I'm so sorry I missed your posts xx
It really does sort the wheat from the chaff as far as friends go - it often surprises you who is, and who isn't, supportive at times like this and it's truly staggering how totally insensitive some people can be.
it sound so like DD & DS2 are doing as well as can be expected, poor lovelies. How is DH?
I'm really sorry to hear your illness is getting worse quickly, stress & distress really doesn't help :( all you can do is look after yourself as best you can. I know that's really, really hard because you don't particularly care about yourself at times like this, but you have to think not only about DH, DD & DS2, but about yourself. You will have this grief no matter what, the healthier you can keep yourself, the better you will deal with it if only one could take ones own advice!!
I can't imagine how you must feel. I have lost far too many people, far too young, but not my own child, I think that's a whole other kind of grief 😢 . My Dad died suddenly & young (in his early 60's) a few years ago, it's changed me a lot, my get up and go is still missing. I don't give a toss about things I used to. You have lost your son and only very, very recently...be kind to yourself. 'Stuff' can wait, it's not important.
If you haven't yet, you should post on the thread for bereaved parents, the postsers are really lovely & incredibly supportive. Sadly they understand only too well what you are going through.
You will always miss him, always & so much. You learn to live alongside the grief, eventually. It's always there, always raw, but slowly it stops being video footage running through your mind 24/7. The rock in your chest lifts slightly, you have days where you don't cry... you don't love them or miss them any less, but it becomes a new 'normal' that's not as awful as how it is now xx