Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent.

[Mummylin]

Welcome to the new thread for support in your loss.

Hi lazy, it's good your letting it all out bless ya, I bet your dad not looking forward to it no, it must be so hard for him. Is he into puzzles or anything like that? Or maybe a theatre show or something with u might make him smile at least?

I've had a better few days, I think councelling does help tbh. It makes u think a bit more positively just incase anyone is thinking about giving it a try.

Hello, can anyone help me? I feel so desperate.
I'm sorry I haven't read the thread but I'm late for a meeting. I will read it as soon as I can.
My Dad died nearly a year ago and I was ok after he died (maybe relief after how awful the last few weeks were). But now it's getting to the time of year again and suddenly I am barely holding it together. I can't stop crying. I feel so angry at everyone for nothing. I'm being horrible to my husband. I don't know where all this came from suddenly.
And then today I had really bad news about my brother who is very ill. My mum asked me to prepare myself for the worst but I can't. I don't have anything in me left. What can I do? I have called the bereavement counsellor I had before but it takes ages to see someone. Is there something I can take? I can't do this.
Has anyone got any advice about how to stop these feelings?

Hi duplo I am so sorry you are in this position. It seems that your concern about your brother has brought back feelings of your loss. And so now you have a double whammy.
And also you say it is coming up to the anniversary of your dad's death. This is a hard day for anyone , let alone with your added worry. I agree that sometimes there is a wait to see someone. Is it worth going to your doctor and maybe he could help get a quicker apt, or maybe go to a different area that you could get to.
Sadly there is no easy way out of this. I'm sure your dh must realise that you are feeling so unhappy at the moment, that's why you are as you say " snappy "
We can't make it go away for you on this thread, but we can certainly help by listening and maybe giving you a bit of support. There will always be someone to chat to on here. 💐

So sorry to hear that Duplo, I have no words of wisdom 💐

It's just over two months since my mum died and the last two weeks have been even worse than before. Not sure where to go from here. Cry every day, many times and it's just not getting any easier at all, I miss her so bloody much.

Hi callme I think as the weeks go by it is upsetting as it takes you further away from when you last saw your mum. I found this too when I lost my mum. I couldn't believe I hadn't seen her for a few weeks when I was used to seeing her nearly everyday. It took me a long time before I stopped counting the weeks and months. It's a lot to take in when you have lost someone so special to you. Time is such a big factor when you grieving. For some it's easier to cope after a few months, for others it can take much longer. It's an individual thing. But eventually you will start to feel less like crying and will begin to have much better days. It is very early days for you at the moment, so just take each day as it comes for now. 💐

Thank you Mummylin. I hate the fact that it's been so many weeks since I've seen and spoken to her. We talked at least once a day, even if it was just silly stuff.

I understand perfectly callme I also understand your worry about your sibling as I also had this but many years ago now. I lost my sister when she was only 26. It hurts terribly. 💐

Ohh your so much in the early stages, I can promise you it does get easier some how, you never ever forget but it becomes easier to live with.

I'm just the same now I've lost my dad. Some days ok other days the flood gates open and I want to run away but it's better to deal with it now than lock it all away and leave for another day. Did anyone see the documentary about Rio Ferdinand he didn't deal with the loss of his wife, just kept busy but it eventually caught up with him. I think us ladies are doing well tbh look at us talking about it on here 😉 X

Thanks both. I couldn't watch it to be honest, but read the review.

Mummylin it is duplo that is worried about her sibling.

And I do think writing it here helps. I'm aware that I'm not helping support anybody else on here which is totally selfish. My children, siblings and aunt are all grieving too, so to be honest somewhere I can come and sound off is really helping me. My middle two children are taking it really hard, so I'm trying to help them as best I can.

Oh yes so it was, oops ! Not quite with it at the moment as we had some bad news this week about a young lady who is my gd,s best friend ( 20 ) she had an accident and banged her head, she is in intensive care after a brain op, so we are all very concerned for her, she has been here many times.

Oh mummylin big hugs 🤗 Thinking of you x

Sorry to hear that Mummylin, best wishes to you all.

oh am so sorry to read that mummylin, what an awful shock for everyone and of course her family, the poor girl

It sounds wrong, but I'm taking alot of comfort in reading how others are still suffering 1-2 years on after the death of a parent; What I mean is I don't feel so alone. I feel as though I should be "getting over it" now, my Dad died about 18 months ago. Some days I think I am actually OK but then I realise I'm just blocking the pain out. I can't watch videos with him in or hear his voice and any photos that I haven't seen before knock me for six.

But I don't know if this is normal or if I'm just not facing up to reality. I speak about him with a kind of detachment as I can't bear it.

I feel the pain this evening as I was with my mum's side of the family and his absence was glaring, he would have loved to be there having a laugh with us all.

The absolute rawness has gone but the deep aching pain is still there and I'm not sure that will ever go. I talk to him alot and have convinced myself he talks back.

Thanks for this thread, it helps.

Hi Sally just a quick post to reassure you that you are perfectly normal ! I am now over five years down the line and I still think back to the day mum died, I get upset if I hear the songs we had at the funeral, like you I have videos of her, but am too scared to play any of them as I'm not sure how I will react. It will take you as long as it takes you. There is no time limit as we are all so different. You are still grieving so are bound to still feel upset. You will get through it 💐

Hi SSD And everyone . Gd,s friend off ventilator, has woken twice briefly, said a couple of words and went back to sleep. Still in intensive care and will be for the next few days.

Hi everyone
We scattered mil ashes
On Fri dp n I walk into a nature reserve/forest she loved to walk thru and scatter some there
His sis drive up from south coast sat with bil and their daughter and we fill their ring/pendant,she wanted take a little bit home,and rest went another nature reserve on our doorstep where mil fed the crows.the grape hyacinths have been dug up by some theiving so n so, but the snowdrops remain (as they were dying back anyway) his sister and bil scattered Saturdays ashes
Dp was very quiet .withdrawn all day.she left to stay at a friend as we font have enough room stay at mine 6pm.he ate n went bed declaring left alone.he got up 11 saying wanted go home as "will be boring sit around my sister and the kids" .I said don't even think it, she's driven 4hrs leaving pets and a business to see us/do this.he stomp back to bed but was back before 12 declaring he head odd home.then couldn't find keys and shouted at me the slam front door so loud thought gp take off hinges/wake the whole street and heard a bang against door before car roar off.20mins later back n heard scrabbling at front door before left again.he has thrown contents his overnight bag at the door as found couple bits in garden of good I'd given him scattered around this morning.I text him last night bottling it up really isn't good.he us hurting and deny it. helping no one.no answer.today I text ask reply as I was worried he OK.no reply. I really don't know how to help him when he's shut down on me so hard and just a petulant schoolboy of 50 he was very close his mum and she spoilt him right til she died.he's not coping living alone and not having money as she bought him food,toiletries,bale him out with cash.I can't and won't.he never takes responsibility his outbursts and its start upset kids. He promised would stay til tonight and ds in particular was gutted he left in dead night.part of me is scared he would top self as he is depressed and impulsive but I hope in my heart he wouldn't do it to his family.
Any words wisdom how we work through this mess mummy Lin

Oh dear still obviously your dp is in real despair and distraught with the loss of his mum.
I personally think that women cope better than men in some situations and certainly for some men to lose their mum throws them into utter turmoil. The thing is that most women seem to at least discuss things with their friends etc, but men don't tend to do this do they ?
It is also difficult when the males have been brought up with the notion, it's not good for men to discuss feelings or show too much emotion. I guess this means they bottle it all up. But it has to come out somehow . If you have real fears about him, try and get him to go to his doc and maybe a short dose of AD,s would help. Or maybe he would speak to someone at Cruse.
And maybe it's a case of wanting a little time to himself to think about things, the only way to know for sure is to try and have a conversation with him when he feels like talking about his loss.Just be there for him, he is in a tough place right now. Good luck 💐

Thanks mummylin he's on ADs already.hoping tomorrow once he's back at work the routine will help.he's better on workdays than days off

Hi all hope everyone is doing ok. I've been signed off for another 2 weeks so I'll be back at work after the Easter weekend. I got the final funeral bill on Friday so me, my sister & Mum will be going to pay it tomorrow & we'll pick up Dads ashes as well. We've also organised the scattering of his ashes for 21 April - he's going to be with his Mum & stepdad in the garden of remembrance & my Mums brother is in the same place so eventually Mum will go there as well. Had a nice afternoon today with my sister, niece & Mum having afternoon tea as a late Mothers Day treat. Mum has decided she wants to go into sheltered accommodation & we've been to view some flats last week so just waiting now for her name to get to the top of the waiting list which hopefully won't be too long. We've got a lot going on for the next month family wise so I'm trying to look forward although it feels very strange making plans without Dad. I suppose it will get easier with time but at the moment it still doesn't feel right. So glad I found this thread as the support is great xx

My Mum has just died and I am really missing her lovely phone calls. Organising the funeral and lurching between calm / numb and very upset.

Little I'm so sorry about your mum, I'm glad you've found us all though there's lots of good support here. Are you managing to sleep and look after yourself a little?

Not sleeping too well.

Lots of people to look after me so I guess I'm lucky in that respect. But no one can replace your mother can they?

Thanks for the support on here. It helps to see that there are others going through the same thing and surviving.

I'm just jumping in with my 3rd username since I lost my dad in August 15. It's getting worse, not better, as the numbness wears off and reality crashes in. I've got a very anxious youngest dc, mum is coping less now and is more depressed - and uses the lonely word now too - and I'm fed up feeling this way. Every single family event is missing him and it's never going to be right again.

I also have a real fear of anything happening to my mum because then we'll have to sell our childhood home (which dad built) and all those links to my family, my past and my dad will have gone. I feel like a wee girl lost in a shop...as I head nearer to 50 than 40 🙈.

Everyone said the first year was hard...all those firsts. No one told me the second year was worse. I look ahead and wonder how we'll all cope 3,4,5 years ahead...because we've no choice but to carry on, do we? 😞

Hello Lord . I quite understand your fear of losing your mum, my dd is similar about me. I think when you lose someone very close to you, it makes you think about losing others and this can be very distressing.
I am five years down from losing my mum, and I have to say that although I have much improved, at certain times it can just still feel like yesterday, and then I go over and over the day.
It's probably best not to focus on too many years ahead, it will just make your heart sink. But although I don't think anyone ever really recovers from a sad loss, we do learn to live with it, we really have no choice.
It's ok to be sad, but if too much time passes and you aren't feeling any better about the situation, maybe you will need some help. You don't want to add being ill into your life too.
Maybe you can persuade your mum to join some sort of club where she can make some friends, or does she have a particular hobby where they have meetings or something. It's so horrible to be lonely. 💐

little I am so sorry for the loss of your mum. It is so new for you and what you are feeling is quite normal. I think there always a mixture of feelings, grief, shock, disbelief and even fear of how we will cope without our mums / dads. I am glad to see that you have RL support , that can be invaluable at this time. I know there is a bit of running around doing stuff at first and this takes your time up for a few hours. It's in a couple of weeks when the support starts to drift away and others get back to their normal lives it becomes tough. This is where it is lovely to be able to speak to others in the same position on here. We all cope differently, but the over riding sadness is the same. 💐