Lemon's Mum

[lemonzest123]

Hi MNers,

Thanks for tipping me off about the message limit on my other thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2725008-Would-any-MNers-be-able-to-help-tonight?pg=1&order=

I am stunned and unbelievably humbled to see that one little post I wrote sparked 1000 messages, and Im so appreciative of all you personal stories and jokes to cheer me up.

MN is offically amazing and you're all fantastic.

DM had a rough night, she apparently woke in the night with a bad headache which I think confirmed the disease has moved into her head (we expected this, apparently what's causing the paralysis often appears in the brain too). Still no appetite and sleeping all the time.

Hope everyone had a good night. I had yet more nightmares - theyre all about Mum and they all horrible. Shouty I is in fine voice this morning. Dad said he heard Shouty I bellowing to Shouty II to shut up the other day. Pot, meet kettle

Rosie I am sorry for your terrible loss, thank you for sharing your story and wise words.
Lemon I agree with the others, have a chat with the staff and let them talk to your dad. Hope you are doing ok right now.

Oh Rosie that's so sad and so lovely at the same time.

Ibshoukd clarify here as I think I've painted my DF in a bad light, she's on morphine and sedatives through her syringe driver, the Oramorph ks to top up when they need to move her to clean her, which she finds very painful, but she's not in pain all the time. I can see what's happening, he's got a real bee in his bonnet about it because he's clunching at straws as she fades. Like then food thing. I personally don't see the point of annoying her over and over again with mouthfuls of food she clearly doesn't want, and I'm sure she only eats in the end to make us shut up. If she were feeling hungry it would be different. At this late stage why the hell does it matter if she doesn't want her dinner?

Grrrrr.....

My turn to feed dinner again. Once again she won't open her eyes or acknowledge me, until i pester her so much she gets angry. Called healthcare assistant to see if she could help... Lo and behold she gets DM to eat nearly everything without a grumble, smiles even! Just burst into silent, frustrated tears. What is it about me that's pissing her off. Never felt so fucking useless in my life.

Oh Lemon it's not you. You are close to her so she knows she can refuse food from you. With the HCA she is doing what she's told. Please don't take it personally and try not to get upset about it, although I know it must be heartbreakingly difficult for you. It's nothing personal against you at all. I hope everything is peaceful now.

Rosie - your post brought tears to my eyes to, especially the "end" that was so beautiful and although heartbreaking it's something that you can treasure.

She can ignore you, because it's you. She is on best behaviour with strangers, but trusts you.
Well, been splattering paint around today, DH is doing last coat tomorrow , while I am out shopping and coffee with a friend. So will be off to browse the lovely cheese counter at a market. My favourite sort of shopping !

book you are spot on, that's what I think too. I'll try and be a bit more no nonsense in the morning.

Feel unbelievably flat and depressed tonight. DF was being nice to me but I couldn't raise a smile or any chat.

I got my tester pots today

DP was trying to help me decide which was best (he's colour blind) and I said do you think this (teal paint) goes with the blind (cadburys purple) and he blinked and sheepishly said he thought they were the same colour. Hehe love the lovely DP.

Teal and Cadbury purple- what could possibly go wrong?!
We just moved house into a place which is 100% magnolia and it feels very odd indeed.
I really hope you have a peaceful night lemon and that your mum rests peacefully too.

Well if he is colourblind that leaves all major decorating decisions to you! Try not to stress about the feeding thing ( easy to say). As her life contracts it becomes so important as the last thing family feel they can do. But it may just make your mum feel uncomfortable. Things you can do

• put lovely cream on her hands or feet
• lip balm
• ice to suck
• music to listen to
• would she like you to read to her? Something easy to follow?

Something I tried to do when my dad was dying was to remember to smile at him. Sounds mad but I felt all he was seeing was tired, and anxious faces so I tried to summon up a smile from my heart.

Really lovely ideas Saffron. I sang to my mum, not very well mainly old hymns that she liked and songs from musicals, but I also sang this song to her that she sang to us as children

Two little eyes to look to God
Two little ears to hear his words
Two little feet to walk in his ways
Two little lips to sing his praise
Two little hands to do God's will
And one little heart to love him still

I'm not particularly religious, but my mum drew great comfort from her faith in the last few years. I think it was also a way of acknowledging the journey that we all go on, from being tiny helpless children and seeing the roles get reversed as our parents age.

Just being with your mum is all that matters Lemon. I hope you have a restful night.

Hi lemon decorating with colour blind oh sounds interesting! Agree that you get to decide though. My friends oh is also colour blind and puts their daughters in interesting outfits regularly!

It sounds like you and your df are both doing the best you can for your dm however that may look different at different times.

Hoping that you are getting some rest but wanted to let you know am thinking and praying for you mid feed! Take care and

Morning Lemon. I hope, as ever that you're all having a peaceful night. I'm sorry if I gave you the feeling we were judging your dad; I don't at all,think your dada is necessarily wrong for not wanting your mum heavily sedated, it's a balancing cat.
Anyway, I hope shouty and the crew are quiet tonight.
Going to look at more houses today, I'm assuming eventually we will find one we both like.

Morning Lemon, just checking in while I'm up with my daughter. In fact the entire house seems to have simultaneously woken up at 5.30. I swear they're not my children sometimes!

I hope you've had a restful night. Another suggestion for making her comfortable, if she's unable or unwilling to eat or drink, is to put her favourite drink on her lips - for one thing it will keep her lips moist but she'll also get the flavour of the drink.

The suggestion of music is a really good one and a hand massage. Another thing you could do is get some nice skincare products and give her a mini facial.

Hope you're okay today.

Just wandering in to give you a hug, Lemon.
And a big thank you to Rosie for her wonderful post

Hi Lemon
Good morning, just saying that I'm still here .

Morning Lemon, I'm here too. Hope you managed to get some sleep last night. Will sneak in again later to see how you, Mum and Dad are doing.

Good morning lemon just dropping by to see how things are.
All good suggestions about keeping your mum comfortable and I hope you and your dad will both feel that youre able to reassure her that she's loved and cherished. I am sure she values every single moment with you. Saying a prayer for you, your mum and your dad

Argh my stupid post earlier didn't post.

Woke up in a good move, got a tiny bit of sleep and DM woke up quiet bright and wolfed her brekkie. Her two best friends visited and it was clearly too much so she slept throughout but I guess good to have familiar voices around her....

They gave me a ride home and walked into DFs living room to find the hospital bed etc has been taken away...everything everything looks as it did before this happened.

Suddenly found situation unbelievably hard to deal with. Currently curled under a blanket with a beer, yes I know on my mums spot weeping watching telly

Oh Lemon you poor thing. It must have been quite a shock seeing everything gone. I had a call from my friend at ten last night, telling me her Mum is terminal. Stay strong and know people are thinking of you.

lemon Have a hug - I'm listening to the football- I have no affection for these teams so can just enjoy the game. Newcastle matches on the other hand are frustrating- even when we play well we can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

That must have really taken you aback to see the living room like that. A real shock :(.

Oh love (((xxx)))

Your Dad could have at least warned you. That is so, so hard. I'm sorry.

I'm glad your mum had a good breakfast & avnice visit from her friends.

Oh Lemon I'm sorry. I missed your post where you said your Dad had said about it all being packed up. It's still very hard to actually see it though, so 'too final, too soon'. 💐