Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent.

[Mummylin]

Welcome to the new thread for support in your loss.

SM how lovely to see you. I had no idea that your grandparents had another loss. What a terrible time for them. Lovely to see about new babies though !
How is your ds doing and how is your mums bit in the garden ?

Hello Acehole ( that amuses me ). There seems to be so many little ones born after their grandparent has died, it's such a shame. It happened to my family too. My sister had twin girls 4 months after we lost our mum. We know that our passed relatives would of loved them so much.
I think when we have a very special event in our lives it just emphasises our loss. 💐

Yep it hit them pretty hard, i ended up going with them to see him at the funeral home as i didnt think they could handle it alone, it was strange for want of a better way of putting it and then i felt really guilty that i didnt go and see my own mum but saw her brother who i didnt really know. but i did it for my grandparents and ive come to accept that now and not beat myself up. yes very exciting about the new babies! lots of oppurtunties for me to get cuddles and then send them back! haha.

Mums garden is very odd, i lay cut flowers there that i didnt have time to take up the cemetery and they have taken root and grown into a rose bush! which is very peculair but lovely all the same.

ds is alright he has had a bit of trouble with bullying but hopefully we are coming out of the other side. How about you, your dc and gchildren?

All ok here. Everything much the same apart that dd has met a new man after all this time. I'm so glad for her after all she went through with her ex. He is still drinking, God knows how he is still alive. Thunder just starting here and it's tipping down with rain ! Really nice to see you,

Ah that's lovely, im so happy for her. I hope she knows she did everything she could for her ex and that no matter what things wouldn't have turned out differently some people are beyond help. He needs to do it for himself if he ever decides to sort himself out. Ah grim about the weather its been raining here too, dp will be impressed if theres a storm though he loves them...the dogs not so much.

hi everyone! so nice to see everyone still posting, this thread has been a lifeline for so many of us. I'm rushing to get ready for work but am so pleased to see you all!

sm, can I ask what helped you with your anxiety? I'm suffering a bit from that just now, I had CBT but don't know how much it helped, I'd be grateful for any advice. good to see you here!

mummylyn , as always hope you and the family are well and that wee baby is a big baby by now

xxx

Oh this is lovely to see you sad and SM !! Hope you are doing ok and enjoying the sunshine.
Baby is now getting on for nearly ten months would you believe. He is a sweet little soul and already has a lot of character. 💐 For both of you.

thanks xx

I too lost my dad unexpectedly a few weeks ago. I think I've been in shock since, looking after everyone and getting all of the necessary things organised. Now I am back in my own town, and back to work after 3 weeks at my parents and I'm suddenly finding it really hard. It hits me unexpectedly. I was walking home along the beach from work today, enjoying the sunshine. And I got a random image in my head of my dad squinting into the sun, enjoying having the sun on his face. It came from nowhere. I would give anything for him to be here and see him one last time and tell him how much I love him. I Just can't stop crying this evening. I hope you are all finding some comfort. It's just so hard isn't it.

Hello sausage I am so sorry that you have had to join us here.
You are in the very early stages of grief and it does hit you like a sledgehammer when you least expect it. You do wonder how the world keeps turning when you have had such a devastating loss in your life.
But strangely it does.
There will be little things that remind you all the time in these early days and you realise that your life is now changed forever.
I think we all share your wish that we could just have our loved ones for even 5 minutes more. It is truly heartbreaking.
But in a few weeks / months the good days will start to outnumber the sad days and your grief eventually will lessen. It is different for everyone and the times we need are all different. But it will come I promise you. This isn't something that can be rushed, but it's easier to take each day as it comes. Rather than look ahead too far.
We are always here if you want to chat or even to have a little moan about something. Take care 💐

Hoping that everyone is managing to cope ok , day by day is the way to go 💐

Feeling very down at the moment. Very overwhelmed with everything going on in real life when I just feel like staying at home.

Hi little sorry you are feeling so down. Do you have a good friend you could talk to or someone who will give you a shoulder ? But you can chat on here, we don't have to just discuss our losses.
Many of us have come on here just for a rant about something or other. It's important you look after yourself, enough sleep, proper meals etc.
If you find yourself getting too low, it may be wise to speak to your doc.
Your not alone 💐

I came on here a while back while "tired and emotional". I was struggling with trying to cope with the loss of my mum and ended up drinking far too much for the last 9 months to the point it was making me ill. I looked very functional to all around but I needed the wine to get to sleep.
Well I haven't drunk for 3 days now, doesn't seem a lot, but it's major compared to where I was. The first two nights were hard with nightmares etc but last night I got fantastic sleep. I also joined a gym last week and have two sessions with a personal trainer. I'm starting to think it might actually possible to get some semblance of life back. Feeling the most positive I have in well over a year but worried it's only going to last until the next unbearable wave of grief. Thank you so much @mummylin and the other posters who said such kind things to me before.

Hi Freckles what a lovely post ! Well done on the last three days, that is an achievement in itself. The grief does tend to creep up when we least expect it, but if you have a drink at that time, don't feel bad, don't give up on giving up. You can do this. 💐

I have felt worse over the past few days than I have over the past couple of months. It was Father's Day here in Belgium yesterday so that doesn't help but it's more than that. I just can't stop thinking about what I'll be like when my mum passes away even though she is healthy enough and not looking like she is going anywhere at the moment. My youngest leaves home in September and as there are eight years between her and my next one up plus she has been homeschooling for the past two years I know I'm going to have to cope with her leaving too. My dh works away a lot but I work part time so I can't just go off and stay with my mum when I like. Both ds's are in the UK and although they contact me, its usually to ask me a question or favour. They never just ask how I'm doing. One has been staying with my mum and the other just visited for the weekend so it's not like they are incapable of sympathy. As I hide my tears from my dh (and mostly from my dd), I'm not getting any support from him. He's a lovely man so I'm sure he would be supportive but I seem to feel the need to cry alone. I don't really know my reason for posting all this other than to let out how I feel to someone.

Ds2 visited my dm for the weekend

Hi longtime I think when you have had a loss, it's normal to fret about losing someone else. My own dd worries about not having me here since my own mum died. But it dosent do to dwell on it too much as it can end up very distressing for the person who is worrying. Hopefully you will have your mum for a good few years yet, so enjoy them for now.
You are prob thinking about the fact your dd will be leaving home, so this will also be a kind of loss for you.
And as you say , Father's Day yesterday was probably on your mind too.
It is fine and normal to have tears now and then, it's only human to be upset at any loss. Things will get better for you, so try and look forward.💐

I'm joining this thread and haven't yet read other posters stories but I will. My mum died 8 months ago and I'm finding it strange when it affects me. No one like my dad and sister talks about her apart from mentioning her in conversation, no one asks how I am and I don't ask how they are, it's as if no one wants to mention it. Is that normal?

Maybe because the anniversary of her death is approaching and I'm remembering last summer as caring for her is making me more emotional, I don't know. I'm now worried about how scared she was and I disnt help her. She laterly had brain cancer that made it quite frustrating at times as her understanding reduced and I'm ashamed to say I for frustrated at her and shouted sometimes. I wish I could change that.

Hi Nick I can understand that you would of got frustrated at trying to say something to your mum and her not understanding. But that was the illness, not your mum.
It is very strange when people don't talk about the person that has died, I myself am always talking about my mum, but I have to say it's normally me that starts the conversation.
I am sure you did the best that you could for your mum, and she would of really appreciated that I'm sure.
None of us are robots, we all think, " if only I had done this or that " but we are human beings and none of us are perfect. You did your best, that's all anyone can ask of you, don't fret you didn't do enough. Take care and stop feeling guilty 💐

Hi Everyone; sorry not been on since my Dad's funeral... just been sorting stuff out.

How is everyone doing? I have to say, I thought it was bad when my Dad had just died. Now 4 weeks on and I feel worse than ever. I feel so utterly overwhelmed with everything, the grief has really kicked in and most of the time I feel like I can barely function. I've been back at work but I'm finding it hard. Having to keep a brave face and deal with my cases while I'm literally fighting back tears the whole time is exhausting me. I know my Dad hasn't even been gone a full month yet, so its early days but it just feels like it's never ending. Everything feels utterly exhausting and draining; just going to get a few bits at the supermarket feels like the bloody krypton factor - I find myself standing there with no clue what I'm even doing! The most simple things feel like climbing a mountain.

I knew the grief would kick in properly but I wasn't prepared for it feeling this bad. It's physical as well as emotional and mental... I really didn't expect it to feel like this. It's like my body is in a constant state of shock/trauma and I keep having panic attacks, which I've never had before. I keep reading that it's normal - being told it's normal - I know it'll take time, but it's literally the worst time of my life. I just want 10 minutes where I'm not hurting and can function normally.

HinAlfa I actually do believe that you can feel real physical pain. I think that the more days that pass after you have lost someone so close, the worse you begin to feel as the reality of what has happened kicks in. But this may be essential to get through so that we can then eventually begin to heal.
It is a horrible horrible time for you and I expect at the moment you can't see an end to your sadness.

There will be better days ahead, but it's probably too early for that at the moment.
For now, take the days one by one, in the coming months you will begin to have more happier days. You won't ever forget of course, but you will accept it and learn to live with your loss. 💐

Mummy Thank you for your kind post and I know you are right. I was having a down night last night and I'm afraid I had a few wines in me!

Mummylin, sorry to post and run. It does seem like you are left doing most of the comforting. I hope you are doing ok.

I seem to have come out of my very down week. Not looking to Sunday though and am worried it'll set me back. I'm trying not to be so pessimistic though. Dd has her a levels at the moment and needs the help and support.

Just whisper a little message to your dad longtime it may help you a little bit, it will be ok. 💐