Support For Anyone Who Loses A Parent

[Mummylin]

We offer a shoulder and compassion for those that need it.

Enni it's probably your body's way of trying to protect you if that makes sense. I think what you're feeling in normal especially in the circumstances that you lost your mum.
Do you have much support? I found the more o talked about it the more real it became.

I still have days when I think is my dad really gone or did I dream it? Coming up for two months next week but I still feel detached from it a lot of the time.
Take care of yourself and offload anytime on here.

Just re-read my last post , should read " in deep shock " not " deep shame shock "

It's 17 months tomorrow since mum
died and I have to fly to Madrid with work, Madrid is the place I got the phone call from my brother to say mum was very ill and was in hospital, I ditched work and caught the next flight out I sobbed all the way through check in, the flight and the 4 hr train ride home. I haven't been back there since and I am dreading tomorrow.

I really hope it isn't too difficult. Do something to remember your Mum while you are there. I always find it helps a bit.

Struggling today. 10 months since dad died and mum is suddenly so upset. I don't know what has triggered it but it's obviously really upset me too.Not sure what to do it's come right out of nowhere.

My dad died this week. I feel numb. Strangely numb.

May i join you all? My dad died a month ago. I'm still finding it hard to get my head around it & finding it hard to do anything. I'm in a kind of torpor.

@tomorrow, I had that numbness too. I wonder if it's some sort of protection mechanism because your mind can't take in something so huge. I hope you have supportive people around you.

tomorrow & lizards sorry youve had to join us. I think the numbness is a response a lot if us had/still have.
It's shock too I think. I just couldn't fathom that my dad had gone!
its very early days for you, don't worry about how you 'should' be feeling. Take each day as it comes.
Had a bittersweet moment today. DD and I went wedding dress shopping and I was thinking about how proud my dad would have been to see her😔

A hug for you all, Jools, Lizards and Tomorrow. I'm still feeling completely numb, I keep seeing things mum would like and thinking I'll ring her to tell her, but I can't.

to you too kernow it's bloody hard isn't it?
My dad would have loved watching the football today, I can hear him singing now!😔

kernow that’s what I’m finding most difficult. That and when someone tells me something and I think I must ring mum. I was watching the football last night thinking she would’ve loved this.
& a big hug to all

It sounds bad but I’m worried about mum more than anything else. She was a career for him for a long time.

Hi all. I haven't abandoned you all, but have a lot going on still.
Sorry to all the newcomers on this thread, but lovely place to be if you need support.
jools another op looming for dh so things still not settled here.not being a very good few months.
You are doing a great job holding the thread together. 💐

mummylin good to hear from you, so sorry you and DH still struggling.I hope the next op goes smoothly
we are all ok lots of support here for anyone who needs it. Hugs to all this morning

All the best mummylin

Thinking of everyone who has lost someone.

I’m so bloody sad. My Df died in March and it’s all ok... until it’s not

lollipop I understand exactly what you mean, I'm sorry for your loss
Those times when it's not ok, I find a good cry is the best thing. Holding it in makes me worse, I was bawling my eyes out in the shower the other day because something set me off.
It's early days for you, be kind to yourself x

Hello lollypop I am so dirty you are feeling so sad. But it's a strange thing, one day you can think " oh I don't feel so bad " then bang something hits you again and it's almost like you go back to day one all over again.
It is still very early days for you and there where be different instances when something is other will crop up and hit you for six.
But eventually things really will improve for you as you get more accustomed to what is esssentially a different life.
You can't rush this grieving process, but just get through one day at a time for now. 💐

Dirty = sorry ! I really must read through my posts before I post them.

Thanks for the messages. It means a lot xx

Hello ladies, just checking in.... The funeral was - ok really. Except my hard as nails sister cried, which totally threw me - she never ever cries. So then of course I cried.

Since that, and having a first stab at going through mum's house, I've just been feeling desperately, horribly, endlessly sad. That's the only word for it. I keep waiting for these 'stages of grief' to start - a bit of anger, or denial, or bargaining - but it's just... so so sad. My mum died, and she died miserably unhappy and all alone, and she had such a difficult sad unhappy life. And it didn't have to be that way; she had so much going for her, she was so clever and funny and could be so brave when she had to be; but in the end, that is the way it was. Is. And there might have been something more I could have done, but now there isn't and there never will be. And all that makes me feel is horribly sad. I can't see a way that will ever end as it will all always be true.

I feel miserable all the time; I'm doing a shit job in my new job, I should be working hard and finding things to do and showing them how good I am, but I'm barely treading water.

Doesn't help my little daughter (only thing I still really care about at the moment) keeps me up all night most nights, and we both have a tummy bug.... I'm very very tired. Just feel like I might sink down to my knees and not be able to get up again sometimes.

We all have regrets when we loose someone no matter how much time we spent with them. Hang on to the good memories... a chat over a brew. Life does take over but I’m still getting hit for 6 some days... it’s awful but your child smiles and it helps xx

I've been reading through the thread and am being comforted by the fact that I'm not alone in feeling lost and abandoned. My dad passed away very suddenly on Sunday night after a brief illness. We don't know what happened so are awaiting a post mortem. He was 65. My mum passed away after a long illness last year (aged 62). I live 100 miles away from my family and am currently on holiday in France. I will fly back to the UK shortly. I just cannot get my head around it at all. One minute he was there and the next gone. Why? Both my parents gone. The guilt and what ifs are unbearable at times.

I'm also undergoing my second round of IVF. I never told dad as didnt want to get his hopes up. He adored my brother's children. I was feeling positive about this round but now feel that it hasn't worked. Why should it? So much crap in my life.

Anyway, to you all.

hoping so sorry for your loss especially so soon after your mum
You must be in shock, it's very early days for you but I get the feeling if disbelief that they've gone. I'm sure you are still coming to terms with your mum's death.
Look after yourself in these early days. It must be so hard going through ivf too, my heart goes out to you.
we are here if you need to vent x

Mum is an nasty old woman to me since step dad died, we have always had our differences but for some reason she likes to have a go at me. i have always been there for her.. yet she calls me names, rings up several a day and night demanding me to do things. i have taken her down to london for mothers day, i went to her 70ths while brother has done nothing and found out she gives him money when he goes down and for his birthday always gets more.. then thrown in my face i didnt ask you to come down.. Said numberous times wait till your hubby dies and you will know how it feels.. i went ballistic with her..

I have health problems and she doesnt really care, its all about her, woe is me.. this 2 and half years later on.. when i say dont ring me in the morning as was at doctors she did.. i have done all the bills and funeral and all step dads estate as she became ill.. Christmas just gone we travelled over 600 miles bringing her back and to.. and didnt take a penny off her.. she is well provided for and she could move near where family are but wont .. Even at her 70th she had a go at me..

With all her friends she is happy go lucky, while i get the moaning bitching mum.. she tells her friends she has to stay in hotel if she comes to see us.. because the dogs have a bedroom.. i did tell her friends that this is a lie.. i am disabled and use that bedroom but when she told her friends it was while he was alive she got parelletic and i said i have ran out of wine.. i had hid it.. and she kicked off drunk.. and picked up a heavy crystal carafe we only have out at xmas to hit me over the head with it.. had my step dad or hubby not grabbed her i would have been badly injured.. and i vowed never to let her stay ever..Even step dad got her outside and said behave yourself with you but she didnt care and shouted around the estate where i live your suited to this area and rough.. and that i didnt believe you were raped when you were a child. (by my biological father) my step dad said stop it will you and then she lunged at me again.. and i protected myself and said try it again and i will have the police on you

i would never wish on anyone a loved one to die.. but i am her beating stick.. i am the one who gets it in the neck and i do take the bait sometimes.. as now she has become a burden and i dont look forward to her calls.. i think oh god here we go now..

She is a very modern attractive 70 year old. but is so nasty with me and people say why do you speak to her.. my chronic migraines with the speech have returned chronically that i have been signed off work for 6 months.

When i go down she will put me down if i am wearing saying leggings and a top.. cover your backside, cover your boobs up, cover your stomach up its awful.. im on steroids and go into hospital twice a year for spinal injections.. she has no fat friend, everything is looks to her.. but one of her friends who wears skirts up to her backside is ok because she is slim..

When i went down in April i get on with one of her friends and wanted to try on some clothes in her shop and she was furious that i wanted to stay there and try some on for an hour.. she knew i struggled to walk but she drove off and left me in pain to walk back to hers..

So after been told i was a useless daughter 8 weeks ago.. i have cut all contact now.. i have had enough.. you have now pushed me to far.. she then started to guilt trip me sending me messages on facebook how kids should call and go and see there parents.. so i sent her a meme back about how people will walk away.. but she wouldnt stop so i deleted her..she started on the phone.. so on message it went and blockd and then started to email and text i love you please speak to me.. here comes the guilt tripping again..

So i sent her a message back saying i love you to but stop with all the drama your making me ill.. Today is the anniversary of our motherinlaw and she doesnt even have the decency to message hubby.. yet expects everyone to send her flowers and cards on anniversary of step dad..

My brother recently went down and she cut herself quite badly and he rang me up what do i do.. i said your there deal with it and get her to hospital which she did.. my brother is now getting a bit of what i used to get and is starting to understand..

We have not stopped for over 2 years supporting parents etc and not grieved, i have not grieved for either and i feel physically worn out and broke down in front of doctor and people said you have to back away..

In the last 8 weeks she has started to do things for herself and bragging to my brother look i have done this and that.. all along i knew she could but if i said try this.. she would kick off again..

She knows guilt tripping doesnt matter to me neither does money.. im happy in my little house, not in the poshest of area and i have a good marriage.. and happy with our lot.. she is the total opp of me.. big house, posh area, well off.. but when brother went down she said to him thought you would have picked me up.. no i never go down unless i have enough spare cash to get home. Think it has started to sink in that i have walked away and maybe its done her good.. but i never understood why she hates me so much....... always has and always will and to her money is no1 important thing.. my brother told me she is more concerned what will happen to her now after she dies as im executor.. that about sums up her relationship with me.. and it sad to walk away from someone but you cannot let someone destroy you. :(