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Original poster

Anyone up? Dad not expected to last the night.

253 replies

MyGuideJools · 05/09/2017 00:35

Me and mum been in hospital since 10am. Dad has pneumonia and lung cancer and isn't expected to last the nightSad
I've been expecting this but now I'm so scared. I know I shouldn't be on MN but I'm sat holding his hand. His breathing is so laboured now. All monitoring and obs stopped, just meds to calm him
He is still in a ward with 3 other men who are all sleeping. There are no side rooms apparently Confused
He's been in pain for so long, he's not been my strong old dad for weeks. This is killing me.....

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 05/09/2017 13:45

I'm so sorry for your loss op FlowersI hope you find some comfort in the fact you managed to be there and he's no longer in pain.

My dad has terminal lung cancer and was given 6 months in April, I'm dreading the end. I live over 300 miles from him, I only hope I can manage to get there in time.

ThaliaLuxurySpa · 05/09/2017 13:51

Keeping you, your family and your Dad in my thoughts right now, OP.

BonApp · 05/09/2017 13:55

jools SadFlowers

Notthatwittyreally · 05/09/2017 14:07

Sorry for your loss OP Flowers

mynameisspam · 05/09/2017 14:09

Sorry for your loss xxx

Ginkypig · 05/09/2017 14:11

I'm really sorry jools.

My dad had bacterial pneumonia, bacterial meningitis and while in hospital had a massive stroke.

The pneumonia was hard to WatchKit struggling because of his chest.

It's been 11 years since he died and I still miss him but the pain is liveable with now.

Flowers
Ginkypig · 05/09/2017 14:11

Not WatchKit it was meant to be watch him

HelenaJustina · 05/09/2017 14:17

So sorry for your loss Flowers wishing you strength and peace in the dark days ahead.

IdoHaveAName · 05/09/2017 14:43

I'm glad he passed peacefully with all of you around him. Mind yourself.

Neolara · 05/09/2017 14:45

I'm sorry you've lost your lovely dad.

Original poster
MyGuideJools · 05/09/2017 14:54

Thank you everyone you are all so kind. I've been in tears reading your posts. I'm sorry to those who have been through similar Flowers
I got sent to bed by dh as I was at the hospital for 14 hrs and not slept since Sunday night. I've slept for an hour.
How on earth do I get through the funeral?? The thought of it terrifies me.
I need to be strong for mum as dad was so worried about leaving her.Sad She's not slept a wink either. The only consolation is that mum has some good friends and belongs to a church so I hope that helps.
Me, I'm just a soggy mess. My children, all adults are so strong but they're absolutely gutted.

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 05/09/2017 15:07

This is going to sound glib but it's not meant to.

You will get through it and you will find the strength for your mum because quite simply you have to and your willpower will take over (or it did for me and after it was over I just ran out of steam!)

Try to Think of the funeral as a positive thing, by that I mean it's the last thing you can do for your dad. It's your chance to do something for him that you and your mum/siblings can remember as a I did you proud there dad type of thing.

A good funeral director will be great as they help you to break down all the choices into little chunks. Don't worry about choosing the most expensive things just choose the things according to what speaks to you or if you see a flower and think mum likes them or dad would have thought that was pretty. Music can be anything that reminds you of him or a piece he liked etc.

The most important thing I can say to you is even when you feel it's impossible take lots of little moments for yourself even if that's 5mins on the toilet! Force yourself to eat at regular intervals and even if you can't sleep take time to rest even if it's a lie down on the couch for 2 minutes.

I'm very sorry you have had to join the lost parents club it's horrible but your not alone there are lots of us and we all get it!

Ginkypig · 05/09/2017 15:09

Not 2 I meant 20

FunkyChunk · 05/09/2017 15:23

I'm so sorry for your loss Jools Flowers

Demander · 05/09/2017 15:42

Don't worry about the funeral today.
Just try to rest, eat drink and come to accept what has happened.
Everything doesn't have to be done today, or even tomorrow.
Don't rush.
Your mum and you and brother will sort out what you want for your dads funeral, the funeral directors are good, it's their business. Dont fret
Just let today be.
Sending a cyber hug. xxx

PrincessIsAUnicorn · 05/09/2017 16:10
Flowers Don't worry about the funeral for today, go and rest if you can't sleep. The pain will get easier, it will never go but trust me it gets easier. I lost my mum back in 2005 and lost my dad in 2014, I've found talking about them helps me, but everyone is different, you'll find your way of coping. More Flowers and some Cake for you xxx
Garliccalamari · 05/09/2017 16:25

I'm so sorry for your loss.

You will get through the funeral. I had that same dread but it really was better than I thought. It helps that it is a few days further which gives you some time to get used to the idea and have some sleep. You probably won't sleep soundly but your brain processes things while you sleep and it will help you. Also at the funeral there will be a lot of people with memories to share. Listening to them is sad and lovely at the same time. Funerals do help to say goodbye.

All the hurt that you feel now, you feel because you loved him. In a way that is comforting as well. You had enough love between you to make you sad and miss him. That is a lovely gift that you had. Although the missing never stops it will be replaced more frequently by nice memories that make you smile.

Take your time, you don't have to be strong. It is fine to grieve now.

Garliccalamari · 05/09/2017 16:27

If I can add a practicality: only call those people back that you want to talk to. You don't have to respond to all the messages. You can feign forgetfulness caused by grief.

PerfumeIsAMessage · 05/09/2017 16:27

So sorry for your loss. Have a rest now and think about the rest another day.

FatBottomedGal · 05/09/2017 16:34

I'm so, so sorry. I lost my dad last year and it's still very painful to this day, although I find so much comfort in thinking of all the good times we had together.

The funeral is a chance for you, your family and his loved ones to come together and celebrate the person he was and how much you love him. Make it a joyful event as much as possible, laugh about the funny things he said and his little nuances.

Sending you lots of love today Flowers

ThomasRichard · 05/09/2017 16:43

Sad news OP. I'm glad it was peaceful and you were all there Flowers

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 05/09/2017 16:46

Hi Jools my dad passed away from pneumonia and COPD on 27th, I got him to hospital on the Thursday, was told he wouldn't last the night but the stubborn old git held on until the Sunday night, think he wanted to see everyone :) I did manage to feed him once and gave him a drink in a sippy cup!! Actually asked him if he wanted some Farleys Rusks to go with itBlush was the last time I got to hear/see him laugh!

I have no idea how to get through the funeral either, I'm stuck, my disabled son is moving into living with 24/7 care staff the same week. It's been hard trying to arrange everything and I feel quite numb and as if I'm not taking things in when doing it, so make sure you take it slow and give yourself time. You can always contact the funeral director later to make changes.

Flowers
WitchDancer · 05/09/2017 17:01

One minute at a time. Just keep breathing.
You will get through it even if it's the hardest thing you ever do.

My thoughts are with you x

Hotpinkangel19 · 05/09/2017 17:01

@MyGuideJools I'm so so sorry Flowers
Please don't worry about the funeral, one step at a time xxx

Athome77 · 05/09/2017 17:04

So sorry for your loss