DS1 has died

[endofthelinefinally]

I tried everything to save him. He was 27.

I don't know how I am going to get through this.

endof

I'm so sorry.

My heart breaks for you. My DH died in December after a drug addiction. He drove his van off a cliff and it took 10 days for his body to turn up. The inquest verdict was unexplained death. Something tells me it was suicide. Just a horrible cry for help gone wrong. My DH wasn't much older than your DS. He was 30. We have 2 DC who are 5 and 6.
Take each hour as it comes. You're doing amazingly well. I can't imagine the pain of losing a Dc. Losing DH nearly broke me.

You're an absolute hero.

I remember your thread MamaTeeTee.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I don't know how to go on with my life TBH, but I have my DH and 2 other DC and I must go on for their sake.

OP I am so, so sorry for your loss. someone will always be here, reading and thinking of you. Keep talking if it helps and be kind to yourself, your DC all sound wonderful xxxxx

I'm sorry I hope the content of the messages was comforting and not digressing . Even though getting things like this is always a high shock

There's always a small part of you that doesn't really believe he's gone, it's there ? Which knows that's it's just a huge mistake. That somehow you will wake up and find it was all just a bad dream .

Things like that just bring all these feeling to the fore .

Some years ago when I lost someone very suddenly, I used to search the street for him ( even after I knew he was dead ). Once I followed a stranger though town because he was wearing the same jacket and scarf .

I insisted on answering every phone call in the house in case it was him ( in the days before texts and emails ) . I rushed to get the post I case he had written to me ( weeks after the funeral )

At the time I didn't understand it's quite normal , I thought I was going mad.

If only it weren't so. I think many of us have felt that.
Thinking of you today endof

You hit the nail on the head there. You must go on for your DC and DH sake. If it wasn't for my DC, Id never have had the strength to get through those first few months. You'll find the strength from somewhere.
We're all here holding your hand too.

After DH died, I logged onto his facebook and saw some messages that I so wish I could unsee. Things like that kept cropping up for weeks. Pieces of the jigsaw if you like.

I hope the email wasn't too distressing for you. X

DH has found paperwork that confirms he was donating regularly to a charity for the homeless until he lost his job
So I think we will ask for people to donate instead of buying flowers.

He was also on the organ donor register, but it was too late for that by the time he was found.

I'm in tears with you at the thought of the emails. Did you say he'd been to his friend's funeral recently? What happened?

It's such an awful time for you. All you can do is stay strong for each other and know that one day it will be a little easier. Ask your friends for help whenever you can - they will be longing to do something to help ease your burden.

His friend was killed in an accident.
Someone from University I believe but I didn't really get much chance to talk about him as he wasn't long back from the funeral before he passed away.

I'm so very sorry to hear about your DS 💐 He sounds like a really, really lovely lad with a heart of gold. Bastard drugs.

Things like the emails just completely floor you don't they?! Your heart soars then crashes back down. It's so, so horrible.

I understand the feeling of pressure to get his funeral 'right' as you do feel it's the last thing you'll do for them. But actually, it won't be. There's so, so much more you will do for him. My advice is to think of the funeral as an opportunity for people to say good bye to his physical presence, because (IMO) that's what it is. HE lives on in all of you. It's a day for you all to celebrate his life & mourn his passing, but there's no 'grading', no 'right way'. It just is.

Thinking of you all
Xx

Endof

I am so sorry you have had another shock. It must feel like its never ending, one trauma after another.

You will find the strength from each other to carry on, you need your family and they need you.

We are all here for you when ever you need to vent.

Poor florist just had to deal with me sobbing down the phone.
We got there in the end though - flowers chosen.

Got to choose hymns and readings now. Order of service lady coming tomorrow.

If anyone has any thoughts about a poem, I would love to hear them.
I have looked on line, but nothing really inspires me.

Hi endof I am so sorry to read about your precious son . He sounds such a kind lovely person . My heart goes out to you and your family .
Re poems . I am tentatively going to write one out here as it is in a book difficult to find on net and link .

The faint stars said,
'Our distances of night,
These wastes of space,
Sight can in an instant cross,

But who has passed
On soul's dark flight
Journeys beyond
The flash of our light.

I said, ' Whence he is travelling
Let no heart's grief of mine
Draw back a thought
To these dim skies,

Nor human tears
Drench those wings that pass,
Freed from earth's weight
and the wheel of stars .

Kathleen Raine ( 1969) .

Thinking of and your family

That poem is beautiful Bassetfeet - thank you.

That really is a beautiful poem.

Oh endof - those message must have been so painful to find.

Poem

Remember me

The homeless charity sounds great.

What do you want to live, in people's hearts, and maybe physically, after him? If you can think of the funeral like that, it may help.

I had the most vivid dream last night.
I was back in our old house and DS was a tiny baby.
He was crying and hungry so I took him up to bed to feed him and we both fell asleep.
I dreamt I woke up and he was gone and I couldn't find him.

Then I woke up properly IYSWIM and I was crying.

I m in bits again today but the order of service lady is coming in a minute.

I spent yesterday evening and this morning choosing hymns and readings.

It is so hard.

Bless you endof x

Endof, all of this is just truly horrific.

People say they know how a bereaved parent must feel but they never will because Mother Nature thankfully spares is that.

I'm so sorry this has happened.

Xxxx

End of I am so sorry for your loss.

If you're looking for poems this is one

endof . I've just read your thread all through and I'm so sorry for your shock and loss. So sad for your whole family and community too. I can see you've had lots of lovely thoughtful posts and it reminds us all that mumsnetters are the best support group around.

I wish your DD supportive friends at university and a fruitful time.

Take care of yourselves.

Posted too soon sorry.

This is one that might be useful to you.

My thoughts are with you and your family

eyes are filled with tears. So sorry for your loss OP
May your darling boy rest in peace xxxx