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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Support For Anyone Who Loses A Parent

991 replies

Mummylin · 01/02/2018 18:29

We offer a shoulder and compassion for those that need it.

OP posts:
bexcee · 11/06/2018 13:53

Hi Jools, sick of the Father's Day ads, I wish I could treat my dad to a meal! Going to buy a rose for my garden instead.
My dads ashes were collected on Friday so starting to make arrangements for scattering them.
Not sure I'll ever accept that he's gone.
Thinking of you all whether you've lost a parent recently or a while ago

MyGuideJools · 11/06/2018 15:07

Good call bex getting a rose for your garden. The rose we bought for dads ashes now have 2 buds on. I think I will buy some flowers for father's day.

Mgb1309 · 13/06/2018 21:12

I’m so glad to have found this place. My dad passed away three weeks ago and his loss is breaking my heart. We were very close and I would see him usually twice a day & speak even more often

WaxOnFeckOff · 13/06/2018 22:45

It's my birthday today, first year that i've not had a card and call from my Mum.

MyGuideJools · 13/06/2018 23:02

mgb Flowers i know how you feel. it's heartbreaking. Keep posting on here, we've all been through it. This thread has been a comfort to me.
wax A tentative happy birthday. I hope you were able to still enjoy yourself. It's my first birthday without dad at the weekend, aswell as father's day. I'm not really interested in my birthday but will go through the motions for the family's sake😏

WaxOnFeckOff · 13/06/2018 23:11

Jools, yes, you go through the motions for other people. I hope fathers day goes ok for you. I remember my 7 year old nephew facing his first fathers day after his Dad died and dreading school as everyone would be doing things for fathers day and my SIL saying to him that there would be something else for him to do as lots of boys and girls don't have dads and all the while her heart was breaking for him and obviously for herself.

bexcee · 14/06/2018 07:46

Wax - what hit me on my birthday was that the card was 'just' signed mum and not mum and dad Sad
Little things like that make it seem real.

MyGuideJools · 14/06/2018 08:40

wax that's so sad, bless him.

bex it is little things like that. I felt so sorry for mum writing out her Xmas cards 3 months after dad died. She had to stop herself writing dads name as she'd been writing on cards for 50+ years😒

WaxOnFeckOff · 14/06/2018 08:51

Yes, I remember the just "mum" card. :( I've had those for 17 years as my dad died when he was only 67. It is these little things. I keep seeing things in the supermarket that I think my mum would like and then it hits you again. DS's school leaving dance tonight and he has no grandparents to tell him he looks handsome is his suit.

Hope everyone gets through another day and the weekend isn't too painful

Kernowgal · 15/06/2018 16:04

Went to see mum at the funeral home today. A surreal experience. She didn't look like her at all - not going to go into the details for fear of upsetting someone, but it actually helped me accept and look forward to the funeral and cremation next week. And it was really nice to see her in her favourite clothes rather than the nighties and dressing gowns she'd been wearing for the past six months. She looked proper, if that makes sense!

Iggiattheend · 15/06/2018 21:35

Kernow I'm glad that you found that helpful. I was at a funeral today of a distant relative and it was an interesting chance to relive some feelings about my own parents' funerals. I think sometimes the funeral happens before you're ready to process it all!

MyGuideJools · 17/06/2018 07:59

Thinking of everyone today who has lost their dadFlowers
Happy fathers day dad, miss you so much ⚘⚘

Retreatbynameretreatbynature · 17/06/2018 12:36

Am thinking of everyone who is missing their dad today 🌺

Happy Father’s Day Dad, I love and miss you so very much. Life just isn’t the same without you. Our hearts are broken but our love for you remains. 💔

Mummylin · 17/06/2018 20:44

Hi everyone, not posting much at the moment as dh is once again not well ( continuation from his op ) god knows when everything will be sorted once and for all.
For all of you missing your dear dad today 💐💐💐

Hoping that you are all coping as well as you can and that you are still getting support from your friends. I know that in many instances, the friends seem to disappear into the ether, just when you need them. I hope that isn't the case for any of you. 💐

OP posts:
MyGuideJools · 17/06/2018 20:58

mummylin ⚘⚘ so sorry to hear this. I hope your DH gets sorted soon. Thanks for still thinking about us.

bexcee · 17/06/2018 22:43

Feeling very low and lonely today.

Trying to be strong for my children and husband but really struggling and constantly on the verge of tears.
Wish I could go back a year and somehow change things.
Six weeks since I lost my Dad, feels like yesterday and yet forever at the same time.

Mummylin · 18/06/2018 08:31

It's very tough Bex but also very understandable. It's hard to believe that every day stuff just carries on when we are so devastated. I used to feel like screaming toneveryone " don't you know my mum has died "
But for you , it's the start of your grieving and it's a lonely place to be. But eventually you will have longer times between the awful tearful times, and one day you will find yourself being able to smile again. It takes time, for some longer than others, but however long it takes, it does eventually ease. You will never forget, but will earn to live your new life without your beloved dad. One day at a time. 💐

OP posts:
MyGuideJools · 18/06/2018 11:34

I agree with mummylin
I'm almost 10 months in now and I don't cry every day. I have moments when it just suddenly hits me that dads gone and I have a cry. I still think about him every day and miss him so much, j guess that will always be the case. But I'm able to carry on as 'normal'
What sort of drives me is the fact that I know dad hated to see me upset and he would want me to live my life the best I can.
It's not always easy tho! ⚘♥️

Mummylin · 18/06/2018 19:10

jools been at hosp all day with dh. Seems he may have to have a kidney removed. We are going back at 8 am for more tests.

OP posts:
bexcee · 18/06/2018 19:23

Must be a very worrying time for you mummylin am thinking of you and hope the tests tomorrow show what you're dealing with.

bexcee · 18/06/2018 19:24

Jools and mummylin - thank you for your replies. It's good to have people who understand.

MyGuideJools · 18/06/2018 21:35

mummylin What a worry for you. I hope tomorrow brings you some answersFlowers

Ennirem · 19/06/2018 14:43

Hello everyone. I lost my mum to suicide on Thursday... a shock but not a surprise as she had struggled with depression all her life and has had an absolutely shocking past year.

I have always been her main support, but had stepped back as I had my first child last January and was focusing on her... And if I'm honest because having my daughter had stirred up a lot of resentment and frustration towards my mum as it made me less able to understand some of her behaviour to me and my sister as children, and I was trying to process that privately without taking it out on my mum while she was having a tough time...

I saw her a fortnight ago for the first time in a long time and she seemed low but looking forward, we had a lovely time together with my daughter... I still can't believe that that was the last time I will see her alive.

I am struggling to grieve 'properly' - I feel numb most of the time, very business like about the practicalities of coroner, funeral, probate etc... I've had about three big sobbing breakdowns but they've passed off, and I just feel detached, guilty, but so cold about it all most of the time...

can anyone who's gone through this reassure me the way I'm responding is normal and that I will eventually be able to grieve? I feel so monstrous just getting on with it all, but don't want to try and 'make' myself feel the pain and regret and so on as surely if it's there, it will come in its own time.... Just not how I ever imagined this would feel Sad

Mummylin · 19/06/2018 14:56

Hi Enni yes you are normal. What a terrible shock for you. It may be that a lot of your grief will come out later. We will be here if you need us. so sorry that you gave to cope with this. 😂

As an aside my dh is having an op this afternoon. Will find out more when I go back later.

OP posts:
BonApp · 19/06/2018 15:45

enni sorry to hear about your mum, it sounds v tough. I’m no expert but lost my dad to an industrial cancer 3 weeks ago. I don’t feel as bad as I expected and am also finding that it feels better to be practical and pragmatic. I thought I would be a mess but I feel semi ok. Yes I’m sad, heartbroken in fact, but I feel on top of those feelings. I live abroad so the distance helps I think. We have the funeral this week which I can’t say I’m looking forward to. But I’m finding it easier to plod on rather than dwell on it or spend too much time thinking about it all.

I’m conscious that it’s early days and that different emotions are likely to strike at different times in the coming days/weeks/months/years so maybe this is the calm before the storm Confused

I too have wondered whether I’m just heartless or in denial but whilst it is heavy and sad, it’s somehow manageable I guess.

Best wishes to you and everyone else here Flowers