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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Lemon's Mum

999 replies

lemonzest123 · 14/09/2016 11:37

Hi MNers,

Thanks for tipping me off about the message limit on my other thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2725008-Would-any-MNers-be-able-to-help-tonight?pg=1&order=

I am stunned and unbelievably humbled to see that one little post I wrote sparked 1000 messages, and Im so appreciative of all you personal stories and jokes to cheer me up.

MN is offically amazing and you're all fantastic.

DM had a rough night, she apparently woke in the night with a bad headache which I think confirmed the disease has moved into her head (we expected this, apparently what's causing the paralysis often appears in the brain too). Still no appetite and sleeping all the time.

Sad

Hope everyone had a good night. I had yet more nightmares - theyre all about Mum and they all horrible. Shouty I is in fine voice this morning. Dad said he heard Shouty I bellowing to Shouty II to shut up the other day. Pot, meet kettle Hmm

OP posts:
IsItOnTheTrolley · 02/10/2016 08:09

Good morning Lemon, hope the night has been peaceful, and you feel a little more rested. Thinking of you. 🌻🌻🌻

ohfourfoxache · 02/10/2016 08:13

Thinking of you and yours xx

MadamePeacock · 02/10/2016 08:36

This is the first time I've posted on this thread but wanted to add that I'm thinking of you too. I went through this with my mum last year.

Hueandcry · 02/10/2016 09:09

I hope for all your sake that the end us not far away. You have been and are being amazing but it's time to let go. Trust me you will feel a huge sense of relief when your DM is finally at peace & you can have no regrets. You have done everything you could and more. Wishing you peace & strength

Marcipex · 02/10/2016 09:22

Morning Lemon
Still with you for a hand hold. I hope you got some shut-eye.
I'm down in the West Country with family in London, I know how endless that drive can seem.

boo2410 · 02/10/2016 09:30

Hi Lemon, just dropping in to see how you all are. Hope you've eaten something good and managed to sleep. Also hope darling Mum had a restful night. Glad DP is with you, just what you need, and hope your Dad is feeling a bit rested now.

I wouldn't worry too much about best friend, as others have said if she's into the drug scene maybe you're better off without her. Similar thing is happening with my best friend, she split from husband last year and was going through shit so although we're 150 miles apart I emailed/text every day. Now same things happening to me and I don't hear a thing. Tad lonely.

Anyway, hope you are all feeling a little rested this morning, sending you a hug and a hand squeeze. Will pop back later. FlowersFlowers

GingerbreadLatteToGo · 02/10/2016 09:35

Boo. I'm sorry to hear your friend isn't there for you 💐

Lemon. I'm hoping no news is good news & you've had a restful night & some comfort from being with DP x

FlowerOfTheValley · 02/10/2016 09:39

I hope you managed some sleep. Please don't feel guilty if you are not there at the end. Some people prefer to go when their family are not there.

I'm sorry about your friend. People who you thought would be there for you at a time like this sadly aren't sometimes. But other people will surprise you in a good way. Flowers

Fanlightfanny · 02/10/2016 09:46

Morning Lemon hope you managed a restful night? I'm still on holiday in Spain but keep thinking of you and your Mum. Stay strong.

Original poster
lemonzest123 · 02/10/2016 13:06

Hi lovely MN,

We're all still in situ. DP took me home last night as was feeling all in. We had prosecco and a carpet picnic then cuddled all night.

I've played DM all of Evita and Les Mis so far today.

Feel all twitchy and terrified but also exhausted and frustrated.

OP posts:
Original poster
lemonzest123 · 02/10/2016 13:45

Wow. You remember "BF" who I mentioned? Mutual friend who is with her this w/e just sent me a text saying "sorry you're going through a horrible time but you should pay BF what you owe her"

She booked a hotel room I didn't end up sharing with her in April (I asked for bank details, weren't supplied) so technically owe her £100 but she bailed on my DBros hen do at the last Mo which meant I lost £100 for her place, so I figured she'd never chased because they cancelled each other out.

Am appalled she'd do this now.

Sad
OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 02/10/2016 13:46

You're doing so well; did you manage to get much sleep?

ohfourfoxache · 02/10/2016 13:51

Holy fuck Shock

I think I'd reply to the mutual "friend" saying exactly what you did in your last post, that if payments are going to be settled then you expect her to also pay you back, and that if "BF" wants to discuss it then she should contact you directly.

Other than that, neither of them are your friends- block the bitches

So Angry on your behalf Angry

VanillaSugarandChristmasSpice · 02/10/2016 13:52

Some people are insensitive twunts.

Original poster
lemonzest123 · 02/10/2016 13:56

I sent back saying I'd asked for bank details.... He just replied "She must have missed those messages, ask again" and a smiley face. Translation = I don't believe you.

Just sent her a one line message saying send me back details and amount.

Am wracking my brains to see how I might be BU but that is surely a spectacularly shitty thing to do under the circs.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 02/10/2016 14:16

Once it is sorted out block them both. They are not friends Angry

maybethedayafter · 02/10/2016 14:18

Just send a cheque (and then cancel it!) and then you can forget about ref whole thing. They sound like arseholes. Sorry they're putting you through this now.

dailymaillazyjournos · 02/10/2016 15:30

So sorry about friends shitty behaviour. This is NOT the time to bring that up. How bloody thoughtless . You are dealing with so much right now. Just focus on the people who matter and yourself . Big hug.

Allatseainthemidlands · 02/10/2016 15:38

I would just ignore your 'friends' for the time being. If either of them has the front to raise it again then just reply saying 'I appreciate that we need to clarify who is owed what in due course. However, my beloved mother is on her deathbed and I have neither time, energy nor inclination to focus on anything other than her immediate welfare. I do hope that, should you ever find yourself in a similar situation, your friends will have the sensitivity to show you and your loved ones some respect'. There are words to describe people like this and we all know what they are Angry
Meanwhile focus on your mum. And your dad, your brother, yourself and your DP. Nothing else.

GingerbreadLatteToGo · 02/10/2016 15:56

If it were me I'd text 'When I cancelled my place at the hotel I asked her for her bank details. However, she then cancelled on my brothers Hen Do which cost me more than that, so no money needed to change hands Neither of us owe each other anything. Well, not money, both of you owe me some common fucking decency, bothering me about this on my mother's death bed is fucking obscene. I don't want to hear from either of you ever again'.

boo2410 · 02/10/2016 16:05

Afternoon Lemon, you know the saying, with friends like that who needs enemies. Pay what you allegedly owe in your own time and be done with them. I'm angry for you and the insensitivity of them.

Anyway back to the important stuff. So glad you had a lovely night with DP, he's worth his weight in gold, especially at times like this. Hope your darling Mum is peaceful today and that you are feeling a little less stressed if that's at all possible. I love Andrew Lloyd Webber and STBXH picked up a CD which had a variety of songs from his musicals and I love it. Will pop back later. Take care. Flowers Flowers

Original poster
lemonzest123 · 02/10/2016 16:07

Zzzzzing! You guys are bloody on it with the replies!!

I don't know if I'm surprised or not. For some more background when I got the feeling BF wasn't fussed about being friends with me earlier in the year I gave her a route out by stopping contacting her.... She eventually contacted me and we met up and I explained that I was sure that she didn't want to be friends with me any more. She basically said she had been busy and that wasn't the case...and we had a nice time. But I haven't seen her since and her communication since this vigil has been patchy...but she has said stuff like I'm so sorry and I love you too and we definitely need a catch up and I'm here for you any time....so confused and upset.

Now crippled with confusion and self doubt at the worst possible time.

Sad
OP posts:
PootlewasthebestFlump · 02/10/2016 16:50

Ignore ignore ignore. Now is not the time. She can wait. It's okay the sky won't fall in.

Allatseainthemidlands · 02/10/2016 16:55

Sweetheart just ignore her. You have much more important things to concentrate on and no reserves to spend on crap like this.
Of course you are confused and upset- and you haven't the emotional resources to deal with this now- so don't try.
Look after yourself and your lovely mum. Everything else has to wait. So sorry you are going through this ChocolateCakeWineFlowers

boo2410 · 02/10/2016 17:26

Lemon, "I love you and I'm here for you anytime" don't cut it anymore.where is she now eh?? My BF says that also. Sent her a birthday text three weeks ago, she was going away for weekend with her new DP and said she would text me the following week. Still waiting!!

As others have said, concentrate on the important thing now, your darling Mum and your Dad. Flowers Flowers