Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent.

[Mummylin]

Welcome to the new thread for support in your loss.

lookmore I will be thinking about you tomorrow my dad's funeral was on Wednesday. It was heartbreaking but lovely too! So many people had such nice things to say about him. Everyone said what a lovely man he was. Dad would have loved it.
I've been really tearful since the funeral, just taking each day as it comes.
A beautiful butterfly startled me in dad's garden today, I like to think he was him reassuring me.
⚘

Look I hope the funeral tomorrow brings you some peace and even a small amount of happiness - it's a beautiful thing to give someones life a ceremony in this way. I hope you're surrounded by friends and family who care about you and your Dad. Keep him in your thoughts, he will know how much you love and care for him. Xx

MyGuide I'm so sorry I didn't post on Wednesday, I didn't realise it was your Dads funeral. Did it all happen as expected? Were you happy with the service?
My Dad is being cremated Friday 29th and I'm so scared that I'll stop being brave/strong.

tribble the funeral went as well as a funeral can go.I hate crematoriums so we did that bit first then had a service of thanksgiving at dad's church. Dad had previously chosen his songs and 2 family members spoke. It was lovely and I felt dad was very loved by lots of people.we had tea and cake afterwards and the church people made over 100 cakes!
I thought I was brave on the day, obviously I cried but overall I was strong. My mum was amazing, she held it together beautifully.
The grandchildren were upset but most of them, although in their 20's had never been to a funeral. I think we did dad proud.
Now is the tough bit, learning to live without him
Don't be scared about being upset at the funeral. Nobody will judge you! It shows how much you loved your dad. You will cope on the day!

Hello. I'm sorry for everyone's losses. My dad died yesterday. I can't quite believe it's real. My mum died 14 years ago. I'm an orphan before I'm 30. Everyone is devastated and telling people is so hard. I want to be alone but at the same time I want to be with my family. I just want to be present but not participating but with 3 small children that's not really possible. They still need me. I can't imagine ever feeling better.

Juan I remember the first day with vivid clarity, I think a feeling of autopilot is prevalent amongst the very recently bereaved. Are you taking care of yourself physically? I know for me, food and drink tasted like ash and has given me heartburn everyday since so it can be a struggle. I've found keeping my head straight with a small child to be incredibly difficult and it's understandable if you have a wobble.

jaun I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm still numb now after 2 weeks but I've started to process things in my mind and don't cry every day now!
Be kind to yourself, have you got siblings? Do you want to tell us about your dear dad?
You will get through this but it takes time, lots of time ⚘

Thank you Jools. I have one brother. He has just moved away for uni (mature student) and yesterday was his first day. I felt awful for him being alone in a strange place but he said he didn't want to come home yet. He definitely seemed brighter when we spoke again in the evening.

Dad was an alcoholic for a very long time so that was difficult. But he was a kind and generous man. He was just so unhappy ever since my mum died. He killed himself with alcohol to be with her I think. I hope he is at peace now. He had been in hospital for about 2 weeks due to complications from over cirrhosis and had contracted pneumonia. He was so malnourished and thin. I guess his body just gave up.

I feel like I'm going to cry every 5 minutes today. I'm trying to keep busy and will go to see Ds1 play football because my dad was a big football fan and was very proud of Ds1.

Is it normal to feel lonely even though you're surrounded by people?

Juan As a child of an alcoholic my heart goes out to you, it is a truly terrible terrible disease to watch. That deep pain and sadness which affected your loved one is gone now, no addiction and no desperation. It brings me a small measure of peace and I hope it helps you x

Thank you Tribbled.

Juan, I am so sorry for your loss

Thanks for the messages above, the funeral went really well, as well as these things can do anyway. There was a massive turnout - over 200 people which was lovely. We are not religious, but he wanted it in the church as his mum and siblings are religious and it is a nice big venue. He likes humanist ceremonies so we asked for it to be nice and personal and the minister did a great job with the eulogy and we had a poem read by one of his friends. We had 2 hymns which he had chosen and we had songs that he liked played on cds before and after the service. We made a photo album full of pics of him through his life which people looked at during the funeral tea and we made another cd full of 'his songs'. I have a hangover today, we definitely gave him a good send off and raised many a glass to him. It was a hard day but it was also lovely to see everyone and to share our memories.

look that's so nice, sounds a bit like my dad's service. It was lovely to hear people speak so fondly of him, very comforting.
I'm still very tearful, crying just thinking about him at the moment. The GP said I was in shock and has signed me off which I didn't argue about. Think I need to chill out for a bit.
Hope everyone is coping

Jools I am glad to see that the funeral went well and you coped ok. I think we get strength from somewhere on the actual day which helps get through it.
Juan I too have an alcoholic in the family, the father of my two gd,s and my dd,s ex partner. So I also know how destructive this can be.
Of course you are struggling at the moment, for more than one reason. Whatever the circumstances he was your dad and you loved him. It is devastating when a parent dies and the first few days I found to be a living nightmare. Just get through day by day for now, that is enough to cope with.
Tribble I hope the funeral will be as you wish it to be. You will be stronger than you think. It helps a lot when you are surrounded by other family and friends on that day.
💐💐💐

I hope everyone has found today easier than yesterday and has found something positive to hold onto
My day sucked because of epic failures with the funeral directors and I still haven't seen Dad but I have ordered his favourite pudding for the wake and it's being made by his friend. I've just learned that nobody from his workplace can make it to the funeral because the bosses won't allow them time off and although that stings it makes no real difference in the end. I will honour Dad on the day of the funeral even if my voice is a lone one.

Hello mummylin and everyone else on here.please may I join you I was previously on life limiting illness.Df had cancer for five years and the last few he went to hospital a lot.Then it was discovered the cancer was in his spine so he had radiotherapy to prevent compression.he couldn't walk due to massively swollen legs and became so depressed he begged mum or anyone to help him to die.He was in hospital over a month then moved to a nursing home.The cancer spread to his brain so when dad finally allowed visitors he was talking nonsense which was very hard to see.Then he had a horrific death while mum sat by his bedside over the four days.I was relieved when he died had one week to help DM arrange things and went back to work.only one person mentioned why I was off.
We had the funeral yesterday which was perfect in every way.
Now I'm struggling with my anxiety again and feel tearful.my boss is abroad for three weeks so I feel a pressure to go to work even though I feel worse than when Dad died.Advice would be great x

My heart goes out to all of you with various ceremonies having just taken place especially tribbled and myguide and look more xx

Hi Whatis what a horrendous time your dad and your family have been through.
Now the funeral is over the reality must be hitting you quite hard. If you don’t feel that you can cope with work just at the moment, can you get any leave from your job for a couple of weeks to give you a bit of breathing space ! It may be helpful for you to go to your doctor or if you have HR person at work maybe they can advise you on what to do.
I can see that you had a long time to get used to the inevitable for your dad, but until it actually happens it’s so hard to believe isn’t it.
He was your dear dad and of course at the moment you are in the early stages of your grief, and it’s a very difficult and sad time.
It won’t do you any harm to have a good old cry, it’s better than letting your sadness build up and overwhelm you.
I can assure you that over time things do improve, you won’t forget, but you will learn to have a different sort of “ normal “ life. But it all takes time.
For now just focus on one day at a time, make sure you get enough sleep and eat regularly. You need to keep well.
Always someone to have a chat with on here. 💐

Hi whatis I'm on this thread too, sadly.
Your work doesn't sound at all supportive. I urge you to visit you GP and get signed off, you are not ready for work. I think after the funeral is actually harder.
I was signed off for 2 weeks and now have annual leave. I couldn't even walk round tesco without crying. Mind you, I work at the hospital where dad died which doesn't help. Work tho, I must say have been brilliant. They told me to take as much time as I need.
You don't need any added pressure right now, look after you ⚘

Troubled I will be thinking of you tomorrow, I hope that it all goes well and that you find you can cope ok 💐

Hi my guide I spoke to the gp and asked if I could do reduced hours so for one month I do 35 hour weeks and my manager agreed.I actually feel better today and like the distraction.on my way home I sat on Dads bench in the pretty church where I sat while he was dying.I decided it is my thinking p!ace as he isn't to have a headstone.
I can see how returning to work in the hospital where your Father died would be very hard.

whatis I'm glad you have reduced your hours, I hope it helps.
How lovely that you have 'dads' bench to just sit and think⚘

Thank you Mummylin I'm actually scared about tomorrow but I don't know why. I keep reassuring myself that I'll never have to experience the pain I felt when I first found out that Dad was gone. It's not great but it's true. Peace and love guys

Thinking of you today tribble⚘

Thinking of you today trouble you may surprise yourself .I did Tue.I hope it all goes as planned.
My guide i decided it was "Dads" bench.Just somewhere to think about him in a busy day.I hope you have a nice weekend xx

Thinking of you Troubled and all others who are having a hard time. I hope today goes as well as it can Troubled.

We are meeting with the minister tonight and after having got in contact with some of my dad's ex crew mates it turns out that he is having a Royal Navy send off. One week since his death. One week until the funeral.

I have said I do want to see dad in the chapel of rest but I'm also scared. I will be alone. Will I regret it if I don't?