DS1 has died

[endofthelinefinally]

I tried everything to save him. He was 27.

I don't know how I am going to get through this.

I am so sorry for the loss of your son, and for the pain that you are in. I hope you won't have to wait too much longer for counselling support. It's true that it isn't a magic fix but it can help. I hope that your DS will have a safe journey back from his travels, and take some comfort from being at home. You must be proud of him and of your DD. Thinking of you.

Hi,
It is a Facebook group if you type grieving mother's uk into search it should come up.

DH is here. We are both sad today.
Weekends are the hardest.
No point in seeing doctor really.
There isnt anything to be done for grief. Anyway, I couldnt contemplate trying to get an appointment.
Just very sad today.
I think it is just sinking in that he is gone.

Thank you confused.
I am not on facebook.
I will ask dd for assistance when she comes home next month.
Bless her. She helps me with my phone and everything.
I have been doing a bit of cleaning and tidying but it means washing the floor DS1 laid for me, dusting furniture he made and seeing his paintings. He is everywhere in this house and my heart aches.

If you are not on Facebook you could try the Compassionate Friends helpline on 0345 123 2304. It is open every day from 10am until 4pm, and 7pm to 10pm and your call will be answered by a bereaved parent.

I know the thought of getting an appointment can seem beyond you - it's awful that that's the case. Is there anyone who could call for you? I have experience of ADs and they do take the edge off things. I've no experience with bereavement and anti-depressants - maybe someone here could help?

I am so sorry for your loss.

I can recommend Cruse Bereavement Care. They do counselling but also run bereavement support groups, which you can attend for as long as you need to (some members of the group my mother attends have been going for years as it gives ongoing support). Do see if they are in your area. www.cruse.org.uk/

I am starting to look for some support.
But I still have days when I can't speak.

My heart is broken and I worry that I will sink so far that I will never be able to come back up.

Such a beautiful day today.
If he was here we would be sitting out in the garden.

I miss him every minute of every day.

I am so, so, so sorry for your loss.

for you and your family.

Just sitting here crying.
I am so tired from getting through each day.

I think you need professional help now. You must be absolutely exhausted. Have you got a good GP?

This is the lowest point in your life, what you are going through is the worst pain in the world. It couldn't be worse. This means that you are going to have better days because the only way is up. Your other DC need their mum and you are there for them.

Do you ever feel your boy's presence around? Does it help at all to imagine him with you, or not?
Different things comfort different people.

The Facebook groups for grieving parents sound really helpful because they don't just sympathise but also empathise with your huge loss. X

I am ill. I have 2 consultants that I see regularly. I spent a whole morning at the hospital last week having more things done.

I just have to get on with it. Some days are better than others and today is not good.

DS2 came home briefly, but can't cope with being in the house so has gone to stay with a friend. I am worried about him.

I think it is the sunshine that has tipped me over the edge today. That and meeting the parents of a school friend of DS1 at the shops this morning.

My GP is nice, but far too busy.
Besides, they only offer pills, which I won't take.
I need to sort out counselling, I know that, but finding the right person can be difficult. I have an awful lot of baggage to unpack and it will be very traumatic (and expensive).

The best you can do for DS2 is to tell him he can always open up, whenever he needs to. Lads seem to need reminding of that as they tend not to be as comfortable as us about discussing emotions. Even if he doesn't do it and doesn't show interest, it's always reassuring deep down to know the welcome is there.

Are you sure you don't want to try medication my love? I know it's not going to heal your heart but since accepting an anti-depressant I've found it slightly easier to laugh and function.

Sorry, I wasn't saying laughing is even a remote interest for you atm but I mean that it helped me get to that point which was a big deal for me, so I know these pills can do their job quite well to help you get through the day.

I had anti-depressants when I suffered PND. Like you, I was very resistant but in the end saw it as the only way I was going to get through it. The difference it made was incredible. They don't suddenly make you happy or able to forget or anything like that. They just make you able to cope.

Your GP would be very unhappy to think that you were saying they were too busy to help. They would certainly disagree with this, no matter how many times you've been to them in the past.

You know the argument that you'd take a pill if you had a physical problem, so why not take one for a problem like this? It's absolutely true. Medication can help. Sadly it can't get rid of the problem, but it can help you and it's clear you do need some help, as anyone would in your situation.

I dont think I can take any more meds tbh. I have side effects from the ones I am on and I am worried about interactions. I have a progressive neurological condition and that is difficult to cope with on top of the grief.

Just read this thread and I'm so sorry for your loss.
Medication isn't going to make you "happy" again but when my FIL died very unexpectedly in his early 50's my MIL did eventually take them after months of depression and they did help her. She was in a pit of despair and nothing else had helped. It feels awful that the world still turns and yet this has happened to you and your family. People start to move on and it can feel very hard. Take your time and look after yourself. There's no time limit for grief. Your son sounded like an amazing man. Life can be so cruel. I hope you, your DH and your other two children are able to find some peace as time goes on. for you.

You really need to speak to your doctor, OP. It's so sad to see you suffering so much. Let your GP decide on side effects etc. It must be awful for you having to go through your grief as well as your own health worries. I think your GP would want to help if he/she could - could you make an appointment just to talk?

I wish I had something useful to say but I have no idea what could be useful in your heart rending loss.

For some reason something from Man's search for Meaning (Viktor Frankel?) has just come into my mind. He was talking to a man who lost his wife in a concentration camp I believe and said perhaps the meaning to be found in his grief was that he had saved his wife from the pain of losing him. I can't imagine what meaning you can find in your situation, I realise it is completely different.

Is there anything to be gained from reading other people's experiences of such loss? After the Manchester bomb I was drawn to reread Song for Jenny by the mother of someone killed in the 7/7 bombings.

Please forgive me if I have said anything tactless.

I miss him.
My darling son.
(sad)