Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

good to hear from you mummylin, was getting worried about you! and glad you are starting to feel a bit better too.

sm, what a big disappointment for ds, thats a real shame.

forgot to say has your sis done the flowers yet?

Yes she actually has ssd !! It's a miracle. She went today , then text me to let me know. She said it looked pretty so that's ok.
SM that's a shame for your Ds, I bet he was really looking forward to his trip. Is it today you are having the ecg thing ?

great!

They haven't cancelled yet just said they will have too if people don't start paying so I'm crossing my fingers more people go. Had it on Monday the ecg monitor and took it back this afternoon totally ready for bed now as it kept me awake last night getting tangled up haha

Much as I don't like the idea of him being away I know he will be so disappointed so hope they don't cancel yes. How is everyone?

How are the plans for Ds,s trip SM? I hope it goes ahead for him.
I have another peaceful day tomorrow as Dh going to watch our town play , I think it's in or near London.

enjoy your free day tomorrow mummylin!

can I have a bit of a rant? please dont anyone feel they need to read! I just feel so lonely and alone without my mum, or dad. I feel anxious/scared/lonely/worried sick about the future. I feel I'm not grounded anymore, like I've been floating thru space since mum died and theres nothing tethering me to the ground. I love my dh and my dc's. I am lucky to have them. But I feel so lost. I get so anxious and wound up and I know ten minutes sitting at home with mum and dad would sort me out. But I cant have it and I cant get it back and without it I cant settle now. I'm used to things without my parents, on the outside, but inside I'm constantly churned up and unsettled. Its not the time of year, its not mothers day or anything that happens, its just life going on without them. My dh and dc's are my future but without my old family my past has gone and the hole left aches in me. I dont want to be sad and anxious but I cant fill it and it feels so raw. Time doesnt diminish it. I'm used to it but it doesnt help. It just doesnt feel real without them, like life is how it is but it isnt right.

I think that makes sense, we know what life was like before and it's hard now to be part of this new way of doing things that doesn't include such a huge part of your life before how can it be that that something like that happens is a common thought I think, doesn't mean you love your family any less just that you remember life before and long for that time again sometimes I wish I couldn't remember or had been too young to remember but then I feel awful and think how I would feel if I hadn't had the chances to get to know her as an adult I did it's a bloody hard road and you don't need to be okay all of the time, we are always here and try to understand best we can even though out situations are different some things remain the same.

Not sure on the trip suppose we won't know till closer the time hopefully be okay

you're right sm, everyone's situation is different here but we all can feel the same sometimes.

hope your boys gets to go too x

Sorry, I just pop up on here when I need to get someone written down and out of my head. Dads birthday is on Sunday. Another first to get through. We seem to be hurtling through them at a helluva rate. Does it get better after the first year? I can only see it getting worse as reality will have set in more, whereas just now I still can't quite get my head around things.

tilliebob I would like to say it gets better, it may in some ways but basically life as we knew it has now gone.
ssd I understand you perfectly. I think we put on a good show on the outside. But others don't realise that inside we have been broken and I don't think this will ever be fixed. We cannot go back, not even for a day. How can we continue living as we did with such gaping holes now in our lives.
The sadness we feel ( but try and hide ) will always be there.
We can only continue to carry on as best that we can for the sake of our family that we luckily do have.
I think even being surrounded by other family, which most of the time I am, I still feel alone in my sadness. My children, Dh and siblings cannot imagine that I would still feel so sad inside, and neither do I tell them this, if I did thus in turn would upset all of them and I don't want that.
So I just carry on as though nothing is wrong and I'm still the same mum / wife/ sister / nan as before. But I'm not and can never be that person any more. That person I was, died when my mum did. But I am one of the lucky ones, unlike you ssd who had no support from your siblings, who left you alone to sort everything out and now don't bother too much with you, I'm not surprised you feel like that at all.
But one consolation is we can discuss it here with each other and that to me has meant such a lot for all of you, especially ssd X

thanks mummylin xx

So, Dad's birthday. Couldn't find mum or my brother today (he's home for this weekend and staying with mum). Drove up to the Kirkyard, to meet them on the single track lane driving back up. Brother hopped out mums car into mine and we went to see Dad. I was gutted I wasn't on my own, but Dad had sent us a gorgeous day for his birthday and we wandered about chatting about the whole unreality of this nightmare. Later on I went back up myself and talked howled to Dad. The robin that always appeared came within a few feet of me. Came home to find DH had left s lovely card on my pillow with the most lovely things written in it about how he knows I'm hurting and how he'll always be there for me. It freaks him how little I mention Dad and how little I cry. I only cry at the grave when I can't comprehend the words on the stone . I have reacted to these last 6 months completely differently from how I thought I ever would, and how I've reacted to things in the past. I've spent the day being so busy I've been like a Duracell bunny. I'm slavering now but I'm glad to get it all out somewhere.

Glad the day has now nearly gone for you tilliebob it was a nice day weather wise to go and visit your dad, it's horrible when it's pouring with rain, it just makes you feel even worse if possible.
What a thoughtful Dh to leave you a lovely card.

Thanks mummylin

Hope everyone is ok. Very windy here today and sky has just turned really dark so I think we are about to have rain.
I was a bit hurt yesterday. I had an email with the headline " a spa day treat for you and your mum " of course it was advertising, but I just wish I could have the chance to do that.

I know what you mean ml my inbox is full of don't forget your mum emails. It still hurts :(

Snowing here but it's wet so don't think it will have any effect

Had hail stones and thunder, but now still windy but bright sunshine ! Weird weather today.
Yes it's horrible isn't it seeing it written in front of you. It's like sticking a dagger in your heart.

Yep wish there was a way to block them but i suppose its everywhere if it wasnt emails annoying me it would be tv adverts or in the town. I had an argument with a bloke on town the year mum died who was by the flowers ranting about how unoriginal it was to buy your mum flowers and all these people couldnt think of a single thing their mum liked - he shut up very fast when i said flowers are about the only thing you can buy when someone is dead inconsiderate twat (Y)

Urgh i hate this week, it goes on forever.

Dp is abit grumpy i think, ive been complaining about putting on a lot of weight since being diagnosed with anxiety think its because ive slowed right down and not walking back and to town as much but he came in this morning with share bag of chocolate, yesterday it was donuts so ive said can you just stop, i keep saying im struggling with weight and everyday you bring home something youve bought me and it makes me feel guilty saying well i dont want it! he said hes just trying to cheer me up but it doesnt help id rather he asked to go for a walk with me or spent less time pissballing about on the internet and spoke to me.

Im being a right miserable grump today, need a boot up the arse!

Yes it's not really helping you if you want to lose weight is it, ! I expect he isn't thinking logically, thinks he is giving you a treat ! Tell him to save up the money and buy you something nice to wear once you have lost your weight !

its gone really sunny here now, freezing cold though!

what are you up to this week anything much?

I never realised till now how aweful the week before mothers day was for those who have lost there mother. I hate all the bloody post on fb and all the emails and all the shop windows that seem to be screaming MUM at me.

10 months it's been and we have finally been given a date for my mother inquest which just happens to be on my birthday.

Going on a family holiday at the end of the month taking mums ashes to scatter them dreading it.

I hope this find you all in a calm place sending love to you all x

It is horrible purplebean I think it just hammers home how much we have lost and takes us back to the beginning of this nightmare. I'm sure we all find it very upsetting to see all the Mother's Day cards and yes it hurts, a lot. I don't feel that I have moved on much in 4 years. The memory of the actual day is always at the forefront of my mind and as long as I live I will never feel any different in how I feel now. I am able to live a relatively normal life, but inside I have been broken forever. The day draws near for us all, we must try and be strong and think of our mums and the happier times. for you all