DS1 has died

[endofthelinefinally]

I tried everything to save him. He was 27.

I don't know how I am going to get through this.

This is heartbreaking. I don't know what to say because I can't imagine the grief you're feeling.

I remember a saying, that there's a name for people who's parents die, there's a name for someone who's wife/husband dies, but there's no name for someone who's child dies, and it always hit me that.

You're being incredibly strong

Ive just read your thread, I'm so sorry for your loss...heartbreaking.
My thoughts are with you all

Endof
That is such a sad dream, no wonder though with all thats going through your head. It must have been heartbreaking all over again.

How did the meeting go? I am sure the lady was well used to distraught people having to go through that ordeal I hope she was sympathetic. Thats one less ordeal to go through. Keep reminding yourself that baby steps are still steps, working through your grief in which ever way that you need to do at each precise moment in time is perfectly the right way for you, there is no right or wrong.

Thinking of you and your family.

You are in my thoughts endofthelinefinally.

Anything you do for your darling son will be the right thing. Everyone does thing differently yo another person and you know your son the best. Xxx

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your son sounds like he had a lovely, kind, heart and soul X

So many people have spoken or written to me telling me of all the generous and kind things he did for them. It makes me proud, but is heart breaking.

I miss him so much.

Those words and letters will bring you a lot of comfort, in time.

I'm sending you a huge hug. I'm so sorry you are going through this

DH is asleep and I have crept downstairs because I can't stop crying.

I understand why we talk about being broken hearted because the ache in my chest is huge. I can't stop thinking about DS. It is like having whole film of his life in my head - right from the night he was born - even little things I haven't thought of in years. So many tiny details in glorious technicolour. It is amazing how the human brain can store and recall so much information.

One of his ex girlfriends brought me some herbal tea to help me sleep so I am going to try it out! I am more of a bog standard cuppa person really, but I can't carry on like this - the nights are so long.

I am dreading the funeral. I have no idea how I am going to get through it.

How am I going to sit next to my child's coffin for an hour then watch the curtains close? I can't bear it.

It is an unbearable thought, but you will manage. I don't know how anyone manages it, but you will.

These friends and ex's writing to you and bringing you tea - they care about you. Let them help you. Go back up and hug your husband. Im sure he'll want you to help each other through this, not for you to be crying on your own, pouring your heart out to strangers (although that is fine by us). This is the worst thing that could ever happen to a person and I don't believe it's something you can stay strong and fight through. You need to feel the emotions and just take it a day at a time.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Just picking up on your point about watching the curtains close at the funeral. My dad died in an accident last summer and when we planned the funeral, it was suggested we could leave the curtain open, so we could say goodbye as we left. I found it a little easier that way, than at my grandfathers when the curtains closed at the end of the service. Perhaps something to consider.

My dad's wake (I hate that word so refused to use it at the time), really turned into a bit of a party too. His death was completely unexpected, and he was only 58 and so may friends turned up to say goodbye, lots of whom hadn't seen each other for years. There were mini reunions all over the room which was nice, and the whole day was exactly how he would have wanted I'm sure. Don't feel bad if there is some laughter afterwards, it shows the positive impact your DS had on people.

Deepest Condolences.

so sorry x

I'm so so sorry OP x

I am so sorry for your loss

I'm an addict in recovery, and crave drugs every single day. It is an illness, and something that he was unable to control.

I will say a little prayer for you tonight.

I am so sorry for your loss

I'm an addict in recovery, and crave drugs every single day. It is an illness, and something that he was unable to control.

I will say a little prayer for you tonight.

I am so sorry for your loss

I'm an addict in recovery, and crave drugs every single day. It is an illness, and something that he was unable to control.

I will say a little prayer for you tonight.

So sorry endoftheline

OP I am so sorry for your loss.

I know the wake and funeral feel awful and overwhelming right now but you will look back on them in the future and they will hopefully give you some comfort at some stage. For the wake you could have a whole load of photos of DS, from a baby to an adult, around the place. You could also have a "memories" book, sort of like a visitors or guest book at a wedding, where people can write a short memory and then you have something you can look back on, and see who was there.

Ds's friends are organising a celebration of his life. I know they will do a great job. They have so much talent and experience between them. The skill mix is awesome!

I just have to finalise the music and we are pretty much done.

DH and I have been very sad today. We are really missing him. We just have to get through each day.

You've done well to get everything organised ,I know it's so stressful when you have so little energy. It's fine for people to say " keep busy " but grieving is so exhausting .

Sorry today has been such a hard day . I wish I could tell you a way to make it easier but there isn't one . You are right, it's just about one day at a time. Such a cliche but it's true.

DS2 is now talking about packing in his job and going travelling.

I have asked him to not make any decisions until after the funeral but I am worried about him.

I can understand that you are worried. There's a good reason that we are advised not to make any big decisions for at least 6 months.

Is there anyone else he would listen to - family friend , best mate ?

I think his mates are encouraging him TBH. They are all going travelling - been planned for ages, but DS2 was doing so well in his job - they have offered extra training with really good prospects - he had decided to stay put.

I have suggested he talk things through with his boss. He doesn't want to discuss it with me. I know he isn't thinking straight but I really don't want to fall out with him.
I think he could do with some counselling but unfortunately our GP has removed him from their list - no idea why, I think it was a mistake. He was in the process of getting re-registered then all this happened.
DH is going to see if he can sort it out, but they may not let him as DS2 is an adult.

I am extremely worried but I don't want to make things worse. Maybe a break would be good for him, but he would be throwing away such a good opportunity.

I know he is miserable missing his brother and his sister.

Would his work give him some leave of absence - unpaid leave for say 6 months ? Some larger companies can do this , not small ones obviously

Of course you don't want to fall out with him - I get that feeling of wanting to grab them by the shoulders and yell " what are you thinking of !!!! " but instead you have to smile and nod and say " interesting idea "