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Bereavement

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DS1 has died

729 replies

endofthelinefinally · 29/08/2016 22:25

I tried everything to save him. He was 27.

I don't know how I am going to get through this.

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BusterGonad · 29/10/2016 17:28

EndOf I've just read through your thread and I'm welling up with tears. I'm so sorry for your loss. You are so strong, and to be suffering with your illness too. I have no words of wisdom but I'm sending you my love and I hope you feel stronger soon. Flowers

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 02/11/2016 15:48

endof

I've just learnt about your tragic news through WH, I'm so sorry for your loss.
I haven't read through your thread (will do later) but I really hope you and your family has/have real life support to cope & that your daughter has managed to start Uni.
I don't know what else to say. Such a tragedy, I'm truly sorry.
Sending you much love and strength x

endofthelinefinally · 04/11/2016 17:15

After waiting 3 months for my "urgent" appointment I finally cracked and went to see a specialist privately. It cost £££. Had scans and further tests within 7 days, now have completely new medication and am 80% better.

I don't think the NHS appointment will ever appear, but I am coping much better - can walk a reasonable distance and use public transport.

I am so lucky I have some savings.

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endofthelinefinally · 04/11/2016 18:02

I can cope better now I am not in constant pain.

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endofthelinefinally · 05/11/2016 16:39

I have just been up to his room.
I took a couple of pairs of his shoes out of the hall cupboard and took them up there. I was just looking round at some of his paintings and it all just hit me again.
Feeling very tearful now. Sad

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Soupandasandwich · 05/11/2016 19:11
Flowers
KnittingPearl · 06/11/2016 22:17

I'm so terribly sorry. I very much hope that you have lots of real life support. I hope your daughter's housemate is behaving better too. While it is bad you have had to dip into savings, I'm so glad you have been able to go private and that the constant pain has gone.

endofthelinefinally · 13/11/2016 11:45

Can't stop crying this morning.
I just found the mothers day card he gave me this year while I was looking for something else.
It has just tipped me over the edge.
i don't think I can cope with anything today. Sad

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EmeraldIsle100 · 13/11/2016 12:13

You don't need to cope today just let whatever feelings come. My heart literally goes out to you and I know all the MNs on this thread are feeling upset for you and wishing that there was something we could do or say to take your pain away. All of us mothers feel deeply for you.

Some mums on here have been through your pain and others cannot even bear to imagine what you are going through. I live in daily fear of this happening to me. My DD is suicidal and I am terrified. Your post has helped me to try to stay strong while I can because I know how hard you must be trying.

Your DS didn't mean for this to happen, it was an accident, things just went wrong that day. He knew you loved him. I want you to know that I am thinking about you today.

endofthelinefinally · 13/11/2016 18:09

I haven't coped at all today.
Just cried.

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endofthelinefinally · 13/11/2016 18:13

DS2 is setting off for Australia tomorrow.

I am falling apart. I was having nightmares all night last night - proper shouting and crying ones. I feel exhausted.

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endofthelinefinally · 13/11/2016 18:16

Emerald I am so sorry to hear about your DD. There is so little help or support out there. (( hugs ))

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MapMyMum · 14/11/2016 12:58

How are things today? Did DS2 get off okay? How are you coping with that? (((Hugs)))

endofthelinefinally · 15/11/2016 22:22

DS2 has gone.
He has completed the first leg of his journey.
I am going to really miss him, but he has the right to go travelling if he feels that will help him come to terms with the loss of his brother.
I will be worrying about him all the time - it is so hard not to be anxious.
DS1 traveled all over the world. He loved dangerous sports. Scuba diving, sky diving, mountain climbing, skiing - you name it he did it. Then he came home and died just a couple of miles away.
The house is so quiet now.
What a difference from a few short weeks ago.
How everything has changed - so drastically and so fast.

OP posts:
MapMyMum · 16/11/2016 13:56

Flowers it must be very hard for you right now, be kind to yourself, allow yourself time to grieve DS1 and your DD and DS 2 not being around it will take a while to get used to it all

EmeraldIsle100 · 18/11/2016 00:00

Thank you for your kind thoughts about my DD and thanks for the hugs too!

You are going through a very difficult time and I wish I could make it better for you.

Try not to worry too much. Your DS and DD are showing remarkable courage by trying to get on with things. You should be incredibly proud of them and of yourself for raising such great children.

I hope you don't have bad dreams tonight.

OohhThatsMe · 19/11/2016 17:10

Flowers to all of you going through such sad times.

endofthelinefinally · 25/11/2016 16:56

I have his ashes home.
DH chose a beautiful box - I wasn't able to even contemplate doing this. Poor DH had to choose the coffin, the clothes to dress him in,and the container for his ashes.
I has brought on a huge wave of grief, but I know I can ride it out.

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EmeraldIsle100 · 28/11/2016 00:53

You are trying so hard and you are being so brave against all the odds. I am glad that your DH chose a beautiful box befitting your beautiful son.

I will be thinking of you and wishing you well from afar. Flowers

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 08/01/2017 12:52

Thinking of you today, wondering how you are all getting on...I expect Christmas & New Year was very rough on you all xx.

Has DD's flat mate improved. How is DD's course going?

How about DS2 - where is he now & how is he coping being away?

I hope your new meds are still making you feel a lot better - can you get them through the NH or do you have to keep going private?

Anyway, you don't need to answer if you don't feel up to it, I was just thinking about yo, so thought I'd post xx

endofthelinefinally · 11/01/2017 18:01

The holiday period was hard. We hid from the world and pretended it wasn't happening.
Some friends have been wonderful.
Some people - who know exactly what has happened - have been deeply crass and insensitive - wishing me a merry Christmas and a joyous new year... er - no - I can't imagine ever being merry or joyous again tbh.
DS's friends have been amazing. So thoughtful and kind. He was so loved by so many people.
DD is incredibly brave. She is working hard and coping.
DS2 is dealing with his grief by helping other people.
I am plodding on - my illness is progressing at a scary rate, but I can get my meds on the nhs and I am not in pain. I think I m looking at significant disability though in the next few years. That makes me fearful of the future.
For now I get through a day at a time.
Thank you for your kind thoughts.

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endofthelinefinally · 17/01/2017 17:14

I miss him so, so much. Sad
There are lots of jobs I should be doing around the house, but it is hard to make the effort. I need to pull myself together but I just don't know how to do it.

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Itsafunnyoldgame · 17/01/2017 17:21

Flowers to you op, I never know what to say but I just wanted you to know I'd seen your post xx

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 19/01/2017 00:28

I'm so sorry I missed your posts xx

It really does sort the wheat from the chaff as far as friends go - it often surprises you who is, and who isn't, supportive at times like this and it's truly staggering how totally insensitive some people can be.

it sound so like DD & DS2 are doing as well as can be expected, poor lovelies. How is DH?

I'm really sorry to hear your illness is getting worse quickly, stress & distress really doesn't help :( all you can do is look after yourself as best you can. I know that's really, really hard because you don't particularly care about yourself at times like this, but you have to think not only about DH, DD & DS2, but about yourself. You will have this grief no matter what, the healthier you can keep yourself, the better you will deal with it if only one could take ones own advice!!

I can't imagine how you must feel. I have lost far too many people, far too young, but not my own child, I think that's a whole other kind of grief 😢 . My Dad died suddenly & young (in his early 60's) a few years ago, it's changed me a lot, my get up and go is still missing. I don't give a toss about things I used to. You have lost your son and only very, very recently...be kind to yourself. 'Stuff' can wait, it's not important.

If you haven't yet, you should post on the thread for bereaved parents, the postsers are really lovely & incredibly supportive. Sadly they understand only too well what you are going through.

You will always miss him, always & so much. You learn to live alongside the grief, eventually. It's always there, always raw, but slowly it stops being video footage running through your mind 24/7. The rock in your chest lifts slightly, you have days where you don't cry... you don't love them or miss them any less, but it becomes a new 'normal' that's not as awful as how it is now xx

CrispPacket · 19/01/2017 01:25

OP this thread has (so selfishly) had me in tears. I want to say I'm so sorry for your loss but they seem like such 'nothing' words right now. I cant imagine the trauma and distress you are carrying around. Sending you the biggest hugs. What a wonderful and strong family unit you must all be, an absolute gem- your son will always be a part of it so glad you have each other to lean on right now even though you're not in the same room. Sending my best wishes to your travelling son and your daughter and every part of my heart to you and your DH. Please please dont feel like you have to do anything now- let yourself hurt, let yourself smile, cry and fall apart. It will be better one day, not all better- but a little easier day by day. All my love x