Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

[Mummylin]

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

Hello

Mum died back in 2008 at the age of 69. Dad went to join her after a long illness last week aged 85.

I don't have dc so this feels very strange - no anchor! I'm 44 and married tho, he's being very good.

I'm not sure how to feel, mum's death was definitely more tragic as it was fairly sudden. I'm relieved dad is no longer suffering. I cried initially on the day but most of the time since we have just been bantering about him and giggling with my 2 older sisters as getting to that age means there were lots of fun memories.

I'm just wondering if I'm not following the correct protocol here!

Hello more
Anyway that helps you through is good. There are no set rules and if your way works for you and your sisters just carry on. It is lovely that you have so many things to have a laugh about. I'm sure that you and your sisters supporting each other will help you all immensely. It is these happy and fun memories that will help you through this sad time. My sympathies to you on the loss of your dear dad

Thank you Mummylin. I have found myself minimising to people outside the family already in saying stuff like, "well he was a great age" etc. I do need to stop doing that!

Thanks for the reply and for this thread, sorry for your loss too.

Hope you are doing ok more it's a horrible time for everyone isn't it. Hope your coping method is still working for you.

Morning all. I've been lurking here for a week or so reading all of your posts knowing that at some point shortly I will be joining your 'ranks' and feeling terribly sad for all of you. It's like being a member of a very exclusive club that you don't want to be a member of. I have spent the last week at the hospital making sure that my dad gets the care he needs. A series of small achievements like getting him moved to a side room, proper meds regime and now he has a place in a 'lovely' hospice close to home. I feel for all of you and I will be back at some point, I am terrified and heartbroken and have to stay strong for my kids and my mom and I have nowhere else to offload. So please forgive my early 'application for membership' and to you all.

I'm sorry that you will be joining us lulu but you will get a warm welcome when the time comes. I hope your dad will pass peacefully .

Hi mummylin thanks for asking about me. I'm still doing ok thank you!

Although I am just about to go to work for the first time and a bit stressed.

Lulu, had months of it and know how awful it is, hoping for a peaceful passing for your dad.

Hi lulu I'm sorry to hear about your dad.hope he's comfortable and its peaceful for him
We are plodding on here.dp still isn't ready talk of his mum.we picked up her ashes.we don't live together, and he can't bear have her with him so she's staying at mine til march when his sister comes up and we are going to scatter them.is it normal he just seems angry?

Grief has well and truly hit me last night and this morning, am a crying mess.
I know it's a process but I feel so pathetic.

zoo the anger is common. Angry at her leaving him. I was with my mum for a long long time.

Sorry for another post, I think the grief hitting me was down to going back to work and routine even though I had a nice day there. I've been in a bubble the last two weeks.

I'm self employed from home and only actually go out to work on the weekends for a bit of interaction besides the usual stuff with friends etc.(who have been fab)

You can post as much as you likemore I love that I can come here and be upset or just want to talk as its a safe space to let it all out/go.x

morethere is no limit to posts, you can post away to your hearts content. It's absolutely fine. It is much better for you to release your grief, in the end it will help you heal.

still I think that anger is a stage of grief and I think it affects a lot of people that way. Your DP is angry that his mum has left him. This stage I'm sure will eventually pass, but I wouldn't like to even guess how long it could go on. Maybe it helps to be angry as it keeps the sorrow at bay ?

Thinking of you all and hope you are all coping as well as you can. These dark dismal days don't help much do they. It's horrible here, wet, cold and dark. Roll on Spring. 💐

Hi,
I'm new to this thread.
My dad sadly passed away on Tuesday.
He had a sudden and unexpected cardiac arrest on Thursday, he was in his early 50's. He was given CPR and had a heart operation at the hospital however he suffered oxygen deprivation to the brain in the 47 minutes it took to get his heart restarted. Me, my mum and his brother made the decision on Tuesday to withdraw his breathing tube as he was fitting constantly for 5 days since the cardiac arrest and scans showed that it was severe damage. He died within minutes surrounded by me his brother and my mum.
He leaves behind me (23) and my DD (1).
I was ridiculously close to my dad, I didn't talk to him the morning of his cardiac arrest but I would ordinarily have rung him about 3 times a day, as I did the day before. My DD loves her grandad ('dadad') and he loves her so much. He loves me so much. He loves my mum so much. He loved life. He had so many friends. One minute he was fine and now, a week later, we are planning his funeral.

Hi lucy I am so sorry to hear about your dear dad. I am sure you must be in shock and trying to make sense if it all. Similar thing happened with my mum, and it was like a bolt out the blue. For about two weeks I had a real physical pain in my heart and my kegs wouldn't work properly from the moment I was told the awful news.
Along with the shock of course you have your grief , which is devastating. At the moment don't look forward too much, just get by day by day. Hopefully you and your mum and immediate family can support each other.
It is a horrible time to get through and although you probably think you can never recover, you will. This first awful period for some can take a while, for others not so long. Eventually you will have longer spaces between your very sad days and at times will feel almost back to normal. Gradually you learn to live your life again, but obviously it's now a different life. You will always have him in your heart. Take care

Omg Lucy, I am so so sorry for the sudden loss of your beloved father.

Hi Lucy.sorry you have had to join us,but this thread offers much comfort and a place to let out things.
As mummylin said you must be in shock.hope in RL you have lots support

Hi Lucy,
I'm so sorry for your loss. My mum died three weeks ago. The physical ache gets a bit better but still hits every now and then. Mummylin is absolutely spot on. I'm not sure how long the shock takes - people keep saying how 'blooming' I look (7 months pregnant) and how wonderful I'm coping. I feel like saying I've got a shitload of make up on and most of the time I'm talking to my mum in my head and pretending she's just in the next room. I know the shock is going to wear off at some point and (like you) I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do / act when it does.
So you're not alone.
And it's not fair, I'm so angry at the world for how unfair it is.
Sending love xxx

What lovely messages for Lucy.
Frazzle I am sorry that you too are going through this awful time. The one thing that lots of us find is that because on the outside we appear to be fine, then others assume that we are. They can't see that inside we have been broken and still are. Then there also the others who say, "well it's a month ago now " You should be back to normal ! If they could only feel our devastation.
Hope you have good RL support , good luck with your baby, do let us know when he / she is born .

A group I never wanted to join but as someone recently bereaved I lost my dear dear mum a week ago I take comfort from all your words

Hello Thirza I too am sorry you have joined us on here, the thread that no- one wants to be on.
It is a very distressing time and at times it's hard to make sense of things. Then for the early days there is the " what ifs" and the " this time last week " it's just soul destroying , especially at the start of the grieving process. I expect it's all you can do to put one foot in front of the other at the moment, but I promise you that in time this will get better.
Do you have good RL support, siblings ? Just get through each day as best as you can, don't worry about next week or the week after for now, take care

Hi Thirza, I'm sorry you have had to join us and condolences on the loss of your mum.

My dad is getting cremated on the 17th. (Always a month wait at out local crem). I wrote his eulogy yesterday which was both cathartic and difficult. I am quite proud of it though. Obviously as it contains a lot of identifying details I can't post it here but am happy to PM it to anyone who wants to see.

Hand hold for all of us.

Frazzle, I know exactly what you mean. My mums passing was a huge shock to the system and I pretended she was on holiday for weeks. Big love to you.

You have done well to be able to write the eulogy more will you read it yourself ? How long did it take you to complete. I would imagine it was quite difficult. When my mum died, we found a letter that my mum had left " for my children " one of my brothers read this out at her funeral.
God it's all so sad isn't it. And like you when my younger sister died I pretended she had emigrated to Australia ! It was easier to cope with that than the reality of her death.