Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent.

[Mummylin]

Welcome to the new thread for support in your loss.

juan how lovely that your dad is having a Royal Navy send off, I hope the meeting with the minister goes well.
I chose not to see dad in the chapel of rest. I was with him in hospital when he passed away so I said my goodbyes then.
Of course, only you can decide if you see your dad xx

tribble how was the funeral? I hope all went well and that you felt close to your dad.
I'm struggling today, weekends are hard as I feel I need to keep mum amused as she and dad always were out and about at the weekend. I just feel sad if she's sat at home alone. I am missing dad a lot today.

I'm so so sorry for everyone's loss and for what you're all going through.

I've not posted on here for a while; the last time I was on was in June, just a few weeks after my Dad's death and I'd gone back to work but was struggling and feeling very overwhelmed with everything. Right after that, I actually had a bit of a breakdown and my GP signed me off for 3 weeks. It was absolutely the best thing; I gave myself complete space and quiet from everything to deal with things... went for walks, visited my mum and just had grieving time without the craziness that happened right after Dad passed away. I had a bit of counselling but stopped because it just wasn't working for me and the woman seemed more interested in diagnosing me with random stuff so she could keep me coming back rather than letting me talk about my Dad/my grief.

The time off made the world of difference and since going back to work I've been doing so much better. I've thrown myself into things, my energy has come back, and while I miss my Dad every day of course, and had up and down moments, it has definitely been easier. I thought I was doing really well.

Until this last week... and today in particular. I feel so vulnerable today - it feels very raw and like my Dad passed away yesterday. I knew there would be up and down days and I've had those, but this is very intense today and it's just floored me. I was so angry this morning and now I just feel overwhelmingly sad. I feel like I've gone back 3 months.

I just cannot believe he's gone... it's like it's still not real yet. There just seems to be so many things I want to tell my Dad about - things from my daily life - and I'm so upset and angry I'll never be able to. There are so many things I know he'd love to hear about and I can't share them with him. The finality of it keeps hitting me like a sledgehammer.

Sending hugs to all of you dealing with grief right now... and dealing with all the curve balls it sends us in making us think we're coping then it comes back for another go. :-(

Thank you Juan my dads military funeral was beautiful, his comrades did a fantastic job of honouring him. The hardest part was being the first to leave the chapel, I was sobbing my heart out and clutching a photo we had enlarged. I was dads only kid and he was closer to me than anyone else, thick as thieves I believe the expression is. The nights are so hard and I don't always have enough to keep me busy. Staying strong and normal for my son is very difficult. My prayers are with everyone who is missing their mum or dad this day, I keep asking him to come back to me but that's so unfair because he earned his rest.

⚘seems like we are all struggling today alfagirl so sorry you are feeling that raw feeling again, raw is a very good description, my dad died 3 weeks ago and it's so very raw. I've been in tears on and off for most of today. I've recently had a photo of dad framed, it's in our lounge. It just makes me cry every time I look at it, he just looks so happy and carefree in it and it was only taken 5 months ago. I can actually remember taking the photo.
I just feel totally drained today, then feel bad for DH as he has to look at my sad face all day!

Jools I'm so sorry for your very recent loss; the first few weeks are definitely very raw. It's not been as acute for me lately - it has been getting easier but today I feel like I've gone back to square one again. My partner does understand as he's lost both his parents and he's been wonderful. He keeps telling me to think of the happy times - which is good advice I guess, but some days I can't cope with that because it just reminds me that I won't be able to talk to my Dad about those times again, or create any new happy times with him. It's still a bit too soon and I've realised today that I've been putting off addressing the finality of it all... but it's like it's decided I'm going to address it whether I'm ready to or not. It's making me very angry and sad in equal measures.

I know what you mean about the photo - I have lovely photos of my dad - some days I can look back at them - other days - like today - I can't. It's too painful.

The best advice I've had is that when it's a day like this, just be extra kind to myself, don't try to do too much, just have some down time.

Sending hugs! xx

Sorry you he been feeling down myguide. Surprisingly I feel like a weight has been lifted off me by going to work for 13 hours which I guess is a huge distraction.I did. Cry on the way as I got through the church yard each day.Today I took down the few sympathy cards I got.as I intend to just try to get on with life as best as I can.I too have a photo of Dad but I've hidden it behind my perfume bottle as seeing him looking so well and dapper at my sis wedding years ago is comforting and makes me sad too.the gp asked for reduced work hours but I'm doing so long days for the next few.

Jools I feel for you, truly I do. I am still not used to this up and down feeling. I'm hiding in bed today and didn't even go to church to thank lovely vicar for a beautiful service, I got dressed and reached the door, said 'Nope' and went back to my dogs!
For all your Dads, and for all your Mums and for all your pain

troubled you stay in bed with the lovely dogs🐶 church will still be there, the vicar will totally understand.
I've got the family coming for lunch so am busy today. I didn't sleep much last night tho, kept crying every time I thought about dad's last few days. I need to get a grip today. DS has been dumped by his gf so he's in pieces they were so good together. I think with that on top of losing his grandad he's not in a good place.
Hugs to everyone who is missing a loved one today⚘💕

Jools your poor DS, was she a nice girlfriend at least? :/ She chose one hell of a time. I hope you aren't stressing about your family coming for lunch and that it was a nice and enjoyable day for you. You need to give yourself a break because getting a grip in this situation is easier said than done. I thought I was strong today until I saw my old mans fruit juice ... fruit juice ffs! I cried all the way home like an eejit. X

troubled dinner was nice thanks. Older DC and partner came, as well as mum and DS. A nice relaxed time was had.
DS gf was lovely, apparently she wanted to end it sooner but then my dad died so she put it off. She's just started at the local uni so I think she just wants to live a bit, I don't blame her but just sad for DS.
I've not cried today yet! I know exactly what you mean tho, I cried it tesco when I saw the sweets dad liked on offer. 😒

Firstly, I'm so sorry to all posting here who have lost one or both parents. 🌷
My mum died in August 2014. She had suffered for 18 months with anxiety and depression and took her own life.
She was my best friend, we spent so much time together and I miss her so much. It doesn't seem real sometimes. She never suffered with mental health problems prior to that one period and her decline was awful. She was unrecognisable from the amazingly strong woman who I knew for the majority of my life.
My DD was born in May. She's my 1st child and my mum's 2nd grandchild (3rd due any day now). She couldn't wait to be a grandma and would have been one of the best but she'll never meet her grandchildren.
I've been struggling a bit since my DD's birth. I'm loving being a mum but I can't help think how amazing it would be if my mum was here to enjoy it with me. She really was an amazing mum/person/friend and I'm so sad for my daughter that she'll never meet her.

Oh rae that's so sad⚘ my heart goes out to you. I'm sure you will have some lovely memories to share with your DC x

I am feeling so sad to read that so many of you are struggling just at the moment. Sadly there is no quick fix to help us all through this terrible event in our lives. This month will be 6 years since I lost my lovely mum, do I feel a lot better ? The answer is no, but life just has to go on. I still have many many times where I am so sad, but on the other side of it, life can still be good, but never the same.
Rae what a dreadful situation you had to endure. Your children can still know who their grandma is and you can tell them lots about her life from when she was well. Do include her in conversations when you can. 💐💐💐 for all of you going through a tough time at the moment.

Rae I'm so sorry my lovely. Mummylin is right, you can tell your lovely DD about her amazing Grandma, tell her all about her even when she's very little! Keep her memory alive (pardon the cliche) by remembering the things she said/did or liked/disliked, share stories about her. I still 'talk' to my Dad when I have coffee in the afternoon because it's what we did and although it hurts a bit it still makes me smile.
Does anyone else find the nights hardest? I've lost my appetite but at least Dads ashes were brought home today :)

Thank you everyone. I hope when Harper's a little older I'll be able to talk all about Grandma. At the moment it's all a bit raw again.
I lost my appetite after my mum died Troubled. When I got her ashes back I had an Ashes to Glass ring made so she can always be with me.

Troubled yes I do find the nights the hardest. And first thing in the morning when I wake a remember dad is gone. We've not heard anything yet about dad's ashes. I assume the funeral directors will let us know?
rae I was thinking about having a necklace made by 'ashes to glass' are you pleased with the ring? Did it take long to do?

Forgot to say, I had zero appetite when dad was ill for 3 weeks. But ever since he passed away I've been comfort eating and eat everything in sight I need to get a grip!

Still so sad,I was on here under another name after my dad passed in January. Just back from Benidorm where I scattered his ashes in March as was his favourite place.i couldn't cope being there thinking of him and my late mu,m having all those good times there and them now gone and forgotten.

Rae I'm so sorry about your Mum.I can't imagine the pain of my children never having known their grandparents that must be so hard for you.I do believe that our loved ones live on through our stories of them and photos too.Hugs to all who need them tonight.We can't believe it is three weeks today since my lovely Dad died.

Rae your ashes to glass tribute sounds beautiful and I hope it makes you feel close to your mum.
Jools I phoned the funeral director today to ask what the time frame was for Dads ashes to be returned and they said 3-5 days but phoned me back 10 minutes later to say he was being driven home to us. Be warned: if you haven't already supplied a casket of your choice, the ashes may well be returned to you in a less 'beautiful' container than you would have wished. My dad has been given to us in a brown plastic jar that looks like a takeaway BBQ carton but we have a beautiful marble casket being made and delivered by Wednesday. If this is the case with you please dont let it upset you. We've wrapped Dad up in his favourite hoody and put him with his laptop (he was never off it!)
Be kind to yourselves everyone, no one here needs to get a grip

We are going to see dad today. We have to take some photos into the funeral director so we decided that we would see dad too. I'm very, very nervous and emotional about it. I have a driving lesson in less than an hour and I'm worried I'm going to be distracted.

We chose the flowers yesterday and writing the card has been hard.

Juan if it helps, I was a nervous wreck about seeing Dad but there was no need. I cried at first but then I was able to just chat to him as I would. I hope you treasure the time you spend with him. If you're too worried about your driving licence could you postpone? X

juan I hope you feel comforted seeing your dad. I chose not to as I was with him when he passed and said my goodbyes then. I found it extremely hard writing the card for the flowers, & really upsetting reading what everyone else had written! So lovely to read how loved he was tho.
Best wishes ⚘

Thanks everyone!
Jools, I love my ashes ring. They just ask for a spoonful of the ashes so you can still scatter the rest or whatever you choose to do with them. I can't remember how long it took though, sorry.
Hope it goes ok today Juan. I visited my mum but my brother didn't want to. It was very upsetting but I'm so glad I did it.