Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent.

[Mummylin]

Welcome to the new thread for support in your loss.

I was weird at school, I used to get homesick! I remember going home at lunchtime for lunch and mum was always there. And when I started secondary school I found the days so long, I was so homesick it was unreal. I just wanted to be at home with mum all the time, I haven't changed much, 40 years on!! I was like an only child, just me and mum and dad all the time. We got on really well and were so close. I hope my kids have that with us, I'm sure they do, but I can't help yearning to have it back. I'm still homesick, its crazy.

I want to be 10 again.

Hi ssd I understand perfectly. I will join you in wanting to be a child again, sitting with a big thing of wool on my hands that mum used to wind into balls, mum letting us use her clothes horse to make a tent . It would be lovely to go back to then. Sadly we can't, but we can reminisce about all that ssd, no- one will ever take away our memories. Of course our cases our so different , I had my siblings around unlike you. Yours treated you disgustingly and that must be hard to cope with. But you have continued to get on with your family life despite your siblings appalling treatment. Don't let them spoil your life any more. 💐

I feel the opposite, I think I will feel better when my son goes back to school. Don't get me wrong I am enjoying spending time with him but I had been so looking forward to his first school summer holidays but my Dad died a month before the end of term so we aren't having the summer holidays I had been planning. I so desperately want things to go back to 'normal' and I know that life will never be normal again but if my son was back at school and me back at work I think I will feel a bit more settled.

We are talking out our own childhoods ali not our children's , although mine are now adult and I have gc . We were just wishing we could go back to being a young child and our mums being around then.
If only we could turn wishes into reality !!
Yes for you , your son going back to school and you to work will give you a sense of normality. Whatever works for you has to be for the good.

I knew you'd get it mummylin. It's a strange feeling, isn't it, sort of nostalgic. I just feel so alone having no one to share it with. My siblings are still the same, very distant, life is wonderful, blah blah blah, the last 5 years for them have been one nice thing after another, I feel like I've been dragging myself along. I wish I could get over my anger/bitterness but sometimes it eats away at me. The only people who would understand are mum and dad and they're gone. I just wish I could remove the thoughts of them from my head, I really do. But I think the hurt is so deep it'll just be there forever. It's sad how life works out sometimes and you dont see it coming.

well I'm away to give myself a shake and do the ironing, take me out of myself a bit.

alibaba, my dad died just before the end of term too. Summer holidays are difficult - he used to babysit the DC on Thursday and Fridays when I am at work. Each Wednesday (including today ), I am expecting him to walk through the door, ready for his two days babysitting. Can't believe he was so healthy one minute and on life support the next :(

We are off camping to France on Monday, but my heart's not in it. Just going through the motions

Hello spider I hope you will at least get a little benefit from your camping trip. It's a horrible period of time for you at the moment as your bereavement is still very recent. It's good that you are trying to continue with doing normal stuff, even though you are missing your dear dad so much. It does get better but takes a while. 💐

I find it particularly difficult not to able to share news about the children with Mum. dd got her A Level results and ds gets his GCSE results next week and I can't ring Mum to celebrate / commiserate.

It is all so permanent.

Hello All,

Sorry for everyone's losses, it's all so sad to read.

Can I join in? I lost my Dad 3 years ago this coming December.

I know in terms of grief 3 years is nothing. And whilst I continue to live my life (3DC so have no choice but to crack on), I still can't quite get my head around the reality of it.

Usually for a few weeks/months before an Anniversary or something memorable I feel weepy and sad but at the moment I'm feeling this way with no notable date impending. WTF is going on? I guess it's possible that it's the grief catching up on me? Although I have grieved, due to the 3DCs I'm not sure I've 'properly' grieved, if that makes sense? Maybe I'm just missing him for 'no particular' reason?

Nothing is the same anymore is it? For me there's always someone missing. Yes we still have fun but the bottom line is nothing will ever be the same again and that's hard to come to terms with because it overshadows everything in your life. My Dad would hate me to be so sad and would want me to get on with life but there's a gapping whole without him here.

I was just sobbing in the kitchen and telling him how much I miss him and I asked him to come to me tonight in a dream to talk to me. How crazy is that? Maybe he will. I hope he does.

I'm glad I have found this thread because unless you have lost a parent, I think it is very hard for people to understand the utter devastation it brings, and of course they can go back to 'normal' , whereas we can't.

I guess I'm feeling rather alone in the world too. When my mum goes that will be it.

Anyway, on a brighter note I feel better for getting that off my chest!

Hi fluffy have just got in so will reply to you in the morning. ( been to a 60th birthday ).

Hi Fluffy, I know exactly what you mean although I am only 3 months into this nightmare. I hate the thought that I won't ever feel happy again. I miss my Dad so much and am so worried about my Mum now living on her own. I feel that Dad passing has ruin my life. I have two dc and a dh but I'm finding it really hard to function at the moment and nothing seems to matter anymore.

Hi fluffy I agree with you that life will never be " normal " as we knew it and the sense of loss will always be with us. The thing is somehow we have to continue to live our lives and form a new kind of normal. It's very difficult at times. Yesterday was my brothers 60th birthday and my nieces wedding anniversary. I could not help think of my mum as she was at my nieces wedding, we lost her a few weeks later. And she would of loved the secret party we had yesterday for my brother.
We will always miss someone we love, no matter how many years pass. It's 5 yrs for me now, but sometimes feels like just weeks ago. I'm sure the fact you have children may mean you had to put some of your grief on hold as you had a family to care for. But no matter how long you need, we are all different. 💐

Hello alibaba & mummy,

Thanks for getting back to me, grief is a lonely place.

Some days if feels so raw still Alibaba, as if it were yesterday. I'm sorry for the loss of your Dad. It does get easier and then it hits again in like a wave. The early days are the hardest though IMO/E.

I, too, worry for my mum now. She's on her own, too far to pop round to visit. She's all by herself and it must be tough for her, her soulmate of 45yrs has gone. it must be so very difficult for her to live with, day in, day out.

mummlyn they are bitter sweet memories then? IFSWIM? I guess you are right and we just have to accept them as our new normal (but it doesn't feel normal!) Ahhh!!!! Why is this so hard?

I never dreamt about my Dad last night which I'm gutted about.

Thanks again to you both for responding to me, it was really kind.

Excuse all the typos, I really don't know what is wrong with me today!

Hi everyone,

I lost my mother in horrific circumstances back in April this year. Up until the last few weeks, I thought I was coping well although admittedly, I have had my focus on my final exams at uni (passed and passed well so I know she's so proud of me for that).

I guess I've been very aware of my drinking in the last few months as I know how easy it is to start being dependant on but, I've sort of been thinking about my last few nights out with friends and I'm thinking that possibly, alcohol is the only way that I can let myself cry and let my friends look after me. Other times I've noticed that I really do hold it back until I'm alone and then I feel really lonely.

Is this something that other people have found? I'm worried that I'm overburdening myself so that I don't burden my friends.

It is much easier if you let yourself cry and talk about your Mum. At least that is what I find helps.

Hello shining it sounds like you have been through a very difficult time in the past few months. Not only did you have the death to deal with, but I would imagine you were in terrible shock. Sometimes our body just shuts things out as a protective thing.
It certainly does help to be able to discuss it with others and I'm sure your friend would be more than willing to listen to you.
They may see that you have been just getting on with things and wrongly have decided that you are coping well.
The drink you are using as a crutch obviously.
You may find it helpful to have some sort of counselling.
There is nothing wrong with shedding tears, especially after a traumatic event in your life,which it sounds like it has been. Try opening up to a good friend if you can, I'm sure they would be prepared to listen to you.
Having a drink dosent really help you, it just helps you to cope at that moment.
There is always someone on here you can chat to, which may help you.
You are not alone. Take care 💐

I hope all the posters feeling sad this weekend will find some happiness over this bank holiday. I know it's tough when you are grieving , but even a couple of hours of pleasure can help enormously. For those of you with children, thIs will help such a lot. 💐

Mummy you are wonderful for keeping these threads going. Thank you.

DDad's 2 year anniversary today and I am struggling. I'm not able to be with DMum so I think that is making things worse, in addition to reading tunnock's and CTK's threads - I should really stop that, it's really not helping.

The anniversary day is always going to be difficult Hearts. We tend to go back over the day that we lost that special someone, and that just adds to the sadness really,
For me , it makes me sad because it's just points out to me how long it is since I saw my mum, yet another thing to be fed up about !
But there is nothing we can do about it unfortunately. Only try and remember a happier time we shared together.
I hope your mum has been able to cope today. It's a very sad day for her isn't it. 💐

Hi everyone,
I'm sorry that you're all here.
10 days ago my mum was taken into hospital because she was struggling to breathe. 8 days ago she was diagnosed with Acute myeloid leukaemia. 5 days ago she started chemotherapy and last night she died suddenly. I don't know what happened exactly, my brother said she had seemed well when he'd been with her a couple of hours before but that her heart just gave up.

My mum is 67 but until the day before she was admitted she was fit and healthy. Her and my dad have a small holding and are constantly on the go. This all came out of nowhere.

I live 4 hours away and I hadn't been to see her since she became ill. I'm 24 weeks pregnant and was told to stay away while she had the initial 10 days of intensive treatment because of the risk of coming into contact with the chemicals in bodily fluids. It was hard not seeing her but we were expecting at least 6 weeks in hospital then a difficult battle. I thought there was time and I'd booked time off next week so I could spend a week with her.

I haven't got out of bed yet so not really facing the reality of what's happened. I already feel crushing guilt as well as the grief. I imagine we'll travel over today to be with my dad and siblings but I can't decide whether I should just go alone and leave my poor toddler at home with my husband. I'm not sure how appropriate it would be to bring a playful, lively toddler into the house. I haven't spoken to my dad yet, I'm so scared to see the state he's going to be in. They've been married for 45 years.

Can anyone offer an opinion on whether I should go and see her? I don't think I want to but will I regret it?

Hello oyster it's not something that others can really decide for you. We all think so differently.
I can tell you that I personally did go and see my mum, and I am glad that I did. My mum also was perfectly well until less than 24 hrs before she suddenly died.
I felt totally totally shocked. I saw her about half an hour after she died in the hospital , and also went to see her 3 or 4 times in the chapel of rest.
My mum looked so peaceful, and I don't regret going one bit.
But for others who have done the same thing, they wished afterwards they hadn't gone,
It is down to personal choice really. But if you think you will regret not going, then go whilst you still have the chance.
Others prefer to remember their loved ones as they last saw them.
I am so sorry that you have had this terrible shock.
One thing is I cut a piece of my mums hair and have it in a locket. But stupidly I won't wear it in case I lose it !
I hope you will come to a decision that either way you will feel you made the right choice. 💐

Thanks.
I'm at my parents house now and one of the things my dad is struggling with most is how she looked when he went in to see her after she'd gone. It turns out she'd had an aneurysm and bled out so she had no colour. I think that's made my decision.