DS1 has died

[endofthelinefinally]

I tried everything to save him. He was 27.

I don't know how I am going to get through this.

Hi Op.

I hope you are well today.

Your son sounds like he was an amazing person x

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time xx the love we have makes the pain so great xx I hope it will ease for you

Almost a year.
I can't believe he is gone.

Time passes so quickly doesn't it endoftheline and yet the days don't seem to get any better and the pain doesn't go away. I can't believe it is over 7 months since we lost DD.

I know bigbluebus.

Most people have moved on.
A handful of people keep in touch and are being supportive and kind.
Some "friends" haven't been in touch at all since DS died.
I have experienced one person crossing the road to avoid me.

DS's close friends have been lovely. They keep in touch and drop by to see me. I don't know how long that will continue.

I hold on to my memories of how it felt to hug him, talk to him, laugh with him.

It is so hard.

This time last year we were all together. How everything has changed.

I am so sorry for your loss endof..., you're going through every parents' worst nightmare ...He will be always with you. Hugs

Almost a year.
I can't believe it.

I'm thinking of you and your family as the anniversary approaches. I hope you're able to do something special together to remember your son, if not, it's enough to just keep breathing

I am humbled and grateful that over a hundred people want to get together to remember him.
I wish he had realised how much he was loved.
We will celebrate his life together on his anniversary.
I miss him so much.

Sending so much love to you - thoughts with you all xxxx

Thinking of you and your son OP. Much love and a gentle hug.

We had an amazing celebration of his life.
Over 100 people turned up, most of them his friends, some of whom had traveled hundreds of miles to be there.
I am glad I organised it.
I miss him every single day, but it comforts me to know how much he meant to so many people.

So glad it all went well endof and that so many people came to celebrate your son's life on his anniversary. I'm sure there have been times over the year when you have felt that everyone else has forgotten and moved on - but clearly they haven't, which must bring great comfort to you.

Your son sounds like he was a very special person. I'm sorry for your loss and I wish you strength and happiness where you can find it

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words.
Yes, ds was extraordinary. I love him so much and am so proud of everything he achieved.
He was a kind and loyal friend.
He was mentally unwell for some time and was badly let down by the people and systems who should have helped him.
I am so privileged to have been his mum.

Approaching the second Christmas without him.
My heart still aches.

Also approaching 2nd Christmas without our DD here too endof - although we only buried her 4 days before Christmas last year so I'm not sure that one counts as we were all still in a daze. Yesterday was the 1st anniversary of DD's death. I spent large parts of the day in tears when reading all the messages that we received from friends, relatives and some of DD's carers - many of whom I have not seen for over 6 months so I was very touched that they had remembered the date. One of my brothers and SIL came over to put some flowers on DD's grave, which was lovely of them as they live 1 1/2hr drive away and DB had to work in the evening.

I still feel very lonely, in spite of all the people around me. I miss DD so much. DS is away at Uni having far too much fun to communicate with me very often. I seem to drift through the days when I don't have anything planned but can't motivate myself to do any of the jobs I should be doing - least of all anything Christmas related. I even bought a special pretty flower stamp to represent DD on the Christmas cards we are sending but after about 10 mins of writing and stamping the cards I nearly lost the will to live and the pile of cards still lies on the living room floor

Bigbluebus, I dont do Christmas any more. I am not sending any cards. I just can't bear it. It is too painful.
I just get through it as best I can.

endof, blue, I'm so sorry to read these last couple of posts. They brought tears to my eyes. I can't comprehend your losses as I haven't lost in the same way but I am thinking of you both. For what it's worth, I would have done the cards for blue, if I lived near you.

Take care both of you I know words are easy to say but I truly am sorry and are thinking of you.

endof we never really made a huge fuss at Christmas before anyway. Family lived too far away and DParents stopped coming a number of years ago when they got too old to travel - they are both dead now too. If it wasn't for DS I think we'd go away for Christmas now. But he'll want to be at home as he lives away in term time so for now we'll sit it out here and try and make the best of it. At least we can visit DD's grave on Christmas Day.

Thank you elephants. It's a strange new world that we don't want to be part of - just like the strange new world we unexpectedly joined 23 years ago when DD was born with a rare genetic condition. I guess we're just trying the same tactic now as we did then - it's happened so we'll just have to make the best of it. Easier said than done though.

It has been 18 months.
I miss him so much.

I can't imagine how hard the last 18 months have been from you x