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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Lemon's Mum

999 replies

lemonzest123 · 14/09/2016 11:37

Hi MNers,

Thanks for tipping me off about the message limit on my other thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2725008-Would-any-MNers-be-able-to-help-tonight?pg=1&order=

I am stunned and unbelievably humbled to see that one little post I wrote sparked 1000 messages, and Im so appreciative of all you personal stories and jokes to cheer me up.

MN is offically amazing and you're all fantastic.

DM had a rough night, she apparently woke in the night with a bad headache which I think confirmed the disease has moved into her head (we expected this, apparently what's causing the paralysis often appears in the brain too). Still no appetite and sleeping all the time.

Sad

Hope everyone had a good night. I had yet more nightmares - theyre all about Mum and they all horrible. Shouty I is in fine voice this morning. Dad said he heard Shouty I bellowing to Shouty II to shut up the other day. Pot, meet kettle Hmm

OP posts:
Allatseainthemidlands · 22/09/2016 17:35

Oh sweetheart it's not your fault. If she won't eat then there's nothing to be gained by battling with her. And your Dad may be upset but he has no reason to be disappointed with you- you're doing an amazing job of supporting her AND him in all this.
I know it's something that in lots of ways you are more than glad to do - but we all know it comes at a price. Be kind to yourself. Take a deep breath. Remember that what you are doing is amazing- and that it is just not possible to "fix" this- no matter how hard you try. We are all here for you

Florathefern · 22/09/2016 17:46

Perhaps she will have a little something later? Maybe something small like toast? Ask the nurses. You are doing great xx

Original poster
lemonzest123 · 22/09/2016 17:48

She cant eat anything thats not moosh. She seems to have so much difficulty swallow because of the paralysis I prob wouldnt want to eat either. She's already choked twice SadSadSad

OP posts:
bookbook · 22/09/2016 17:57

Deep breaths - I suspect it is much harder fro you, than for her.
And it is very hard when you are faced with the reality.
Hope you can rest, be calm and eat.
I'm just having 5 minutes sit down - have been decorating yesterday and today. It is taking more time to prep than it will to paint . I'm not a fan , but it has to be done.

Original poster
lemonzest123 · 22/09/2016 18:00

Ohh book what colour? Me and DP have decided a good distraction when this is over is making my flat look less like a newbuild...I'm thinking Teal Smile

OP posts:
WhoAteAllTheDinosaurs · 22/09/2016 18:05

Lemon don't worry about the eating. At some point she will stop as her body won't be able to digest it etc as normal and it will make her more uncomfortable. Just be guided by her, if she doesn't want it then that's ok. If she does then fine.

Thinking of you.

boo2410 · 22/09/2016 18:20

Afternoon Lemon, glad you are getting another night in a comfy bed. Try and get decent sleep if you can, I know it's difficult but you've got to try and keep your strength up. It's a lovely thoughtful idea to sit on the radiator so Mum can see you. I'm sure it will sometimes register with her, even if you don't think so, and it will give her comfort.

Had some good news today, should get my electric wheelchair in about 3 weeks so will at last be mobile, haven't been since last November. Am excited but also scared if that makes sense!

Will pop by again later Flowers Flowers

boo2410 · 22/09/2016 18:26

Bloody hell took me so long to post I missed some chat. It's good to have something to focus on decorating your flat, it will look lovely I'm sure, I like teal.

As others have said try not to worry about your Mum not eating, if she wants to she will. You and your Dad should try not to worry, easier said than done I know.

Please take care of yourself and make sure you and your Dad eat.

bookbook · 22/09/2016 18:29

Its the bathroom , which was redone last year with new tiles. ( Half tiled) it was just white above the tiles while we decided. Its north facing and not big, so we have been conservative with the colour , to keep it bright.
We have this, as I have rather beautiful tiles, and wanted them to be the star :) They don't half give colours silly names ...
desert wind

Original poster
lemonzest123 · 22/09/2016 20:45

I've ordered five tester pots around this one
www.dulux.co.uk/en/products/colour-tester#?selectedColor=1186661

For my feature wall...eeep!!

Got frustrated with DF in the car but there's no point arguing with him. He doesn't want her given Oramorph as it pretty much makes her unconscious. I've given up telling him that's what she wanted. When she's awake she just looks confused and completely miserable.

OP posts:
Florathefern · 22/09/2016 20:52

I didn't realise she isn't eating any solid foods. My grandmother could only eat liquidised food or complan drinks. Neither would have you asking for more. I've experienced the choking too. It's very distressing. I think the swallow telex was very painful for my grandmother. I won't forget how it was for her in my lifetime.

Redecorating is a great idea. I need to do loads myself. I love colour but live in an eastern facing house so the rooms get little light. Definitely need warm colours here!

Marcipex · 22/09/2016 21:43

We need to redecorate, but we can't be bothered. When it's bad enough, we will. I can't face moving everything and last time DH hurt his shoulder.
DH says if I buy any more books he'll have to buy next door and knock through.
This is an idle threat as I have proved by buying more books already.

Would your mum like a flavoured lip balm? Some of them are nice and it would be a little refreshing. I took one to a friend in IC and she liked it as it was so stifling hot in the ward.

You're doing brilliantly Lemon, I know it's so hard.

Fanlightfanny · 22/09/2016 23:49

Hope you manage some sleep Lemon thinking of you and your mum.

whitehandledkitchenknife · 23/09/2016 02:03

Lemon - I say this really gently - if your mum needs the Oramorph, it really isn't for your dad to deny her. Oramorph helped my mum enormously. She was comfortable and pain free. That is what she wanted. Please don't worry that your mum doesn't want to eat. She might enjoy an ice lolly though. Hope you're getting a peaceful night.

Coldhandscoldheart · 23/09/2016 02:55

Hi, Lemon, finally managing to check back in for the darkest hours watch. I hope you're asleep though, and not up reading the thread!
I would echo what whitehand says just there ^. And add, if you think she needs it, have a quiet word with one of the staff, explain your dad's reservations, they can be very good at talking through these things (I have been those staff,and it's not an uncommon problem).

boo2410 · 23/09/2016 07:07

Morning Lemon, hope you slept well last night and that today is an ok day for you all. Fingers crossed that the noisy crew are quiet today. Will check back later.

Marcipex · 23/09/2016 07:42

Off to work again Lemon, but still thinking of you all.

WhoAteAllTheDinosaurs · 23/09/2016 10:22

YY to the oramorph. I can understand your dad's point of view, he doesn't want to lose her, and wants to keep her as awake as possible for as long as possible. It's totally understandable. But that isn't his choice, it's hers.

If I were you, I'd have a word with the nurses, make sure they know he doesn't want her to have it, but that she wants it, and they'll respect her wishes and may be able to talk to him.

You're doing so well Flowers

Fanlightfanny · 23/09/2016 10:39

Morning Lemon hope you & your Mum had a comfortable night.

Allatseainthemidlands · 23/09/2016 10:45

Good morning lemon ..Just back from long muddy dog walk and I had not only to wash the puppy but cut about half a ton of hair off her- she came back absolutely solid with briars and burrs and Lord knows what else. She looks like a very sad half plucked chickenHmm
What everybody else says about Oramorph is right- your Dad may feel he is losing contact with your mum but the alternative is that her pain and discomfort may be uncontrolled- and that will only distress and exhaust her. As hard as it is- and I watched my mum fade into her morphine over a period of days- this has to be about her welfare not his. I know it's agonising. I'm so sorry.

boobyooby · 23/09/2016 11:05

Hi Lemon, just checking in too to see how you are. Hope you managed some sleep last night in your own bed!

I'm afraid I agree with the others above and hope your mum is kept as comfortable as possible for her. Pain is exhausting and she will be much more rested and peaceful with the Oramorph. xx

IsItOnTheTrolley · 23/09/2016 11:16

Morning lemon, just checking in on my coffee break, we are having a Macmillan cake sale at work, and I'm just about to tuck into some coffee and walnut.

Hope you had a peaceful night, sending (((big))) 🌻🌻🌻

RosieSW · 23/09/2016 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fanlightfanny · 23/09/2016 16:50

Rosiesw So sorry for your loss, I had tears in my eyes reading your post. It always amazes me where people find their strength from.
Just saying hello to Lemon and hoping she is finding the strength to cope with the difficult days ahead.

Queenbean · 23/09/2016 16:50

Rosie your post brought tears to my eyes. Many Flowers for you. Hope you're managing as best as you can x