking after son instead Honestly. It's pissed me right off.
My mum is in bits so I'm trying to stay strong for her, so I don't really have anyone to talk to.
So thank you so much for reading and replying to me. It means a lot.