Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent.

[Mummylin]

Welcome to the new thread for support in your loss.

I agree that this time of year is hard. I knew it would be but it’s worse than I thought. It’s my birthday later this month and I’m having to buy my own presents for Mum to give to me because Dad always arranged presents. I’m doing the same with Christmas.
My mum is coming to us this year which she and Dad were already planning on doing. But I will need to pick her up and take her back on Boxing Day which isn’t ideal as she lives 180miles away from me.
I went Christmas shopping today to try to get a head start and was nearly in tears at one point when I saw presents that I would have bought for my Dad.

alibaba I can't bear to go shopping yet. Mum and dad did everything together, Xmas shopping, cooking, wrapping, Carol services etc etc
Mum must be so lonely, it breaks my heart but what can I do except be there?

Bluehair I am so sorry you have lost your dear dad. What you are going through is quite normal. We all understand here and we know how devastating the early days can be, a mixture of disbelief and heartbreak. I hope you have friends and other family to support you in RL, it really does help.
Plenty of listening ears on here when you need it. 💐

Thank you all. Funeral tomorrow. Not sure how I'm going to cope with that.

It is tough Bluehair but somehow we seem to get extra strength from somewhere. You will get through it , probably better than you think. I think having all the other people around helps as well. Hoping it goes as you want it to 💐

bluehair⚘thinking about you today, may the funeral go as well as it can.

Thinking of you today bluehair. It was my DF's funeral 2 weeks ago. Didn't think I would cope but somehow I managed to find the strength. There were many tears but some smiles too

for bluehair. So sorry.

I hope everything went well bluehair⚘

I picked up my lovely dad's ashes today.I thought I would be OK but it was really emotional.....He's going to be in his garden that he loved so much. I know it was only 2 months ago that we lost him but it suddenly hit me again today that he's gone for ever

Hope you are all managing to get by day by day. Not posting much at the moment as I haven't been well all week, but still thinking of you all. 💐

mummylin hope you feel better soon

Mummylin - Get better soon🌺 It’s very hard for everyone and this time of year certainly makes things feel even worse. My darling DF has been gone a whole month and I haven’t properly cried yet. I miss him terribly but feel I’m having to be strong for my DM and DCs. I look at his photo and it doesn’t seem real that he’s not here anymore.

Myguide - 🌸 to you for your sadness. I’m dreading having to collect my dad’s ashes. I’m not sure what we’re going to do with them, but how lovely that you have chosen his special place to scatter your dad’s.

Hope you're feeling better soon mummylin

bluehair I hope the funeral went as well as it could and you have support for after it-that was when I found things hit me more.

It's my birthday next week and I miss my dad so much. It's his just before Christmas and every year I used to complain how hard it was to find a birthday card when the shops were full of Christmas stuff. I just wish I still had that to moan about. And being 6 months pregnant isn't helping. He totally doted on my DD, even though he only got 15 months with her and I just know he'd be over the moon to have another granddaughter on the way. I'm feeling very sorry for myself this evening

Thank you retreat we have put dad's ashes in a pot with a rose bush. He loved his garden so think he would approve. Mum can see him from the window.
Even saying the words "dads ashes" seem so unreal. How can he not be here any more?!

You’re right Myguide, I think exactly the same thing. How can my dad not be here anymore? How is your mum coping? It sounds like she has a lovely daughter 🌼

retreat ⚘mums putting on a brave face bless her. She couldn't face picking up the Ashes so I did it. I seem to be putting on a brave face in front of her too which I know is wrong but I can't help it.
Dad and I were very close, I promised him that I would look after mum as he was so worried about leaving her

Oh Myguide, you sound very similar to me. I promised my dad that I would look after my mum, she also seems to be putting on a brave face although I know she feels so lonely and there’s nothing I can do to stop this. It’s 💔 to see and I do my best to invite her over for meals or ask little “favours” of her to keep her busy. But, at the same time, I know she needs to have quiet times to rest as she’s not sleeping and also to contemplate things. My DCs are also struggling with the loss of their adored grandad so I’m needing to make sure they’re all supported too.
Am thinking of you at this truly horrible time. X

My Dad died 6 years ago this month, I'm more upset this year than any other for some reason, my mum died when I was a child so I was very close to Dad.

Same mum has days alone ow its dark and cold I worry about her problem is I work 13/hour days so can only see her on days off.my dh too her to the garden center for a coffin e but my siblings have just left her since the funeral all bar one.she seems happy with an underlying sadness.Dad did everything now she has had too.Heartbreaking times tbh.

whatis I also work 13 hr shifts. I generally do 3 a week unless I'm doing nights. I see mum on my days off. She seems OK on the surface. I have adult DC who pop in when they can. The smallest thing will set her off tho,
Dad also did everything so she's a bit overwhelmed with just general mundane things at the moment. It's tough going💔

Same my dcs keep in touch.I wish I could do three days then concentrate on Mum.somehow between us we keep her supported it was only when I was I'll last week I didn't go.I'm trying to organise a family get together as.Dad.was a real family man.Our poor Mums must be struggling though mine said the last two were very hard being Dads carer.It must be very isolating with an I'll spouse.

Lovely to see 5he support for each other here. Finally got meds from the doc today after cold getting on chest. Will soon be on the mend now ! 💐 for you all.

I feel for you all. My mum is now all alone and goes days without seeing or speaking to anyone. I don’t live nearby so only see her for a weekend every 6-8 weeks. I ring her twice a week but that’s not for long. She has a sister nearby that she sees twice a week too. She’s had to give up driving because if memory problems so now feels very isolated. I even have to order her shopping online to be delivered because she can’t get there herself. 2017 has certainly been a terrible year.

alibaba that's hard. It's such a worry isn't it. It's so good that you can organise her shopping tho and some comfort that she has a sister nearby.
My sibling lives 4 hours drive away, he rings mum once a week and has seen her twice since dad died in September. I sometimes wish he would do more as I seem to do everything, but then I only live round the corner!
whatis it was hard for mum for the last year looking after dad, it definitely put a huge strain on their relationship. He was quite demanding bless him, but he just couldn't do things for himself. He got so frustrated.
I try to remember the good times and not the last few weeks.
mummylin glad you are feeling better ⚘