Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent.

[Mummylin]

Welcome to the new thread for support in your loss.

mummylin without sounding too fan girl, I think you are very brave and incredibly kind to answer the questions I have when your own grief is still so raw. I thought there would be an outpouring of grief for my dad because everyone liked him but there's nothing except pity for me (ish) is that normal? How the hell does the world turn when it feels like its fallen apart? I'm relieved to hear that the moments of grief and crying quite often are normal because I've done it since I woke up after 3 hours I'm so sorry to burden you but I'm lost here. for your kindness.

troubled & look so sorry you've had to join this club.
My darling dad died last week, not particularly unexpected but still hit me like a hammer. The first 4-5 days I cried non stop, I now only cry when I suddenly think about something. I cried in Tesco when I saw dad's favourite sweets on offer!
I just miss him so much, I saw him every day and it suddenly hits me that he's gone.
I don't think there is a time scale, everyone is different. Be kind to yourselves and take it day by day.......⚘

Troubled I just could not understand how everyone could just be out shopping and doing normal things, I used to want to scream to everyone " don't you know my mum has died "

I think it's quite a gut reaction How can the sun be shining after what has just happened , all things like that went through my mind. It is just reaction to the grief.
Jools just carry on getting through day by day as you are doing now. Isn't it weird the things that bring us to tears. But that too is normal. 💐💐

Jools I completely understand crying about sweets. Seeing my dads fruit juice in Spars started me off and seeing a new shop and knowing that he won't be round for coffee to chat about who will own it and what they'll sell - we talked about some utter tripe.
Mummylin I think gut reaction is just right.
Is/has anybody else spoken to their parent, out loud or just in your head? It seems to soothe me when I can't face dad not physically being here.

troubled dad and I were like that too. Used to talk about nonsense. There's a new supermarket being built near us and dad and I would have been first in there to see what was what!
I've got dad's mobile phone and have txt him a couple of times telling him I miss him etc and yes I've talked to him out loud, whatever helps get you through has to be good I suppose.

Jools that's exactly what I mean, you and your dad sound like my kind of people are you all managing to take care of yourselves wrt eating, drinking, sleeping? I actually slept last night, it took an age but my head feels less heavy because of it. Back to business today, house to be emptied.

I'm sleeping OK now, when dad was in hospital I didn't sleep or eat atall. Now I seem to be comfort eating
Saturdays are tough as mum and dad would always pop in for a cuppa and we would go to the garden centre for a mooch.
I get moments when it's suddenly hits me like an arrow in the heart that he's gone.
troubled emptying the house will be tough, take it step by step

Troubled and Jools. You are doing exactly the right thing in discussing this with others, it really does help and when you are in the same position, you can really empathise with each other.
Unless anyone has been through this, they just don't know how devastating this is. 💐

I am sleeping better now than when my dad was in the hospital too, he was in high dependency with severe pneumonia for 3 days, which is where he passed away, I am his next of kin, along with my sister, but as the oldest I was the one whose name and number was down and was waiting for a call to go in. I struggled to leave overnight, I was terrified of him going on his own. I don't eat much during the day and then comfort eat a bit in the evening, when he was in hospital I couldn't even eat half a sandwich, which is not like me.

thanks for the messages.

Starting to get things organised for the funeral but had a very frustrating day yesterday with mixed messages from the different places with regards to what needed doing first. Went to register the death and they do a random selection of 10% for a further review of the medical certificate (in scotland anyway) which means we won't get it until Monday which delays things with the undertaker. We were hoping for a Thursday funeral due to some family and friends who have flights booked and so on but that might be too fast if we don't get the certificate until Monday. Anyone else found issues like these?

LookMoreClosely I am exceedingly sorry for your loss, it seems that grief fries the appetite during the day? I generally feel sick but ate two slices of cake earlier. It was absolutely comfort eating - I felt sick and kept eating?!? My dad's funeral can't even be planned until after we get the results from the coroner, I've got strangers asking me how he died, referring to his post mortem (it hasn't happened yet!) and asking how long he was dead before he was found. My husband is quite seriously in shock as he found him but won't even think of seeing a counsellor for the foreseeable. Dads house seems calm now, Id like to take the dogs and just hide there for a while but I am solely responsible for Dads earthly possessions and sorting stuff.
I'm so sorry for babbling so much. I've put more flowers outside his house plus candles and bears and even his favourite cheap coffee, it was a running joke between us. We've already decided to move, the sooner the better but there's a funeral, a holiday and a brand new surprise pregnancy to consider first.
for Mummylin Jools and Closer

We also had to wait for post mortem and there is to be an inquest. We have got interim death certificate which allowed us to sort stuff. I had no idea how much stuff had to be sorted.
Hope you are all coping tonight

Very sorry for your loss too Troubled, what a shock for you.

Jools I'm so sorry you have to have an inquest, I have no practical advice to offer just my sincere empathy.

I hope you've all had a better day than yesterday I say that when people ask how I am, it seems to make me feel better. I've been choosing a casket and floral tributes for dad and I'm trying to find a caterer who can provide everything, tea/coffee plus lovely food. Some friends of mine dropped off a care package of food, drinks, Horlicks! And dog treats - it's so incredibly thoughtful and I'm in debt to their kindness. I've had a small bleed so I'm worried about my baby, I'm only 8/9 weeks max but it could be normal. My gp is phoning tomorrow to discuss my prescription medication and pregnancy as it will all have to be reviewed. Lots of stress all round. I hope today has been kind on you all and I'm sorry for babbling and oversharing

I am sorry for everyone who has joined us here. It's been two months since we agreed to withdraw life support for my dad. (he was severely brain damaged following meningitis). I have good days and bad and unfortunately today has been a bad day. Seems there are reminders wherever I go, whatever I do :(

spider I don't really know what to say. I guess we just have to hope the good days start to out weigh the bad.
I've not had a good day, kept thinking about our little traditions we had, buying bulbs to plant, booking the pantomime tickets, starting the Xmas shopping. Dad loved Xmas, how can I cope without him there, he was the life and soul of the party
The funeral is this week, I'm so worried about it and I know mum is too.

to you all. Let's hope today is a better day xx

I'm so sorry Spider I can't imagine making that decision but I like to think that the people we love who pass appreciate the decisions we make for them, even the little ones.
Jools I hope the funeral is not too hard for you and your mum, I'm sure it will be a beautiful celebration of his life. It does seem so difficult that Christmas seems to be popping up everywhere but naturally this will be the norm until January now x

Troubled I hope everything is ok for you, you don't need anymore stress at this time.
Hoping that all the latest posters can find some moments of peace amongst their sad days at the moment. I know it all seems like a nightmare for now. But being able to talk about how you feel is much much better for you than letting things build up inside. Thinking of you all. 💐

Hi All, I too am sorry for all of your stresses and hurt. I also had a bad day today, there must be something in the air! I had been feeling much better about things and coping well so today has hit me hard. I think it's because my daughter and I have had such a lovely day and it seems wrong to be enjoying myself.
The next few months will be hard, it's my son's birthday next week, a family celebration in October and then my birthday followed by Christmas. I have been told that the 'firsts' are the hardest, it will seem wrong that Dad isn't there.

Thank you Mummylin
Alibaba I think there really IS something in the air making the grief so much worse at the moment. My biological brother phoned today to tell me that this must be a difficult time as my wonderful (step)dad was 'like a father' to me. he's an insensitive dick. I'm well aware that Dad was my stepdad. He has no other kids except me. I kept his name after marriage, I named my son after him, I physically put him into the bath and then carried him to bed when he was ill, I held his hand when he was on morphine for kidney stones, I was first and solely there for him when he made an attempt on his life, he lived with me and my husband. We went everywhere together and I saw him everyday. If anyone has earned the right to be not 'like' a daughter it's bloody me! And my mum who he left more than five years ago left me a voicemail saying that I should have known something was wrong with dad and taken him to the doctors and left this clanger - apparently I killed him. Could this whole messed up situation be any worse?!?

Omg tribble that's awful. I have no words, that is so cruel. But, you know he was your dad and you did everything you possibly could to care for him. From what you described you loved each other very much and had a great relationship.
I don't think I could talk to my mum again if she said that to me.
Be kind to yourself you know in your heart what the truth is xx

Jools thank you for replying, I needed someone to read my post and understand, unfortunately the bile that my mum sent to me is all too normal and I'm ashamed to say that I've extended to her the same care I gave to Dad. Wasted efforts I think. I hope someone near you is very kind and it makes today easier x

Troubled I am shocked by what you have posted, of course you do know it isn't true don't you ? You cared and did your upmost for your dad. A very hurtful thing for your mum to say to you. But to give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she was just hitting out at you because she also is upset.
Please don't take it to heart, you know what the circumstances were. You have nothing to feel any guilt about. You sound like a lovely daughter 💐

My lovely Dad's funeral is tomorrow. I am feeling very tense, my whole body is aching! We are expecting it to be a large turn out, which will be a great tribute to him if that is the case. He was very well liked and respected, I am so proud of him, as he was of me. I need to try and keep strong like he was, although have been out to buy waterproof mascara today. I still can't really believe that this has happened. Hope everyone else is ok

I really feel for you. I found my Dads funeral such a strange experience.of course it was incredibly emotional and I cried the whole way through, as did my husband. But it gave me great comfort to be surrounded by people who knew him and loved him. Try to get some rest and I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Xx