Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

Thank you chicken and star. We had an incident tonight where one of my father's cats got out and my son had a real go at me for leaving the window open. It was just frustration. Thankfully he persuaded it to come in but it felt like the end of the world. He's been looking after them and struck up a bond with them.

Morning all
I haven't caught up on the thread, just a quick check in.
11 months today.
Going for a day out. Had a cry in the shower - it feels wrong to be going and my dad won't be there.
Love to all x

Derxa, how old is your son? Child? Adult? I'm sure I've upset my mum a few times, everyone deals with things differently & sometimes we snap a lot of us have children, mine are almost all teens, others on here have younger children x

Kandycane ... At least the shower washes away the tears, I hope you enjoy your day xx

Derxa I'm so sorry it sounds like so much added stress at a time when you need to be able to take time to reflect and come to terms with your loss.

And yes it's totally fine to just shut yourself off from it all.

I'm 9 days on now. Funeral tomorrow. So exhausted and stressed. They dug the grave yesterday and my mum went past walking the dog...can't imagine how hard that was. She isn't religious really but went to church with some ladies in the village today. I'm glad she went I think it will help.

Thanks everyone for kind thoughts and helping me get this far.

I'll be okay because my kids and friends will keep me busy but terrified of leaving my mum.

Love to all. Let's hope today is kind to us all.

Dyne Hope all goes well. Although it is hard for your mum, it sounds as if she has good support. I would class myself as not very religious but the support of the minister and the church service were invaluable.
exhausted and stressed These are the key words. Love to you.

Velma, so sorry for your loss, and to all of you on this thread. I have not posted before, but have found it a great comfort in the past few weeks. My lovely mum died a month ago, and it is so helpful to feel that there are others feeling the same.
None of the grieving process has been as I imagined; it is so much harder and lonelier, despite the support of a close family.
Sending love to you all.

hope all goes as well as possible tomorrow.

am sorry to hear of your loss, grieving was in no way what i imagined it would be. i had convinced myself it would never happen even though we were told it would come.

I remember being told i was strorng and people would not cope with what i had and thinking, well you would have to wouldnt you whats the alternative.

Having a shitty day today, really angry. ranting at dp who is probably highly frustrated with me because he wants me to say what needs saying whereas id keep the peace for an easy life! something has really upset ds and im struggling to hold my tongue though

My Dad has been gone nearly 30 years now.

I still miss him as I can't say to him how is grandson is doing or his great granddaughter is off to Uni soon

Life goes on but you get "used" to it if that makes sense

EngTech Your post is so comforting for some reason.

Supermario, we are all strong ... whether we realise it or not xx

agree with you there EngTech, life goes on regardless and you do get used to the new way of things, but it never ever leaves you... the rawness subsides but the ache remains.

I think so chicken, five years ago if you said your mum dies what do you do I wouldn't even of been able to imagine life without her let alone getting on with things and doing the things I am now. I do it because I have to not because I want to which is the same for everyone here I think

I think so chicken, five years ago if you said your mum dies what do you do I wouldn't even of been able to imagine life without her let alone getting on with things and doing the things I am now. I do it because I have to not because I want to which is the same for everyone here I think

Derxa, SSD

Thank you for those comments.

It happens to us all at some point in our lives but there is no "One size fits all" on how to cope / adapt.

Each person is unique so each person copes in their own unique way

The world does not stop, you just get off it and when you are ready, you get back on.

chickennoodle My son is 26 but 'resting' at the moment. He has been such a help especially with these fecking cats. The SSPCA have not been good. I need to rehome the cats but they won't help.

I seem to get off and on like a yoyo, for me its swings and roundabout's and as sm says, you just have to go on with it all, as theres just no choice.

Hope today goes as well as it can dyne x

Thanks Starfish. It isn't until 3pm and we are all nervous wrecks here. Mum is tidying everything and just gone to village hall with some friends and neighbours to sort out for afterwards.

I wrote something to say and am reading a poem as well and petrified I won't do him justice and will struggle to do it. And that is all distracting me from the distress at the reality and enormity of the situation. And I feel so churned up I might just explode at some point into a quivering mess.

But I am trying to hold it together as much as I possibly can for my mum. As soon as more people are here I'm going to have a lie down. I won't sleep but I need stillness and quiet as my mind is going crazy.

Thanks derxa and super Mario too..Just reading up thread more.

The life goes on thing - i have a few approaches to it.
One - life now without my dad is a new normal. Family dynamics have shifted, we do things differently, and its become a new normality. I preferred the old normal but it isn't possible.
Two - My dad loved his family and we were his life and future. Therefore i have to focus on my own family and focus on our future, just like he did. He too went through bereavement of a parent and i now understand his pain there too.
Three - i am still connected to him. Life goes on but i talk to him everyday, talk about him everyday, and i feel him around me. He is part of me, and part of my DD.

Its still rubbish and I wish he was still alive but the above is what helps me get through.

Dyne, my thoughts are with you today. Strangely, I found the funeral comforting, because of the support given by others, and all the lovely things people said about my mum.
I hope things go as well as they can for you and your family, and that you find the stillness and quiet to help you.

Candykane, I cope in a similar way ... Well that my dad would love to see me & my kids having fun ... That's my approach to everything actually life's too short, I want to experience as much as I can & have no regrets x

Hope you managed your poem ok dyne - what a lovely gesture. I'm sure your dad would have been proud.

Totally agree candy and chicken. I look at my babies and think that dad lives on in them..

Yes Dyne. Hope it went OK. i gave a eulogy speech and was amazed at how easy it was. I didn't look at anybody but the crowd were with me as it were. to you.

Oh how I needed you all yesterday and the bloody ddos messed things up.

I had to take a number of deep breaths standing up there in the pulpit. It took me 30 seconds before I started but I made it through my tribute and poem and only cried at the end when I told my dad I loved him.

Plenty of people came from our village and the flowers were beautiful, the willow wicker coffin was beautiful, people said wonderful things in the other 3 eulogies, we all went to the village hall afterwards and had some wine and spoke to some people.

I went to his grave last night and again today with my sons. I talked and cried. Saw some people from the village walking down there which was good to talk to.

But it still seems unreal and I can't get my head round it.

Can people tell me when they got a stone for the grave? At present there isn't one..I need to get onto them tomorrow about a marker in the meantime.