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Bereavement

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DS1 has died

729 replies

endofthelinefinally · 29/08/2016 22:25

I tried everything to save him. He was 27.

I don't know how I am going to get through this.

OP posts:
JugglingFromHereToThere · 28/09/2016 09:36

That sounds like a plan?

Could DD maybe find a couple of friends who might be able to look after him and maybe take him out for the evening whilst DD does her thing?

People will want to help in all sorts of ways, especially if you can ask them to do something practical?

Kr1stina · 28/09/2016 09:53

YY good idea . DS1 sounds like someone who lived life to the full - he wouldn't want her to miss out on some amazing event because of him . The best way to honour him woudl be to go and have fun .

Willow2016 · 28/09/2016 11:06

endof
I am glad the funeral went 'well', so glad his friends made such a lovely job of the organising his tribute. They sound lovely young people. I am sure your DS would have been touched at the love shown for him in celebration of his life.

Its hard to see what is best for your dd, on one hand she is still shell- shocked and on the other she doesnt want to miss her course work or the event, its just difficult for her to make a decision right now which will definately be the right one for her long term. Just concentrate on today, would she be able to make up the missed days if she stayed at home? Your ds's idea sounds like a plan though. Maybe he could tell her useless flatmate to buck up her ideas a bit while he is there. Cant believe anyone is so selfish, especially at this time.

The drs surgery sounds like a nightmare, I would be so upset with them.

Hope your new meds kick in soon and help your pain, its something you dont need just now.

As pp said you may find your will go through a 'slump' now that you dont have all the planning and organising to do. You may find you are even more tearful and despondent with more time on your hands even if you thought that it wasnt possible. Be kind to yourself and just let it happen, do whatever works for you and your family. You proved how strong you are even though you didnt know it, you will get throught this with your familys' support, one step at a time.

Still thinking of you and your family. Flowers

endofthelinefinally · 29/09/2016 09:58

DD going back today and will talk to her course director about getting some support.
Flatmate has D&V.
DD will have to clean and disinfect the whole place. Fully expecting to find the kitchen, fridge and bathroom filthy. Angry
I have packed heavy duty antibac cleaner, extra cloths and tea towels plus rubber gloves.
I wish I was going with her but I can't travel at the moment - not well enough. Sad

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 29/09/2016 10:25

Flatmate is a lovely person, but has obviously never been taught the basics of kitchen and bathroom hygiene.
I wouldn't wish a horrible D&V bug on anyone, but it may be a wake up call.

OP posts:
JugglingFromHereToThere · 29/09/2016 10:38

Am pleased to hear DD is going back to Uni today, sorry to hear about the D&V bug, hope she doesn't catch it, but that she gets to enjoy tonight's event x

endofthelinefinally · 02/10/2016 11:12

5 weeks today.
The house is so quiet. Sad

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 02/10/2016 17:33

Such a long and such a short time Sad

Thinking of you. It will take much longer before a 'new normal' establishes itself Thanks

endofthelinefinally · 03/10/2016 17:04

Awful day today.
Can't stop crying.
I had to post 4 death certificates plus paperwork via the post office in order to get proof of posting. DH took me to the slightly further away post office to avoid the local one. He would have done it for me but I thought I should try to go out.
Got a few bits of shopping but inadvertently drove back past the park and primary school which set me off.
Then got back to find DH had put all DS1's clothes from his suitcase into the laundry basket next to the machine. I did say I would wash them, but thought he would warn me before bringing them down.
I can't go for a walk because I am in too much pain.
Can't have a glass of wine because of medication.
Hospital have lost my referral letter.
GP just tells me to keep ringing the appointment line (bloody choose and book - there is NO choice and you can't book because there are NO appointments).
I am just about at my lowest ebb.
The only thing keeping me going is the fact that I have 2 other children and a husband.
I don't know how to do this.

OP posts:
Gaspard · 03/10/2016 21:37

I'm sorry OP. I lost my baby son nearly 2 years ago and can understand when you don't know how to do this. It's like you spend lots of time in the black hole and the times you can claw your way out it's into a world devoid of colour. Take care.

endofthelinefinally · 06/10/2016 17:17

Gaspard Flowers

One of DS1's best friend's just got engaged. they are coming to see us today.
I am happy for them, honestly, but it is another reminder of DS's future that is lost. Sad

OP posts:
oleoleoleole · 06/10/2016 19:40

This could have been me in your shoes and it may be. I cannot begin to imagine the pain you are in. Sending hugs x

endofthelinefinally · 09/10/2016 19:32

oleoleoleole
I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
I am now understanding my mother's pain when my sibling died.
I know what my other DC are going through.
I would do anything to spare them that but it is too late now.
I keep feeling utter panic when I look at his photograph and realise I will never see him again. Sad

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 14/10/2016 20:43

I miss him so much.
I don't know how other bereaved parents cope. i really don't. Sad

OP posts:
Fanofjapan · 14/10/2016 20:45

Sending you the biggest hugs x

KateInKorea · 14/10/2016 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 14/10/2016 21:03

Hugs from me, too. I'm so sorry.

Flowers
MaudlinNamechange · 14/10/2016 21:05

I am so sorry. It sounds as if you have the loveliest, closest family. I am touched to think of your ds2 and dd looking after each other so carefully.

I am thinking of you and sending you thought-hugs tonight. I hope you get some sleep.

DocMcFanjo · 14/10/2016 21:06

I can't imagine and really have no words.
Just thinking of you and sending love.
Flowers

endofthelinefinally · 16/10/2016 11:32

7 weeks today.
My anxiety level has gone through the roof.
I feel fearful of the future and on edge and shaky all the time.
Everything feels overwhelming.
The house needs cleaning and tidying and I don't know where to start.
Is this normal?
I am dreading the rest of my life. Sad

OP posts:
spacefrog35 · 16/10/2016 11:41

The anxiety and fear you're feeling is totally normal but it won't last forever. I know it feels like it will but I promise it won't. It will never go back to how it was before, it can't. It changes and becomes gradually easier to breathe, easier to see colours, easier to smile.

We're always here to offer a hand to hold & an ear to listen Flowers

SidneyPiecrust · 16/10/2016 11:44
Flowers
endofthelinefinally · 19/10/2016 18:56

Donations to his chosen charity (instead of flowers) are now in the thousands of pounds.
He would be so pleased.
I am so proud.
He was a good person and so loved by so many people.

OP posts:
Kr1stina · 19/10/2016 21:06

That's a lovely memorial to him and I'm sure the charity will do good things with the money. Do you want to say which charity it is ?

spankhurst · 29/10/2016 15:09

Your poor darling. I'm so terribly sorry for your awful loss. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be.
Flowers