Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Lemon's Mum

999 replies

lemonzest123 · 14/09/2016 11:37

Hi MNers,

Thanks for tipping me off about the message limit on my other thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2725008-Would-any-MNers-be-able-to-help-tonight?pg=1&order=

I am stunned and unbelievably humbled to see that one little post I wrote sparked 1000 messages, and Im so appreciative of all you personal stories and jokes to cheer me up.

MN is offically amazing and you're all fantastic.

DM had a rough night, she apparently woke in the night with a bad headache which I think confirmed the disease has moved into her head (we expected this, apparently what's causing the paralysis often appears in the brain too). Still no appetite and sleeping all the time.

Sad

Hope everyone had a good night. I had yet more nightmares - theyre all about Mum and they all horrible. Shouty I is in fine voice this morning. Dad said he heard Shouty I bellowing to Shouty II to shut up the other day. Pot, meet kettle Hmm

OP posts:
Allatseainthemidlands · 06/10/2016 14:34

Hi lemon I m in church with a candle lit for you and your mum and the whole family. Praying for peace and comfort and rest for you all

ohfourfoxache · 06/10/2016 23:25

Just checking in sweetheart xx

boo2410 · 06/10/2016 23:36

Hi Lemon, how are you doing? I think you have been amazing through all of this, your Darling Mum is so proud of you (I say is as she is still with you in spirit). So glad your DP has been a star, knew he would be. Reckon he's a keeper! As others have said, without sounding harsh and uncaring, try not to let your DF depend on to you to the extent that he won't be able to function on his own. Has he got a good circle of friends and interests?

So glad you managed to get a big sleep. God knows you needed it. You must still be exhausted with so much to sort out. I know when my darling Aunt died (she was like a second Mum to me) I was helping my Uncle sort out her funeral and financial stuff and because we were so busy it didn't totally hit me until the funeral. She was buried on Christmas Eve so although I love Christmas that day is bittersweet for me. I go to the Crib Service every year and always shed a tear as I remember her.

Strangest thing was I would be driving along the road and would see something (my Aunt always loved animals and nature) and think "oh I must ring Lou about that" and then I'd remember. Took me a very long time to not do that.

Anyway my lovely take good care of yourself, we are all thinking of you and sending you hugs and squeezing your hand. Flowers Flowers

SingaSong12 · 07/10/2016 02:04

I have no experience to add, just best wishes and prayers Flowers

Grumpyoldblonde · 07/10/2016 10:17

Hi poppet, just sending you a virtual squeeze as you navigate these incredibly tough, exhausting early days.

After all the stress and tiredness it wouldn't be surprising if you find yourself feeling quite poorly, so do try to keep eating and resting.
Everybody grieves differently and feelings can change from hour to hour, I well remember being so busy in the early days I almost felt ok, a bit further on and I kept expecting thing to get back to 'normal' as in the deceased would suddenly come back and life would continue as before. 15 months on I often get a sense of 'Oh shit, it really did happen then'
The raw pain does fade with time, sadness remains, as they say, 'grief is the price we pay for love' but you do kind of learn to live with it, no option really.
Take good care of yourself and I'll check back soon.

Allatseainthemidlands · 08/10/2016 21:13

Hi lemon just dropping by to say hello. We're here when you need us

HexBramble · 09/10/2016 15:03

Thinking of you Lemon.
I lit a candle for your Mum last night. Sending positive thoughts Flowers

Itsabeautifuldaytosavelives · 09/10/2016 15:48

Hi lemon, just dropping in to say thinking of you. I am no-where near as eloquent as some of the others here supporting you but you are in my thoughts. I lit a candle in church this morning to light your lovely mums way.

boo2410 · 09/10/2016 16:18

Hi Lemon, hope you are as o.k. as you can be, it will get easier, just not yet. I hope you are all taking comfort in each other and remembering your darling Mum. She will be with you all your life wherever you are and whatever you are doing. Take care Flowers Flowers

FarelyKnuts · 09/10/2016 23:32

Still thinking of you all Flowers

Florathefern · 10/10/2016 01:09

Hi Lemon,
Just saying hi and wondering if you are ok? The days are probably passing in a blur or else feeling very long indeed. I know the feeling of being knocked for six. You did so much and for a long time and apart from physical exhaustion, it is mentally and emotionally exhausting.

It will get easier and the days of that empty feeling will lessen though never entirely disappear. You may find they pop up unexpectedly when you hear a certain piece of music, or a particular perfume reaches your nose. I like to think it is our loved ones just saying hello to us.

I think of you often as do all of us on this thread and anytime you want to chat, we are here. xx

icklekid · 10/10/2016 16:41

Still here, still praying and thinking of you. Take care 🌼

Original poster
lemonzest123 · 10/10/2016 22:20

Hello Wonderful MN,

Lemon cant come to the phone right now because she is in hell :'(

Back soon.

xxx

OP posts:
Quietlygoingmad67 · 10/10/2016 22:33

Oh Lemon that is a heart wrenching update - we are all here ready to lean in and pull you out.

Xx

Florathefern · 10/10/2016 22:41

I know its hard, impossibly hard, but remember your dear mum is no longer in any pain. It is harder for the people left behind. It doesn't feel like it now but In time, you will be ok, really you will. xx

boo2410 · 10/10/2016 23:05

Oh Lemon my lovely, I know you are in the worse place imaginable at the moment but in time you will come out the other side. The pain will never go away but you will learn to manage it. As others have said, your darling Mum is in a better pain free place now. Don't feel guilty if you cry, don't feel guilty if something random makes you laugh. In the future you will all think of darling Mum with smiles and will talk about her, remembering all different things.

We are all still by your side and each and every one of us will continue to send you big fat MN hugs for as long as you need us. Take care Flowers Flowers

icklekid · 11/10/2016 13:00

Oh lemon know we are all still here and waiting. We will listen, allow you to cry, lament whatever it is you need. You will get through this no matter how impossible that may sound right now

Coldhandscoldheart · 11/10/2016 13:54

Oh Lemon you poor girl.
You will slowly walk through hell and out the other side. It will leave its mark, but you will make it through.

ohfourfoxache · 11/10/2016 16:32

Oh darling Lemon Sad

I wish there was something- anything- I could do to help.

Allatseainthemidlands · 11/10/2016 18:10

It's so hard and so sad. It's no wonder you feel so miserable. We will all be here for as long as you need. Try to keep eating, to rest when you can, and not to feel badly if you have the occasional moment of not feeling utterly crap. Remember how much you did for your lovely mum, and how dearly she would want you to look after yourself now. Prayers and hugs Flowers

Fanlightfanny · 11/10/2016 19:22

Still here Lemon, still thinking of you.

PootlewasthebestFlump · 11/10/2016 19:26

You will get there Lemon. I'm getting there and I'm pretty feeble about getting myself together. You've had to be so strong for so long you must feel like collapsing but take it steady, you'll come out the other side. Promise.

Sometimes when it's hard to have hope yourself it's the job of others to hold onto hope for you. We can all do that for you until you're ready to take it back again. X

YouCanShoveYourOtherGranny · 11/10/2016 22:50

Dearest Lemon.

Yes, you are in hell for now. Nothing is harder. It feels like you will never smile or laugh or feel joy again. But you will. Truly. Not yet, not for a while. But one day soon you will - and it will surprise and shock and almost shame you. But go with it. I'm 7 weeks post losing my best friend and am finding I have longer stretches of 'new normal' every day. Still so very, very, very tired though. The emotional and physical strength required to wait for the end - never mind the actual work you did during that horrid time! - will take a while to get past. But you'll get through it in the end. I'm sending a big hug to you, and hope that when my time comes I am as lucky as your mum was - what a great daughter you are.

GingerbreadLatteToGo · 12/10/2016 00:09

((((((Lemon))))))

When my Dad died I felt like someone had put a HUGE boulder on my chest, not only was it hard to breath, but it actually felt heavy. I had so much I had to organise (his business stuff as well as the funeral etc) so I mostly just had to get on with stuff, but at the same time I had this constant video playing in my head of things he'd done, said, flashbacks of my childhood. I was shattered but couldn't sleep.

It takes time. It doesn't hurt any less, but you gradually learn to live alongside it, it's part of you, it changes you.

It's totally, totally shit & shouldn't happen. Those we love shouldn't die far, far too young...not whennwe still want them & need them so much. Please don't feel you have to post, just know we are here for you xxx

FlowerOfTheValley · 12/10/2016 00:26

We're here if you need us Lemon. I'm so sorry to read your update. Take care of yourself Flowers

Swipe left for the next trending thread