Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent.

[Mummylin]

Welcome to the new thread for support in your loss.

When does it get easier??? I’m just not coping at all... I’m just so sad and keep bursting in to tears. X

Hi Hot it takes quite a while before you have days when you don’t cry. But gradually you get more days between the crying days and the not crying days. This is something that takes its time, but it will come eventually. The first year is possibly the worst, when you have the firsts of everything. First birthday, mother’s / Father’s Day, Christmas etc.
These are all such sad days.
It is natural to be upset on such special day. I still get sad on certain days and it’s now 6 yrs for me at the end of this month.
But in between you will find yourself coping and forming a “new “ normal life.
You will never forget, but you will learn to accept that life is now different.
Come and chat to us if it helps you at all 💐

Ineed if I recall correctly I think the register did a special thing where they inform certain places for you and they gave us three copies as well. They will discuss this with you and this should help you to decide what you need. Good luck today.💐

Thank you @Mummylin My mum passed away in June, I was there when she died. 2 weeks after her funeral, Dad was admitted to hospital and diagnosed with terminal cancer. 4 weeks later he passed away too. I’m just broken. I’m 27 weeks pregnant and haven’t bonded with baby at all, I’m scared I’ll lose her too. I wasn’t with Dad when he died, I couldn’t watch him die, so my DH was there instead, I sat on the sofa outside his room. I feel like I was a coward and should have been there for him.... I let him down.

Oh you poor thing, what an awful time you have been through.
You didn’t let your dad down at all. I’m sure that if he had had a choice he preferred for you not to be there and be even more upset than you were, indeed many people hang on until all the family are nowhere around.
As for your baby. This dear little child is a gift from your parents as he / she carries your parents genes and so it is still part of them.
It is very sad that your parents won’t see their grandchild, it happened to my sister, she was expecting twins and mum was so excited, but died before they were born.
Your child can still know his / her grandparents through you talking about them, showing them photo’s etc.
You have been through a tough time and it’s understandable that you feel so upset at the moment. Don’t forget your hormones will be all over the place at the moment anyone because of your pregnancy.
If you have problems bonding after the baby is born, do seek help. But you may surprise yourself when your “ gift “ is born.
💐

hotpink so sorry you are still finding things hard, but it's hardly surprising⚘. I have had a couple of days when I've not cried but I just feel so sad and miss dad so much. The weekends are worse. A sort of panic hits me when I suddenly realise again that dad's not here, and the tears just flow.
Never in a million years did I realise grief was like this

I didn't realise either. I'm about six months along and it is difficult now that I have run out of things I can do for Mum. All the organisation is over now.

@MyGuideJools it’s so hard isn’t it. It’s my birthday on Thursday, I’m actually dreading it x

Oh hot that's tough. Just have a quiet birthday and toast your parents and thank them for the wonderful daughter they made! As regards to your little bundle, I'm sure you will fall in love the minute you see him/her. Like a pp said, your parents will live on through their granchild.

I am dreading Xmas, dad 'was^ Xmas. He loved it and was the heart and soul of any celebrations from the shopping to the Xmas pud to the quizzes to the party games! How on earth can we do Xmas without him?

Jools carry on with Christmas the same as you always have. Keep up the traditions that your dad loved to do. He would be happy about this.

@MyGuideJools Make Christmas exactly how Dad would have loved it. It’s about keeping their memories now isn’t it xx hugs xx

My darling dad passed away yesterday and I feel numb. I cried yesterday but today I feel hollow. He was very ill and suffered throughout his two year cancer battle but his last few minutes were gentle for him. My DCs are devastated too as they were so close to my DF. How do we go on? What do I feel so empty today?

Why do I feel so empty today? *

Rainbow, I've just read your post about your DM and can completely relate. I find that moments that should just be happy are bittersweet without my mum. I had DD 4 months ago and I'm missing her so much. It would be so amazing if she was here and it makes me so sad that she's not. to you.

Does anybody find really trivial things can upset them? I got a Boots Christmas shopping event invite through the post the other day. My mum and I would always go to one of the late night openings before Christmas to do some shopping together. God I miss her so much.

Hello Retreat I am so sorry that you have had to join this thread, my deepest sympathies. Of course you will be in bits today, a mixture of sorrow, loss, shock and disbelief. But this is all normal when you are grieving.
You will of course miss your dear dad terribly, but eventually the acceptance will help you to move forward. But that s for the future. For now just cope with one day at a time. That is enough for now in these first very sad days.
I hope that you have family and good friends in RL who can and will support you. It will help such a lot. 💐

Rae. It is all the little things that cause the most upset I think. Things that were really special and meaningful to us and our last family member. This can be really painful and upsetting. But as time passes it's not quite as bad, but you will probably always have a little pang at certain things. 💐

retreat⚘so sorry you have lost your dad. Of course you will feel number and lost for the next few days or even weeks. My lovely dad passed away from cancer a month ago. I still can't believe he's gone and I miss him so much, but I don't cry every day. I'm trying hard to remember the good times.
rae i know what you mean, I'm finding seeing the Xmas stuff in the shops so hard⚘.

Thank you everyone for your kind messages. They mean so much. Sadly I have no friends to support me in RL as I have 3 disabled DCs so life has become very isolated. My dear dad was a lifeline to me and brought me happiness, laughter and comfort everyday even when he felt so ill and in pain. His first thoughts were always for his grandchildren and for me and my DM. I will miss him forever. I’m trying to be brave for my DCs as they struggle with high anxiety levels because of their disabilities. It’s very hard. My thoughts and prayers go out to you all who have known the devastating loss of a parent.

Oh my goodness Retreat what a lot you have on your shoulders right now. Do you have someone to help you with the children ? It will be tough to hide your sorrow all the time. Please don’t keep it all inside you and bottle it up, you will make yourself ill.
Do post here when you need to chat or a listening ear 💐

Thank you Mummylin and Jools for your support and understanding. I’m so sorry that you are able to offer such kind advice because of the sad losses you have both experienced. My DM is staying with us tonight and she is completely lost and broken. She cared for my DF for so long and they have been together for more than 55 years.....a lifetime and then it’s gone, just like that. I want to take away her grief and sorrow in the same way as I want to ease my DCs’ heartache, but I know I can’t and it’s truly devastating. I miss my DF so very much and want him, need him, back in our lives. What will we do without him?

What will you do without him ? You will continue to live your life and be happy as he would want you to be.
As for your poor mum, she must be devastated, she must feel that she has lost half of herself after so many years. I'm sure you will help each other and gain a bit of comfort with that. It is such a sad time, and until it happens to them , others don't realise how awful it really is . 💐

It’s my birthday today, my first one without my parents. I don’t feel like celebrating. I just want them here with me ☹️

I hope you have had a little bit of happiness today despite missing your parents so much. The first of everything is very upsetting 💐

I’m thinking of you HotPink on your birthday. It must be a very difficult time for you. 🌺

hotpink thinking of you on your birthday, it must be so hard..... ⚘🎂 hopefully next year will be a happier year for you. Just do what you need to do to get by at the moment.
I keep crying at very random moments, like when I'm washing up or walking up the road. Missing dad so so much

Oh Jools, I know how you are feeling. I only lost my DF on Monday so I still feel quite raw and I am trying to be brave for my DCs. But today I just suddenly had an overwhelming sense of loss and panicked that I will never see my darling dad again. I love him so much and am missing him desperately. I cannot believe that he’s gone. It’s awful. My DM is struggling and I’m trying to be strong for her too. We just want him back and know that isn’t going to happen.....yet still we wish. My tears won’t come easily, if at all. Is that normal?