Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

Derxa that's horrible. I'm sorry.

We just met with funeral directors. She was a bit haphazard and got some details wrong which took confidence away. The guys I spoke to previously were so good and we had lots of confidence.

Dyne Sorry for your loss. It just feels a bit like wading through mud.
Sorry about your funeral director. Ours was a bit Jack-the-lad but fortunately he knew my dad well and came good. some e-mails included things like 'Thanks darling'! What kind of funeral are you arranging? I found that having funeral limousines was great because the effort to park at different places would have been too much.
The man who upset me might have been grieving but there were over 300 at the funeral and nobody else was rude.

Logistically the church is 200m from our house and we will come here after so that should be okay. Its just at my grandad's funeral he had on the wrong clothes, and at the church we went in before the Vicar and had to go back. We just want a smooth day. When we met the vicar yesterday we had confidence and the people I spoke to before were great. But she was a bit forgettful we are worried something will go wrong.

Or more to the point I'm not that worried but my mum is and its something we don't want to have to deal with.

I'm glad for you dexra it was one of 300. I guess on balance that's a lot of support you had.

This is so hard and draining.

It's been a bad day today its just all on top of me.

Mummylin is having problems logging in- she asked if I would let you all know.

Ah I wondered where she had got too hope it's sorted soon thanks for telling us

I'm finding today so hard, I miss my dad x

I'm so sorry chicken noodle. It doesn't follow any kind of pattern I don't think. It's really up down. Or at the moment middle down. The up is not really there yet.

Did anything happen today which made it particularly tough or is it just that feeling inside?

Thanks for your message dyne, today it's been 3 years since I really "lost" my dad he might have died last year, but I lost my dad as I knew him 3 years ago ... It feels like forever that was without a doubt, the worst day of my life, even him dying wasn't as bad because then he was finally free from suffering x

tomorrow is my birthday, my grandparents sister and brother brought us butties and cake today,it was nice to be with them but I'm hurting so much right now I miss my mum she always bought me underwear for my birthday some big bright pairs of boxer pants were just what you wanted to open in front of all of your relatives I'd give anything to see you on my birthday :(
arguing with dp and things are generally pretty grim round here today! sorry this is a moany post when you are going through harder times on here how is everyone today?

My Mam died suddenly today. She was 63. My heart is breaking for my poor Dad who has been with her for 46 years (married 44). They had a proper friendship companionship, like the two sides of a coin. He has been her full time carer for near on four years after she had a haemorraghic stroke in 2011.

We are in limbo because we won't get the death certificate until earliest Monday afternoon.

sm, I'm so sorry your feeling so bad, I know its really hard and even worse when you're arguing with dh, you need his support but sometimes life gets in the way and you're just at each others throats....I know how much you miss your mum, I'm really hoping you have as good a birthday as possible and dh doesnt annoy you too much!

chicken and dyne for you too

oh velma, I'm so sorry for your loss

velma. what a shock for your and your ddad too. I hope you are close enough to support each other or over the phone this weekend. it is so hard to know what best to say other than we are all here to talk too, wishing you the most peaceful weekend possible.

Velma I'm so sorry. My parents had the same 44 years of marriage and 46 together. I can't imagine how much tougher it is for them compared to us children as it seems impossibly hard for me.

I don't understand why coroners don't work weekends....the limbo is horrible.

I hope you are able to spend time talking with your dad on the phone or in person this weekend. And you will get through. I say this because I am still here one week on and I couldn't imagine it last week. It was almost this time exactly when I got the worst phone call I have ever received.

Chicken I am sending lots of love to you and to super and all you other amazing women who despite your own grief have helped me still be here one week on. Still breathing and eating and just about managing to be a functioning parent to my boys.

morning dyne, sorry to see you now have to wait on the coroners the limbo is horrible, how are you doing? and your dc too

Happy Birthday supermario xxx

Dyne, thank you everyone on here is in the same boat & while we all still have bad days, it does kind of get easier ... It never goes away though xx

thanks, I've got up to cake, coffee and alcohol you will be happy to know I haven't opened it with it being 10am

I don't think it goes away just that you learn to manage it in a way. to all

Hi all - sorry I haven't been here in a while, don't know if anyone remembers me from the previous thread. mummylin, chicken, ssd it is comforting to "see" you again. So sorry for your losses dyne, velma, supermario (and anyone else I've missed, just caught up) - especially those that came as a shock.

My DDad died in May, 2 and a half years after his terminal cancer diagnosis. He was almost 65. I think I've coped ok so far, but that is partly because I have the daily routine of two small children to look after, and supporting my mum. Initially it was a relief not to be travelling to the nursing home with a toddler and a newborn nearly every day. But what I would give to hug him or speak to him again. I was in the car the other day and one of his favourite guitar pieces came on the radio - it punched me right through the chest. I saved the last year's worth of my Skype chat conversations with him yesterday - they don't say a lot, usually just "night night, I love you" before bedtime, but it helps me to feel he is still with me somehow.
His hospice offered to refer me to a local hospice for counselling - I think I need to take them up on that, because I really feel like I need someone to talk to. I may be getting along ok, but I am having real problems with how to relate to my mum and DH, and I need someone else to help me figure things out.
I miss him so much.

Happy birthday supermario

Tea ... I feel the same, that I might need to talk to someone, mines kind of complicated in that I've had counselling twice over the last 3 years ... both times for my marriage/exh but I did talk about my dad a lot whilst I was there. Now I think I kind of do need to talk to someone, but mainly because the last 3 years have caused me to be hold it all in & I don't really open up or show vulnerability to anyone ... but I do want to be able to, maybe I just haven't met the right person & when I do, I'll be able to trust that I won't get hurt again ... Maybe I'm just bloody crazy I feel like I may need bereavement & regular counselling, it's something I'll give more thought to when my kids go back to school x

Thanks you for the support. I'm not quite up to speed with everyone elses situation, so apologies that I'm not doing personal comments etc. I hope we all have a good or better day today.

I went up to my parents one DDad phoned and we left him late last night to come home to do DD weekend activity and to just give me the freedom to breakdown without mehaving to worry I'll set DDad off.

I have moments of kind of forgetting and then I remember and my stomach flips and the tears well. Yesterday morning at breakfast in the hotel me and DH were staying at I was just focussing on eating and trying to focus on the breakfast news on the tv and all of a sudden without any warning this uncontrollable sob started, I just dashed out of the room and virtually ran back to the room and sobbed for 5 minutes. When I returned to breakfast itmwas like walking back into the ok saloon with everyone looking round at met. I wanted to tell them to fuck off and shout that my Mam has died, stop looking at my swollen, puffy face from the crying.

DD Has been staying with my SIL and BIL, which has been fun for her. DD is 6 and has a photo of my Mam, which she looks at and a little teddy which my Mam gave her. She is being really resilient and is doing well. She is crying when she needs to, so I know she is working through her grief.

When we were driving home last night that realisation hit that I will never touch her hands anymore or give her a hug. I last saw her on 8th August and she thanked me and hugged me for helping her and my Dad. This heartfelt exchange occurred in the disabled bathroom after I took her to the toilet and I was washing her hands for her (she had severe weakness on her left side due to the stroke). I told her to stop being daft!

My heart lurches when I look at her chair and she isnt there to say hello as she would normally do. Her room smells of her and I just miss her.

Hi how is everyone doing? Sorry I've only been able to dip in and out recently. My 2 little ones are keeping me busy. Good in a way as it distracts me from thinking about dad but when I see a photo of him I catch myself and think omg he isn't here and feel so sad...
In many ways I'm not just sorry for my loss I try and put myself in dad's shoes and imagine what must have gone through his mind towards the end... like not getting to meet my baby, wondering how long he had left etc Really makes me shudder thinking of a loved one having those thoughts.
Hugs to everyone on here xx

I am absolutely exhausted. Everyone keeps trying manipulate me as to what Im going to do with my father's farm. I'm actually overwhelmed with grief and there's so much to do. I wish they would all just go away. People just turn up and expect me to tell them the story or try to get something out of me. I just feel numb. I don't even have the energy to give sympathy to other posters which is just awful.

Derxa, it's perfectly normal to feel like that, it's ok to say that you don't want to see or talk to anyone, I've done it a few times & however I will communicate by text so my closest friends & family know I'm ok, but need space xx

Sounds tough Derxa, you totally need to look after yourself in the first instance. People don't understand how exhausting grief is, never mind having to deal with all the practical stuff too. Do what you need to do to get through and function and if that means telling people to come back another time then do so... or if they are being manipulative tell them to eff off!!!