Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

[Mummylin]

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

its so hard when you see your parent on a dream but then they go away when you wake up, I have never seen my mum but I've held her hand in a dream, it felt very real

for everyone here, its a really hard thing to deal with and sadly it happens to us all, eventually x

It does all seem real Ssd. Makes you wonder if they visit you when your asleep ! But I have actually gone to bed and tried to force myself to dream, but it dosent work .
Sherbertpips, I think the grief just overtakes you sometimes when you least expect it. But it won't hurt you to have a good cry. It's a release of sorts.i hope your mum finds somewhere soon.
Charley, it's upsetting when you see someone that reminds you of what you have lost isn't It. I just have to see someone with white hair and in similar style and I can see my mum. What I wouldn't give for just another 5 minutes with her.

I've tried to force myself too, just to see their faces again, but it doesnt work for my either! Maybe they do visit us in our dreams, thats a really nice thought.

and I second mummylins advice as above, I feel exactly the same.

Ive had the same, though mine wasn't very nice. My dad looked like he'd had a stroke and then we were trying to resus him and call an ambulance but one of those nuisance callers called and blocked our phone lines. Next thing i knew i was being chased for some reason.

I keep 'seeing' my dad too, I saw him on the nursery run this morning and several times in the supermarket yesterday.

Jules- I am also so sorry to hear about your baby. You've been through a lot.

Dreams are like tricks of the mind, aren't they? Sometimes when I dream and I wake up, I realize I dreamt about things that happened during the day but my dream got them all mixed up . Thats why I dont understand why I've never had a good dream about my mum or dad as I think about them every day, not all day, just in the way they come into my mind now and then. Its all just odd.

Hello to all who are here. I never seem to dream for some reason. We had mum's funeral and everyone said how nice it was, but I just don't want her to be dead. Who cares if the funeral is a good day out?

I often used to "see" people who looked like Dad after he died, but I've not done that with mum for some reason, not sure why. I am annoyed by older women I see wandering around, older than my Mum was and fitter, although this is not very fair & I don't really wish them any harm! Just why wasn't my Mum like that!

Hope others are doing as well as possible x

Hello jules yes I agree it is tough when you see people who look the same age and so healthy, and it does send a pang through your heart. But sadly we can't change things and somehow we have to move forward, although I know it's not easy at all. I am quite envious of everyone who has their mum and want to yell at them to treasure every moment as its so painful when they leave us. But I think until it actually happens, people don't realise how awful it is.
ssd I don't seem to dream a lot, or if I do I don't remember in the morning, unless it's one of those dreams which feels so real, and then it sort of hangs around all day. Nice if its a good dream, but not so nice if its been more like a nightmare.

I think I might have posted on an earlier thread but this evening I'm feeling the loss perhaps more than ever before. Mum died in early February age 60, having been diagnosed with fucking bastard cancer in 2013. Losing her was a nightmare come true. The funeral was heartbreaking. Driving away from her beautiful, isolated cottage tonight having disposed of her life into skips and bonfires and picking out the treasures for ourselves was traumatic beyond description. I picked a hotch potch of grannies bonnets, wild poppies, honeysuckle and blossom from her garden and the hedges and left them on her grave before coming home. God I miss her. Can't believe I potentially have my lifetime again and more without her.

Hello Jennifer it is horrible when you have to sort through everything, I have loads of containers here of stuff I could not bear to throw away, I have little scraps of paper that mum had written on, just so much of it. I keep saying I will go through it, but I haven't even opened a box in 4 years now.
You are still only a few weeks down the road. And it is obviously still very raw for you.
The flowers you picked sound lovely.
It is daunting if you look forward too much and it does seem so long you have to live without your dear mum, but when you gradually recover from your grief, hopefully you won't have that on your mind.

Hi Jennifer, I have my Mum's old clothes now and it is horrible to go through them Some of them are so old and worn it is pointless to keep them but I have just thrown out my mum's old shoes and it feels heartless just to toss them out - she wore them so much. I also have her old photos that I gave her of myself and my daughters - no-one else wants them now [we already have copies of them at home].

We also had to dispose of most of mum's stuff years before she died - she went into home of little space - and that was also heartbreaking. And all my Mum has now is a bunch of old clothes and the photos.

It's hard wrapping your head around it all isn't it. I found it very difficult when I came across a stray hair on an old piece of clothing. I have no wise words - it's feels too much to bear sometimes.

Thanks to all. I just stopped - I have mum's old suitcase with a few clothes in upstairs, but I cannot bear to do this at the moment.

I could not do my mums clothes, luckily my Aunty did it for me. It's heartbreaking isn't it.

I'm really low tonight and I'm not sure why. I went to the Kirkyard to talk to dad yesterday and I was really upset, which I don't usually do. The words on the stone just haven't sunk in yet. I got a brand new car for the first time ever this week and I really want to show dad it, let him have a drive of it, hear what's wrong with it because there would have to be something

Silly or what

No your not silly hiding you are grieving. It takes a while until you get used to what has happened and it really isn't that long for you. I think it's instinct to want to show / tell loved ones about something that is nice or exciting, that's when it hits home, we can't do that any more. You will be ok, but you have to allow yourself all the time that you need to do your grieving, there is nothing any of us can do to avoid this horrible time.

I hope everyone managed to have at least a little peace over the holiday weekend. Thinking of you all

My beloved mum died last week, it just seems so surreal. I'm so angry, so very very angry. She had a disease where there was never a glimmer of hope, no treatment and no cure.

Hello 50 I am so sorry for your very sad loss. I understand your heartbreak, in fact we all do on this thread. It is such a devastating loss isn't it. I expect you are struggling to make sense of anything at this moment. It's as if you are suddenly plunged into a different world, everything has now changed and it's an awful sickening feeling isn't it. It is such a new thing for you, your grief is very understandable. Do you have good RL support ? It will help a lot if you do. But regardless, there is always someone here for you to offload to, it really does help to be able to chat to others in similar situations. Do take care of yourself, make sure you still eat etc, and just take each day as it comes. It is too much really to do any more than that in the first few weeks. "Grief is the price we pay for love" is what is said and I think this is very true.

All these posts have struck such sadness with me. I'm so sorry for everyone who is grieving out there
My mum died 25 years ago,she was 36 and I was 11. I'm now the age she was when she died,I'll never get over it. She left behind 4 children and never had the chance to see them grow up. So unfair.

Hi West that is very sad and I had this in my family, my sister died in 1989 at age 26 and left a little two year old. That two year old is now married and expecting her first baby, how I would love my sister to be able to see her expected little grandchild
You and your siblings were so young to of lost your mum, what a lot you have all had to miss out on over the years, life can be so cruel, and you were at an age to remember all this too, at least my niece was very young and has no recollection of her mum at all, which is also sad.

Thanks mummylin so kind.(my mums name was Lynn) my youngest brother was 2 when she died,and like your situation,he doesn't remember her at all-that really hurts me.i've got 2 girls and I know she would've been a wonderful nanny.She would've actually had 6 grandchildren,with another on the way!

Although your mum isn't here now, her genes carry on through your children, so part of her will always be in your children's lives and eventually it will be the same for them. I agree it's very sad that a two year old has no memories of their mum, but my niece " knows " my sister through the family photos and tales about her. It is just so sad that at such a happy time for my niece, her mum can't be here to share it. My sister was actually expecting her second baby when she died so that made it even more of an awful time, especially for my ex brother in law.
But eventually, you learn to accept what has happened, and get on with life, we still talk about her often and she will never be far away in our hearts and minds. I comfort myself that my mum is now with my sister, but my mums death I cannot get over at all and I don't think I ever will to be honest. And it's been 4 yrs for me now. It feels like the end of the world, and in a way it is as life can never be the same without her. I now have a different life, and things I used to find amusing, I now don't. There is a huge gap.
You will eventually have a longer time between your heartbreaking tears and adapt to not having your mum around, it's difficult and very upsetting, but as I said last night, for now just get through each day.

The last part of my previous post was meant for 50 I forgot to put her name !

Hope you all have this lovely warm and sunny day and for the newest posters that you are all coping day by day.

Hello all, I hope I'm not intruding, but I could do with somewhere to let out my thoughts for a bit, if that's OK?

I lost my beloved dad a week ago today. I was OK until I saw dad after he was hoisted onto the bed and covered. He was suffering from primary, secondary and tertiary cancers which started in his bladder, metastasised to his kidneys and the spread to his spine. He was in a lot of pain but as soon as he got the syringe driver in, he was comfortable. The only problem was that he kept forgetting that he had a catheter in, and so was trying to get up to go to the toilet.

The last time he got up to go to the toilet, he suffered a major heart attack that killed him (he'd already had 3 previous heart attacks), but the paramedics and Dr all said that he would have died within a few minutes of having it. There was very little suffering endured due to the amount of morphine in his body.

I'm glad he wasn't with it IYSWIM, when he died. I know he knew we all loved him and the turnout for his funeral was amazing. We live in a large town and the room was filled to bursting, with over 200 people there. Those were a small number of people who could make it to the funeral. There were also another 5-6 hundred others who couldn't make it. I had no idea he had touched so many lives and had made such an impact on so many people .