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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

986 replies

Mummylin · 30/04/2016 11:29

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

OP posts:
candykane25 · 19/06/2016 08:37

Hi guys.
Just wanted to come here to have somewhere where I can say what I want to say to my dad on fathers day.
Happy Fathers Day Dad. Hope you have having a blast where you are. I love you and I miss you but you know that already! Today is no different from any other day - I think of you everyday and mostly smile because of all the funny and living things we did and said. Everywhere I go you are there with me. Thank you for being a wonderful dad, one who taught me strength and courage and stamina, who taught me to laugh and have fun, who taught me I was lived, no matter what. Everything you did as a fathe has enabled me to be a parent to my daughter because you set me the most fabulous example. Thank you. Xxxxx

Yes that felt good! I haven't read back, sorry, but I hope everyone is handing in there and getting through ok.

hidingwithwine · 19/06/2016 09:45

That was lovely Candy. I was fine at the Kirkyard earlier but I've just worn sunglasses around Morrisons to hide my tears. Been a strange few days and I think I'll go back to bed and hopefully sleep through most of today.

Original poster
Mummylin · 19/06/2016 10:38

To all of you missing your dad today, I hope you can remember your dear dads with love and maybe have a little chuckle at something that you and he found amusing. Thinking of you all today.

OP posts:
GinIsIn · 19/06/2016 10:46

2nd Father's Day without my dad. It would have been his birthday too. I miss him all the time.

Badders123 · 19/06/2016 11:45

Happy Father's Day, dad
3 years
I miss you
X

eitak22 · 19/06/2016 15:01

Today so far has been easier than I thought it may be, still feel like I've forgotten to call him. Had a cry before work and out my face on, now at home. Am absolutely drained, slept badly last night.

hidingwithwine · 19/06/2016 15:24

My DH has gone out with all 3dcs to visit FIL and step FIL. Teens are being very sweet today and that's making me more teary. Keeping myself busy cleaning and trying to just get through the rest of the day.

groovejet · 19/06/2016 22:10

First fathers day without my Dad, miss him everyday but it has felt strange not choosing a card for him, hearing DH on the phone to his dad and not calling mine.

Raised a glass to him today, he truly was a great dad and grandad and he is missed more than I can say.

Original poster
Mummylin · 20/06/2016 09:49

It seems that you all coped very well yesterday despite your sadness.
Miserable day here today, it's pouring with rain which dosent help the mood does it.
ssd my sis has apologised about her part ( or lack of it ) in doing the graves. I know she has a massive problem at the moment so I have taken back her task to do it myself as it just won't get done.

OP posts:
eitak22 · 20/06/2016 16:42

Mummylin Glad your sister has apologised and although it's more work at least you are able to put the touches you want to the graves.

I got through yesterday, it did all hit me last night and i was so drained, spent a while in tears and took ages to go to sleep but dad would want me to try and keep going as best i can.

Rainshowers · 20/06/2016 20:47

I was the same eitak22 and made it through the day relatively well, only to burst into tears once DD was in bed. I had a really good cry (you know the big ugly sobs, where your face goes all blotchy and you can't catch your breath) and just thought about how much I miss dad and hate the scum that did this to our family. I did feel a little better after that.

I felt a bit sorry for my DH as I didn't really acknowledge the day too much, but DD had made some bits at nursery and I did manage to buy a card (although embarrassingly did cry in the shop). I think he understands how tough yesterday was as it was the first one and we have a lot going on right now. I've made a promise to myself that I don't want it to put a downer on the day every year as it isn't fair to him.

bigbuttons · 22/06/2016 06:51

My dad was cremated yesterday and at the moment I feel that the grief of not having him here will kill meSad. The pain and disbelief is so overwhelming.

hidingwithwine · 22/06/2016 07:17

Ah bigbuttons, that feeling comes and goes with me. We all actually got through the funeral okay, it was seeing him in the funeral home that got me. I hate that we are all in this awful club together now.

Flowersfor you

bigbuttons · 22/06/2016 07:24

thank you hiding I am holding onto the fact that the pain can't stay this intense. Before the funeral I sort of pretended it hadn't happened, now I can't pretend that any more.

willitbe · 22/06/2016 09:09

Hi all, it is hard reading that so many others feel the pain of loss of a parent. But at the same time it is good to know that I am not crazy in my feelings.

I have to keep everything bottled up in front of my mum, and now she is saying I don't love her, I love the dead more than the living and other such horrible things. I know it is her grief talking but I don't feel like it is going to stop anytime soon, and I can't handle it. She needs help as she is isolated and can't/won't drive. So I have to go deal with all her practical needs, but she wants more from me all the time, and I have nothing to give.

I haven't managed yet to get hold of the book that you recommended Badders123, I am hoping the library will get it in for me.

I feel sore battered and bruised. 4 months on from losing my dad. I am grateful that I have some friends that are supporting me through this.

Original poster
Mummylin · 22/06/2016 21:01

Hello to the new posters big. And willit
Big what you are feeling is quite normal and is part of the grieving process. I think that the first few weeks after you have lost someone is almost unbearable for some of us. I could not imagine a life without my mum at the time.
You probably won't believe or think that you will , over time feel much better than you do at the moment, although you will never fully recover, but you will learn to adjust with time. It is far too early for you at the moment, so I would say, just take everything day by day. It is far easier to just deal with one day at the moment whilst you are so distraught.
willit it is also still very early days for you so please don't neglect your own grief whilst trying to help your mum.

OP posts:
hidingwithwine · 22/06/2016 21:03

I've bought the Virginia Ironside book from eBay at a whole £2.99. My mum wants to read it after me. I might actually let her read it first, and see what she thinks before I try it.

Potentialmadcatlady · 22/06/2016 21:24

Big...I so understand how you feel..I never thought my feelings would be so intense ..sometimes I literally have to hang on min by min..I'm thinking of you and know how hard it is..

Willitbe..I'm in the position with my Dad..he drives which is great and is getting out and about himself but he is constantly wanting me to help sort my Mums stuff and I'm not really able to do that yet..I keep making up random excuses which isn't helping

Auntpetunia2015 · 24/06/2016 02:21

Can I join?? Had the dreaded call at 12:55 am that my mum had died. We've been waiting all week and it's best for her but God I've cried solid for 2 hours since getting the call ..

Original poster
Mummylin · 24/06/2016 03:35

Hello aunt my deepest condolences to you on your loss. It is devastating isn't it and of course it's only a few hours ago. It is such a heartbreaking time , especially in the early days when you just can't think straight at all. I hope you have gone to bed now, I am only up because of the ref but I will post to you again tomorrow Flowers

OP posts:
Tootsiepops · 24/06/2016 03:48

Hi all - I posted on this thread when my mum died in April. Can I ask something? Often, when I'm thinking about my mum, I feel dizzy and lightheaded - I thought it was just a physical reaction to grief, but I had someone out from Cruse the other week, and I asked her if it was normal. She said definitely not and I should see my GP asap. I will absolutely consult my doctor - but is it really such an unusual thing?

Potentialmadcatlady · 24/06/2016 08:03

So sorry Aunt .. I hope you got some rest
Tootsie.. I'm similar- my dtr has me on tablets- told me it is anxiety and that I'm constantly in fight/flight mode hence the dizziness etc because my body can't relax..Cruse lady said the same plus reckons I have ptsd - Build up of things then my Mums horrible death put me over edge.. Hope you get some help

Auntpetunia2015 · 24/06/2016 18:32

Well it's been a horrible week but it's a bit surreal now the calm after the storm. Nothing really I can do today coroner and funeral home in charge next thing is meeting funeral director on Tuesday next week, feel a bit like a spare part sat here on my own. Like I should be doing something. I remember this feeling from when dad died and i know it's normal

ssd · 25/06/2016 11:49

I'm so sorry for all the new posters with recent losses, its a really horrible time Thanks

Potentialmadcatlady · 25/06/2016 22:00

Yucky day... Went to see my Dad. He was rude,disrespectful and difficult....Another few boxes of Mums stuff sorted..I just find it so hard to help him when he's being nasty..it's endless...so much stuff and he won't let me take any of it to charity, it all has to be 'distributed' ....my garage is full of stuff and he keeps asking me about more- I just take it all and put it in garage because it's just too upsetting for me to sort it yet..the bit of jewellery my Mum told me I was specifically to have has been 'distributed' and I don't know who too...