Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

hi sm, sorry you're feeling down, but I understand, I know what you mean, its important times we miss them, isnt it x

mummylin, I'd wear your necklace. I wore one of mums necklaces since she died, we bought it on holiday for her, but it broke this week. I think it'll make you feel closer to your mum x

I think you should wear it too ml it reminds you of a happy day, I wear mums engagement ring as mine we asked her husband if he would mind if I wore mums as mine and he said he thought she would be honoured. what have you both been up too? I went out today to look around the shops ds bought himself a video camera with his birthday money and is planning on making films of his wrestlers

got a big decision playing on my mind, just missing mums ear!

I just cleaned and ironed today, it was dry so got 2 big washings done!

whats on your mind sm, can we help?

sent you a pm, it's not thrilling stuff though haha.

ooh that means it didn't rain, that has got to be a plus!

yes, the weather here has been much better, only because the kids are back to school!!

Having my family here helps me so much. I'm going to go today to where he died. I'm really scared but I need to do it. Also glad weather is better today and feeling everyone's pain, I'm sorry for you all.

Mummylin I think you should wear the necklace. I'm wearing my dad's watch and It feels right.

I can't concentrate on reading but my mum and I and ds age 4 have been snuggled up in my parents bed playing Tetris on her tablet.

Ds1 is being so sweet but doesn't really understand. When I was crying this morning he said take a deep breath mummy and he said I know you're sad mummy but no-one can live forever. He is 4. What wise words from a 4 year old. He is interspersing the grief with smiles. As is ds2 age 1.

hi guys.. sorry to gate crash, but i need a bit of support today.

i have a thread on here i just started, but i dunno, i just want to talk about stuff.

I cant go into whats going on, but i'm having to support my brother through some stuff, and my mom is still grieving as well.

Dad died 18 months ago, and i've been fine for ages, but with all this going on right now i really, really wish he was here.

I can't talk to DH about it because his opinion is to tell me to let my family get on with it and look after myself, but i can't do that, they need me, and i'm not going to let them go under.. i just wish my footing felt a little more secure, because i dont feel strong enough today.

i want my dad, i wish he was here.

I know what you mean wizard. You think you're doing ok, then wham, it comes right back, and its like being back to square one. I'm sorry, but I do understand. Theres just no answer, is there . Just keep posting here, others will answer you too, we've all felt like this at some point in it all. xx

Hello sorceror you are very welcome here. It's at times when we are under stress that I think we realise how much we have lost, it never seems to go away. Anything that happens, my first thing is " I must phone mum " then you realise you can never do that again.
It's not just that they aren't here, it's all the things you used to laugh about together the advice. Just everything that we can't do anymore. And it hits us like a brick.
Even making a cake the other day, I used to phone my mum to ask what the converted weight was for the ingredients. Some birthdays I forget because it was always mum who would remind me, so many things. I understand you want the comfort of your dad around. It is very sad, but if we can help you , we are here.
dyne I am so glad that you feel a little better with having your DP and your children around you. Some kind of normality. Your 4 yr old sounds very wise ! I will wear my necklace when the occasion arises. I have another one as well , a gold locket with some of her hair in, I am frightened to wear that in case I lose it ! Everything I have of hers is such a treasure.

Mummylin I know what you mean about being scared to lose it. But it will feel so right to wear it and if it is a necklace it's not likely to get lost at all. You should put it on an extra chain if you are really worried maybe for extra security.

Sorcerer I hope you have managed to work through some of the things. Agree that you need to support - your dh is probably just trying to protect you but I would feel the same that you can't just ignore an issue with the people you love no matter how complex and difficult.

I went today on the last walk my dad did. Followed his footsteps. Stopped where he died. Spoke to him. Ds1 kissed the ground and said bye bye grandad. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't have been able to get through it. I thought it was going to be worse than it was. It was so hard but parts of the walk were cathartic. To do what he did and be in that beautiful space he loved. All fields. Like there is a piece of him there. I was breathing his air and walking on his ground. Hard but peaceful.

I'm really feeling for you dynevoran. Glad you found the walk cathartic even if it was tough at times. It's amazing how you find strength to do things.

I am finding it tough tonight. I go back to work tomorrow, it's as if everything is meant to get back to normal but Dad only died 2 weeks ago. I'm finding the whole thing just so painful. My DD found a lovely photo of Dad tonight and I haven't been able to stop crying since, it is so painful. It's like he's looking at me in the photo and I miss him so so badly. I can't believe that this is it now.

"I can't believe that this is it now"

^this is exactly how I feel.

Thanks for the kind words bonkers. I guess I don't feel strong at all but maybe I have some somewhere. I'll need it.

As much as it makes you cry, print out the photo and get a nice frame and give it pride of place. Sounds like a great photo to have around - like you can really connect with that image in particular.

Another long hard day here. Spoke to coroner and got some answer. Some bit unexpected. Gave some reasons could have been worse so made me feel a little boosted emotionally to have some vague silver lining to hold onto.

Then felt stupid for even feeling there could be anything to be positive about. Then felt like a robot for most of the day bit emotionless. Then spoke to an amazing friend this evening and talked a lot out and cried a lot and felt a bit better.

Had a panic that I couldn't hear his voice properly in my mind when remembering conversations. Like my memory couldn't recreate properly. Got a bit wound up but she helped calm me and think that some might come back later when I'm less stressed.

Have had a few episodes where got worked up almost hyperventilating over last few days.

dynevoran

it is just bloody hard, theres no two ways about it, you know you'll get through, only because theres no choice

but take it from me, who almost was broken by my mum dying, it gets better..time doesnt heal, but it helps

in the meanwhile, cry when you need to, smile as well when you can and know the love for your dad will never be gone, it'll be in your heart for always xx

I actually was genuinely convinced I was going mad when mum died. The pain literally drove me mad and I thought, this cant be right, it just cant be. Then I read somewhere that thats normal and it was such a relief to know I wasnt losing it, I was "just" grieving.

Yes, Dynevoran, I had that too - when I tried to remember Dad's voice I couldn't do it it was distressing. But I've since got that back. I feel as though I'm committing Dad to memory too early though. It's only been 18 days and I'm already back at work doing "normal" things, it's like I'm doing Dad a disservice.

ssd, I also didn't ever realise just how physically painful grief was. No way out of it. My chest has been tight ever since, I think it's just anxiety. I've sobbed so hard I couldn't breathe, I'm shaking most of the time. And somehow you just have to get on with it. It's good to hear that it does get better.

The biggest myth I've come across is when people say that the first few seconds of each day when you wake up are lovely and then it sinks in. I haven't found that at all. Every day when I wake up it hits me immediately - Bam, Dad's gone.

Positive thoughts to you all.

hi all how are you?

I got locked out for a bit there didn't know about the password change.still haven't managed to shake my feeling of last week had a chat with my nan about it and she couldn't or tried to put me off to be honest. maybe people don't think I'd cope.

mum would know what to say. she always did, even if it was "tell them to fuck off"

hi sm, I dont get the pass word needs changing thing, what happened?

I couldn't log in it kept saying connection failed went on twitter to see if it was down and there was a post linking to say all passwords had to be changed due to what happened on the 11th.

I'm on a list that says your details have been hacked, bloody hell! I'm going to asl MN to delete all mu posts, maybe that'll sort it.

changed pass word too

where's the list :s some people have too much time on their hands eh strange people.

just fallen out with dp, can't seem to do much right last few days!

Was my dad's funeral yesterday. Went very well except for man who had been helping care for my dad snubbing me at the church door. Made me feel horrendous.