Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent.

[Mummylin]

Welcome to the new thread for support in your loss.

Hi all. My mum passed away last night. I can't stop crying and I am so tired but can't sleep. On top of that have to organise funeral etc! She was suffering from Parkinson's disease badly and all I keep hearing from people is that they aren't sad because her quality of life was so poor. It is a blessing in a way but I still miss her so much!!!!!! Just wanted to post as feels good to write down feelings ...

So sorry for your very sad loss.

I'm sorry you've found yourself here too, it's a wretched feeling and I wish I had the words to comfort but I know that at this time there really aren't any. Keep posting if you feel you can and in the meantime take it minute by minute cry as much as you want and if you can get some sleep.

My dd (10) can't stop crying either and I don't know how to comfort her. Thank goodness it's the summer holidays. It's just so unfair

Yesterday was 6 months since mum, it feels as though the world has moved on and because I'm doing ok on the outside those around me have also forgotten that it's not very long.

I was in the car with dh yesterday and a song came on that I had put on a playlist for mum, so many thoughts came at once and I had a panic attack. The thought that I will never see or speak to my mum again brings up a tsunami of feelings I can't put words to.

I couldn't breathe, luckily we weren't too far away from our destination. I got out and ran I just had to get away. This has been the absolute worst reaction yet bar the one I had when I was in the hospital when she died.

I hate that this grief brings me to my knees because I'm actually a fairly strong person and I cope. Yesterday was horrendous today thankfully has been better.

This is the cruelest part of life and I am not happy about it!

Keep going lazysusan. I know I'm allowed to cry now but scares me that I may need to in a years time but that isn't acceptable then. Keeps coming in waves today for me. One minute I'm reminiscing nicely about her and laughing, the next I'm sobbing uncontrollably. Going to have a bath and try to get some sleep. Tomorrow I need to phone coroner to say whether or not we want post mortem done, phone solicitors to see if she has left a letter of her wishes and whether she wants to be cremated or buried, phone funeral directors, clear out her room in the care home she was in ...

My friend cried today it's been 6 years since her mum, my dh gets tearful and it's 23 years since his mum. It really doesn't matter how many years pass the fact remains that you've suffered a huge loss and although in time we may feel different and be able to smile at the memories we are still allowed to shed tears.

I didn't believe my dh when he said in time those waves of emotion will become less but they have, I can go about a week now without a major meltdown which is a relief but when I cry it seemingly comes from nowhere and I don't care I'll cry because it's healthy for me and after that release I'll be ok again.

A bath sounds lovely, I found long hot showers brought me a weird comfort I cried in the shower a lot! Wishing you much strength and comfort and some much needed sleep.

I also used to put a little rum in hot chocolate and that helped me sleep a little.

Yep - lying in bath with tears streaming down cheeks. Nice to know it's normal to still cry years down the line. Feels very weird to be openly so upset in front of kids and hope I'm not harming them by letting them see me like this. They have been so sweet with lots of hugs.

Hot choc sounds like a plan. Thx

I felt odd showing my dsd (a teen) my emotions but this is grief and it's normal and healthy and I think it shows them that crying isn't something to fear or be ashamed of.

You have so much going on no one will think any less of you for showing how bereft you are. Very big hugs to you I don't care how nethuns that is!

Hello toobusy sorry to see yet another sad person on here.
My goodness, I am not surprised you can't stop crying. It's quite understandable and you can cry as much as you want to. I am sorry that your dd is in the same situation. I imagine it's one of the first experience of such devastation for her. Very very sad.
I can't tell you it's going to get getter any time soon, grief is awful but it lasts as long as it does. Some people deal with it easily, for others ( I include myself in this ) it's not so easy at all.
I am 5 yrs on and can still get very upset about certain things.
Do take all the support you are offered in RL , it really does help.
Remember to have proper meals, and try and at least rest even if you can't sleep, although if it was to go on for too long you may need to see your doc. Eventually the brighter days will come all no again, but if you still find yourself nit coping as well as you wish too, then you may like to consider seeing a bereavement counsellor. There may be someone to help your dd if she still seems to be low. There may be a book for her age group to help with bereavement.
Lastly , just take one day at a time 💐

lazy how upsetting for you to hear a special piece of music. It's little things like that , that seem the most poignant.
I think it's quite normal reactions in the first early months, your dh is correct. It will get better in time. It's getting to that point is the problem. And yes tears are a very natural way that we express our feelings and I think it helps actually. No good bottling it up and getting even more stressed. After all the firsts are out of the way, things start to improve. They are hard days to cope with but something we can't avoid. Take care. You will be ok 💐

Thank you both - although reading your replies has just set me off again!!!! Fortunately I have a fab dh who is super supportive. Haven't managed to tell any friends yet though. It feels just so strange to come out randomly with "my mum died".

Hoping sleep comes tonight.
Thx again

You can always try some nytol to help you sleep. It's only herbal stuff I believe and may help to get your sleep pattern back. Or have an old fashioned warm milky drink before you go to bed.

toobusy so sorry to hear about your mum. I'm a few weeks down the line from my dad dying. It does help having people to talk to. I'm glad your dh is there for you. I've met with lots of friends since dad died and it can be exhausting telling the story over and over but equally I feel like I should and I suppose it helps with processing things. My DS who is 9 came to the funeral. I explained to him not to worry about me seeing me upset and that the crying and upset was because we love grandad.

So sorry toobusy massive ❤️ And 🍷

Lazysusan - agree it is scary the depths of grief and how painful it is. I am also an otherwise resilient person (e.g I broke up with my partner/DD's dad a few weeks ago after 7 years and haven't cried once about it) however I still cry about my dad every day! And it's been just over 6 months now. It's got to the point where my 2 year old DD will come up to me and say 'mummy cry. Wass wrong mummy? Mummy missing grandad. Poor mummy' 💔

I wish I wasn't joining this thread :( Dad died four weeks ago, he was so full of life, working the day before he was taken ill. He was determined to live long enough to see DD go to university. She is 12, so his dream was a few years away. I miss him so much

Hello spider I too am very sorry that you have joined us here.
I imagine it was a terrible shock as you say he was working boy the day before he got ill. The shock and the grief together is crippling emotionally. I had the same with my mum. Here sat, gone on Sunday. It is very early days for you and it takes a while for your brain to process everything. And it hurts, terribly to begin with. It won't seem like it to you yet, but in a while , no- one knows how long, you will start to pick up but sadly we have to ge through all the upset first.
It's a great help f you have support around you, it can give you a real boost. There will still be lots of tears for now, but you will notice one day, you are not so tearful,all the time. Then your healing is beginning.
It's a tough situation, but eventually you will be happy again.
I'm sure your dd will make you very happy and help your sadness to fade 💐

I too am sorry to hear of your loss.

Our troubles have got worse this weekend with my Mum very nearly becoming a victim of a telephone scam and loosing £1500. I contacted her GP as she is now living alone and has been loosing her memory etc for a few years now. A nurse has visited and confirmed she has dementia. So now on top of loosing dad and administering his estate I have to deal with getting Mum referred to hospital and getting social services involved 😦

Oh how awful ali done people are absolute bs aren't they. They all make he sick, picking on defenceless elderly people. What a lot of worry for you, hope you can get things sorted out reasonably quickly. You can do without added worry I'm sure.

It's the third anniversary of Dad's passing next week and I can feel myself getting more upset as the date approaches. Someone innocently posted an old school photo on my home town's Facebook page and dad was in it as a 15year old. It seemed to be the catalyst in me feeling this way. I was very close to my dad and I still miss him and think of him everyday and probably will always. Just wanted to post this here as dh and friends have yet to suffer a loss and I don't think they would understand. Still have mum and I've also noticed her getting upset now and again these last few weeks.

Hello cat I think it's very understandable that as the anniversary gets nearer, it reignites the sad feelings we had in the beginning.
I don't know about you, but I find myself going over everything that happened an that awful day when I lost my mum. I will never forget And you won't either. But it's ok to be sad
I think that the day to day things do get easier, but special days are upsetting , but you will get through it. Try and find something nice to do on that day, maybe go out somewhere with your mum if that's possible
And I agree that if your dh hasn't experienced a loss yet he won't understand, no- one will. 💐

Bereavement is a very lonely place as no one feels what you do. We are actually both booked in to the dentist that day, our appointments were made by the dentist months ago and mum felt that it we should keep it, better to be busy than moping around. We will have lunch as well. I'm sure the day will be fine, it's just these few weeks leading up to it are the hardest. Thank you for the reply, it's lovely to be able to express myself here among others who have been through it too.

It is good to find others who have gone through the same thing. I don't think people who haven't experienced it can possibly know how awful it is, and they are the ones that think that we should be " over it " in a couple of weeks. Sadly they too will have to face this one day. Glad you have something arranged although it's not exactly a treat is it !

Hoping that everyone has had a reasonable week, and has been coping ok. Carry on taking one day at a time. Here's to you all having a good weekend to give you a little bit of a lift in your spirits. 💐

hi mummylin and everyone here

the schools go back here tomorrow, somehow it always makes me sad, like the summer ending or the kids growing up.

and it reminds me of being young and having mum and dad there, in the house.

I dont know why, but I miss my mum so much today. And I dont know why the world just seemed safer when she was here. Its like 2 separate lives , one with parents and one without. And this one still doesn't feel right some days, I suppose it never will.

I dont know, just feeling sad and a bit lost. Wish I could go over and have a cup of tea with her. It hurts so much to know that'll never happen again.

I've got a lot to be grateful for but missing mum and dad never ever goes away.