Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent.

[Mummylin]

Welcome to the new thread for support in your loss.

Hi all. My dad died yesterday
😢 glad I've found this thread.

Doublegloucester

So sorry about your Dad. In the same boat. It seems so unreal doesn't it?

Thanks Littleho and to you too. Yes, very unreal. It's a weird mixture of mourning and admin at the mo, so trying to be practical, mixed with random crying, mixed with panicking how mum will manage with the loneliness in the evenings.

Hi Double sorry you have had to join us, but hopefully we can help you through this very sad time. Everyone on this thread knows how you are feeling and it really does help when others can empathise with you. I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. 💐

massive hugs to all the new posters on here :(

It's been just over 2 months now since my dad died of a heart attack and its hit me a lot harder now. In the first few weeks I felt 'ok' and was preoccupied with funeral planning etc. Now it's just like hit home that he is dead, not just away. It's hard.

doublegloucester I'm also worrying about my mum. They were inseperable. It's hard! I try and ring her every day and been looking at classes and clubs and things for her. Theres a group called 'widowed and young' for people 50 and under, my mums slightly over the age limit so ive signed her up for 'w.a.y up' which is the over 50's version. They have social events and things like that.

Just a quick few words about my gd,s friend. She is off ventilator, out of intensive care , has walked a little and spoken. The only thing is she has PT amnesia at the moment. Such a relief though.

Thank goodness mummylin. Hope she continues make good progress
Xx

Thanks mummylin and I'm glad your gd's friend is doing better.

Lucy that sounds tough. I'm not looking forward to life after the funeral.

Glad you've found things for your mum, that is young for her to be a widow

My MUm died of cancer in 2014, aged only 66. I had my first baby in September last year and it is killing me not to be able to share this with her. Not only that but I think I only now understand what it is to be a Mum and I think back and feel i was a shit, self-absorbed daughter who took her totally for granted. If she were here now we'd talk it through and I'd apologise and tell her how much I appreciate her. As it is the feelings are just festering. My Mother in law is very involved and I love her but actually her involvement makes me all the more aware of my Mum's absence. I really thought i's dealth with her death but turns out I hadn't at all.

Jessie welcome.
Becoming a m after the loss if your own is a very thought provoking(and emotional) experience.you see things with fresh insight and that's not always helpful
We all have things we wish we could change but I am sure your mum knew you loved her.my eldest is 22now,living own life.I not sure how I will feel when she has child her own as my mum wasn't around fir the birth of her.next one downs entering teen years and a mass attitude and hormones. I can't remember well interacts I had my mum at that age.I just remember be angry all the time so I was probably a right cow.as a mum myself I go and look at dd2 asleep and my heart swells with love fir her and I hope my mum felt same bout me.x

I lost my mum when I was ten. It was sudden. No one knew and I dealt with it fine til I was 15 and I rebelled.commited crime and was a horrid person. Now at 25 I still get upset about it but I've matured aloe

double I know, she is only 54! my Dad was only 53. It's awful really. I hope the funeral goes ok x

Jessie So sorry, I think when you become a parent it does really hit home how much your own parents did for you and why they did certain things and you relate to them a lot more as real people rather than just parents if that makes sense? Not sure if you've already read it but in the books by the 'unmumsy mum' the author has 2 young DC's and lost her mum quite young, before she had DC's and she writes a bit about her feelings of having DC's after losing her mum. #

user massive hugs must have been awful to lose your mum at such a young age, do you have any other family for support?

Hi Jessie I would imagine now you are a mum yourself it makes you more aware of what you have lost. I don't expect you are the only one who sometimes had a disagreement with your mum, that's just how life is, dosent stop the love and the bond between mum and daughter though and I'm sure your mum wouldn't expect any apologies. It is very sad that your mum isn't here to share the enjoyment of your little child, we have similar in our family too. We have had three babies in the extended family that my mum would of loved, but it wasn't to be. Give it time and things will get better for you. 💐
user1489. How awful that you lost your mum at such a young age. No wonder you rebelled a bit, it was just your unhappiness coming out. I'm glad you say you have now matured, I hope you can go on to have a very happy life despite your very sad loss 💐

I thought I would feel just a smidge better if the sun shone, I don't it makes me feel worse I keep thinking about what mums missing. Saw some bluebells earlier which she loved and it hit me hard.

I don't feel I have the right words to describe how my grief feels, sadness, empty, bereft just don't seem to do the depth of feeling justice.

It's been 3 months and right to my core I hurt, there isn't a day that goes by when I'm not reminded just how shit this is.

I hope everyone is doing as good as they can be under the circumstances.

Same here. It makes me ache to think about the things my Mum is missing.

I have a pain that is indescribable.

Dad's anniversary tomorrow. Mum is very ill, blind and cannot walk due to illness.

I am feeling very sad tonight.

My best wishes to all who have loved and lost.

Evening everyone, how are you doing?

Things have been busy here as per usual so i havent been about much, its hard to believe that i joined this thread back in 2012 and am nearly 5 years down the line from losing mum, there are days i pick up my phone to text her still or that i rage against the world but ive come to realise something in all of my musing and wishing, i dont wish for anything different because if i did it wouldnt have been mum and id take the 22 years i got with her over 50 with anyone different.

Hi SM how lovely to see you, glad you are getting on ok now. How are your grandparents coping , and do you ever see your mums dh or have you lost touch ? How does your mums little garden area look now ?
You will be glad to know that the robin came out for Xmas and was once again sat on my tree !!

Huge hugs to everyone here with your losses. It's so unbelievably hard. Take each minute of each day slow, try to busy yourself with what can occupy your mind. Be around people who care and can help and understand. I know so much though it's hard after losing my mum suddenly to a stroke.
Take care of yourselves. Support and light for you all for the next time ahead. Xx

5 years for my mum the 12th!! Seriously is so hard to believe really is!! Where has that time gone? Been struggling more the last 4 months but apparently that's normal at a 5 year mark. Get through though but missing her like crazy.
Hi mummy Lin and others here
Just checking in to my lovely comfy sitting room where the fire is always on. Hope your going along ok mummylin and others here. Big hugs xxx

Hi T lovely to see you. Hope you too are getting on ok. It's my mums birthday on Thursday so am getting a bit agitated by that, but I'm sure I will get settled down after that has gone. I can't still believe I haven't seen my lovely mum for 5 yrs now. I still miss her like hell. And the unexpectedness of her death will always haunt me.
But we have to go on and get through it. And lots of other things in life are still good. But I still think " if only they had done this or that "
Anyway take care T and pop back soon 💐

Ah SM so good to see you! I know what you mean. 5 years here. Man I've missed her loads. It's been hard. It would have been her 70th last year and so much with eldest GCSE's and getting offer for college etc youngest getting on great so hard. I know she's around but o want her here!! To speak to hug.
Xx

I know exactly what you mean mummy Lin it's hard isn't it. And you are right. I've felt agitated round the time of her passing date couldn't wait to get onto the next date. for you and your lovely mum. Isn't your mum Margaret? I know someone's was. And loved Daniel o donnell? Because that's my mum her name is Margaret and loved Daniel o donnell. these are for your mum happy birthday for her. Do something special for you on the day mummy Lin. Will be thinking of you xx

You got part correct and that is the Daniel O' Donnel bit. We had his music at the funeral but no that's not my mums name ! Are you still in touch with Biscuits ? Say hi from me if you are.

I posted this earlier before I saw this long-running thread. I hope it's ok for me to add my story here too.

On 13 April at 9.15pm, my darling Dad passed away. He had struggled with COPD for many years and last year was diagnosed with a possible lung cancer but he wasn't strong enough for a biopsy to confirm. It was close to his birthday when he received the news and when we saw his sisters on his birthday he said he didnt think he would see another birthday. He died 19 days before he would have turned 73.

Dad said he wanted to die. He wanted the invasive breathing mask off. He said he wanted to go. And once he expressed this wish to die, I talked with him, and asked him if he was sure and that it would mean saying goodbye if he decided to refuse treatment. He nodded. He was sure and he had had enough.

So from that point on, the focus became keeping Dad as comfortable as possible. The palliative dr came and we discussed what should be done with dad's masses of meds, and she was really excellent and just focused on eliminating anything that would just prolong dad's suffering while making sure he had everything he could have to keep him comfortable. I asked him if he would like to hear some of his favourite songs, he nodded and so I used my phone to play some that I knew he liked, making sure he could hear. I held his hand, rubbed his feet and legs if he wanted me to, stroked his head and used a warm cloth to wash his face and neck and to wipe his eyes, and gave little sips of water, coffee and tea (which he was able to ask for) and later lemon swaps and lip balm to help with dry mouth and lips. Eventually we were able to move from the HDU to a quiet and private single room.

We were at his bedside near constantly for the four days and nights he was in hospital and told Dad about all the ways in which we love him, are proud of him, would always remember him and that though we were going to miss him very much indeed, we understood why he didn't want to be here any more and that we would make sure everything was taken care of and that he could let go and we, though heartbroken, would never forget him. The Commitments soundtrack, his favourite, was playing for him as he slipped away. It was as quiet and gentle as we could ever have hoped for and we were with him right until the end.

Hello Geralts what a lovely post you have written, despite it being such a sad time for you. Your dad must have felt showered with love in his last few days with you.
It's tough isn't it, you don't want anyone to suffer anymore, but the thought of them not being here can be unbearable.
Perhaps in a way it was a good thing that they couldn't do any biopsies on him as that and further treatment may of made him distressed.
I'm glad you were able to say things to him and play his favourite music.
I am sure that you feel happy that at least you know You did your best to make his last few days bearable and that is a great thing.
I hope that you have a lot of support in RL , it certainly helps.
This thread is always here if you want to chat or even just to offload,take care of yourself 💐