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Bereavement

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Anyone up? Dad not expected to last the night.

253 replies

MyGuideJools · 05/09/2017 00:35

Me and mum been in hospital since 10am. Dad has pneumonia and lung cancer and isn't expected to last the nightSad
I've been expecting this but now I'm so scared. I know I shouldn't be on MN but I'm sat holding his hand. His breathing is so laboured now. All monitoring and obs stopped, just meds to calm him
He is still in a ward with 3 other men who are all sleeping. There are no side rooms apparently Confused
He's been in pain for so long, he's not been my strong old dad for weeks. This is killing me.....

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 05/09/2017 10:21

Oh sweetheart Sad

It's hell to go through. But I promise you'll look back (when you're able to think about it) and be glad you did.

Buddah101 · 05/09/2017 10:26

Lovely I've been where you are twice now, with my nan who brought me up and more recently with my stepdad, and im about to go through it again very soon with my fil. Theres nothing anyone can say to make you feel better but were all here for you when you want to offload, ramble, rant away.

Right now you will be too busy concentrating on your dads every move but soon you'll feel the anger and upset, we'll be here to listen and hold your hand when you're ready.

This site got me through the days and nights and gave me tons of advice and ideas of what to talk about, I truly believe when they say the hearing is the last thing to go, someone on here advised me to tell him all my teenage secrets that id got up to and it got me through his last night, laughing with my brother. It sounds weird as it was such a horrible time but that night is 1 I'll cherish forever. Let him know you'll both look after your mum, and each other, Once I told my stepdad he didnt have to worry about my brother anymore and Id always look after him he simply went within seconds of me finishing my sentence.

Take care OP, Flowers

alphajuliet123 · 05/09/2017 10:30

I've been there too with my wonderful dad, and can't stop thinking about you this morning. Keep going x

ChristopherWren · 05/09/2017 11:30

I still remember the stomach churning feeling when I was in your situation with my mother even though it's 20 years ago. It's a surreal time and very difficult - my thoughts are with you. I promise that in time the stress and pain will fade and you will cherish the happy memories. Take care x

babyboomersrock · 05/09/2017 11:48

I was with my father when he was dying of cancer. It took a lot longer than we'd imagined - several days - and in his last hours, our brothers left to stay at our parents' house, while my sister and I stayed on.

One thing we requested was for lights to be dimmed to almost dark and when a member of staff insisted on turning them on, I remember saying "my father's trying to die here!" She was the only unpleasant one - everyone else was happy to comply, though it was simpler because he had a single room. Before that, while he was still semi-conscious, we'd played old music tapes for him.

As he got weaker and his breathing started to get noisier, my sister and I sat and talked by his side. Lots of happy "remember when..." stuff. We held his hand, and before my brothers left for the night I asked them to say goodbye to dad, just in case. Each of us cuddled into him and whispered in his ear.

Just as well we did, because later on, the brusque staff member sent us out while she "turned him over", and when we went back into the room (nurse had left), Dad had gone. At the time, my sister and I were devastated to have missed his last moments, but later I realised that's exactly what he'd have done, given the choice. He tried to protect us, always.

Thinking of you, OP Flowers

MyGuideJools · 05/09/2017 12:01

My wonderful dad died at 9am. It was peaceful and we were all there. He just suddenly stopped breathing. Only half an hour before, a health care assistant was trying to force us to give him some breakfast! and the man next door was farting in his sleep Hmm that would have tickled dad.

But I'm heartbroken Sad

OP posts:
Eve · 05/09/2017 12:02

I'm so sorry - I lost my mum just over a year ago and its so hard.

Be kind to yourself over the coming months.

BulletFox · 05/09/2017 12:03

It is absolutely heartbreaking, I'm so sorry. It feels like an unreality.

It is lovely you were all there with him Flowers

Maudlinmaud · 05/09/2017 12:08

Jools Flowers I couldn't read your thread last night as it brought it all back to me. I'm so sorry about your dad, god rest him. Wishing you strength and courage.

Orangebird69 · 05/09/2017 12:11

So sorry Flowers

Notonaschoolnight · 05/09/2017 12:13

Flowers we were doing this last month with mil I feel for you x

Sandycarrots · 05/09/2017 12:16

I'm so sorry for your loss Jools. Your dad sounds like he was a lovely man. Sending prayers and strength x

innagazing · 05/09/2017 12:17

Sending love to you and your family. I feel for you all. Flowers

JennyOnAPlate · 05/09/2017 12:21

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

Flybye · 05/09/2017 12:21

So sorry Flowers

inlectorecumbit · 05/09/2017 12:27

I am so sorry OP. I have been there exactly like yo with my DF many years ago. It was difficult at the time but so glad l was there like you.

Wishing you and your family love and strength to get through the next few weeks.
Flowers

WildImaginings · 05/09/2017 12:37

I'm so sorry OP.

We went through this with my Grandpa last year, who raised me.

Sending all the love in the world Flowers

AcornToOak · 05/09/2017 13:23

Im so sorry op, pneumonia got my dad 18 months ago too, my heart goes out to you Sad

AcrossthePond55 · 05/09/2017 13:28

Peace and condolences to you and your family. Hug each other and treasure your memories of your dad. Flowers

RaspberryOverload · 05/09/2017 13:30

I'm sorry for your loss Thanks

Blossomdeary · 05/09/2017 13:38

At peace now; and departed with those he loved around him. You will miss him, but he is out of pain. Well done to you for being there and doing all the right things. Flowers

DratThatCat · 05/09/2017 13:38

I'm so sorry, I've been thinking of you and your family all morning Flowers

PrimarkOnTheFloor · 05/09/2017 13:40

So sorry for your loss Flowers

Notreallyarsed · 05/09/2017 13:42

There are no words, but sending you and your family lots of love Flowers

MotherofPearl · 05/09/2017 13:45

Oh Jools, I'm so sorry. Flowers