Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

[Mummylin]

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

Hello upside I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you are managing to deal with this. It is a very upsetting thing isn't it, but it sounds like your dad had a lot to withstand. Whilst he was alive. I am glad that he didn't suffer at the end and it was very quick for him, that would of preyed on your mind if he had been in pain.
It sounds like he was a very much and highly thought of man, take some comfort from this, that others regarded him as a valued human being.
I hope that you have support in RL, this will help you enormously during the next few weeks / months.
It is a horrible time for you and your family, so just take things day by day for now.

hello to the new posters who have recently joined this thread, I'm sorry you had to join, but you'll get a lot of support on this thread from people who know how you feel.

well the weather here has been glorious all week, very unusual for these parts! I'm sunburned as I was stupid and forgot my factor 50, now I'm suffering! I really dont like the sun, whereas dh is really tanned, he never burns. Oh well!!

hope you all get the chance to sit in the sun for a wee while today x

So sorry to read all your posts, but it is comforting to know that others are grieving but still able to carry on.

My DF died a year ago today, he was pretty much fine and then went into hospital feeling faint and with a low fever. They thought he had pneumonia but it turned out to be a horrible form of leukaemia. He died 3 days after going into hospital. He was 71.

I keep thinking how proud he would be of his grandchildren and how much fun they always had with him. I feel like we've been robbed and I still feel quite angry. I can't believe it's been a year.....

My children have kept me sane, and my lovely DH, and tbh I can go for quite a long time now without thinking of him, but today has been hard.

My thoughts go out to everyone who is grieving, you are not alone.

Missing my mum more today, its seven years since we lost her to ovarian cancer aged 67, she too would have loved to see her grandchildren grow up. I miss her so much, she really was my best friend. Miss you mum xxx

Hello Lady it isn't surprising that today has raked up memories, I expect you have thought many times today to this time last year. It is horrible when you have to face a "first". It was very quick to lose your dad so soon after his diagnosis, that must of been awful. It is good to be able to speak to people who are or have felt the same, I think until you lose a parent others don't realise how sad it is. I am sure as you say, that your dad would if been extremely proud of his grandchildren, through them he lives on with his genes .

Hi emptynest it dosent seem to make any difference how long since we lost our mums does it. I too was very close to mine and it's 4 1/2 years, but it seems like last week, every detail will be in my brain forever .
It is true that life goes on. But it's not the same without them is it, always someone is missing.

sorry, if I'm intruding, but my beloved dad died yesterday and I don't know what to do with myself .

My deepest sympathy to you buttons I expect you are struggling to believe what has happened. I know for me it just didn't seem possible and felt like a very bad dream.
I can imagine that today you may be in shock and will try and make sense of what has happened. It is a very sad time in your life. Do you have good friends who can help you through this, it is very helpful. And other family support is also good to have.
It's possible that you may have a few things to sort out this week, I don't know your family dynamics, but that gives you something to focus on.
It is hard to see that everyone around is just carrying on as usual, you want to scream to them " don't you know my dad has just died ?"
Please look after yourself , you do need to carry on eating, sleeping etc.
Post here at any time. Someone will always answer you.

Hello everyone. I just want to say that I'm so sorry for everyone here losing their loved ones.

Buttons, so sorry to hear about your dad. Sometimes we need to love someone enough to let them go. I'm sure your dad will comfort you in many different ways, such as things you'll do in everyday life.

I have found a couple of videos that induce tears, but are so inspirational and comforting.

Me too. My Mum died last night. I did manage to get down to see her yesterday for a few hours but them I had to come home again to deal with the DCs, who are all still school age. One of my sisters was with her. She'd said so many times that she was ready to go and how being her age (92) was rubbish and not to be recommended. My DCs now have no grandparents. This feels rubbish too

Hi oen very sorry for your loss. It's lovely that you managed to spend some time with your mum yesterday. What a grand age she reached. But it dosent make it less of a loss for you and your family. The first few weeks seem to go in a bit of a daze and tearful interludes. I am glad to see that you have a sister. You can both support each other. It's always very sad when children have no grandparents at all, but you can talk to them about your mum and keep her memory alive. I do think that people get to a ripe old age and then they decide they have had enough and just want peace. My Grandad was of this frame of mind. But at the time I did not understand how he could possibly want to leave me. He got his wish though. Just take each day as it comes and you will get through this very sad time.
upside Thankyou for your kind thoughts to all of us on this thread. It's nice to know that others realise how awful it is to lose someone that we loved ( and still do ).

Huge hugs for all.

Ive not been on recently partly as putting things into words isn't easy and have been away on holiday which was nice. Seeing someone about grief and dad on Wed which may help but still getting really anxious and stressed about stuff.

Also all the fathers day stuff is in the shops and i keep seeing things dad would love that i could get him but obviously cant. Went to mum's today and saw his room shes just cleared it out and it just doesn't feel right that he's not there plus she sent me home with some of his (and my) fave hot choc. We had a bbq and he used to love it when we did that and got him outside as it didn't happen very often and found myself spoiling the dog as he wasn't there to do it.

I find the sunny days hard.. I'm still at the stage where I want it to rain so I can cuddle up on the sofa and 'watch' some random box set on tv.. One that doesnt involve families or love or medical drama.. I'm really struggling today.. Had a better day a couple of days ago and I thought finally I was starting to recover a little but the next day ( yesterday ) I was worse.. Can't wait until it's bedtime and I can take a sleeping tablet- I'm only allowed so many so I try and save them but tonight I just want to sleep.

I lost my Mum.. It wasn't unexpected, she was sick and her body was done and I didn't expect to fall apart but I have .. Thinking of everyone today

Hello potential I am sorry for the loss of your mum, it hurts like hell dosent it. It's strange we all know that they won't be here forever, but the loss when they go is terrible. It changes life for the future I think.
When did you like your mum ? It's normal to fall apart sometimes when you don't expect it. It's all part of the grieving process which I think to start with is pretty brutal.
There are no short cuts to getting through it sadly, we just have to take each day as it comes. If you need to have a cry, then do. It's a bit of release for you.
Do you have any RL support at all or are you on your own ?
I am Kate reading your post so I hope that by now you are asleep, and that it's a good sleep, hopefully your tablet will help.
Usually someone on here when you need to chat or vent. Take care of yourself.

Sorry should say lose not like

Sorry i havent been around ive been poorly and still not back on track, how is everyone doing?

My Mum died 3 years ago last week, aged 66 from lung cancer despite having given up smoking aged 40.

My Dad died aged 53 from leukaemia when I was 25.

Since Mum died I've got married, bought a lovely house and am now expecting my first baby. Mum met DH a few times but never had any sense of how serious things were.

DH's parents have been staying with us over the weekend. His Dad is 70 and his Mum is 66. They are both hale and hearty and mentally alert. I really like them, genuinely I do, and they are sensitive to my lack of parents and treat me like a daughter.

However they both smoke and drink a lot and have spent their lives out in the sun yet have so far escaped cancer completely. Frankly I veer between being hugely jealous of DH that they are still here and terrified that they are both going to get ill at any minute and I'll have to go through the whole miserable illness and funeral routine yet again. My brother's wife's folks are in failing health and he too is scared that it's all about to begin again.

I'm beyond sad that my own parents never saw me in this stage of my life which is, other than the fact that they are not around, the happiest I have ever been. Talking to my MIL about childbirth etc brings home to me how many questions I would have had for my Mum and how much I don't know about her experiences. For example I know I was premature because it came up in conversation when I was a child, but I have no idea by how many weeks because I didn't know enough of the details of pregnancy to ask for that level of detail, and I have no idea why I was born early. Nobody who would know is alive any more.

How do others cope with either of these feelings/situations?

Hi, thanks Mummylin..I got a sleep until about 4.30 then just lay there until 6 trying unsuccessfully not to think...today has been a hard day..Mum died about 8weeks ago now and everyone in rl seems to have moved on apart from me...I have had lots of bad news recently and just can't seem to get a break at all...my friends are trying to help but they are at that stage were they think I should be feeling better ..and I'm not..each day it's just getting worse..had some very hard dark thoughts today- ones I had a few weeks ago and thought I had got through but today they are back with a vengeance...
Jessie. I don't know how to help you about your Mum but I do know that I lost my brother when I was young and he had just started university..what I found good was to go 'see' him at his grave on important dates- when I got to the age he was when he died and started to do things he never got to do I went to see him and told him all about it..I'm not at the stage yet were I can go see my Mum and talk to her but I hope that might come back in time..I'm just not sure but I am thinking of you today.x

Definitely struggled last night. Sunday night was our weekly round-up-of-the-week phone call when we went through all the news and issues. She never gave guidance but was so good at putting things into context and didn't have a single pair of judgey pants. It feels like there's nobody else who really is genuinely interested to hear what they're all up to (there are four DCs), what problems they face and their little triumphs. My sisters are all older, with grown-up kids and grandchildren and there own worlds. If anyone starts to talk about themselves/kids, it always seems to get competitive somehow, even though it doesn't set out that way. Work have been lovely, though - kind emails, even a very pretty bunch of flowers arrived this afternoon and no pressure to go in for now. Just feeling a bit lost...

for everyone, I can't even bear to read this thread at the moment, I just appear, get whatever's in my head down and leg it again.

I've had to come off FB, I can't bear anything around Father's Day. Sunday is also ten months since he left us. How can that be that ten months ago on Saturday was the last time I spoke to my dad? And how do I go through the rest of my life never speaking to him again? 😔

Hi jessie how sad that you lost your parents when they were both so young. They should both should of had so many more years to live. But life is unkind isn't it.
I am glad that you have been able to continue and progress with your own life , I would think with your first baby coming you are wishing that your parents were here to meet their grandchild, which if course they should be. But they will be in your child as he / she will gave their genes and so the baby carries them on. I hope everything goes well for you in your pregnancy and birth.

potential I think that most of us find that people do expect yes to be "over" it in a matter of weeks, when we know that isn't the case. I understand that at times you feel in despair, but gang on in there, it will get better eventually, it's not something that you can rush sadly. Take care and I hope you sleep tonight.

one I can quite understand how you missed your mum last night if that was when the family calls were made. But it really is only a matter of days and there will be a lot of "firsts" you have to face. It is a horrible situation but not one we can avoid sadly. After having your mum for so long it is bound to be a massive loss to you and your family and will take time for you to get used to her not being here. It will get better in time, but for now just get through each day as it comes.

Hello hiding I can see how unhappy you are feeling, but I can tell you, yes it will get better, but as I just said to one the firsts of everything are awful. It does hurt when you go around the shops and see all the Father's Day cards. Knowing that this year you won't be buying one. But in saying that I still get my mum a card, I get a laminated one ,made especially for mums who aren't here now, and I take it to my mums grave, they did sell them in clintons, or you can also get them on the Internet, I would think that they would do Father's Day ones as well. This may help you a little bit

Hi SM lively to see you, sorry you have been ill, hope you have recovered now. Hope all the children are doing ok and not causing you hassle !! How is your mums little garden ?