Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent.

[Mummylin]

Welcome to the new thread for support in your loss.

I'm glad my post made a positive impact on your day. cuddle is there any way you can get away from your husband? Maybe just for a few days. You don't need this stress atm.

Very similar scenario that led me to severe depression. Honestly it got so bad I was contemplating suicide. I'd just had enough. The fights were endless. And everytime I'd try and express my feelings....he'd explode! It was such a horrible time. If I'd moved away from my husband at that time and really looked after myself, I don't think I would've struggled so much. Do you have kids?

Alfa, I was in your position end January doing all the organising. My db left most of it up to me because I was at mum's full time but I am self employed which made the work situation simpler. It exhausted me though physically and mentally. Changing all bills etc from dad's to mum's name, going through his emails to tell people, Cancelling his passport, driving licence, blue badge, parking bay, I felt like I was erasing him but couldn't believe he was gone. I still can't. You have echoed exactly how I felt and still feel. to everyone here and thank you for your kind thoughts.

Alfa, my dad also died of complications/infections rather than the cancer. It pulls the rug from under you, doesn't it? With a cancer diagnosis you think you know how it is going to go but then you lose him from something else quicker than you thought. Sorry, I'm not helping. It is so raw for you at the moment .

I've read the whole thread as I can't sleep. doublegloucester, yes, I feel guilty being in Belgium while dm is in the south of England.

It's funny how we all react differently. I didn't see my dad for the last three weeks of his life (I'd been there for three weeks over Xmas and new year and was about to go back over) so was desperate to see and hear him in some way. My dd had taken some little videos of him on Xmas day and I couldn't stop watching them. We also laughed quite a lot at dad's wake at some of the funny stories we and other people had.

I find myself terrified of something happening to mum. We have always been really close but I phone her every day now for over an hour usually. It's also about losing our family home we moved into over fifty years ago. I've also starting fretting about potentially lose of my dcs. I used to be a bit paranoid about it when they were younger and it's coming back.

Thank you Mummylin. I'm so sorry for your loss too. I'm going to see how I am next week and if I think I need extra time I'll arrange some extra time off - either annual leave or get signed off for a week so I can start to grieve myself. This morning I felt so utterly drained I was getting so snappy and like I couldn't cope with anymore "noise" - the sound of people talking all the time was driving me insane. I just want quiet. I'm trying to understand that people want to keep busy... but I'm almost at breaking point with being "busy".

This morning it felt like any second I was actually going to lose it, my legs would go from under me and that would be it, I'd be useless to everyone. At this point I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get through the funeral... I feel like if I crack even a little then a tsunami of grief will follow. My partner is coming to the funeral so that will be support, but right now I'm very much holding everyone else together.

Longtime I'm so sorry to hear you've been through the same... thing is we thought we had quite some time with my Dad's cancer and they decided to try and slow it down to give him longer.... but what they did actually ended up accelerating the whole thing and he just wasn't strong enough. He's been battling infections for months and that on top of the cancer etc... it just got too much for him. I'm glad he's not suffering anymore and in a way I'm glad it's been a fairly short time from when he started to get really sick until his death... I'd have hated to see him suffer over a long time - and watch my mum go through that too. Even so, I still feel like I've been hit by a train and it's not quite sunk in yet that he's gone forever... that I'll never see him again. Little things I would normally say to myself "ask Dad..." - it suddenly hits that I can't. I got so upset today because I couldn't find something in the house - something very boring but that we needed - and I knew Dad would know where it was.

Hi Alfa I think you are sensible to try and get some time off. By the sounds of it you are running yourself ragged !
I think we all fear the funeral, but surprisingly although it's a very upsetting day, the fear is actually worse than the day. I think it helps when you have other friends and family around to talk to on that day. You will get through it, you may surprise yourself how well you do. 💐

I'm an imposter here so if I'm in the wrong place just tell me. I havnt lost a parent but I recently lost my mother in law. I was never close to my own mum and she quickly became like a mum to me. She was so young and her death was so sudden it seems so cruel.

I can't stop feeling angry, she didn't deserve this. I see older people walking around and think why didn't she get to grow old. I keep crying at memories, reliving every little argument or cross word we ever had thinking why did we do that. If I'd known what was going to come maybe it would never have happened.

I just miss her so much. It feels like I can't talk to anyone as I'm the one who is supposed to be strong. My partner is obviously struggling greatly at the loss of her mum. My children are heartbroken and needing a lot of comfort and I'm the one who is supposed to be holding it all together but it's so hard. I just want to cry all the time.

She was so full of life, it's hard to believe she's gone. I keep expecting her to walk in the door laughing that she fooled us all. Sometimes I even forget as stupid as that sounds. I think I will text her later and tell her something then it hits me.

I don't know how any of us will ever get over this. She was the closest person to every one of us. She was always in our lives, always at our house, always on the phone. Such a huge part of our life and now it's never going to be the same again.

Morning all. I haven't been on this thread for a while, but wanted to check in and see how everyone is doing. So sorry to all with recent losses. It is truly shit.

Can also empathise with work, targets and people forgetting so quickly.

It's been 4 months since my mum died and I still can't go more than a couple of hours without crying. I had a dream last night that it had been a mistake and that she was alive and coming home from hospital. I just can't bear it, I miss her so bloody much.

I thought I should be feeling a bit better by now, but really don't. I know it takes time but I'm still at the day she died though all around seem to have moved on, at least a bit and the expectation is that I should have moved on too.

I am so fed up feeling sorry for myself too.

Hi callme it is still very early days for you and sadly we can't speed up the grieving process. It can take quite a while just to even believe that person has gone. It can hit you like a ton of bricks when you least expect it. Gradually the pain eases up a bit, and the gaps between feeling so sad and having an ok day get longer in between.
But I think the first year can be very distressing with all birthdays, special days and anniversaries. Take things day by day, and when you can get through those , cope week by week. Its especially upsetting when all around us we see others moving on and we seem to be stuck in the same place. And also when people expect us to be " over it " in a short space of time. You will eventually be in a better position and although still sad, you will be coping better. Time is what you need. 💐
catching I am sorry for the loss of your MIL. It is indeed a horrible time in everyone's life, especially someone that you cared about. All I can say to you really is that grieving is a tough time and it's something that we on this thread have all had to face. It's very early days, a month is nothing so. Expect it still seems like yesterday. Don't beat yourself going over all petty arguements you may of had. It dosent do any good and won't change anything. I hope your partner is getting lots of support at this time , either from friends or other family members. It's tough but it does get better, it just takes a lot of time. 💐

So sorry for your loss catching, your MIL sounds like a wonderful lady.

Mummylin, thank you for your kind words, much appreciated.

Thanks Mummylin. We got what seems to be the last of things sorted today before the funeral so finally getting a bit of time to rest. My partner has been so lovely and I know he will be an absolute rock for me on the day of the funeral.

Hi Catching - so sorry for your loss. I understand the anger. I was out today with my Mum getting a few bits for the funeral. We were in a shopping centre and for the first time since my Dad's death I felt such anger and irritation at everything and everyone! When you go into the fog after a loved one's death, you forget how everyone else is carrying on with their lives; I wanted to scream at people today. It was very difficult.

Hi Callme - so sorry for your loss too. I totally get about the dreams; I've been having awful dreams since my Dad's death. Last night I dreamt I missed his funeral - I was in such a state when I woke up. I've had awful dreams every night.

I'm dreading going back to work; I really don't feel up to it. It's not doing the job that's the problem - it's the stupid trivial things that people place so much artificial importance on that will be a challenge. I can't bear the corporate nonsense and pointless issues at the best of times never mind after this.

Sending hugs to you all.

for everyone who is suffering.

Some dreams can be nice ones. I had a lovely dream where I rang Mum and arranged to meet up. She was on a flight of stairs and was holding hands with another relative who died years ago. They were both radiating happiness.

To all of you that are grieving, this will get better eventually. I know it probably doesn't seem like it at the moment, but it will.
alfa I found it very difficult in the beginning going to any shops, I could not understand how everyone was just doing their normal shopping and wanted to yell at them all " don't you know my mum has died " it was horrible. I think I expected the world to stop !
I am glad all the arrangements are now done.
For all of you 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

This thread is so lovely. Such kind, supportive words from everyone to one another- I wish I could contribute to it more. I'm just feeling so low. Had DD2's birthday over the weekend, and the absence of a card, phonecall, present or presence was overwhelming. I found a Christmas present mum had bought for DD2 which I'd put away (and forgotten about) as she had too many toys, and just cried my eyes out. I wrapped it for her and gave it to her so she had a last present from granny. Heartbreaking.

LittleHo, your dream sounds amazing. Here's to many more like that

I just wanted to check in and share thoughts and sympathy with everyone on here who is suffering.
Strange funeral dreams immediately before and after were very much a thing for me too, my mum had several weeks to plan for the end and when I visited she would tell me exactly what she wanted at the funeral, so I kind of wanted to update her on how it had all gone, as strange as that seems. Lots of dreams where she would be watching the funeral and talking about it with me. @catching, I had the same thought that I would drop her a text. It did all ease off in time, although sometimes that's not what you want to hear, I remember feeling I wasn't ready to let go of that first rush of grief too soon, if seemed like a betrayal.

Good luck going back to work alfagirl, I remember dreading it but found comfort in the most unexpected places, often from people who had lost someone close to them and we just had a moment's solidarity... I did dig my heels in about a phased return which helped so I don't know if that could be an option? My GP was very supportive and recommended it so the boss had to agree really

Tethersend, well done for getting through the birthday, how lovely for your DD to have a present.
too all, hopefully we might sleep well tonight

Tethers. That is lovely that your dd was able to still receive a birthday gift from her Gran. It will be a very treasured gift I'm sure.
How have you been getting on with your driving ?

Hello crazydil...just nc'd- used to be CuddleAttack.

Anyway, DH took some time off work, we had a big fight, but then lots of tears and really talked. We've both been bottling up far more than we realized. So we've made a pact not to bottle things up and just give one another a lot more information. Fingers crossed.

Tethers I still buy my mum presents sometimes, she 'buys' presents for others in the close family (including me) sometimes too. It really helps me cope round special occasions. We also get a cake and flowers on her birthday.

So it was my Dad's funeral today; went really well (or as well as funerals can go!) and it was touching to see how many people loved my Dad.

I'm now utterly drained and exhausted; as in I feel like every single tiny bit of energy has been zapped from my body. It's like everything since my Dad died has caught up with me 10 fold. Even the thought of doing anything is exhausting. Anyone else had this after the funeral?

Yes. I think it is probably to do with coming down from the adrenaline that has kept you going. I still feel drained nearly two months on.

Anyone else had this after the funeral?

I've reached this stage six weeks on. Performed like a dream through the funeral and aftermath (just as well since I have no other immediate family so everything fell to me).

But this week I feel like the shock is finally beginning to wear off and reality kick in.

Today is my birthday. It's 2.5 yrs since I lost my mum.
I feel sad today that the person who gave birth to me is no longer here. I miss her so much, she was my best friend

Sparky

So sorry for all the sad folk on here recently. Take some time over the weekend to try and relax and have a bit of a break if possible.
Sparky happy birthday. 🎂
Alfa glad to see that the funeral went to plan, and hope that you coped with it ok.
For all of you 🌺🌺🌺🌺

Over two years since my dad passed aged 69, can't believe how quickly it has gone. I've had another baby since.. It feels so wrong for him to not be able to see the children of the daughter he loved so much. He was so good with kids... Their other grandad is shit which makes it hit home more. It feels so so weird to know you're never going to see them again, ever ever. Yet I feel lucky to have had him until I was 30 and lucky to have had a nice dad.
Sending love everyone here missing parents

Hi everyone, sorry to see new faces here, its a really hard time and everyone else getting on with their lives in the immediate aftermath is so bloody hard, i remember being stopped when i was out shopping for an outfit for mum and i just wanted to scream at him, my mum has died why is everyone smiling and going about their buisness,its hard to take when there has been such a significant change in your own life.

Things are ticking on here, after my uncles death in jan my grandparents went through a really tough time, think the loss of two children in 5 years has hit them hard as you can imagine and there are all sorts of regrets regarding their relationship with him coupled with their health problems but there is light at the end of the tunnel there and my nan has also reached out and started talking to her daughter again which is a positive thing - we dont always see eye to eye but im glad that they are trying to build bridges and i think that mum would approve.

my nephew is due in a little over 2 weeks, which is bittersweet because its my brothers first born and i know mum would of been bursting with pride and buying out every shop but im so happy for him and excited for some positive news in the family - also recently my sister is pregnant after struggling due at the end of the year so 2017 is going to very expensive for us! but we are all thrilled. Mum would be too, two more grandchildren to her brood - she would be singing from the rooftops.

As for me, im alot better anxiety wise, not joining the pregnant gang! how are you all doing? Mummylinn,biscuits,ssd,T? and all the new posters - you will find such support on this thread no matter what the reason you have found it, happy to pm anyone that wants an ear.